Parents More Gym Drama :(

[Shelovesthebars]

LMV-Nice coach. What is he trying to do, win coach of the year? ARRG!
From an adult who had gymnastics taken from her when it was her love, I can honestly say at this point that pulling your daughter out may do more harm than good. Competing level 8 or nine really shouldn't be that important as long as your dd is happy. Gymnastics is a childhood sport, not the be all and end all of everything. Coaching aside, I would let your dd pick the level she is comfortable with doing this year (state meet or not) and just go with it.
Going back to work is a great thing so that your dd can see you in all that you are, a stay at home mom and also a physician who is choosing to go back to work. Choices are empowering so let your daughter choose and leave the coach out of it. What she achieves in gymnastics will then be hers, not anyone else's and she could potentially get so much positve mental and physical benefits out of her accomplishments. Sounds like in the long run, gymnastics is her love so it should be her choice as much as it is safe and healthy for her. Kudos to you and your family! You are a great mom!

 

[Granny Smith]

LMV -I know you said in your orginal post that the other gym was out because it has a no return policy and she was there before she came to your home. I, personally, would go back to that gym and talk to them I think you situation is totally different than most that their policy applies to.

Your dd's current coach has stepped over the line in my opinion and he needs to know it. If you are set on your dd doing 8, which is perfectly fine - you know her the best, then tell him to change her back down to 8 or scratch her from the meet. Like others have said, it is very easy to do and you should not be afraid to let him know that you know that.

Now 1 thing about L9, since Regionals is not the "top" meet, if she were to compete L9 for a few meets and achieves a 34AA at the invitationals, she could possibly be petitioned into Regionals. I know this is easily possible if she were to be injured for States ahd had proven that she was capible of achieving the 34 at Invitationals - not sure how this would work though if an injury wasn't involved.

In the end though, this is your child, who you live with everyday. You know her and you know what's best. When gymnastics is all said and done, you are the ones that will still be there. You need to do what's best in your mind and gut.

 

[LMV]

GymLawMom,
Thank you! One of my older brothers is technically my foster brother. Permanency laws were not what they are now when we were growing up in the 70s and 80s so my parents never officially adopted him but he lived with our family from the time he was ten until he finished high school and went off to college. I don’t feel any differently about him in my heart than I do about my other two brothers who happen to be biologically related. He and his family live a few hours away from us now and they have really reached out to our foster daughter.

With our foster daughter a lot of the credit for this goes to her caseworker who really was her first advocate and was determined to find a therapeutic foster family who would be able to bring her home rather than send her to some residential program. Our pediatrician has also been amazing.

We worked weekly with a family therapist who also saw our foster daughter semi individually initially. Now we’re still doing monthly FT sessions to try to improve integration into the family. She recommended a few different trauma specialists [unfortunately none in our local area] and we’re seeing one out of state now [but conveniently very near where my brother lives so we often spend the night with his family before or after and break up the trip]. We do this every other week weather permitting. This along with nephrology appointments do cut into gymnastics practice because we have to do some travel to get there.

School wise she is attending a charter branch of a local public school and we are doing some home based instruction to accommodate reduced hours on campus. We contemplated home schooling but felt she really needed the opportunity to be around other kids and to make friends in that setting. We had done something similar to this with our oldest daughter when she was recovering from her injuries and are still doing educational modifications now to allow her to have time to play in a state music ensemble and train for travel soccer and equestrian eventing without taking time away from family time or adequate sleep [she joking tells her friends her parents are like the sleep police]. We’ve adjusted the courses she is taking on campus to a three day school week and she does a lot of efficient self study on her own. She loves this model and loves that school doesn’t interfere with her education. This is also so much more like the college model that it probably actually prepares her better. I’m sure some kids need more structure and a more traditional approach but I wish this was more readily offered. We kind of stumbled into it when she was in 8th grade because of her health problems. It worked well and then by freshman year she was doing a lot better but had started to add back in activities and was just so comfortable doing so much at home. Now she is a sophomore and loving this plan. Next year this will probably also allow her to take a few courses at one of our local colleges.


