Realism versus Encouragement

[Bella's Mom]

Hi all,

This is my first post to the Chalk Bucket. I've been reading for several months now but have never needed to post because all of you talk about so much stuff that answers all the questions I have.

Some background....I have a six year old daughter who is on our gym's pre-team. Looking at skills, I'd judge her to be between Levels 2 and 3...if it matters. Like all of your kids, she loves being in the gym and would go seven days a week if allowed!

My questions is this.... Bella has decide that she wants to go to the Olympics. Now you and I both know that the chances of my girl making the Olympic team are slim to none, just by playing the odds. But at the same time, it's good for kids to have goals and dreams. So how do you balance the reality of the situation with encouraging your kid to go for it all?

 

[Mack_the_Ripper]

Speaking as a gymnast whose mother is very good at that sort of thing, I think you've got to be real with your kids. You're setting them up for disappointment if you feed their crazy dreams -but that doesn't mean you can't encourage them to enjoy gymnastics. I don't think the reason your daughter wants to be in the gym 7 days a week is because she thinks she's going to the Olympics. She does it because she likes gymnastics!

You can be encouraging without being unrealistic. For example you could say something like, "Not very many people will ever go to the Olympics, so we shouldn't count on it. But I still think your gymnastics is amazing. I'm really amazed you made [skill]! Your [whatever] looks so much better than it did last time I saw it."

I think it's frusturating to focus too much on long-term goals, especially as children and young adults. Yes, it's good to have them (realistically) but when you're six (or even 20) it's hard to know what's going to happen in the next couple of months, let alone years. It's more fulfilling to focus on the here and now - the making of the front walkover, the learning a floor routine, just the going to practice everyday and meeting little goals.

 

[Bella's Mom]

I like your reply a lot better than mine. I usually just tell her that she has the same chance of making the Olympics as anyone else. Of course she's too young to read between those lines. LOL

 

[mariposa]

I am always very realistic with my daughter. For our family, there is no way that we could afford elite gymnastics, even IF she had the talent. So we talk about elite gymnastics as something totally different. Just a different goal, not better, just different. College gymnastics is something she sees as a goal that is hard to attain, but a possibility. I think even if my kid wanted to be elite, I would be realistic with the fact of how many actually make the team, that if you want to be elite, be your best and whatever that is, it is. I am sure I am in the minority though. I am pretty realistic with my kids all the time, and not always sure if that is best or not.

 

[MdGymMom01]

I think the important thing is setting up short term goals that she can attain. Achieving smaller goals will teach her a lot about discipline, hard work and give her the satisfaction of success without sacrificing "long-term" dreaming. Who knows she could go to the Olympics one day but the unrealistic thing is focusing on that at this age. Little by little and step by step is the way to go with little ones.

 

[CanAmGymMum]

She's 6. At this age, I don't think there's anything wrong with letting a child know that with lots of hard work and determination, anything is possible. I certainly wouldn't dwell on the Olympics and constantly bring it up, but what's wrong with letting a little girl have big dreams? Chances are, as she gets older, if you're not pushing the Olympics issue and you're letting her own her sport, she'll recognize her reality and whether or not this is a realistic goal.

 

[clrmom]

I think at age 6 it is ok to just say " Wow! that does sound fun and exciting! Not very many people do that." and then move on. I don't think at this age they completely understand the concept of Olympics (or NBA or NFL). But as they get older they start to figure that out a little on their own.

My own son used to say that and then just when he was starting to train level 6 he decided to quit gymnastics altogether. Then it was on to "I am going to be in the NBA" Now at 8th grade he hopes to be some type of sportscaster. I never told him he couldn't do it but I never actually came out and told him he could either.

I always just tried to focus on teaching him how to work hard at whatever he enjoys doing and make sure he always did well in school. He has figured out the rest pretty much on his own.

 

[Tumblequeensmom]

Bella's mom.. .you've gotten great advice here... I finally got tired of "thanking" everyone!!!!

 

[cher062]

You know she is only 6yo and I would just encourage her to dream big. Who knows maybe she is that one in a million that does make it. As she gets older her dream will change as her perception of reality changes.

There is nothing wrong with living in that dream for as long as she can. Why burst that bubble with reality if you don't have to.

Heck next thing you know you'll tell me there is no Santa, no Easter Bunny or tooth fairy.

 

[dancengym]

I agree with the all the previous posts. At 6, there is no need to squash her dreams nor put too much emphasis on it either. Even as adults, our dreams change constantly. I like clrmom's suggestion "Wow, that sounds fun and exciting. Not too many people can do that." It is supportive and realistic all at once. No need to clip her wings just yet. After she starts competiting, she may figure out herself how much work is required.

It is great to have dreams.

 

[Aussie_coach]

I don't think there is any need to squash her dreams. You never know she just might make the Olympics and then where will you be.

Long term goals don't have to be realistic.

Kids work best if they have three types of goals.
Short term - things they want to do with in the next few months. Might be new skills she wants to learn, or a competition goal. These do need to be fairly realistic as gymnasts will get let down when they don't achieve them.

Mid term goals - in the next year or 2. For her it might be get to level 4, or start competing. These too should be relatively realistic.

Long term goals - make the olympics one day. They don't need to be realistic but these are the goals that keep the kids coming back to the gym year in and year out to achieve more goals.

By aiming for the olympics she will achieve more as a gymnast even if she never gets there. She will be driven and motivated and excited about the sport. If she isn't going to make it she will realize this herself one day and by the time she does she will already be in love with gymnastics and have achieved so many goals that it wont matter.

 

[Sunobo]

" Wow! that does sound fun and exciting! Not very many people do that."

I think this is a great response for that age. It doesn't squash the dream and it points out that not many people make it that far in a gentle way.

 

[Granny Smith]

When my dd was little she would say on occasion that she wanted to go to the Olympics. My response to her was, well that's a real long shot, but I definitely think college is possible. This wasn't a conversation that we would have on a daily basis realize. I never ruled it out, I never said no it won't happen, but I did try to lead her in a different direction.

Now my dd will be 14 on Friday, she is a freshman in HS and if you were to ask her about her future, she would tell you she is getting a college scholarship for gymnastics. I ride the wave right there with her. It's possible she won't get a scholarship, but if she continues on her path she will be doing gymnastics in college somewhere.

Pssstt - I'm actually hoping her grades are good enough to get an academic scholarship - I'd prefer that over an athletic scholarship any day!

 

[Bella's Mom]

Thank you all for all the great advice. I like the idea of giving encouragement but tempering it with a reminder of how much hard work it takes to achieve such a lofty goal.

Personally, while she may or may not have the physical ability, I just don't see my girl being able to make the personal sacrifices that elite gymns have to make.

But I like the idea of setting some short term "skills" goals to keep her grounded in reality. Lord knows she could do with some goals on beam. LOL