My Parents???

[SuperGirlmlm]

I'm 13 and level 8 finally!! I'm really happy with my gymnastics and everything is going pretty well.
My question for anyone who can answer is...
My parents have been really supportive, but it's starting to bother me. When I'm at meets, they'll always tell me "good luck" right before I'm about to start my routine. It makes me really nervous. When she watches my practices every couple of weeks, she always tells me how to do things better, and how to do it right.
How can I tell her to stop acting like my coach without sounding mean, or disappointing her?
I don't want to sound rude, and it's not like I don't want her there, it's just I don't want her telling me how to do gymnastics better, when she admits she knows nothing about gymnastics.
I appreciate you reading my rant, thanks!

 

[gymgal]

I would suggest you tell your mom how nervous you get when she talks before the meets. My dd has very high anxiety on meet days. I now try to stay off the "meet" topic just before a competition, including driving to the meet. I focus my dd's attention to other topics, which seems to help. I usually don't even wish her good luck anymore - just a simple "see you later" and sometimes an "enjoy yourself" if she's really nervous - to remind her this is supposed to be fun, not anxiety provoking.

And as a mom who has a history of providing corrections, I suggest you do what my dd did - let her know that it is hard when you are getting instructions from her as well as the coaches - that it makes it hard to focus on what the coaches want you to do. My daughter has had these conversations with me and while it's hard for me to hear, she is right. I am much better about it now but I fall back into sometimes and she reminds me again. Talking with the coaches has also helped me because they will explain that what I might be seeing as needing correction really isn't all that important in the grand scheme or it might be something that dd is not ready to focus on yet.

 

[SignHere]

As a mom, I thought I'd answer this one... Just be honest. However, try to frame your "complaints" to your mom in a positive light . For instance, are you okay with her watching practices, but you don't want coaching suggestions from her?

Realize too, though that even though your mom" doesn't know" anything about gymnastics, she's been watching you for a few years, and she may have picked up a few things along the way!

You could suggest,though, id she wants to be helpful, that she tape some of your routines, and the two of you could watch them together.

Also, if it makes you more nervous for them to say "good luck" before meets! Tell her ! Or show her your post.

Chances are, she just loves watching you do gymnastics and wants you to be happy, so Talk To Her!

 

[GymBee97]

Be sincere and honest with your mom and tell her what you told us here - that when she does that it makes you very nervous and you can't consintrate. My DD told me that at meets it makes her nervous for her when I sit in the front row and she can see me she asked me to please sit in the back - as a mom I want what is best for my DD so Now I sit in the back behind the poles LOL. I want to sit in the front to get that close up look but if it makes her a better gymnast for me not to sit up front then that is what I will do.

She also told me she doesn't like it when our family yells her name you know like - Come on XXXX you can do it.
Everyone else can do it but if we do it she just get too nervous and feels the presure more.

so start with "mom you know I love you so much and I don't want you to be upset or sad with what I need to say but with my gymnastics I really need you not to wish me good luck before meets. Also I know your just trying to help me with all your advice on how to improve but that just makes me feel more stressed and like I'm letting you down in some way. If you want to help me could you video my competitions for me so I can look back on them to see my mistakes and then I can share them with my coach so the coach and I can work on them together."

Your mom will want to do what is best for you and what will help you the most. It will be ok if you are just honest with her.

 

[monkeysmom]

Sounds like the kind of thing many 13 year olds go through. From someone who was a teenager quite a while ago, I've learned that how the message is delivered is usually more important than what the message is. With regard to delivering the message (asking mom to chill out) here's my advice. And I mean the statement below figuratively not literally. Give them some candy (= make it seem like it is partly their idea), wrap it in a bow (=with love), and have fun delivering it (=make them laugh). Of course easier said than done, but it's good to try delivering harder messages this way, at least for me...



OK, here was me as a teenager: Mom that REALLY bugs me, stop doing that. Leave me alone!! With dramatic stomp off to the basement or somewhere.

OK here is what might have worked better. Mom, it's so cool when you come to watch me practice but I wish I made more progress each time. Let's make it more fun. How about you come to watch me only every two months, and let's make it a special fun time and go out to eat, just the two of us, afterward and maybe see a movie. Gymnastics gets old sometimes and I just want to have some fun with mom. (A little hint--movies are great, because there is little talking. It's a great place to go with friends who you want to support but really don't want to hear about their breakup with their boyfriend for the 50th time--just don't tell them that). Hmmm on the meet thing. Mom, I am so lucky that you always support me. But please hold your applause until I'm done because lately I'm getting a little distracted when I hear lots of people call out before I go up. Ahh we women are so complicated. As to your dad, I think you probably can get away with "please let the coach be the coach and you just be my awesome dad. Please stop yelling before I go up, it distracts me."

 

[MaryA]

You are obviously a very consciencous and well-spoken 13-year-old. Lots of great advice on how to tell her. I concur... I would say, tell her how lucky you are to have parents who are so supportive of your gymnastics... that you know they make sacrifices to pay for your gymnastics and to get you to practice (blah, blah, blah) but that you find it hard to focus on the advice you're getting from the coach when she is also giving you advice and tell her it's hard to stay in your zone when they try to talk to you between events. BUT whatever NICE way you find to tell her, DO tell her. Because she IS a caring and supportive mom, she really would want to know!

 

[cbone]

My best advice is to find some way that your mom can feel involved without messing with the way you prepare and get ready. That's really all she wants anyway is for you to know that she's engaged in what you're doing and that she loves you.

My daughter HATES when I give specific directions before practice (i.e. "Today, try to focus on keeping your leg straight on your front mill circle like coach told you.") So now, before every practice or meet, I simply give her a big hug and kiss and say, "Be a star!" It's our thing and it captures so much feeling for me without overtalking to her and getting her distracted.