Parents My dd falls apart at meets

[Texasmomof3]

As my title says, my dd tends to fall apart at meets. She practices well. She gets the highest scores from her team at in-house meets. She is extremely strong and practices with tight form, no slacking off. She is the oldest on her team as well.

But when she gets to real meets, she gets so nervous. She literally shakes from nerves on the beam. You can see it from the bleachers. She has uncharacteristic falls, misses basic skills she has done correctly 100s of times. Her skin goes pale right around march in and sometimes she will even throw up from the nerves.

I'm at a loss on how to help her. She is a confident public speaker, so it isn't being in front of people. She doesn't mind practicing in front of people at all. She debates and does non-gym performance at school, no problem.

She has always struggled at meets. If you watch her at practice, you would think she is a top performer. If you look her up on mymeetscores, she is the bottom of her gym, year after year. And now it is in her head that she will get a bad score, and it is getting worse.

It bothers her tremendously. But I have no idea how to help with nervousness. She is level 7 usag and competed 3, 4 and a 5/6 year, so this is nothing new and it has always been this way.

Does anyone have any suggestions on how to relax and not get so nervous?

 

[gymreally?]

I'm so sorry to hear this!
I'm following, b/c my dd sounds pretty much the same. Pretty good at practice, but a wreck at meets. She asked me last night how to stop from getting nervous at meets. I told her that maybe she should forget about not getting nervous, but focus on channeling/controlling her nerves. Not sure what to say to her!

 

[Jenny]

because of her age and the fact it has been going on a long time I would invest in a sports psychologist. Finding a good one might be hard so ask around and don't rush into it. She works hard she deserves the chance to improve at meets. They should be able to help her focus and control her nerves. They do have to have a bit of the killer instinct at meets and some kids are just too nice!

 

[cadybearsmommy]

My dd also struggles with nerves at meets. For her the beginning of meet season is the hardest but it gets better after meet season. Some of the breathing drills she has learned from her Doc Alli workbook seem to help. Also there is a natural supplement called L-theanine that helps to calm anxiety without making you drowsy or unable to concentrate, etc like prescription meds do. My husband and I take it daily and my dd sometimes takes the children's version called "Relax-a-saurus." She takes two of them a few hours before (they are chewables) and it seems to help a lot with meet anxiety. My son also takes the relax-a-saurus, he is borderline adhd and it helps keep him calm at school without having to be on prescription meds. Both the adult and children's version of this supplement are available on Amazon. I was skeptical at first but glad that we tried it, it definitely helps.

 

[Ali'sMom]

My DD has a roll-on lavendar oil that she keeps in her gym bag. When she starts to get those nerves, she will roll it on her wrists, and take deep breaths.
I've gotten her convinced that if she breathes deep enough it will really calm her down. It helps a little. I think the lavendar helps, but I also think the idea that she's "doing" something to help herself also helps. (tried to get her to listen to Doc Ali, or to talk someone, but that made her feel like something must be wrong with her, and made it worse).

 

[twinmomma]

Check out Doc Ali's page and resources. Lots of ways to help tame the anxiety.

 

[e'smum]

i'm sorry your daughter is going through this. one girl at our gym quit because of nerves. she was a very strong gymnast but the competitive part of the sport wasn't something she could deal with. i was sad to see her go but she is so much happier now and is performing quite well in school. i think the anxiety of the meets got to other portions of her life.

i hope you can find her ways of coping with the stress and anxiety. i would watch that girl fall apart at meets when she was capable of being on the podium in the top 3 at every meet. it was heartbreaking. so i know what you are going through.

i have used essential oils myself for anxiety at meets! lol. there are oil blends made just for anxiety. personally i buy doterra and rocky mountain oils. RMO is cheaper and you don't have to join to get good prices like with doterra. i can vouch for the quality of the oils with both companies. you can search their sites for a stress relieving blend or buy a single oil. i don't know that it will calm like a valium would (haha) but the smell is soothing.
and it might help out the stinky inside of her gym bag

 

[LindyHopper]

I know you said that she's fine with public speaking, but I want to share with you what I used to tell the adults in my class when I taught public speaking.

I would ask them to picture a time that they were very excited: prom, wedding day, birth of a child, getting first car, etc. I would then ask them to describe the physical sensations of being excited. The answers were usually sweaty palms, butterflies in stomach, excess energy, etc.

I would then ask what the physical sensations were when they were nervous. Most people reported that the physical sensations of both were similar. So I would stress that the body feels the same thing whether the emotion associated is positive (anticipation/excitement) or negative (nervousness). I told them that they can't necessarily make their body stop feeling the way it did, but they could reframe the negative emotions with the positive ones. Tell themselves that they are not nervous, but excited.

