Outside activities -- when to say no

[beamer]

I imagine this question has come up before, but I haven't seen a thread recently...

Our gymnast (age 10/L5) suggested last week she would like to participate in the winter school play. Up until this year, we have allowed her to do this. Her gymnastics schedule was fairly light (6 - 8 hrs/week) and the demands of the play were not that great. This year, however, we have a couple of strikes against us...not the least of which is that she switched gyms last spring and now practices 12-14 hours per week. There are also weekly violin lessons and practices to contend with.

When we made the switch (it was DD's idea!) we warned her that the demands of the new gym would probably preclude her participation in other outside activities. She agreed to the deal. Now, though, she sees her middle school friends having fun together after school while she is...toiling away in the gym. When we reminded her of the strategic problems with the two clashing activities, she sadly agreed she could not participate in the play.

We want to help the ol' Beamer balance her desire to be a gymnast with her desire to be part of the school scene. We think this will keep her interested in both gymnastics and school! But we literally cannot see a way to balance a school play (practices three to five days a week after school for two and a half months during competition season) with the gymnastics season. I'm sure other temptations will arise over the coming years, leading to the ultimate tough choice (quit or continue with gym).

In the meantime, though, how do other parents manage these issues as they come up? What other activities do your gymnasts participate in? How do coaches feel about the encroachment of school plays, other sports, etc.? And for gymnasts: have you participated in outside activities and how did you balance the associated responsibilites?

 

[ALgymMom]

My DD is 12/L9 & does not participate in other sports or theater, however, I do let her skip for special bday parties, school trips, family gatherings, anything at church she wants to participate in (Christmas program) etc... If she didn't have somewhat of a normal life she would probably end up unhappy & wanting to quit!

 

[gymmomtoo]

We do the same thing you do--are open to letting her do other activities, but have to look at each individually and see if it works. Right now with Beth practicing 22 hrs a week (level 9), she also has piano one afternoon (on her one non-gym day), as well as Girl Scouts (fortunately I'm the leader, so I schedule it once a month on a weekend day), but she really had to drop out of other things (used to do soccer and swim team). She made the choice to stick with gymnastics, so she doesn't get too upset about it.

I do let her skip practice sometimes for fun times with her friends though. I KNOW if she had to miss all birthday parties, outings, etc., she'd grow to really resent and dislike gymnastics.

Her coaches are okay with outside activities at lower levels. They do encourage focusing on just gymnastics after level 8 though and if the gymnast is missing a lot of practice for outside activities, I know they question the commitment go gymnastics.

 

[cher062]

Talk to the teacher or who ever is running the play, practices etc. They are usually very helpful in coordinating this with you if you need it. My DD was in the school play 2 years ago and didn't do the tryouts because she had practice so she volunteered for stage crew. I was a volunteer mom and the teacher running it wanted to know why my dd didn't try out (she was the music teacher and this was a musical we were doing - DD has a great voice) WE told her why and her answer was OH for God sake let me know these things - we can make arrangments. By the next practice one of the girls quit and DD was put in her place - We gave the teacher her schedule and she worked around it as much as she could.

We were late for a few practices but I was fine with that and the coach learned to live with it. I just told the coach on these days she wil be late as she has a school commitment she has to be at. My DD's coach knows if it has to do with school or Religious Ed we will miss gym. She missed practice on the performance nights as well. When we starte gymnastics I let the coaches know right off the bat that homework, school and religious ed will always come before gymnastics. Don't know if they liked it but they accepted it.

And she did just fine for the meets and the play went great.

Don't be afraid to ask for special consideration in schedules. If you ask early before they make them up they can do just about anything to accomodate.

As for other activities we tell our kids any after school activity can be done if we have the money to do it and if it doesn't interfere with gymnastics . We let our kids know they can do up to two things but they have to pick what that will be.

My DD does gym and scouts. Before school she has piano at the school. Over the summers when we are on the summer schedule she tries other things - like she has tried Karate and lilked it wanted to do it but I told her if she wanted that she would have to quit gymnastics as in the fall it conflicted too much. She chose gymnastics. She still goes back in the summer to do karate in their summer program.

