MAG New here with a new optional

[jenjean70]

My son will be competing level 8 next year but he has struggled with fear issues learning various skills ever since he trained level 6. How have your sons coped with fears and have they been able to overcome them and be successful?

 

[skschlag]

Hi an welcome to CB!!! my ds is a 14 yo level 9 this year. We love having new boy moms on here!!!

No advice on the fear issues but we have several boys that are dealing wtih that as well. I am sure they will chime in here with info, advice, and sympathy. D has fears, but not anything like I think you are describing. His are more like "yikes, that looks scary"

 

[munchkin3]

Time, and space......allow him to fear and allow him to take the time HE needs to process the skill.

 

[profmom]

Parent of a soon-to-be L9 boy and a L8 girl here -- patience, no pressure, and more patience. Someone very wise around here once told me that when they want it more than they fear it, they will get it.

 

[JoyAvenueMom]

Someone very wise around here once told me that when they want it more than they fear it, they will get it.

yep. Patience is key. They have to learn to work through their fear, and while support from parents is helpful, bribery or threats is not. Coaches, however, may use a variety of tactics to help them through this. (coming from the mom of a kiddo who spent 4 hours on beam one day last week due to fear.) She is happy with herself for finding a path through the fear, and loves her coach even more for making her do it.

 

[jenjean70]

yep. Patience is key. They have to learn to work through their fear, and while support from parents is helpful, bribery or threats is not. Coaches, however, may use a variety of tactics to help them through this. (coming from the mom of a kiddo who spent 4 hours on beam one day last week due to fear.) She is happy with herself for finding a path through the fear, and loves her coach even more for making her do it.

Yes. Nate writes about his fears in school every year and it's always a happy ending because he gets through them in the end and he is proud of himself for it. His coaches are good with him especially the new coach we got . He is very patient although they ALL get very frustrated with him at times. It takes him longer to process the skill and work through the fear. They want him to do a double back off parallel bars, high bar and rings next year...He has struggled with fear on pbars ever since level 6 and will freeze on the apparatus. He froze one day at the end of practice when it was time to play four square. He wasn't allowed to play until he did the double back...it took him a few minutes but he finally did it because his desire to play was bigger than the fear.
He made the Region 3 Elite Team and got to go to a special camp this summer but he looked VERY intimidated by the skills the boys were throwing. He's nowhere near those skills. He's not a daredevil kind of kid- he doesn't see someone doing something and think "I want to do that!" - He just loves to learn gymnastics....I always wonder when he's going to his his ceiling but so far he's managed to break through every year...we'll see how far he goes....

 

[munchkin3]

In my 10 years involved with gymnastics, I can promise that I have never seen a kid successfully get over fears by pressuring, bribing, yelling, punishing.....EVER.
I have also learned (a bit too late), that the best way to help your child get over fears and blocks is to NEVER mention, talk, bring it up....EVER.
If your son comes to you to discuss it, just tell him you believe in him, and you love him and are proud of him....period.....nothing else......zilch......

Jen- your son is quite young? he may just need a little more time. In the end, some extra time wont impact him in any way other than keeping him in gymnastics longer. Remember the guys don't get really good until after college.

 

[skschlag]

Now, processing wise, D struggles, and his current interim coach knows him. SO he knows that he can do what he is asking him to do, but that it will take some alone time and maybe a day or 2 for him ot do it. So the coach will give the correction and then be quiet for a while for him to work thru it. This works well for D. Sometimes the correction shows up a few days later. It is kind a funny.

Good luck and stick around! We have lots of fun here

 

[Madden3]

Is it possible your son is getting moved along faster/pushed into big skills faster than he is really comfortable with because he is so talented?
When my Level 7, also not a daredevil, son has had fears over skills, he has found self affirming mantras very helpful. He also has created in his mind an imaginary embodiment of the fear, and imagines it getting upset when he overcomes the fear and tries the skill.

 

[Seeker]

In my 10 years involved with gymnastics, I can promise that I have never seen a kid successfully get over fears by pressuring, bribing, yelling, punishing.....EVER.
I have also learned (a bit too late), that the best way to help your child get over fears and blocks is to NEVER mention, talk, bring it up....EVER.
If your son comes to you to discuss it, just tell him you believe in him, and you love him and are proud of him....period.....nothing else......zilch......

Jen- your son is quite young? he may just need a little more time. In the end, some extra time wont impact him in any way other than keeping him in gymnastics longer. Remember the guys don't get really good until after college.

