Parents Just voicing my frustrations

[lilgymmie7]

I have to agree about the NOT comparing your DD to another child. But honestly, how well do you know the capability of the other child, especially if she came from another gym? Perhaps, she was on the verge of being moved up there prior to her move and had been uptrained all along. I can't say I even know all my DD can do in the gym. Every day, she comes home saying, "Mom I got (insert skill)!" I couldn't compare her nor nor does my personality lend itself to that.
"That kind of Mom" does just that. I am not taking DD to her gym banquet because of some of 'that'. DD understands, but do you see how some of our decisions could effect the gymmies?

BTW: "Do coaches really like fielding requests from parents about the level they think their child should be in?" I have never had the nerve to ask such a thing. I'm far too emotional. I just wondered because as a teacher it would be much like, " I believe DD should be moved up to the 8th grade. She needs the challenge..." I wouldn't know how to respond to that train of thought. I honestly feel the coaches know what they are doing or at the very least should know. Now I moved DD to a new gym back in Feb., but it wasn't due to a level issue. I felt that DD needed a fresh start.

 

[Bajanswife]

I do like to communicate with DD's coaches, so if I felt strongly about something I might mention it respectfully. So you're not necessarily one of THOSE moms for speaking up.

But there's something you may not realize - Level 3 and Level 4 are very different, not to mention Level 5! In our gym the girls who shined at Level 3 were not necessarily the ones who shined at Levels 4 and up. I don't find that Level 3 is all that demanding when it comes to upper body strength (or any strength, really), just as an example - so the girls who were tight and straight (but not that strong) did well naturally, but when they got to Level 4 that lack of strength caused real problems. My DD wasn't that great at level 3 because she lacked tightness, but she has amazing strength and threrefore had no issue with the skills that stumped the others when they first moved up. Every gymnast is different, and success at L 3 really isn't indicative of success as they move up. In L 5 the routines are longer and more demanding, and girls usually have to train for longer hours each week. The transition from L3 to L5 would be so huge - many gymnasts would struggle with it and not be able to compete L5 that season. Then, because they haven't learned the L4 routines, they wouldn't be able to compete L4 either. We had a gymnast who moved up really fast from being an amazing L3 to a L5 that just couldn't compete it, and when she dropped back to L4 to compete her scores weren't great at all. It surprised me - I thought she was going to be great when she moved up. Just goes to show how much I know. I don't discuss other girls with the coaches, so I don't know how they viewed her then and now.

Some skills are more important as foundation skills than others, so it would depend which L 5 skills your DD already has, and which areas she struggles with. The coaches are the best ones to judge that.

 

[NGL780309]

I have to agree about the NOT comparing your DD to another child. But honestly, how well do you know the capability of the other child, especially if she came from another gym? Perhaps, she was on the verge of being moved up there prior to her move and had been uptrained all along. I can't say I even know all my DD can do in the gym. Every day, she comes home saying, "Mom I got (insert skill)!" I couldn't compare her nor nor does my personality lend itself to that.
"That kind of Mom" does just that. I am not taking DD to her gym banquet because of some of 'that'. DD understands, but do you see how some of our decisions could effect the gymmies?

BTW: "Do coaches really like fielding requests from parents about the level they think their child should be in?" I have never had the nerve to ask such a thing. I'm far too emotional. I just wondered because as a teacher it would be much like, " I believe DD should be moved up to the 8th grade. She needs the challenge..." I wouldn't know how to respond to that train of thought. I honestly feel the coaches know what they are doing or at the very least should know. Now I moved DD to a new gym back in Feb., but it wasn't due to a level issue. I felt that DD needed a fresh start.

I'm with you, I hate asking any question. I avoid it at all costs. If they come and talk to me I will sometimes ask a question, but otherwise I hang back. We had a parent meeting recently and the owner went on and on about how her door is always open, ask anything, please discuss any concerns, we are a family etc, BUT don't tell me what level you think your DD should be in. I thought that was funny because those are really the types of questions most people want to ask.

 

[10.0]

No coaches do not like fielding those questions especially if it is prefaced with "Why did Sally move to level 5 and my DD didn't." No one likes conflict and it makes things very awkward.

If you really need to ask it is better to ask maybe how long she is expected to be a level 4 and if kids skip levels and what specific things your DD can work on to progress and maybe even if there is any certain conditioning she can work on at home. More hint hint we are interested in working and would like to move up rather than complaining if you know what I mean.

