Parents Not about gymnastics

[Gymmom826]

I'm dreading the holidays because last year one of the moms collected money from me and I never saw the gift, she never let me sign the card, and when they went to give the coach the gift, they did it while my dd was in the bathroom. I and my dd were so upset. Is this a thing to go in on a group gift? It wouldn't be a problem if she had just let my dd participate with the rest of the team in giving a gift and let her sign the card. So is this a thing? Would it look bad to back out and get something on our own?

 

[MILgymFAM]

We haven't participated in group gifts. Sometimes for financial reasons (they were collecting $50 each kid and there was no way I could afford that) and sometimes just because we had a particular gift in mind already. No one is gonna make you join in the group, so if you didn't have a good experience you can either strike out on your own gift or maybe say something about what happened so it won't happen again.

 

[AgingHippie]

Our team did a group gift last year. Most but not all participated, it wasn't a big deal either way. I could see why you would be upset about last year.

 

[raenndrops]

We usually do group gifts. They collect like $10 per girl (if the family chooses to participate - which 75-90% do) and get gifts for all the coaches.
One year, I made the cards (I made enough cards that even the coaches that didn't get gifts, which were for the main coaches, would have a card.

I custom designed the card and had EVERY team girl's name on the front (like ornaments on a tree). Inside was a gymnastics coach poem on one side and Merry Christmas on the other. It was a big hit.

 

[wnl256]

$50 per gymnast? That's outrageous. Our group gifts were $5 to $10 per child.

Sometimes we would go in on the group gift, and sometimes I just buy each coach a bottle of wine. I figure after dealing with my child for so many hours a week, they need it!

 

[blueredzone]

We did twenty five dollars each gymnast. Who doesn't like a Starbucks gift card? We had 100% participation. But then again I talked about with them and asked for ideas. So everyone was good to go.

 

[Gymmommy71]

If someone takes the initiative to coordinate a group gift were usually always more than happy to join in cause those are usually cheap - like $10-$15 each, but if not, I'm cool w/ doing individual gifts. Usually I spend about $20/$25 on a main team coach, but I'll spend $10-$15 on assistants and those types.

$50 each for a group gift? Good grief! - what was the gift, a big screen TV? .

I'd be very angry if my DD didn't get to sign the card for a group gift I had donated to and wasn't present for the giving part. The mom who presented the gift should have made a point to tell the coach after the fact that a mistake was made and that your DD was part of the gift too even though her name wasn't on the card. I sure hope that mom isn't in charge of the group gift again this year at your gym.

 

[MILgymFAM]

The gift was a day at a VERY high end spa. The rest of the parents were incredibly well off and $50 was barely an afterthought. We went with a homemade gift that was well received and the coach used all season long.

 

[Canadian_gym_mom]

The gift was a day at a VERY high end spa. The rest of the parents were incredibly well off and $50 was barely an afterthought. We went with a homemade gift that was well received and the coach used all season long.

I have found that since gym is so expensive, that it does attract some very well off families. Many seem to think all families at the gym are in the same financial position.

IMHO homemade from a child, from the heart, trumps fancy-shmancy any day.

 

[profmom]

When I organize this for the boys' team, I suggest $20 but make it clear that any donation is fine. One of the moms makes these incredibly beautiful cards for all the coaches. And a few of us work hard to chase down every boy and make sure he has the chance to sign the cards, whether his family has contributed or not. Just because someone may not have the cash on hand does not mean that their son doesn't appreciate what the coaches do. I'd say that last year we had more than 90% participation and with a few people putting in more than $20, we were able to collect quite a nice sum for our hardworking and beloved coaches. I can't say for sure, but I think that this approach (suggested amount, but pay what you feel is right for you) probably nets more money than we'd get if we had a firm amount, even if the firm amount were larger.

For the OP, have you discussed what happened with the mom who was organizing the gift? Sometimes it turns out that things that feel like intentional slights are actually unfortunate oversights. It is a real pain to organize these things -- perhaps you could help out this year!