I did this with my daughter when she was 9 at the beginning of her Level 4 season. She understood what I meant and coined a new word. I would ask her how she was, and her response was usually "nervcited!"

I don't know if that will help your daughter, but it did help at least a few students in each class I taught, so it's worth a try.

 

[munchkin3]

Texasmom......I don't know if I have any words that could be useful, but I'll try.....
Over the weekend, I was just talking to my friends daughter about meets and anxiety and we talked about expectations.
Expectations......this is where I think they get knotted....I want a 9.5, I want to hit, I want to please the coach, my parents....I want a medal.....I want to WIN.....The more they want and expect, after so many hours of hard work, the more stress they have going into the meet....
So I tell my daughter quite the opposite. I have been telling her this for years, so it's not new to her, but for many, it may seem crazy.
Don't go there to win. Don't go there to hit.....don't worry about the coaches....win and hit it at PRACTICE.....make you coaches proud AT PRACTICE......beat everyone if you can at PRACTICE.....
The competitions are to have fun. Try your best.....trust yourself, and have faith that all your practice and hard work will shine through. If not, don't worry because you are awesome anyway and everyone knows it......the meet does not decide what kind of gymnast you are.....winning does not define you....the TYPE of athlete you are defines you....your attitude.....
You CAN'T CONTROL the future and what will happen.....all you can control are your feelings.....you can control your perspective....you can control your attitude at a meet. Once you control your feelings, you can let go, and feel the passion and be IN THE MOMENT.....that's how you win.....Might sound cooky.....or stupid....but it works for my little perfectionist.....
It has taken a lot of time though....

 

[MILgymFAM]

Texasmom......I don't know if I have any words that could be useful, but I'll try.....
Over the weekend, I was just talking to my friends daughter about meets and anxiety and we talked about expectations.
Expectations......this is where I think they get knotted....I want a 9.5, I want to hit, I want to please the coach, my parents....I want a medal.....I want to WIN.....The more they want and expect, after so many hours of hard work, the more stress they have going into the meet....
So I tell my daughter quite the opposite. I have been telling her this for years, so it's not new to her, but for many, it may seem crazy.
Don't go there to win. Don't go there to hit.....don't worry about the coaches....win and hit it at PRACTICE.....make you coaches proud AT PRACTICE......beat everyone if you can at PRACTICE.....
The competitions are to have fun. Try your best.....trust yourself, and have faith that all your practice and hard work will shine through. If not, don't worry because you are awesome anyway and everyone knows it......the meet does not decide what kind of gymnast you are.....winning does not define you....the TYPE of athlete you are defines you....your attitude.....
You CAN'T CONTROL the future and what will happen.....all you can control are your feelings.....you can control your perspective....you can control your attitude at a meet. Once you control your feelings, you can let go, and feel the passion and be IN THE MOMENT.....that's how you win.....Might sound cooky.....or stupid....but it works for my little perfectionist.....
It has taken a lot of time though....

I love this! I'm gonna share a story. My YDD has been plagued by fears and blocks this year, after being plagued by injuries last year, and sickness the year before that.

Going into their first meet this past weekend she was certain she would get a zero (yes that's definitely a thing in T&T) and embarrass herself and her gym. She hadn't ever completed her whole routine without a mat, extra bounces, or a spot. She wanted to skip the meet. Her coach told her that he didn't care at all if she got a zero- in fact he wouldn't even be mad if she panicked and ran off the trampoline without doing a single skill. He told her that all he wanted out of her at this meet was for her to show up, to confront her fear of failure.

We get to the meet. Trampoline is her first event and she is ridiculously nervous. She flubs both her warm-ups. She gets up for her turn, salutes the judges, and does the whole routine. Ten skills, all connected, no spot, no pause, no extra bounces. Was it a good routine? No it was not, and she came in last place- but with a 19.9 not a zero. Her coach beamed at her, and her teammate (who had turned herself into my DDs personal pep coach) was ecstatic. Most of all, my DD was SO proud of that routine- now she knew she could do it. I have never seen her so happy at a competition before, and she's been a state champion. Later in the meet three of her teammates made her little videos saying how awesome she is, and what a great teammate she is. I think it was my favorite meet so far. Letting go of expectations made all the difference in the world.

 

[NutterButter]

I suggest a sports psychologist or a psychologist who has specific experience working with performers with performance anxiety. You've gotten some good suggestions from others but at this point considering her age and that it's been a constant problem for her, I'd be seeking out professional help. Kudos to your DD for her determination and sticking with it for all these years. I'm sure she is beyond frustrated.