Parents Lets talk chores.....

[mamaplum]

So my daughter is 9 and does chores around the house with out much complaint. But next fall our world is changing. My kids are going to a new school (she also recently started a new gym very close to their new school). But due to the distance away and rush hour traffic in a big city she will no longer come home between school and gym. Essentially will be out of the house 7am-830pm 4 days a week. This will also be the first year she will have possible daily homework. (she was in Montessori before and only had monthly projects) But the gym has a homework room she can go to the hour between school and practice. But now to the meat of the issue what types of chores and when should she do them? I don't want to slack on what she does to much because that will cause issues with my son who will immediately know she is doing less and call the unfair card. I am thinking more weekly chores than the every day things she was doing but dont know what to assign her.

Thoughts.... ideas....???

 

[MILgymFAM]

If your son is home more, then in my opinion it IS fair for him to do more.

My kids (now 12 & 14) have one thing that is always their responsibility (dishes & trash, respectively), along with their own rooms, laundry, and bathroom. If the occasion calls- like yesterday when they helped me weed the yard- I simply ask for their assistance. When company comes they know they will be responsible for getting ready. Every Sunday they also (their idea) cook all three meals (and clean up together, of course).

I don't see a reason why your daughter can't continue to have chores, as long as they aren't overly burdensome. One of my kids is home more than the other, and she naturally helps a little more. She wouldn't train the extra chores for having to be in the gym 23 hours a week- she thinks she's the lucky one! Ha!

 

[Gymmonkeymomma]

I have 15 yr old twins at home and a 19 yr old college student who is gone 9 months out of 12. My gymmie is one of the twins. All 3 have same responsibilies as far as cleaning own room and their own laundry.

The one (boy,15) who is home the most gets called on to do extra stuff like helping with yard work, snow shoveling or trash duty. But when older DD is home she has to help run family errands and drive siblings to/from activities. When gymmie is home she gets to help as well. No one has complained (yet) about balance being unfair although sometimes DS will say "hey she's home why can't she walk the dog"... Fair enough.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

First and foremost fair does not mean equal. It is impossible to treat them all the same. They have different needs, schedules and obligations. Life is not necessarily fair or equal. And I'm sure this will be long winded.

My daughters older brother has a later bed time then her. He is older. I shouldn't have him go to bed at the same time as her. Or let her stay up as let as him. That would equal, but not fair, nor would it meet her needs. Brother is only with us part time, he will never do exactly what she does, it will never be equal. And when she asked how come brother doesn't do xyz. Me, I am sure brother does things at his mothers that you don't, now go do your chore.

As far as chores go, mine is 10. She is responsible for her own room. Picking up after herself. Helping keep the common areas in order. She puts her own clothes away. Her homework and studying is by far her most important chore, as school is her job. Keeping the bathroom in order as in cleaning up the sink area. Straighten up after her shower. Bringing in the garbage cans. Taking out garbage and recycling. Helping clear up after meals.

Chores that are fluid are helping with meals, setting the table and emptying the dishwasher. It's fluid because practice nights, Dad picks her up and I do dinner, so I am not going to wait until she gets home for her to set the table, so she "does her chore". Same with cleanup, on a gym night, she may have homework where her Dad and I don't, so we do more clearing, she gets on homework. On days she is not so busy we expect more of her. I have to add she is a good kid an does what we ask. Be it helping with bringing in and putting away groceries, dinner prep, yard care. Bigger cleaning projects.

Our general approach is we are a family, everyone needs to pitch in and do what they can. So we all have downtime and they learn to cooperate and are able to take care of themselves.When someone is busy others pick up the slack. Some days one does more then others, some days less. Earlier today the 3 of us folded and put away the laundry husband did (many hands make light work) I hate tick boards to track who did what. And I understand needing control and time management, which really important with all ours schedules. So we do more of you have X,y z this week and a,b and c needs to be done, what's the plan and when will you do it.

She can also earn some money, by offering to do some major projects, like helping move mulch, major bathroom scrubbing and cleaning.

So that was probably more then you needed or wanted. But it's just not about chores around here.