 

[IreneKa]

All our donations are voluntary and anonymous. There is a suggested amount, $10 per family usually, but you can give as much or as little as you want. You just put it in an envelop, write
"coaches' gift" on it, and drop it into the boosters box. So, when they present the gifts, it's assumed that the gifts are from the entire team. The gifts are presented twice a year - at a Holiday part in December, and at the end of the season banquet in May. If you miss the party or the banquet, you are not there for the gift giving, but that's your problem.

To the OP, sounds very strange that they would exclude your daughter like that. Maybe the mom who collected the money forgot that you gave the money, and assumed that you didn't? Otherwise, why would she let everyone else sign the card, but not you? Unless she has anything personal against you or your DD.

 

[skschlag]

I know that trying to get everyone on a card is not an easy task. I have written in kids' names when I just could not get in touch with them due to practice times, vacation, absences, etc.

Good luck. We don't do group gifts at our gym very often. BUt when we do, it is voluntary with no suggested amounts.

 

[Gymmom826]

All our donations are voluntary and anonymous. There is a suggested amount, $10 per family usually, but you can give as much or as little as you want. You just put it in an envelop, write
"coaches' gift" on it, and drop it into the boosters box. So, when they present the gifts, it's assumed that the gifts are from the entire team. The gifts are presented twice a year - at a Holiday part in December, and at the end of the season banquet in May. If you miss the party or the banquet, you are not there for the gift giving, but that's your problem.

To the OP, sounds very strange that they would exclude your daughter like that. Maybe the mom who collected the money forgot that you gave the money, and assumed that you didn't? Otherwise, why would she let everyone else sign the card, but not you? Unless she has anything personal against you or your DD.

Yes and I gave her $50 cash so what's to keep her from pocketing my portion and making it seem like I didn't give toward the gift. Then I wanted to talk to the coach and let them know I contributed, but don't know how that would look.

 

[duyetanh]

The gift was a day at a VERY high end spa. The rest of the parents were incredibly well off and $50 was barely an afterthought. We went with a homemade gift that was well received and the coach used all season long.[/QUOte

We could not afford 50 dollars; here everyone contributes what they can and we buy a gift cert....there is no group gift until the end of the year. Last year it was rather ridiculous, there was gift gift gift..and parents were over it by the end. This year seems to be a much better mindset towards it all, because parents know there is only one time to put well deserved money towards a gift, and they are more open to actually giving more because they know it is only one time. Go figure.

 

[Muddlethru]

Neglecting to have you sign the card is likely an oversight and timing the gift giving to your daughter going to the bathroom was also likely a coincidence. It is hard to believe that the moms who collected the money for the gift intentionally left you out and wanted to take full credit for the gift. In any event, I don't think you can be forced to contribute. I have yet to hear of a gym that makes it mandatory to all the parents to buy or contribute towards a gift. So if you feel more comfortable buying your own gift, you should.

 

[IreneKa]

Yes and I gave her $50 cash so what's to keep her from pocketing my portion and making it seem like I didn't give toward the gift. Then I wanted to talk to the coach and let them know I contributed, but don't know how that would look.

I wouldn't say anything to the coaches, but if the same mom collects the money again this year, and approaches you, I would tell her why I choose not to contribute this year. Maybe it really was just an oversight on her part, she will apologize, and it'll never happen again. Or you'll just be buying your own gifts from now on.

 

[skschlag]

I gathered money last year for our previous HC who had been in a skating accident and was in the hospital with a head injury. I gather mostly cash, got a card, and several gift cards. none of the parents who donated saw the gift. I tried to get everyone to sign the card, but it was hard. I went to practice early, late, pulled kids out of practice, and still missed 3 kids. I added their names for them. Then I delivered the gift. I sure hope no on is upset at me for not showing them the gift, not having kids sign the card, or not being there when it was given. It truly isn't as easy as it sounds to coordinate all of that.

This being said, we did have a couple of families that did their own thing...that was fine.

 

[lovemygymnast]

I think it's quite alright not to contribute! We have done both at previous gym. We have always signed the card though. I hate your dd didn't at least get to be there when it was given but is it possible it was signed "from your whole level x team"? Or that the parent did include your dd on the card? But if you feel or know you weren't included, definitely do your own thing and I'm sure nobody would mind.