Mariposa,
Thank you. As an aside, I love the quote you have in your signature I’ve often thought that and even almost randomly hijacked a few threads to just tell you that but haven’t. So I’ll tell you now. J


Mom of TumbleQueen,
Very cute name. I think you were actually one of the first people I talked to here when I was trying to figure out Prep Opt and you explained your daughter used it as a transition year to work through some fear issues and just be able to do gymnastics really on terms and timeframe. It sounded really good and I do sort of wish we had pursued that option for our daughter. But we didn’t so we have to deal with where we are. Thank you for your thoughts and I will let you know how things work out.


Gym Joy & NOG,
Thank you. I didn’t realize that it was so easy to change the level after the entries had already gone in. Does it matter if the registration has closed when you try to change?


Bog,
Thanks. Sometimes the more life gets crazy the more you have to take a deep breath [but not too many of them because hyperventilating usually is not helpful]. My husband and I have been through a lot together and although it took us awhile we’ve got back to a place where we can support each other completely and that is what keeps everything from spinning out of control.


NotAMom,
I also like your name [and your signature ]. LOL!


NGL,
As a mom I’m not quite clear on all the nuances of the L9 rules and requirements. As I’ve said before I know her bars skills are at least solidly L9. I think she probably has the tumbling pieces to make up L9 floor and beam routines but no one has started working on that with her yet. She has [and loves to do] a very nice Tsuck-pike for vault. She has also flipped Yurchenkos and landed them safely. She does not like that vault however [“because it doesn’t feel right”] and does not want to compete it. She is also working on twisting out of her Tsuck [and I may be wording that wrong] and it sounds like that is coming well but not quite there at least consistently.

I’m not sure if she did astounding at her first L8 meet. From my standpoint, the fact that she went out there and did it and smiled was amazing. She did win the all around and placed first on two of the apparatus. She probably would have scored higher if she didn’t have BT in her beam routine but she really loves that triple series and wanted to compete it. So she did and took the deduction.

There is an L8 team and a L9 team with a handful of girls on each. The first L8 meet she attended the rest of the L8 team was not quite ready to compete so she was the only L8 along with one of the L9s who needed [and got ] her L8 mobility score. That girl is a friend of our oldest daughter’s from school and church youth group and she has always been really nice to our foster daughter [probably partly because she is her friend’s little sister and probably partly because she is just a nice girl] so we had a good time with her family at the meet. I suppose that might be an argument for moving her to L9 but there are some nice girls on the L8 team too. They are also a little closer in age to our daughter so I think they see her less like a pet and more like a friend.

L9 is also the first really serious level at our gym. L7 is competed minimally. Officially they have a team but they mostly compete to get their mobility score and then let the girls go to the state meet. I think our L7s this year have only four meets with one being the state meet. L8 has more meets than L7 but they still seem to focus on training more than competing. L9/L10 are where the program focuses their competitive energies. The L9/L10 kids go to some of the meets on the L7/L8 schedule but they also have some of their own. Usually L9/10 kids are also teens who need to start getting out and looking at colleges and I guess letting college coaches look at them. The meet schedule is often influenced somewhat by meets in areas where some of the high school students want to look at colleges. They have done “unofficial” or “official” visits before or after meets in the past. I think this sounds like a good approach [and sounds like a coach who cares] but I think our child who just turned 11 at the end of last month is still a few years away from being ready to participate.


Maria,
It was actually my husband’s little sister who trained here. She moved onto college gymnastics this past fall but is now home for the holidays [and using this gym to do the over break workouts her college coach wants so we have not mentioned any of this to her because we don’t want her pulled into an awkward situation].

As far as this being unexpected, in many ways it was because I think it was so over the top. However, I suppose he has been lobbying for L9 since her L8 meet and we’ve just been politely but firmly declining and I guess he is frustrated.

To be fair I think he really did connect with our daughter during the period where he was working with her one on one to transition back. Perhaps this was a mistake. The disgruntled mom at our gym complains to anyone who will listen that she is his favorite. [Although perhaps the fact that she is THE disgruntled mom and all of the other team parents seem to get along speaks volumes and from posts I’ve read here is probably something we should be very grateful for.] At the time she was basically almost starting from scratch [although she must have had a lot of muscle memory to get all her skills and then some back so quickly] and had been out of the gym for about six months. She clearly wasn’t ready to bop back into an optional team training environment. When he suggested he would just work with her in the mornings until she was ready to train with the optionals again it seemed like a logical and practical solution. I’m still not sure it wasn’t.