 

[coachmolly]

I wasn't particularly interested in other activities during my years in the gym, so it never posed that much of a problem. My first year of competitive gym I remained involved in Girl Scouts, but my mom was the leader and schedule meetings and activities around my practice schedule. In 5th grade I decided to play softball with a friend and would sometimes leave practice early to go to a game, but it really wasn't a big deal because it was in the spring/summer so didn't interfere with meet season and was a laid back community league for softball. I decided not to pursue that further because gymnastics much more enjoyable for me.
During the middle school years I thought about doing track, but ultimately decided not to. And I didn't even think of missing a practice for a frivolous school activity . Every once in a while my parents would let me skip practice to go someplace with a friend, but I was never really that tempted. But I was not a particularly social child. Even when my gymnastics days were over in high school I found myself spending many weekend evenings at home with my parents. I can see it being much more of a conflict with a kid who really enjoys social activities and being a part of multiple groups of people. In those cases, I think it's really about balance. Help her prioritize the activities she is currently involved in as well as those she wants to be involved in and then see where they can fit. If she's really interested in theatre, maybe a community theatre program over the summer or non-meet season would be a reasonable compromise. If it's the aspect of being with friends from school, maybe you could propose another activity that only meets once a week or has less of a scheduling conflict with gym.
I think ultimately you just need to help her realize what she wants/needs and develop ways that work for your family to achieve as many of those things as possible. It's a good time to teach your DD that sometimes we can't have everything we want at one time and need to pick and choose our activities based on what we want or need most at the time. It's also important to consider the rest of your family and what works best for them. No sense running yourself ragged and missing out on family dinners and activities to ensure one child is engaged in every activity imaginable. Balance as much as you can, but realize there are human limitations!

 

[shelovestoflip]

My daughter is 12/Level 7 and practices 16 hours/week. She recognizes that she doesn't have the time she would like to commit to other activities so has limited herself to gymanstics this year.

Prior to this year, she played violin and while she liked it, she knew that she didn't have time to practice 1/2 hour a day this year. She wanted to 'play perfectly' and it wasnt' where she wanted!

She has also done the school plays in past years but starting last year she decided not to because they practice 4 days a week after school.

Again, she seemed to have a sense in her mind of what she could manage and was willing to manage.

Sure, she could do the play then go right to gymnastics but when would she do HW? Or, 'just chill'?!!

She LOVES gymnastics and it is, for now, her passion. So, I'm ok with what she has decided.

That being said, I definitely let her miss practice for birthday parties, school dances and special events. Those are important for a tween gal!!

 

[gym law mom]

As Cher suggested, could you talk with whoever is in charge of the play and explain the circumstances? They might have something she could do that would not involve being at all the rehearsals. If not, is there an activity---theater etc that would be coming up in the spring that she could plan to be involved in? Sounds like dd is in 2 activities that are not school related(violin/gymnastics) and at this age, they really want to be part of "something."

 

[gymnastgets10]