I don't think that would be true for all. That is highly dependent on the individual gymnast, how the coach is handling it (or not), the duration of the fear, etc etc. Many people in this board say that you should never discuss anything about gymnastics with your kid, ever. That absolutely wouldn't fly in our house. My dd has made it to L9, so I've got some years behind me parenting a gymnast. She would be very hurt and feel quite rejected if I refused to discuss gymnastics with her. Of course -- I let her lead the way, but she's one that likes to talk.

There have been other parents here mention that they heeded the advice of so many CB'ers and didn't ask/didn't discuss/never watched practice/etc. and I very clearly remember the parent of an older gymnast being quite dismayed to find that their child felt as if the parent didn't really care about them doing gymnastics, didn't care how they did, wasn't interested in their success, etc. because the parent showed absolutely no interest in it (in their effort to avoid any and all discussions).

We all know our kids best -- find the balance that works for your family and adjust as needed as they mature and skills get harder. Don't question them daily, but near refusal to engage in any conversation is a bit extreme too. Find that happy medium.

 

[jenjean70]

In my 10 years involved with gymnastics, I can promise that I have never seen a kid successfully get over fears by pressuring, bribing, yelling, punishing.....EVER.
I have also learned (a bit too late), that the best way to help your child get over fears and blocks is to NEVER mention, talk, bring it up....EVER.
If your son comes to you to discuss it, just tell him you believe in him, and you love him and are proud of him....period.....nothing else......zilch......

Jen- your son is quite young? he may just need a little more time. In the end, some extra time wont impact him in any way other than keeping him in gymnastics longer. Remember the guys don't get really good until after college.

Thanks! And yes. He is on the young side. He is 10 years old but he will turn 11 in a couple of weeks.

 

[skschlag]

so he is doing JE as well? I can see that would add a lot of pressure. I would say just let him work thru it. It sounds like he has been able to in the past

 

[jenjean70]

Is it possible your son is getting moved along faster/pushed into big skills faster than he is really comfortable with because he is so talented?
When my Level 7, also not a daredevil, son has had fears over skills, he has found self affirming mantras very helpful. He also has created in his mind an imaginary embodiment of the fear, and imagines it getting upset when he overcomes the fear and tries the skill.

I think that in hindsight he was probably moved to level 7 too quickly. He got the skills quickly but he freaked out with the parallel bars dismount. They had him doing the back tuck but he was afraid of hitting his head. He didn't compete a dismount until half way through the season when they taught him a front tuck, which he was more comfortable with because he could see the bar. His second year in level 7 they made him do the back tuck which he was still scared of...by the end of the season he was competing a back half. The first year level 7 he had most of the bonuses on high bar by the mock meet but two days later smashed his shins doing the layout dismount out of giants and didn't compete that the rest of the season. He is kind of two steps forward, three steps back kind of kid as we have gotten to level 7 and now moving to level 8....

 

[jenjean70]

so he is doing JE as well? I can see that would add a lot of pressure. I would say just let him work thru it. It sounds like he has been able to in the past

Yes. His coaches want all of the optionals to do JE. We are a relatively new gym and this year we had three level 8s (our highest level) and they ALL made JE as 11 and 12 year olds. They will all go level 9 next year as 13 year olds (the new birthday rule makes our two 11 year olds compete as 13 year olds)....We have two boys who will compete one as a 14 year old and the other as a 15 year old who did level 7 last year and are trying to go 9 next year. We have a lot of very young but talented kiddos but they don't have the experienced, older guys to look up to. My son would be considered one of the "experienced" older guys along with the level 9s so I think it's hard for him sometimes....plus he doesn't like the spotlight like that.

 

[gracyomalley]

My younger boy has always had some fears - particularly with HB (he's scared of heights in general). When he was a L5 he scored terribly because he was afraid to swing . He also doesn't like tumbling in the pit...fears have definitely slowed his progress, but he's my baby and after seeing his sister implode as an 11 year old L8, and his brother struggle to balance 9th grade, music and gym while trying to train L10, both of whom were more natural, talented gymnasts than he, he's also in no big hurry to get to that stuff!