When she moved to optionals team she quickly became their bars star and our plans to wait another year to let her start to compete got tweaked. We had some reservations about this but she really wanted to do it so we decided to let her try.

In many ways I think their coaching overall is good. We just don’t really want her in an environment that may be feeding her own self doubts.


GAGymMom,
Thanks! Our daughter is ok with competing L8. Her two big things are being able to keep working on new skills on bars and that magical BHS-BHS-BT sequence on beam [and it‘s ok as long as she accepts a 0.5 deduction]. She trains bars and vault with the L9/L10 training group and we had thought that was working quite well. She also does some tumbling stuff with them because not all of their vault work is actually table work they also do a lot of stuff on tumble track and drills on the floor. Right now she is working on twisting out of her Tsuck [or something similar to that if I’m messing up the explanation] on vault and trying to convince her coach that she is strong enough to ditch his Yurchenko plans and work on Tsuck variations only. I used to say she was stubborn and I still think she is a little but I’m starting to see that perhaps she is just determined and trusting that she knows herself best and I like both of those ideas.


SheLovesTheBars,
As I’ve mentioned in my earlier posts on this thread, we have included our daughter’s perspectives and views in our decision making process. If we asked her whether she would rather do L8 or L9 I suspect she would say L9. Although perhaps if we asked her if she would rather do L8 and compete her Tsuck-pike or do L9 and compete her Yurchenko she might pick L8 because she really doesn’t like the Yurchenko and is on a mission to get the twisting out of her Tsuck consistently and convince her coach she should never do another Yurchenko. However, we haven’t asked either of those specific questions. We have asked her about competing L8 and she is perfectly ok with doing L8 as long as she can work on advanced bar skills with the L9/L10 girls. She has been training with them since this fall and if we hadn’t had this recent episode I would say things were going well.

I also wonder if perhaps some of her answer that she would do L9 may be left over from her old gym’s plan that she move through the levels as quickly as possible. For that reason I think it is even more important that we slow things down and help her learn that there is so much more to life than gymnastics. She just turned 11 at the end of last month so what is the rush?

GrannySmith,
We’ve been told that their no returns policy would apply because we made a conscious decision to not send her back to their gym and started at a different gym. At this point I’m not even sure she would want to go back there. She would definitely prefer to stay where she is. [She is unaware of this most recent turn of events because there really isn’t a great way to explain it to her without doing additional damage.]

We also both have a lot of reservations with her old gym. I guess to be fair we really don’t know because we didn’t know her when she was there but it seems that they must have either been very oblivious or looked the other way a lot. This gym also happened to be at her first L8 meet and one of their coaches was screaming at some poor child in the hallway after the meet. Perhaps that was an isolated incident [although both my MIL and husband recall witnessing similar over the years watching his sister’s meets] or perhaps we’re missing too much context. I also realize that some people believe that screaming and belittling is just part of high level gymnastics but we feel differently. I think it would be especially detrimental to our foster daughter right now.

 

[NOG]

Gym Joy & NOG,
Thank you. I didn’t realize that it was so easy to change the level after the entries had already gone in. Does it matter if the registration has closed when you try to change?

No, it is still an easy fix. I've seen them change the level a girl is competing just 1 week before a meet. It's not like requesting a half dozen girls all be moved, only talking 1 girl here. All it would take is for the coach/owner to call the meet coordinator or meet director and explain that they have a gymnast who needs to be moved from the level 9 session to compete the level 8 session instead. Most meet coordinators will do everything possible to accomodate (as long as it's a reasonable request and they have it in their power to help). The sooner that the coach calls the better though, but it can be done with very little time left.

 

[LMV]

An update:


We met with gym owners and HC a little over a week ago (1/7) and I guess we’ve gotten to a slightly more amicable place but still have some real reservations with all of this.