Well, here is my extracurricular activities history. When I told my parents I wanted to do gym (I was 9), they had me quit girl scouts which was 2 hours every other week. I'm the oldest kid and have a lot of siblings (6 going on 7!) so any activity we kids do involves sacrifice for everyone and we have to pick and choose wisely. I took a rec gymnastics class and started piano lessons around this time, but the teacher came to the house so it wasn't very hard on my family. Starting I think in this summer the 4 oldest kids started tennis privates at the swim/tennis club down the road, which we still do for an hour a week every summer. 1 hour of rec gym a week turned into level 4 team the next year, 6 hours a week and a few local meets - not really a big deal. I quit piano during my level 5 season (9 hrs a week), mostly because I didn't really like it anymore but not having much time to practice because of gym was definitely a factor. After my level 6 (14 hr/wk) season my gym closed and I switched gyms and practiced 20 hours a week that summer. I was a freshman that fall and decided to play on the tennis team, which in hindsight was a bad idea. The tennis coaches refused to work with my gym schedule and wouldn't let me play in matches if I missed so much as one practice. Thankfully my new gym was very understanding and rearranged my schedule so I ended up practicing with 3 different training groups over the week. I would have tennis practice or a match everyday after school (I'm homeschooled so my parents would have to drive me up to the public highschool for that) from 3-5, then I would go straight to gym and practice until 8:30 or 9:00. About 1/2 way through the tennis season, I got a really bad cold that lasted about a month, brought on I'm sure by having some sort of sports 30 hours a week (some of it outdoors in the cold/rain) and trying to get my schoolwork done. Although the tennis team really wanted me back the next year, I decided not to play because gymnastics was my first love and my parents and I couldn't handle the stress of 2 sports again. Now as a junior I've cut back my gym hours to 10-13 hours a week and moved to prep-op to put less stress on my family and my body (my dad wanted me to quit earlier this year because of how time consuming gym is and I've missed most of the last 2 seasons with injuries) . I also participate in my church's highschool youth group and volunteer with the middle school youth group (both 2 hrs every other week) and help teach a few preschool classes at gym. When I get my license in February I might try to add a few more things - more gym hours, youth group softball, and/or a 'real' part-time job, but we'll see what I have time for. So basically my experience with 2 intense activities (gym/tennis) didn't go very well, but I have had a chance to participate in smaller things that I really enjoyed. I think the situation is different for everyone and it depends a lot on what your DD's priorities are, what your family can sacrifice and how much your DD's coaches and the people in charge of the play are willing to work with her. Hopefully this wasn't too rambling and helps a little!

 

[Gymmonkeymomma]

Big DD was Level 8 and little DD level 5 when they did competitive cheer with our town, as well as comp cheer with their gym. Our old gym didn't care about girls missing practices, although I did not 'allow' them to miss more than 3 hours (one night or leaving early on 3 different days)

Little DD did not continue with cheer after that one year, so it became a non-issue for her. I was their Girl Scout leader so we held meetings and activities during day/time that did not conflict with gym. Little DD is now 11 and level 8, at a new gym - she chooses gym over all else, although in the summer when team practices during the day, she is able to play in our town's street hockey league. On the rare occasion, she will ask to skip practice for a party of a very good friend.

 

[beamer]

Thank you for all the detailed replies.

DD is very social, loves school and wants to be a part of everything. This probably does not bode well for a gymnastics future; she is more than willing to throw practices over for social events (birthday parties, school socials, etc.).

So far, though, she's realistic about the longer-term committments (plays, other sports, etc.). We'll see how long that lasts...

 

[Deleted member D3987]

sorry i'm late to the race...i just read this. when it has to do with the 'arts' everyone should try to make it work so that both can be done. as an owner, a father and head coach i go out of my way to facilitate musical productions and such. these activities are not only tools for learning, they may also lead to 'something' down the road. can't say the same for, and will not support 183456558393945756684993 birthday parties, sock hops, etc;

 

[SuperGirlmlm]

I do gymnastics 18 hrs a week. I am 13, and I do very few things. I golf in summer, when I train about 24 hours a week. I golf occasionally with my Dad and brother. Other than that, I do soccer in fall. Other than that, nothing.

 

[All Chalked Up]

I train 12 hours a week and coach 10 1/2, so I'm in the gym everyday. I wrestle for one hour a week (though right now I help with the beginners more than I actually wrestle) and I like it, but gymnastics is my first choice! Since the other practice times conflict with gymnastics, I just go for the one hour.

I also learn the violin though I self-teach myself in music class at school. So instead of practicing at home like we are supposed to, I'm allowed to practice during lunch break instead.

I'm on the swim team in the summer, but practices are in the evening so no conflict with summer training.

I NEVER miss practice and the only time I miss coaching is when I am competing. I don't go to birthday parties unless they're on a day that doesn't conflict with gymnastics. I've been to one dance in my life- and only because gymnastics was cancelled that day. With the exception of schoolwork (but I always finish it before gymnastics so it hasn't been an issue) gymnastics comes first for me. It's quite funny really, my coaches always pick on me for not really having a life outside of the gym