His coach has been doing a good job figuring him out (esp. after DS the younger informed him he has no desire to be "a champion"), and taught him giants with him doing them on strap bar forever (he took about a year to be willing to do that) then learning on real bar from drills where he did tons of baby giants to free hip handstand (I think...) until one day he just gianted....lots of tramp work instead of pit - which means he's missing out on double and triple back into the pit contests, but he's got his front full, his back half, and all his L7 tumbling...he competed clean L6 routines with only half the bonuses last year and I was surprised to see when I stopped by a practice that he could actually DO most of the others - I think clean and fearfree was the plan for last year...(I will say, you can tell I've matured as a gym parent, cuz I didn't even know what he was actually doing in practice...)

Some of his best friends have been throwing themselves about in the pit with hard skills for years, and flinging around the strap bar not even holidng on at age 7...that's not my boy. He started young and has drifted out of age due to both relatively average talent and fears, but he still progresses each year, and doesn't want to quit. I'm actually glad fear has been a part of it all along for him, as I think he's less likely to have it get the better of him - for his sister, who was fearless until puberty and coaching changes, it was much more shocking....he's used to being scared and taking time to get things - so he keeps eventually getting them?...

 

[jenjean70]

My younger boy has always had some fears - particularly with HB (he's scared of heights in general). When he was a L5 he scored terribly because he was afraid to swing . He also doesn't like tumbling in the pit...fears have definitely slowed his progress, but he's my baby and after seeing his sister implode as an 11 year old L8, and his brother struggle to balance 9th grade, music and gym while trying to train L10, both of whom were more natural, talented gymnasts than he, he's also in no big hurry to get to that stuff!

His coach has been doing a good job figuring him out (esp. after DS the younger informed him he has no desire to be "a champion"), and taught him giants with him doing them on strap bar forever (he took about a year to be willing to do that) then learning on real bar from drills where he did tons of baby giants to free hip handstand (I think...) until one day he just gianted....lots of tramp work instead of pit - which means he's missing out on double and triple back into the pit contests, but he's got his front full, his back half, and all his L7 tumbling...he competed clean L6 routines with only half the bonuses last year and I was surprised to see when I stopped by a practice that he could actually DO most of the others - I think clean and fearfree was the plan for last year...(I will say, you can tell I've matured as a gym parent, cuz I didn't even know what he was actually doing in practice...)

Some of his best friends have been throwing themselves about in the pit with hard skills for years, and flinging around the strap bar not even holidng on at age 7...that's not my boy. He started young and has drifted out of age due to both relatively average talent and fears, but he still progresses each year, and doesn't want to quit. I'm actually glad fear has been a part of it all along for him, as I think he's less likely to have it get the better of him - for his sister, who was fearless until puberty and coaching changes, it was much more shocking....he's used to being scared and taking time to get things - so he keeps eventually getting them?...

Thanks! My son probably has average talent but above average strength so it looks like he can do more than he is actually able to do. I don't think my son wants to be a "champion" either. I honestly think that pressure is too much for him, esp. right now. He hates it when people ask him about going to the Olympics and for now his long term goal is just to get to and compete at level 10 one day. He does say his level 8 goal is to make JE Nationals but it will be difficult with the fear and how "loose" he can be in many of his routines so we'll see....

 

[profmom]

Whoa whoa whoa. He's having trouble with the back off and they want to push him toward a DB on pbars? I know it's touchy to get involved with this, but coming from someone who's watched kids work through backwards woes, I don't like to hear that. Pushing forward too fast now can create a lot of trouble later. Maybe one way to go about it is to have a conversation with the coaches and let them know you're OK with slower progress even if it means he doesn't have full value dismounts.

 

[jenjean70]

Whoa whoa whoa. He's having trouble with the back off and they want to push him toward a DB on pbars? I know it's touchy to get involved with this, but coming from someone who's watched kids work through backwards woes, I don't like to hear that. Pushing forward too fast now can create a lot of trouble later. Maybe one way to go about it is to have a conversation with the coaches and let them know you're OK with slower progress even if it means he doesn't have full value dismounts.

He had trouble his first year as a level 7 the second year he started with the back layout dismount then progressed to the back half. Before the season started, last summer, he didn't really want to go backwards but the coaches got him through that fear and he did well....Now he is working the double back dismount onto a mat in the pit- he's not landing them but at least he's going for it. He says it's not as scary but I'm sure he'll freak out when they put it together in a routine because that's what he does. They tried to get him to do his double back off rings in warm-up before a competition last year but he froze so they left it alone...crazy thing is he'd been landing double backs off rings since last summer and in practice in the routine, I guess he wasn't confident in his skill. If he would get out of his head he would be a good gymnast.

 

[sce]

If he would get out of his head he would be a good gymnast.

This is true for so many kids