According to the HC, [who said this in front of the gym owner who didn’t seem surprised] it would not have been possible to change the entries when we met a week ago. HC also asserted that he just wasn’t comfortable allowing her to continue to compete L8 as he feels it violates the USAG principles of equity and sportsmanship and he can’t and won’t condone that. Essentially this set up a scenario where either he left the gym, she left the gym, or we allowed her to compete L9. Apparently he had told the owners this ahead of time and they had decided before the meeting that they would rather lose one gymnast instead of their HC. From a business sense I’m sure that makes perfect sense. They would also like our child to stay at their gym but they can’t make program decisions based on a single child. [In principle I don’t think they should either but I’m not sure that is really an accurate assessment of this situation.]

He did sort of apologize about what he said and seemed somewhat genuine especially when her dad pointed out that one of our big concerns is her continued self esteem issues and obviously hearing someone suggest she was less loved and cared about than her siblings certainly wouldn‘t make her feel good. One of the owners said they were sure he would have never said such a thing and he did admit that, yes, he actually had said that but not to her. He feels very strongly that if this is what is really important to her then we should arrange our lives around it. We tried to explain that, yes, it is important and we realize that and want to support it but we also need to consider the needs and even wants of our other children not above hers but not below hers either. I still don’t think he really understands this.

Allowing her to continue and compete L9 actually goes against pretty much everything we believe in but somehow we can’t just take it away right now. So, we are watching the situation at the gym very closely and continuing to investigate any other potential options.

She will be competing L9 at a meet next weekend. The only saving grace is that she seems to focus more on performance than placements so I think if she rocks her bars and sticks her vault she will be proud that she did that and perhaps the rest of it will all settle out. My MIL assures us that although she will be giving HC a piece of her mind once she is in a frame of mind that it might be phrased in a way that would be respectful and could possibly be helpful but right now she is too angry, she would encourage us to trust that if he really feels she needs to move up then she is probably more than ready. This sounds good except, in reality, when we agreed to L9 under much duress [the idea of that still raises a ton of red flags] she still didn’t have a L9 floor or beam routine. According to HC the beam routine will need to be completely redone and her L8 floor routine is fine as long as they swap out the tumbling. He told us that she had been working with the new tumbling passes since before her first L8 meet [because he admits that even back then he was quite sure she would end up scoring out of L8 and going to L9 quickly]. I guess this is good from a preparation standpoint although it kind of raises the question of why couldn’t he have just accepted that we wanted her to do a full season of L8? Even if he isn’t used to not getting his way then why didn’t he also figure out how to fix her beam routine and let her work on that since beam is the event she scored the lowest on at her first meet? My husband thinks he thought he could get away with her working new tumbling passes because we would just think it was part of some of the floor work they do for vault prep and if she mentioned something it would be more like I got to do more of the cool tumbling and we wouldn’t really think much of it. But if he started overhauling the beam routine she would probably mention that and we might question it. I hate to say that I think he is right but I do and that is another reason this very messed up.

He wanted her to come for double sessions on Saturday so they could figure out her beam routine. We said no because that would be six hours in the gym and we felt it was too much. So now she’s a week away from this meet and still doesn’t have beam routine. She may be scratching beam. I’m not sure why they can’t just use the L8 routine and maybe change the acro a little. Her L8 series was BHS-BHS-BT and I’ve seen other parents mention BHS-BT as their daughter’s L9 series. I have no desire [or any delusions that I have the ability] to design her L9 routine but I sort of feel like at this point it would be better to just let her do something she knows and I would think that someone who understands the requirements could help her just adjust the dismount or add another C acro move or something to what she already has. She is a very bright little girl but I’m envisioning a scenario where she learns her beam routine the night before we leave for the meet and that seems like a recipe for lots of unnecessary stress which isn’t something any child needs.

Once again, the more I type all of this up the more I cringe and think this is not strong parenting on our part but I’m not sure what else we do.

 

[gymnut1]

Hang in there. Hope it settles down. As parent I know you will always have reservations about a coach who made decisions about your dd without your consent. Wrong very wrong but I think you just have to feel your way through it this time. You need to have control over your dd's life not him. Next time a decision is made about her gymnastics development I think I would be inclined to ask for it in writing and have him and the owner sign it. Make it clear they need to stick to it unless you agree. And good luck to her - I am sure she will shine at level 9.

