Parents pragmatic/realist or dreamkiller

[munchkin3]

Once again, I really miss L4.....
Not that it's easy or anything, it just seems so simple compared to optionals......

 

[bookworm]

@mom2newgymnast I hear you, and have had similar thoughts. I then tend to come around to what @Seeker is recommending... just ride it out, focusing on the here and now. One thing that has helped me is something I read in a gymnastics blog at some point about the word "sacrifice." I don't think of my dd as sacrificing much. If anything, she's getting amazing opportunities that other kids are not getting. It's all about choices, and she choose gymnastics over most everything. She doesn't see it as a sacrifice, so neither do I.

I found the blog. It's worth a read: https://annejosephson.wordpress.com...-and-coaches-make-to-be-the-best-of-the-best/

I totally agree with this as I have never thought that my girls "sacrificed" during their gym careers...they made choices to do gymnastics over other things, and we supported that. They also had amazing opportunities along the way that a lot of other kids did not.

 

[Tbrov]

I think the key here is who is driving it. As long as the gymnast is driving, you can do it - and it may mean working towards a scholarship by putting in long gym hours and home-schooling or modified schedules. And $$. If the parent is driving, it doesn't matter because it won't work. You can't force a kid to reach level 9 or 10. And without reaching that level, college gymnastics is out.

But you are right - gymnastics has affected my whole family's lives, in major ways. When I think of all the vacations we could have taken, the normal school lives my kids could have had, and the absence of hospital visits and surgeries, I'm not sure I would have chosen this. But on the other hand, I have two accomplished athletes, and am so proud of the young women they are becoming (in no small part due to life lessons learned in gymnastics).

There's a lot to be said about staying in the moment and deciding season to season if things are working for everyone. I can certainly understand families who choose differently than we did. Then again, you can not tell the future, and I (and others here) do have children with offers for college scholarships. If a girl makes it to level 10, it's entirely possible.

As others have said, it's a goal, but not an expectation.

 

[Aussie_coach]

You are right, it is ludicrous to out that amount of time and money into training if the only goal at the end of the day is to come out with a college scholarship.

However, I think for most it is not the only goal at the end of the day. Whether or not the ultimate goal is achieved at the end of the day there is still great value in the journey.

I think those parents who pull their kids out of school to homeschool and do gymnastics 6 days a week do this for many reasons and not just to get that scholarship. They may tell other parents that they are doing it for the scholarship, because it is their way of justifying it to other parents.

But I think in their hearts they know that even without the scholarship the benefits of serious gymnastics training will serve their kids well no matter what their future brings.

 

[B.Gold]

I totally agree with this as I have never thought that my girls "sacrificed" during their gym careers...they made choices to do gymnastics over other things, and we supported that. They also had amazing opportunities along the way that a lot of other kids did not.

I wonder if you're fortunate enough to not feel your dds sacrificed anything because they both shared the same path. I feel like my gymmie sacrifices so much in relation to all the amazing experiences her sister has had and is having.

And when I hear the arguments of how many amazing characteristics a child receives from training gymnastics I stand back and compare my two girls and can clearly see my older dd was way more mature and independent at the age my gym dd is now.

Sure my gym-dd is coachable.... But she has to be coached for everything.... Even at home. By this time in my older child's life...she had left home for 5 independent "adventures" without the family, one for as long as a month, she's done some amazing things.....now it's 7. This summer she spends 2 weeks volunteering at a wildlife park in the greater Northwest, learning how to take care of big cats. While my gymmie has never left our sides. She doesn't want to...and the only independent adventure she'll agree to is a week long GYMNASTICS camp.

If we made her deviate from what she wants to do, she would feel like she was sacrificing...
valuable summer up-training time.

 

[Seeker]

Don't you think that some of that is because of their inherit personality traits and not necessarily because of gymnastics? Would your younger daughter even want to do those things?

 

[B.Gold]

Yes, it's her inherent personality. Gym hasnt made her that way. She sets a course very similarly to how her dad chooses a course... But she's choosing to miss out on a lot that life has to offer.
My concern is this experience will make her one-sided, when there are so many sides to her-artistically, musically. I worry she's developing only one side of many potentials. So, in all honesty, I don't ever squash her dream, I encourage it, because since she's "all in" at her gym, and it makes her happy, I want to see her sacrifice mean something.

 

[gymgal]

B. gold

Yes, it's her inherent personality. Gym hasnt made her that way. She sets a course very similarly to how her dad chooses a course... But she's choosing to miss out on a lot that life has to offer.
My concern is this experience will make her one-sided, when there are so many sides to her-artistically, musically. I worry she's developing only one side of many potentials. So, in all honesty, I don't ever squash her dream, I encourage it, because since she's "all in" at her gym, and it makes her happy, I want to see her sacrifice mean something.

