Women On the other side of gym switches

[BarCoach]

In the almost 3 years that I've been with my gym and my group I have gotten 5 new girls, 3 from one gym, 2 from another. We do well competitively and the girls that have switched have all been happy. But I haven't really known the gyms or coaches they've come from, aside from friendly hellos at meets. I am about to get another gymnast whose coach I do know fairly well. I am not recruiting girls, simply coaching to the best of my ability. I'm not sure how it will go when I see this other coach again. Obviously I will just be my normal self but I'm hoping to avoid any hard feelings. For those who have switched, how has it been seeing old coaches or teammates? Anything I should do or say, or not?

 

[Aussie_coach]

There is a very good chance there will be hard feelings. Coaches and gyms put a lot of time, effort, money and care into every gymnast they train. The higher the level, the more they have invested in the child.

If you have a gym that is made up mostly of kids from other gyms rather than your own home grown talent people will always question why? They may feel that you are actively trying to recruit other gymnasts from other gyms or they may feel your gym is not good at developing your own talent.

Its a competitive world and you may find that you are losing friends and there is very little you can do about it.

 

[Gymmonkeymomma]

I really think it depends on the personalities. We left old gym 4 years ago, after having been there for 8 years. Little Monkey's former coach gives her (and I) a big hug every time we meet up, and if he runs into HC, always asks about DD. He is truly happy to see her progressing. The 2 others who coached her in compulsories send messages via text or FB. On the other hand, former gym owner (he coached older DD but rarely Little Monkey, only for tumbling) does not speak to any of us at all.

 

[BarCoach]

That's what I'm afraid of, though it's good to hear it can go well too. We do also have successful "homegrown" gymnasts (6 of my current 10 girls). I thought it was a good thing that others are looking to come to us. Maybe not?

 

[Quadqueen]

It is a good thing that kids are looking to come to you - there must be a good reason they're considering your gym!

DD's old coaches are ok w/me, but DD hasn't run into them at a meet...yet.

 

[happychaos]

Personally, I think coaches should greet former gymnasts with a smile, and a sincere "how are you ?" It is the mature, professional thing to do. My DD was very nervous about seeing her former coaches at her first meet after she switched gyms. She was probably more nervous about seeing them that she was nervous for the actual meet itself. When they saw her at warmups, she heard one of the coaches comment to the other coach about her, but totally ignored her. And she left this gym on very good terms, too.

I felt so bad for her. Sure, they've invested a lot of time into her and may feel bad that she left, but giving a child the cold shoulder is unprofessional and uncalled for. I'm sure it's awkward when my husband runs into former clients at business functions, but being a professional adult calls for a smile and a handshake and a polite greeting.

I can see how other coaches might be a bit miffed that you are picking up their gymnasts, but again, I would expect they would be polite to you at meets. I don't understand how coaches, who want to be seen as knowledgeable, trusted, respected professionals, think that it's okay to act like 3rd grade girls when something doesn't go their way. It's no wonder parents are leaving that gym.....

 

[Kcanflip]

We are making a switch next week due to a move. We only moved about 30 miles away so a drive IS possible but with 2 other kids to consider and gas prices and just logistics of school/homework/dinner/family time etc. we are choosing to go to the gym 5 miles away.

We have been open and upfront with our soon to be old gym and that is important and has been key. I am 99% sure they will be nothing but genuinely nice and happy to see us at competitions in the future. We will be happy to see them and my kiddo would be crushed if she was given the cold shoulder. But....If we had just switched not due to a move not sure how that would go over. I'd like to think owners/coaches realize it's just part of business but so much time and energy is devoted to gymnasts and I'd have to imagine that leaving for greener pastures is a hard pill to swallow!

Regardless, taking it out on a kid is not ok. Be mad at the parents but don't punish the kid for what was most likely not their call. And even if it was...they are a kid!