 

[gym law mom]

I think this coach has had a plan in place for your dd for a long time and just worked it all "beneath the radar" thinking you would be just fine with it when it was all revealed. No, your dd especially doesn't need the stress of learning a new beam routine the week of a meet. Sure they could just make a few changes to her current routine and let it be for now. If it doesn't have a 10.0 SV so be it for now.

I agree you need to keep a very close eye on what this coach is doing and there should be a written plan in place for yhour dd that everyone has agreed to.

 

[NGL780309]

Personally I think he just sounds like a jerk that wanted to get his way. I'm having a hard time buying that he felt it was a violation of USAG's policies for her to keep competing L8. Do you mind telling us what she scored at her L8 meet? I don't know where you live, but a piked tsuk on vault isn't that competitive here in L9 unless the rules have changed in the last few years. I know all the girls here that score well have a laidout tsuk or yurchenko. You see piked tsuk's for sure, but they aren't at the top of the vault standings. A piked tsuk is more of a Level 8 vault.

 

[LMV]

Thanks Gym Joy & GymLawMom!

NGL,
I’m not sure that he isn’t a jerk [although my MIL would have never said that and he coached her child for over 10 years] but I think his big issue is bars. She has front giants out of a blind change consistently and she can’t use them. She has a baile to HS etc. I think some of these are D so they would void an L8 routine so she doesn’t do them. He stretches that to she competes so far below what she is capable of and that is both regressive and also an unfair advantage sort of like if she was to go back and do some compulsory routine and rock it. I’m not sure the analogy really holds but I really don’t know enough to challenge it.

As for vault she has a Yurchenko and hates it [but it is proficient I’m told she just doesn’t like it]. She also has a Tsuck with layout. She is working on twisting out of that laid out Tsuck and supposedly it‘s there but a little rough so it’s not ready yet. I’m also not sure the twisting is allowed at L9 anyway. [Am I explaining that right? I’m not honestly sure]. I think she did the pike because she couldn’t compete the layout at at L8 because I believe with vaults doing an unallowable vault voids the event [even if you do an allowable one as well and score well with that]. He also said that it’s somewhat counterproductive to do a lot of Tsuck pikes if the goal is to go further with the Tsuck [and I guess that must be her goal because she hates the Yurchenko] so this is another reason he’d like her out of L8. Again I really don’t know enough to know if this is true but in this case if I just look at it from a mechanics standpoint it sort of makes sense that it might hold. This is just thinking about the physics behind it and maybe I don‘t really understand. I was a physiology major undergrad so human body mechanics is kind of cool to think about but I pretty much keep my thoughts on that to myself because I may be completely off base. Her gym seems to do Tsucks or more advanced HS at L8 and then ideally start competing the Yurchenko at L9. They seem to be a little afraid of a Yurchenko too soon---or at least they talk about that. From watching her meet I'm not sure that any vault that is too much too soon is good. My MIL says the fact that he has been really working on the Tsucks with her and not pushing her to just buck up and do the Yurchenko is atypical but may be because she can do it just thinks it's not her thing. Or it may be because he is giving her a little more flexibility than he does.

I personally think this may be more he thinks for her development L9 is better now and he’s pulling the we can’t be unfair or be bad sports perhaps because it makes him feel better for pushing this. Or perhaps because he’s really manipulative and he knows those are the magic words to say to us from knowing my MIL for over a decade I think he knows that her son wouldn’t be comfortable encouraging his daughter in anything that was unfair or unsportsmanlike. He’s right there but I guess I’m just not sure it’s such a big deal. I also doubt she’s the only kid out there competing L8 who has a slew of L9 skills. So I’m not sure I buy that we’re really creating such an uneven playing field. I also think that given everything that she has been through in the past few years perhaps she could be allowed to just compete L8 and be happy and hey if she gets a few extra medals out of the deal at the end of the day is that real a huge travesty? I guess that depends on who you ask.

So if she has a good meet she might do ok on bars and vault and her floor could be good I’m really not sure how the upgraded tumbling is in comparison to what the expected L9 competitive level is. Beam may be a calculated disaster so I guess we’ll see.

 

[GymnastJoy]

I don't have any knowledge of L8/L9 but as a fellow mom want to commend you on your sincere desire to do what is in your dd's best interest. Many moms would get stars in their eyes at a HC wanting to move their dd up to L9. Good luck with the upcoming meet. Even though my dd is only L5, I have already learned that you can not always predict how a meet will turn out. I'm wishing your dd all the best.