 

[mamaplum]

Oh no she will defiantly continue to have chores.. this past year she had 2 hours between school and gym and only 3 days a week (like i said this year will be no home between school and gym and 4 days a week).... her chores are everydayish-dishwasher (either emptying or filling brother does other), feeding dog in the morning, sweeping den or dining room (brother does other), picking up bedroom room. Weekly is- cleaning up downstairs bathroom and helping brother with their bathroom (not deep clean scrub down but clean and strait wipe down), straitening the front entry way, take recycling and other random things I ask her to do. She can earn money for big things. My son has some special needs and is VERY ridged in his thinking which makes life difficult at times. He counts and compares everything in our life between them. He is younger so goes to bed earlier does less chores just because well he is almost 6.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Oh no she will defiantly continue to have chores.. this past year she had 2 hours between school and gym and only 3 days a week (like i said this year will be no home between school and gym and 4 days a week).... her chores are everydayish-dishwasher (either emptying or filling brother does other), feeding dog in the morning, sweeping den or dining room (brother does other), picking up bedroom room. Weekly is- cleaning up downstairs bathroom and helping brother with their bathroom (not deep clean scrub down but clean and strait wipe down), straitening the front entry way, take recycling and other random things I ask her to do. She can earn money for big things. My son has some special needs and is VERY ridged in his thinking which makes life difficult at times. He counts and compares everything in our life between them. He is younger so goes to bed earlier does less chores just because well he is almost 6.

Sounds reasonable for her.

Very hard row to hoe for son being that rigid, I am sure life is quite hard for him and by extension those who live with him. And 6 is so little to begin with. Here is to hoping it becomes more manageable, as he grows.

 

[Madden3]

I have two sons both in gym with busy schedules, plus a three year old. It is really hard to find time for the boys to do their chores some weeks. So I have found that combining rigidity (Tuesday is vacuuming day) with flexibility (but if it does not happen until Friday due to time issues, no worries) helps. I also sat the kids down and found out who wants to do what, and then unwanted chores were placed on a weekly trade off system. I was actually surprised at what the kids choose to have as "their" chores, they did not pick what I would have thought of as easy ones. When the kids chose the chore, it is usually done more quickly and with less resistance.

I see no reason why your son needs to be more flexible on the chore, actually. I mean if you are working on helping him be less rigid in general that is one thing. But if the idea is to get the chores done with as little resistance as possible, I think letting him do it his way is fine. I think it is pretty cool a 6 year old boy is doing regular chores in the first place. If that is working I would not upset that particular cart. It would be instead a matter of you and your daughter being more flexible.

The chores you describe sound like they could mostly reasonably be done in the morning before school plus on the weekend. It will be a matter of time management and thinking ahead (for example if the bedroom is never seriously messed up in the first place, neatening it is easy.) Also perhaps rethinking on some of the chores. For example, any daily chores that are taking a long time and cannot be done daily by daughter on gym days can be done on non-gym days by daughter and gym days by a parent.

The chores my boys do that are weekly or "as needed' rather than daily are dusting, vacuuming, mopping kitchen floor, straightening up dressers and closets in their room, washing and putting away their clean clothes (I enjoy folding laundry so that is a chore I kept for myself.)

 

[Deleted member 18037]

^^^^ amazing what happens when you give folks some control.

I hate being told I need to do xyz on someone else's schedule. Hated it as a kid and as a grown up.

Let everyone work together, choices, let them/us commit to deadline. Much more cooperation.

Team work we all need to get xyz done, how do we make it happen.

 

[JoyAvenueMom]

I have done a "point system" chore list in the past that worked really well. Everything that needed to be done was given a number of points (roughly equivalent to how many minutes I thought it would take.) Each family member was assigned a number of "points" based on age and other commitments. We take turns choosing chores until everyone has enough points. As @Deleted member 18037 said, this way everyone had some control which made it more fun. I was really surprised at some of the choices!

As far as ideas on chores that are more flexible in terms of when they get done, here are a few I have assigned to my gymmie: Wash and fold a load of towels (dish towels, cleaning towels, guest bath hand towels, not the same as her personal laundry) Clean and organize kitchen drawers (one-two per week). Put papers through the shredder. Fill salt and pepper shakers, sugar bowl, canisters, etc. Clean baseboards with soap and water. (she loved doing this for some reason, and no one else wanted to do it!)

My son who is 18 months older has commented on how much more he does around the house. I try to be consistent in saying: 1) you are older so I expect more 2) you have fewer commitments outside of home, so I expect more. On the other hand, I tend to make chore assignments publicly, so that he doesn't feel that the "world revolves around" his sister.