Parents Sent home for not throwing tricks

[Skygym]

Not sure if this is normal in gymnastics but my 11 year old DD has been getting sent home from practice when she wont try new skills. For example coach wants her to do back handspring on the high beam after only a week or so of learning to do it on a low beam. I am not sure what the coach hopes to accomplish by sending her home and my DD feels like the coach is just not wanting her around. This has happened to other girls and on other skills I just don't understand the thought process behind it. Anyone else have a coach use this as a coaching stratagy?

 

[skschlag]

DS has never been sent home for not throwing tricks. HOwever, if he is refusing to do a skill that he can do and he is refusing, then he could very likely be sent home. He has been sent home for not doing something the coach was asking him to do, with spot, in order to learn to stay safe (learning the roll out of the handstand on p's).

I would find out the other side of the story. I have foudn that when I get the 2 sides, often it makes a lot more sense!

 

[Skygym]

Thanks I think i'll have a talk with her coach. I don't want to seem like I am questioning their coaching style just want to understand how I can help my DD be successful

 

[GymMomK]

I don't agree with this tactic unless the child is being obstinate/refusing to do something.
My daughter was threatened to be sent home. And I told her that next time she was threatened, that she was to call me and I would come get her. It happened, I made her leave. Coach wasn't too happy, but I don't like empty threats.

The way I look at it, I pay for a service and I expect it, unless again, the child is misbehaving.

I agree with skschlag, get the other side of the story and then make a decision.

 

[cbifoja]

I admit it. I would be pissed. I'm paying money for a certain number of hours of training. If you want to kick her off an apparatus, fine. If you want to send her to condition, fine. But unless you are planning on refunding me for the hours missed because you decide to kick my child out of the gym....then no.

I don't even think this is an effective way to train a child in anything whatsoever. I can imagine the calls I would get if I kicked a child out of my classroom because they couldn't figure out the math problem.

 

[GymMomK]

I can imagine the calls I would get if I kicked a child out of my classroom because they couldn't figure out the math problem.

Ha! That's funny, I never thought about it like that. I teach, too, and no way can I refuse any one of my kids instruction for any reason!

 

[cbifoja]

Sorry Little Johnny....you have to go the office because I've told you a hundred times that mammals have hair and feed milk to their young and yet you refuse to tell me what some key characteristics of mammals are....so off you go!

 

[Geoffrey Taucer]

I'd complain, and if it happened again, I'd be out of that gym in a heartbeat. That's an absolutely terrible way to coach.

EDIT: That is, unless there's more to the story. For example, if I told a girl to try a skill and she bailed or told me she was too scared or something like that, I absolutely would not send her home. However, (especially with an 11-year-old), I do not have a hard time imagining a kid giving a coach attitude about trying a skill, being sent home for the attitude, and then telling her parents that it was because of the skill, rather than the attitude. So I'd talk to the coach and hear his/her side of the story before doing anything major.

But yes, if she really did get sent home for that, that is completely unnacceptable.

 

[Skygym]

She is not misbehaving at all!! Sometimes she is fearful and coach refuses to spot. Expects her to do a back handspring on a high beam and has never spotted her on it. On other skills my DD says she is not sure how to do the skill and gets no coaching on how to do it....if she wont throw it she gets sent home, same for some of the other kids on her team but not all of them. I think maybe I need to speak to the coaches if this is not a normal practice

 

[GymMomK]

Sounds like my dd's gym :-/

 

[skschlag]

Then this does sound like it could be a coaching issue. If the coach is not doing any helping, spotting or teaching (COACHING) then that is a huge problem, and I would probably (definitely) be looking for a new gym.

In my son's case, it is a "my son" issue. His was because the coach wanted them to learn how to fall out of a handstand on ps and roll out. He was spotting it, so there was no danger, and ds refused. Cried, cried some more. Wouldn't even try. Sorry, in that case...kick his butt out. Coach has other kids to deal with. (and my oldest has been kicked out of math class before for refusing to do his work. Doesn't bother me. )

 

[Aussie_coach]

Wow, that is awful. I would be talking to the coach, or the head coach. My guess is that the coach has no idea the psychological impact this has on the child. I doubt he is aware that it is making her feel rejected and like he does not want her around. He needs to be enlightened.

Sending a child home from practice should be a rare thing. Either for severe disruptive behaviour, if she is not trying at all the the lesson seems a waste or if its just become clear that tiredness or injury is putting her at risk.

I think the fact that she is being asked to throw back handsprings on the high beam and not being taught how or offered a spot is a very serious safety issue.

 

[vagymmomma]

Definitely talk to the coach. I feel a little for coaches on this one. We had an issue at our last gym that I'll say was a mix of pre-teen drama and a less than fully engaged coach. Just so many tears in practice because of fears - it was an awful environment. The coach was frustrated because certain girls would stand up on the beam and cry. No one else could use the equipment and these girls took a lot of their time (this lasted for almost a season with BWO and BHS on beam). I guess the coaches were tired of spotting the girls over and over on the same skills (skills they had competed in the past). It was an awful for everyone. The coach never threw them out of the gym though.

 

[gymgal]

definitely talk with the coach and then the owner if you get nowhere. Even though you may not think she is pitching an attitude, the coach may be interpreting it that way. It is just best to make sure you get all sides and get their official policy in these situations.

I definitely think there are better ways to deal with it. Let the girl decide to move up the skill ladder when she is ready. If she has to stay on low beam longer than all the others, so be it. If her progress slows to the point where she won't move up levels with her team, so be it. I think a lot of times this happens because the coaches take it personally when a child won't go for a skill. As in "the gymnast doesn't trust the coach to know when the gymnast is ready" but it really isn't about this. The gymnast might have all the trust in the world but fear supersede all others... These are the girls' individual fears and they have to own them. They are not going to get over them by having a coach force (yell, guilt, bully) them to do the skill before they are mentally ready.