 

[WatchThisMom]

Please keep us updated on how the meet goes. I'm really interested in how she does at L9. And like others have said, I am touched by your desire to really do what is best for your dd. It is obvious from your posts that you really do have her best interests at heart. She's a very lucky girl to have found you!

 

[NGL780309]

Other coaches on here might want to chime in, but in my experience it's perfectly normal for gymnasts to have skills in the gym that they aren't competing yet and that's not unfair to the other competitors at all, nor is it bad for the gymnast. I'm sure your DD will do great in Level 9 and she sounds super talented. I'm just irked by a coach who would act like she MUST compete L9 when your DD has emotional and mental healing to do based on your previous posts. Being able to do a Laid out Tsuk and starting to twist is not so advanced that you must get out of L8 in order to be fair to the others. He makes it sound like she's capable of vaulting a DTY or something. Many good gyms have girls that have skills beyond what they are competing. They compete the skills that they are perfectly comfortable with. To me it sounds like it's his own ego that is the real reason. Just my opinion. I wish your DD the best of luck and hope his actions don't cause her any undue stress.

As I posted previously L8 in my state is super competitive. It's really difficult to make Regionals unless you are scoring 37's in the younger age groups. I've known of coaches that will skip out of Level 8 because they know their girls can make Regionals as a Level 9 since you only have to get a 34. Sure, they might not make Westerns, but at least they can say they made Regionals instead of not qualifying in L8. It can also come down to how many girls are on a team. If you have a girl close to Level 9 and they could contribute to your team score in that Level on an event or two or give you enough girls for a team, that's always a reason. I think I'd have a little more faith in him as a coach if he had a reason that actually made sense.

 

[mrsjoe]

LMV,
I dont know if it will make any difference to you coming from a stranger on the internet across the world, but I think you've made the right decision. It sounds like your daughter has found something she enjoys a lot- there are not many 11 year olds who choose to compete harder, scarier skills that they are more likely to fall on, and know they will get a deduction and maybe lose a medal for. Athletes can train in gymnastics even if they are miserable (i've seen them), but it is not a sport that athletes usually successfully train and progress in unless the person is committed to the sport, no matter what age or level they are. And she certainly sounds as if she is progressing fantastically well in the time she has had back after her break.

I dont know the whole story of her life, and I appreciate that in her life with her biological parents there may have been a lot of negative indocrination surrounding her gymnastics, and I can see how you would be anxious not to perpetuate 'gymnastics is everything, and without it you are worthless'. You and your DH and her coach are going to be crucial in supporting her through success and failures in the sport, and in helping her learn to keep things in perspective. But from your posts above, it seems that you were left with choice of compete level nine (whether the coach is being honest about the fairplay thing, or whether he is being manipulative) or to have her leave the sport.

I cant see how the latter could ever be good for her emotional/psychological health while she still wants to do the sport, though that is obviously only my very distant internet opinion! You have also obviously come to the same conclusion as she is competing level nine, and I think that was the right decision. Its something she loves, and its something that has been constant in her life and so is perhaps bit of a safety blanket for her? Even if the psychological slant her biological parents took with the sport werent positive or appropriate, the sport itself- the physical fun of swinging on bars, the quiet inner joy when you learn a new skill, or compete beam without falling off, is a lot of fun for a lot of kids, it builds self esteem and discipline. It only goes wrong when coaches and parents get it wrong, and you certainly dont seem to fall into that catagory- you quite clearly have her best interests at heart.