 

[sportsmom22]

When my dd competed level 3, she had a very successful year. She generally finished 1st aa, but if she didn't, she was always in the top 3. Then she moved to level 4. Yes, she has all of her level 4 skills, and some level 5 skills, but she will be competing level 4 for the 3rd time this fall. When she did not move up this year, she was very sad. We asked the head coach/gym owner about it. He said level 5 is judged so much harder and he really wanted her to be successful at level 4. (I have had girls at this gym for 8 years now, in gymnastics, tumbling, competitive cheer, and dance--we know the owner well so I didn't mind approaching him.) Dd is a kid that doesn't care about scores--she is not competitive. So although, she has had all of her level 4 skills for a while, they are sloppy. We both talked to dd about what she needed to do to be able to move up. She agreed and works hard now. That being said, I'm with the group that says ask, you won't know if you don't. But, be respective of the answer that you will receive.

 

[NGL780309]

No coaches do not like fielding those questions especially if it is prefaced with "Why did Sally move to level 5 and my DD didn't." No one likes conflict and it makes things very awkward.

If you really need to ask it is better to ask maybe how long she is expected to be a level 4 and if kids skip levels and what specific things your DD can work on to progress and maybe even if there is any certain conditioning she can work on at home. More hint hint we are interested in working and would like to move up rather than complaining if you know what I mean.

That's great advice.

 

[NGL780309]

We have had several gymnasts skip from L3 to L5 and for some kids the jump really isn't that big. DD's gym typically does it with the girls that are a bit older. The hardest things about L5 for everyone on DD's team is the kip, the jump to high bar and the vault. The taller, older girls don't struggle as much with the high bar and vault. The kip pretty much gets everyone.

 

[veganmami]

Wow. I am very happy I posted this as I've received a lot of feedback. Some of it was harsh, but I'm glad that I received honest answers. And to be honest, I needed someone to be harsh.

I guess when I wrote this, I was a lot more heated than I thought. I was upset. I was angry. I was angry because I felt "who does this mom think she is coming into a new gym, and asking the coaches to move her daughter up to the next level?" I guess I was more surprised that the coaches complied.

But, this is beside the point. I have no right to judge any girl because I'm not the coach. Do I feel they are making a mistake, yeah; but again this is none of my business.

As far as my DD goes, she almost has her front hip circle on bars and her dismount on beam is hit or miss (she gets nervous because she hit her hip off the beam when she first tried it.) But, other than that, all of her other skills are in place.

I'm going to leave well enough alone. She's happy as a L4 (I asked her) and I don't want to push the coaches.

As far as my coaching issues, no age is not the determining factor if a coach is good or not; but I will say she is more lenient with the girls than the other coaches and the girls lose focus more often and she has a harder time getting them back on track. Last year she coached, and she only had 2 girls she was coaching but now she's up to 10.

 

[veganmami]

I think that there are two issues here, in reality. The first, and likely the one you are having the most issue with, is that it doesn't seem "fair" that another child may get an opportunity that you feel your child is at least as deserving of. I think this is understandable for any human when they feel slighted, but especially a mom. Secondly, though, and more importantly, you have to look at what is best for your daughter. Rarely will it ever be in a child's best interest to move from Level 3 to Level 5. In my opinion, 5 is the first of the really competitive levels, and here in my state, at least, it is cut-throat! If she didn't have all of her Level 5 skills looking pretty darn good already at this point, I don't think I'd even entertain the possibility of moving her up. I'd rather have an awesome year of Level 4 to help prepare for an awesome year at 5. Clearly, I don't know your child, and if you are really concerned, talk with her coach. But I do think it's natural to get caught in the "not fair" and lose track of what is best for your child in the big picture, and as parents we sometimes have to stop ourselves and look at how much things matter in the big scheme of things.

This totally sums up how I'm feeling. I guess I had the "it's not fair" mentality. Funny, my child never had this notion, but I the PARENT did. Lol! But you are absolutely right... Level 5 is definitely cutthroat and it's better to allow her to progress naturally and hopefully she'll have an awesome year this year. Thank you for summing up How I felt perfectly when I couldn't find the right words to say it.

 

[bogwoppit]

This totally sums up how I'm feeling. I guess I had the "it's not fair" mentality. Funny, my child never had this notion, but I the PARENT did. Lol! But you are absolutely right... Level 5 is definitely cutthroat and it's better to allow her to progress naturally and hopefully she'll have an awesome year this year. Thank you for summing up How I felt perfectly when I couldn't find the right words to say it.

The fact that you got to this place that quickly is a very good sign that you will not end up as one of "those" moms!


Glad you see that your DD is happy, sometimes parents just need to enjoy watching our kids being happy.

 

[Gymdad2]

Just a final comment on this issue. It seems to me that this thread is a perfect example of the value of sites like Chalkbucket. When Veganmami started this topic she was angry and confused about what she was seeing at her dd's gym, and through the exchange of anonymous ideas, she was able to see the issue in a different light and come to an understanding of what she was feeling and see how she might best deal with those issues. Although, as she says, some of the comments may have been somewhat harsh, in the end I feel that she (and all of us) have benefitted from this exchange of ideas. Thanks, Chalkbucket and the mods, for making this place available to us. And best wishes to Veganmami and her dd for the coming season.