 

[skschlag]

I use this story a lot, but it is a great example of gymnast says/coach says.

D came out of gym one night, crying and angry. I asked what was wrong. He said "Coach said I was too chicken to do my backtuck on floor and that I would never get to do it again."

Hmm..seems really harsh! I mean, what kind of coach calls an 8 year old a chicken?!?? REally???

Well, once he calmed down, his version was slightly different (and matched the coaches' version I got later.)

"Coach said I chickened out on my back tuck tonight, and since we don't get the floor again for a while, he doesn't know when I will get to try again."

That is why I always get both sides of the story!!!

 

[kitkat]

Oh my that is so harsh. That is the type of environment we left at our old gym. My dd old coach was good with her but very mean to other girls who didn't pick up skills as quickly.
Our new gym has a completely different environment.
Even though my dd was never yelled at by her old coach. She did say once about her new coach "mommy its amazing how much harder I want to work when you get good and correction feedback".
I do not agree with this tactic at all. I think I would be having a meeting with any coach who speaks like that to a child. It is certainly not balances nor is it motivating. Not sure how they think that the gymnast will improve with that style.
Good luck

 

[Krystan]

She is not misbehaving at all!! Sometimes she is fearful and coach refuses to spot. Expects her to do a back handspring on a high beam and has never spotted her on it. On other skills my DD says she is not sure how to do the skill and gets no coaching on how to do it....if she wont throw it she gets sent home, same for some of the other kids on her team but not all of them. I think maybe I need to speak to the coaches if this is not a normal practice

Being kicked out of practice for fear?!? Not getting coaching if she's "not sure how to do the skill"? Those are both huge safety issues, in addition to confidence crushers. My dd would NEVER survive in a gym like that. Assuming there isn't more to this story, I'd be looking around for a new gym. But certainly make sure you have both sides first.

The only time girls have been "kicked out" of practice at our gym is attitude/behavior issues.

 

[Geoffrey Taucer]

To clarify: assuming she already has the skill on floor, it is completely possible (and, some coaches will argue, preferable) to get it on beam -- including high beam -- without ever being spotted. However, it requires patience, and it sounds like this coach is severely lacking that.

 

[iwannacoach]

I don't know what to say. On face value, as described, I'd say the coach over stepped, but the rest of the story may contradict my observation. Hey, it wouldn't be the first time I got it wrong.

For the "no spotting" method to work there has to be a ton of repetition to convince the kids they're able and ready. I prefer to use high repetitions whether I'm spotting or not, and think of this as persuasion through boredom. I like coaching this way because the numbers do the talking, and even though I may set the number pretty high I also work like crazy to help them get through their numbers.

Some coaches feel the no spot method is the best way to get the kids to build up confidence in their beam skills, but I've worked it both ways and saw little, if any, difference in confidence and work rate. Sure, it's easier to watch and coach a group on beam instead of spotting them here and there as they learn, but some kids nibble so slowly that they are doing nothing more than convincing themselves the skill is too hard for them.

The model of the "severe coach" who threatens and provides consequences is nothing new to gymnastics, or any sport for that matter, but I think some....no not all..... who use this model are choosing to do so because they lack something..... like communication skills, compassion, trust, confidence, or depth in their knowledge of the skills and the kids they coach. Sure, they know you have to do this, or do that, but if neither of those work the blame falls on the child..... and that is very wrong.

That's not to say that being strict and demanding is a sign of incompetence, as there are many fine coaches that keep a firm grip on the workouts they conduct. Some of them will send an occasional child home for not doing a skill, but their design is to provoke a child to get behind themselves and push through the early stages of skills that they're afraid to do. In the end, the child usually responds by learning the skill and in the process grows more confident in their ability, and their coach's sense of what they can do.

 

[thefellowsmom]

That's not to say that being strict and demanding is a sign of incompetence, as there are many fine coaches that keep a firm grip on the workouts they conduct. Some of them will send an occasional child home for not doing a skill, but their design is to provoke a child to get behind themselves and push through the early stages of skills that they're afraid to do. In the end, the child usually responds by learning the skill and in the process grows more confident in their ability, and their coach's sense of what they can do.

I have been trying to come up with a way to respond to this and talk about how my daughters coach threw her out of practice for balking and crying over a skill she was perfectly capable of while in the end building her confidence, gaining the said skill and propelling her into what has turned out to be an unreal explosion in progress.

So thanks IWC for doing it for me

Was it harsh? Kinda. But her coach was in constant communication with me. I think we spoke on the phone every day for two weeks. I trust them and felt comfortable with why they did what they did and how they handled it.

She was upset, but more with herself and the fact that she was struggling than being treated unfairly. We talked at length about what was happening and why and what it meant for their plan for her.

Ultimately it isn't safe to balk at skills, especially as they get to optionals and in the end they need to trust the coach and trust themselves and do what their told if for no other reason than to make sure they go for it in order to minimize injury.

I think my dd was getting too dependent on the crutch of the coach and needed too much support and was unable to trust herself without a great deal of support. This nudge pushed her past this and now she is telling them she doesn't need them and can go for it herself. For example, she just progressed her BHS on the beam from low to high in a very short time frame with no spot from a coach. She trusts her abilities now.

In this case it was strategic, specific to her needs, and very short term and intense, not a standard practice of belittling the kids and throwing them out, which is awful, of course.

I would definitely get the coaches side of the story as soon as possible.