I think it is important to remember that athletes who gravitate toward gymnastics (and stick with it) tend to be "all in". It is what sets them apart from others who just dabble in gymnastics and several other sports and activities.

I don't know, I just feel that my dd has only so much time to pursue *this* dream of hers. She has a lifetime to pursue other dreams and interests. I just don't think dd is missing out on that much that she can't do later in life (whether it be in college or after. And if it is really important to her now, then she does it. She has no interest in proms, dances, football games, home coming, summer camps (even gymnastics), cliques, hanging out at the mall, boyfriends, playing on electronics all afternoon, etc. Would I like her to have time to volunteer more? Sure! But I also know she has her whole adult life to volunteer. It doesn't have to be when she is a teen.

If you make a list of all the things you think she is missing out on and sit with her to get her take on it, you may see that your list of important items is not her list.

 

[duyetanh]

It is so interesting to read all of these perspectives. I was an "all in" girl in terms of my sport. I did and still do play piano, but I never wanted or needed to go to a mall, date, or do anything else. I also never felt I sacrificed anything. Looking back, I would do it all the same way again. I mean, I got to go on all these amazing trips that related to my sport because the meets were out of state. I have such amazing memories. And friends all over the world. No, I never held a job in high school because there was no time, and no, I didn't work in college (can't when you are on a scholarship), but I never felt I led a sheltered life. On the contrary, I felt my sport gave me life. I was such a socially awkward child, unlike my other siblings who were very outgoing. I was also a borderline nerd. My sport helped me gain confidence in myself and I really came into myself so to speak in college. None of this came easy, as I was raised in a single parent household, and we were honestly poor. But I shudder to think how I would have ended up if I hadn't had my sport to 'glom' onto, so to speak. My sport gave me my identity. It also made me believe in myself as a person, and I am forever grateful. I truly believe I would never have been as successful in my life without it, because of everything it taught me beyond sports.
Amen.

 

[mamaplum]

I am a relatively new team parent. I have a 3rd grader who just finished level 3. I am by no means thinking she will get a scholarship at this point mind you it would be gravy! In all reality at this point I could put the gym money in the bank every month and have a great college fund for both my kids. But gymnastics is the only of the activities my daughter has latched onto (besides school work she is a geek and I love it). So we sacrifice so she can do it. Her new gym isnt to far away (14 miles) but traffic is horrific in the afternoons on the way there. I grew up as a music geek with a football cheerleading habit lol. But i never had to sacrifice anything. My sister was a competitive Dancer. Spent 5-6 (sometimes 7) days a week in the studio had a select few friends in school but most of her friends were dancers. She didn't date, didn't work, and missed MANY school activities. But she told her director she would be going to homecoming, prom, and a few other things much to the directors anger (oh well). It was my moms though yes Dance was important but so was being a teenager. She still got a scholarship (which she lost after the first year for other reasons). And for right now I look at it like that Gym is Little bits passion and I am glad for her! we will keep it up until as a family it is not a good choice for us anymore.

 

[ProudDad]

What this thread shows is everyone's experiences and passions are different and there is no way for any of to know what is best for someone else's situation. Even within a single family what is destined for failure with one child is a recipe for success with another.

My youngest (5 total, 10yr spread) is my gymnast. She is by far more mature than her next oldest sister and her older brother. She is all-in with gymnastics, but we help her regulate since she is 9. 2 days a month she leaves practice early to do youth church activities. She attends sibling activities (hockey, plays), she performs solos at church. We give her opportunities to explore other activities, but at the end of the day she wants to be at the gym... nothing else makes her light up the same way. So while scholarships and hopes of international competition are part of her dreams... she lives in the now. She has experienced injury, and the fear that it could end her gymnastics. She also knows that after that she still has 60+ years of life that she has to manage and that competing will not get her through that.

To contrast, our son (15) had to have a real humbling talk around the idea that he should have a plan B... just in case his 100% belief that he is the future megastar of the NHL didn't come to fruition. He too experienced injury, and they possibility that it could end hockey. Recovery to him was a sign of his destiny, rather than a wake up call of how fragile his ONLY path was. He is all-in with hockey, struggles with school, has behavioral concerns when off the ice, and needed some course correction to layer a sense of pragmatism to his dreams, but not crush them.

Helping to manage expectations and define stretch goals is a good thing IMO. Helping someone set up their own safety net is far better than just letting them follow after Icarus.