I was a gym-crazy 11 year old, (a long time ago now!) and I would have been devastated if my parents had told me I had to give up because of a disagreement about what level I was competing, especially when the message i'm sure you deliver is that its not just about winning, but the competing and taking part. You've said yourself she's more performance than results orientated, so if her training hours arent changing, you may find it really doesnt make a difference what level she is competing. If the coaching becomes more intense because she's at a higher level and you feel things are not appropriate in that regard, you can always arrange a meeting again to discuss. My mother hated the hours I did, and the things that she perceived I gave up to do them. She set rules about homework and sleep and family time, and as long as I met those, I could train as much as had been agreed between us. I resented some of those restrictions at the time, but respect them now as an adult, and think they contributed to a sucessful long gymnastics career. But I dont know if I would have ever understood if she had made me give up completely because of the situation above, and you might find she would always resent it. (and I assume you would tell her honestly why she was having to leave)

If you are following her physician's guidelines about her training hours, and she is still loving the sport and wanting to continue, then I think what you have done is absolutely right. Gymnastics can be a horrible, cruel sport where adults (parents and coaches) develop vested interests in young girls with disastrous consequences for the young person involved, and I've seen such situations first hand. But there are lots of former gymnasts out there who have competed JO levels and equivalent and grow up to be self disciplined, motivated, well-adjusted adults.

Best wishes for your family and the young lady in question. Fostering is an amazingly admirable thing to do, and I hope it all works out.

 

[LMV]

WatchThisMom,
She’s actually a really great kid who has been through some very awful things. Thanks for your thoughts.

GymnastJoy,
I’m still very new to the whole meet thing. At her first one I really didn’t have any idea what I was supposed to be expecting. We had fun doing her hair before so that was nice. Mother-daughter bonding moments are always good.

Now we’ve all survived her second meet [which I think went very well given the situation] and overall it was a positive experience. I guess we’ll just try to keep moving forward.

NGL,
I think if she had a double tuck yurchenko then he would probably be pushing for elite instead of L9. Considering how much she dislikes the yurchenko in general that probably isn’t happening. I think her best event is probably bars. Or at least I think her skills there are probably the most advanced and I think it is also her favorite so I think she may present better there for that reason.

I think the against competitive spirit intended is a stretch although perhaps he really feels that way. It’s unfair for me to claim I know what his true thoughts are because I never will. I will say that I think he does truly believe that L9 now is the best option for her own development in the sport. He may be incorrect but I don’t think he’s doing this to be able to say he has one more L9 regional qualifier. Due to the state meet conflict L9 regionals are probably a non issue and by moving her to L9 he may be losing out on his opportunity to have another L8 state champion.

Mrs. Joe,
It is helpful to hear the perspective of a gymnast. I really am so clueless as a gym mom because we kind of started in the middle. My MIL jokes that she spent the first few years her own daughter did gymnastics convinced that there was some activity out there that her kid would love even more than gymnastics and she just had to find it. I think she really tried, which I guess was good because my SIL certainly can’t say she didn’t have an opportunity to try other things. In the end she accepted that gymnastics was what her kid loved and since she loved her kid she should support that. In our case, we have only known her for about a year but I think that gymnastics may be her thing too so we do want to support her in that in a safe and healthy way.

Yes, we allowed her to compete L9 because we just couldn’t take this away completely. You’re also correct that, while I think parents sometimes need to consider that certain things are just not things that need to be shared with their children, lying to our children is not something we will do. So, yes, if we had decided that she was done because of this we would have had to explain it to her honestly and I’m not sure that the explanation itself wouldn’t have been a little damaging. That was actually something else that figured into our decision to just go along with this.

Because of her health issues, it is still uncertain if training more hours than she is currently will ever be safe. We are taking her back to see the pediatric nephrologist again in March so I guess we will see how things are at that point and go from there. I’m a physician [but not a nephrologist] which probably does heighten my concern for her health a little because I can’t just turn off my brain and not realize how bad things were for her and the potential for more problems in the future. Of course, she is my child not my patient and I need to approach medical decisions on her behalf from that standpoint. Sometimes more knowledge reduces fears and sometimes I think it heightens them. I try to balance it out and take time to enjoy that she‘s alive and she‘s here with us and those are both great things.

I also agree that it is important for parents to remember that their children’s accomplishments are not their accomplishments. I have seen that spiral way out of control in other sports as well. When it happens with parents who don’t really have much experience with the importance of setting limits then it can be have even more devastating results.

 

[LMV]

As for her first L9 meet:

I am very proud of our daughter because I think she did an amazing job in the situation she was in. Their group started with bars and she did very well. She connected and stayed tight, hit all her handstands and nailed her dismount and she SMILED when she was done. It was a great start.