 

[iwannacoach]

You should call your friend and chat up the situation. My own opinion is we need to coach the best we can in our own way, and if that works for a child.... great. When it doesn't, who are we to say the kid should change to fit us, as clearly there are many of us who wouldn't change our coaching style to save the world.

Maybe you happen to be very good at what you do. If so, there's no way to blame you for being the right fit and a capable coach.

 

[munchkin3]

Besides your attitude about this touchy subject, I think it is appropriate to have a talk with the parent too. I have switched, and known many families who have switched. The ones who make it about, bad coaching, problems at the gym, their kid doing poorly at they gym, and generally being negative towards their old gym, make it problematic. Families change gyms for many reasons. But in the end, it comes down to wanting the best for their child and their family.
I think you should make sure the families are not speaking negatively about their old place, but rather trying to be positive about their previous experience. Also it is a good time to explain to the child that switching is about growing and changing, NOT about leaving behind something BAD. Many times, the attitude of the parents will reflect on you as a coach and a ' thank you for what you have done for my kid' or even a ' it's not you, it's me' speech can go a long way. After all it is like a breakup!

 

[BarCoach]

Thanks iwannacoach, I will call him. I got the impression that the mom hasn't told anyone yet. She said "we're not happy there", but I don't know whether that means her or her daughter. Should I wait until she has left the other gym to talk with him or do it ahead of time?
The mom seems pretty bitter and adamant that they are done with that old gym but I'll try to make it as positive as possible. In the end, I know I have to just keep doing the best job I can and learn that I can't please everyone. But I sure wish I could!

 

[Muddlethru]

There is a very good chance there will be hard feelings. Coaches and gyms put a lot of time, effort, money and care into every gymnast they train. The higher the level, the more they have invested in the child.

If you have a gym that is made up mostly of kids from other gyms rather than your own home grown talent people will always question why? They may feel that you are actively trying to recruit other gymnasts from other gyms or they may feel your gym is not good at developing your own talent.

Its a competitive world and you may find that you are losing friends and there is very little you can do about it.

Though I understand coaches do invest a lot of their time and expertise to their gymnast, particularly those who've they've trained to the higher levels. But things don't always work out for both gymnast and coaches til the end. I've been in the receiving end where a coach was worried that the relationship she had with my daughter's former coach might be affected. And I've also known coaches turn down gymnasts for this reason. What is a gymnast to do when you've either outgrown the gym you are in or developed unpleasant relations with the coach or whatever other reason. Where do most coaches fall? Do they turn down the gymnast and cause the gymnast to falter or do they take the gymnast into their team and potentially strain a relationship? I think it is sadder to turn down a gymnast who may have no where to go. I think adults should be able to handle this kind of disappointment. But then again, I am on the other side of the fence and I realize at the same time that the livelihood of the coach may also be at stake.

 

[Fliptwisttumble]

The mom seems pretty bitter and adamant that they are done with that old gym but I'll try to make it as positive as possible.

Just because this is the parent's position it doesn't need to pass along to you.

I agree with the others: call your friend/acquaintance/the other coach, explain that they came to the gym. If the person knows you and respects you, then they'll hopefully be OK with it. And they may not be surprised if the child/mom isn't happy. They may already know the fit isn't perfect or suspect something's going on.

Treat them with respect - no bridges burned. There is no downside to touching base - if they are upset they would have been anyways, and potentially moreso if you didn't call.

 

[iwannacoach]

You may want to call your friend and hear what you can about the entire situation, and then act accordingly. Given the opinions the mother has already shared, she may be the reason the other coach can't keep her dd happy.

As previously mentioned, they switch for "good".... and sometimes evil. Maybe the kid and mother are great, or maybe the kid is great, and the mother is a problem for everyone. Possibly, they both will remind you of a few parent/child tandems that made you shudder while watching "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory," if you know what I mean.

 

[BarCoach]

Haha, got it. So I'll look into it a little further before giving an invitation.