Parents Not letting daughter compete upcoming meet?

[Lillyluvlittle]

Should I let my daughter compete? I know it’s ultimately really up to my daughter but she doesn’t know what she wants either. She is 13 and a second year gold and is starting to lose skills she had all last season perfectly. On beam her salto dismount, bars her flyaway and handstand, floor her Roundoff bhs is going really crooked and she can’t seem to fix it, and vault has been good. All of this is really messing with her confidence and she compares herself to the other gymnast at school and all the first year golds which she thinks are better than her. She is stressing, constantly comparing herself and feels like she has to get skills that she’s had mental blocks on for months and skills that she is struggling with before the meet which is in 5 practices. She feels she needs to get them so her “friends from another gym who go to her school don’t judge her” since they are “better than her”. She thinks she’s going to score low and not get any rewards since her first meet as a second year gold didn’t go that well other than getting 2nd place but she says she hasn’t improved lots since then. She’s debating because going could make her not miss out on possibly doing good and getting rewards and she thinks her issue isn’t that big anyway and it’s just 1 day, if you do good you do good and if you do bad you do bad in her words. But she also doesn’t want to face judgement or a possible bad meet and not feeling ready to compete 100 percent and the nerves. Her last competition season was great. But I think her confidence is low this season especially after the injury over summer practice. Should I let her compete or sit this one out? She doesn’t know what she wants and we will make the final call on the last practices before the meet. Let me know what you guys think!

 

[ORgymmom]

I can’t weigh in very helpfully on what to do because our gym doesn’t give us a say in scratches and missing a meet voluntarily is grounds for removal from the team for the next season.

But I can speak to the fear of seeing girls from other gyms at school and realizing that other girls check and discusss scores. My daughter switched gyms and it was really tough at the first meet when she knew she’d see her old teammates, especially because she was struggling and had heard they were having great seasons. At that meet, though, she had a rough meet but the really good former teammates also had rough meets. It helped my daughter realize that her bad days can be other people’s bad days, and her bad days can turn into a pretty ok day.

We stay off score websites but once in a while she’ll mention envy of someone or worry that someone “will know” her scores. I suspect that your daughter is on Mymeetscores or ScoreCat obsessing over her classmates’ scores; block those or take the phone away for a while.

Stop letting her talk about placing, teach her the fine art of being vague or dismissive or pretend clueless, and start talking about improvement from the beginning of the season to the end.

 

[Dahlialover]

Should I let my daughter compete?

This is her opportunity to learn that a difficult meet won’t kill her. This is her opportunity to learn to cope with challenges and disappointment. Don’t deprive her of this opportunity to grow. Just help her reframe the situation with an emphasis on growth and resilience. Also, refocus attention on her role as a teammate. She needs to be out there supporting her team and being a positive role model for the younger girls.

Try to show your daughter that you have faith in her ability to cope with challenges. Suggesting that she pulls out would send a strong message that you do not believe that she is capable of getting through a difficult meet. It also sends the message that you can’t cope with her struggling and possibly that you are ashamed of her struggles. That’s not what you want to communicate.

She can get through this. Have faith in her.