I thought her vault was good. She did the Tsuck layout for both vaults. Her strength is that she has a lot of power and blocks really well and that sets everything up for her. I have to be careful because I think vault is the event I could really get into because the mechanics behind it is kind of neat. However, I have no idea how the scoring breaks down or how much each aspect or part is worth and I’m not sure I really need to know that. Ignorance isn’t always completely bad.

Beam was an experience but I am so proud of her for making the best of it. Apparently she came down on the beam after her handstand mount and realized she had no idea what she was supposed to do next. Ooops! This is why it is ideal to let the kid learn the beam routine more than a few days prior to the meet. She could remember her new triple series BHS-BHS-BLO so she did that and then she knew she needed a full turn so she threw one of those in. She made the rest up as she went along and made sure she got all the special requirements in. Then she really wasn’t sure what to do so she just did two front handsprings in case she needed more elements and so she would be at the end of the beam she likes to dismount from [she knew what her dismount was added bonus]. She told us she was sure she was missing a lot of stuff [she was missing the bonuses that her coach had worked in and she didn’t have a 10.0 start value because of that] but she felt like she had been up there “forever” and “didn’t want to go over time”. It impresses me that she was able to do this and her dad and I both told her we were really proud of the way she persevered and did the best she could. She also managed to shake this off [and to her coach’s credit I think he was great with her after this--he also told her he was proud of her] and move on to floor which I thought was great as well.

She finished with floor and again I don’t really know but the tumbling looked good and she really looked happy especially during the dance parts.

So I guess all in all it was a good meet. She’s going to do at least one more and probably two more and then we’re missing the state meet because we have a prior family commitment. I know someone mentioned that if she had gotten above a 34 at other meets she might be able to get into regionals. She definitely did that but no one at her gym has said anything about that and I really don’t want to ask because honestly I think being done with the season wouldn’t be a bad thing for her. She’s had two very good meets. Hopefully she will have two more and then I think just training for awhile will be good for her. She knew if she moved to L9 she wouldn’t be able to do the state meet so I think she will be ok.

 

[gym law mom]

I'm so glad its working out for your dd and the family right now. She would have to get a 34AA at the state meet to qualify to regionals. Getting a 34AA or above at other meets don't get a girl to regionals. About the only way that happens is if a gymnast is hurt and can't compete at states---she can file a petition to regionals if she would be health to compete then. We don't want to see her have to do that!!!

Sounds like she really thought on her feet on beam. Its amazing how these girls can make almost instant corrections while doing a routine. Good for her. Now she'll have time to practice the beam routine and get more comfortable before her next meet.

Keep us updated on her progress. I love hearing how she's doing.

 

[bogwoppit]

LMV< thanks for the updates. It sounds like she had a great meet and was able to rise to the challenge admirably. THe beam tale is amusing, I always wonder how busy their minds must be working during routines, so much to remember, to add to that with not remembering the routine is incredible. Glad it was a good experience for you all. As for regionals, it sounds like she will have many years of opportunity ahead of her.

 

[lhmom]

It's good to hear that she was so happy at her last meet, despite some of the mistakes. Great job!!

 

[LMV]

Thank you to everyone for your well wishes. She was actually really happy with her bars and vault. The beam part she was fine with once it was over with and I think when she has a little more time to learn the routine she will be fine with it. Maybe I shouldn’t say this but when she was explaining to us what happened afterwards [since the beam routine was brand new neither her dad or I really knew exactly what was supposed to be in it] she really was quite cute. Floor she said she thought her tumbling was good and she really loves her routine but she wants to make the dance part cleaner.

Someone had mentioned earlier in this thread that she might be able to petition into regionals even if she didn’t compete at her state meet. It sounds like that is really intended to be only for kids missing the meet due to injury so it looks like she will just end her season before the state meet and that is fine. I think for a lot of reasons the shorter season is probably better for her anyway.

 

[gym law mom]

LMV--The only way I know of to get to regionals without doing states is on an injury petition. Sounds like she's already had an awesome year and a few more L9 meets will accomplish the coach's goal, but still keep the hours of training down a little without the push of doing a regional meet(usually involves travel) and then possibly qualifying to Easterns/Westerns(more practice/more travel) depending on where you live which is the L9 national championship. Hopefully things are going well for her and the family regarding other issues.