Parents Should dd quit?

[cbone]

However, this doesn't sound like a once-in-a-while thing. Additionally, the OP just mentioned that her dd has been threatened with punishment for not getting a skill - as if she's purposely not getting the skill just to drive the coach nutty! If she is ready to quit over it, it really needs to be addressed.

OP said "She says the coaches are mad at her and spent the practice yelling at her. " My daughter has told me that her coach yelled at her about her form at one practice. I was there. Her coach said, "Allie, don't get lazy. Use good form!" There was not even a trace of anger in the coach's tone. A perception of yelling and the reality of yelling are often very different and are compounded by a person's frustration. When you're mad at yourself, a coaches words seem worse. It's classic projection. Every time we see a post like this everyone jumps on and says the coach is out of line. Maybe they are and maybe they aren't, but coaches seem to get de-humanized in discussions. My daughter's coach chewed the team out for losing focus in the practice before State Championships. Then the team performed at a level that was unprecedented in the history of our state at their level at the meet. The coach bear-hugged every member of the team after their performance with a huge smile and a look of almost matronly pride.

If you judged the coach at the meet, you'd get one picture of who she is. If you looked at the coach from the incident where she chewed the team out, you'd get another. Neither is accurate. She's a mix of all that and more. If a coach is out of line, a conversation should occur. But assuming that a coach has anything but the best intentions for the kids they coach is almost always wrong.

 

[ARKGYMMOM]

cbone I think you are right on the money!!! I have coached other sports in the past and you could not have said it any better!! I try so hard as a parent to take these things into consideration. I wish that some parents would go be a volunteer coach at some league sporting event and see how it really is. You know, little suzie is not getting enought play time, little suzie doesnt like playing that position, little suzie is better than the other little suzie why cant she play there........ Urgh sorry for the vent but coaches are there for the kids 99.9% of the time and not for the money or fame......lol I am sure there are some horrible coaches out there but from what i can see most would be willing to work with the parents if they were just approached properly.

 

[2gymnasts]

It would be sad to quit over this one skill. My oldest has had the worst time on beam since L5, she was also afraid of her cartwheel. She actullay fell on it in practice and dislocated her elbow. The coaches thought she hit her neck so an ambulance came and took her to the hospital. Talk about a challange to get over! I think the only times that season she did her cartwheel was at the meets. She found the bwo easier! She is a L10 now and has had many challanges on the beam, but has managed to overcome the fear eventually. Her coaches tried bribing, coxing, yelling, being sent to the bleachers, etc. Eventually they put her on the back beam and she would be on there sometimes 30 minutes before she would go for the skill. They also would stack mats up to bottom of the high beam and then start removing them and she progressed. Once they get over one fear another seems to take its place. Somebody on here states gymnastics is a marathon, and it is so true! Good luck and just keep supporting her!!

 

[sportsmommy]

I would just like to say that when i posted this it was not my intention to bash the coach. I was simply stating how my dd felt. I know my dds coach has tried to help her. Her frustration comes from the fact that my dd is afraid and not struggling because of lack of skill. That being said when the coach/ teacher/ parent is frustrated the child can tell. When the child is struggling, it make things worse. Sometimes the adult needs to take a step back. I actually have coached before. So i know how it feels.
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[MdGymMom01]

Has your dd recently gone through a growth spurt? Even growing an inch can throw off her center of gravity and skills such as cartwheels where you are upside down and use your arms and legs may feel "weird" to her if she has grown. It will take a little while for her to adjust to her changing body. Just a thought...

 

[Kiwi]

A perception of yelling and the reality of yelling are often very different

This is very true, my DD went through this issue the year before last (with a different coach). We resolved it by talking to the coach and to my DD. The coach was receptive to my ideas and went a little gentler on my DD, which worked out well. Some coaches are not receptive to other ideas and continue on with ineffective strategies.

 

[sportsmommy]

So i met with the gym owner last night and we came up with a plan. They are going to remove all of the pressure from the beam. Before she would have to do so many beam routines without falling before she could go on. They arent going to do that anymore.

The coach seemed on board with the plan. She did show quite a bit of frustration with my dd when we talking. She said a few things to me that if she had said to my dd, it doesnt surprise me that my dd thought she was mad. I was a bit upset but we worked it out.

Thanks again for the advice and support. Its nice to now other gymnasts have had similar issues.

 

[Faith]

A perception of yelling and the reality of yelling are often very different and are compounded by a person's frustration. When you're mad at yourself, a coaches words seem worse. It's classic projection.

DD's wee group has recently stepped up a level, from fun focus with a bit of work, to work focus with a bit of fun. A couple of them are struggling with the slightly tougher approach, and one girl in particular is wavering over quitting. This girl has told her mom the coach is always yelling at her. My DD says this coach never yells :lol:.

To the OP- A cartwheel (or any one move) is not really worth quitting gym over. As the others have said, BWO can be easier, and there are other moves and combinations, even if she never gets that cartwheel.

Unless there are other issues? Is she using the cartwheel as an excuse? If the coach says she doesn't have to do it if she trains BWO, what's her response?

 

[Krystan]

You know, little suzie is not getting enought play time, little suzie doesnt like playing that position, little suzie is better than the other little suzie why cant she play there........ Urgh sorry for the vent but coaches are there for the kids 99.9% of the time and not for the money or fame......lol I am sure there are some horrible coaches out there but from what i can see most would be willing to work with the parents if they were just approached properly.

I'm sure this is true - I have great respect for coaches (my dd has wonderful coaches that I trust 100%) and am sure they deal with lots of crazy stuff from parents all the time. However... this is not the case in this post if you would just read what the OP said in her original AND in her several newer posts. Her dd is ready to quit the sport because of one skill, and even if the yelling was exaggerated (which I first suggested but OP said she had witnessed it several times), the addition of information such as "threatening with punishment" for not getting a skill and the coach being angry and frustrated with her dd even in a meeting with the parent, shows a totally different story.

I am NOT demonizing the coach in any way. I just think she is not coaching in a way that will ever help this gymnast get over her mental block. Also, it sounds like she is being a bit childish by showing frustration and anger to the parent in a meeting totally removed from the situation. Perhaps there's more to the story, but if the continued yelling/threats are NOT acting as a motivator, but in fact making it worse, it really needs to STOP. I am not talking about a one-time outburst here - I'm talking continual nagging/yelling/threatening over one specific skill, which is not just perceived here, it is actually happening.

To the OP: I am glad you met with the coach and you worked something out. I'm thinking taking the pressure away will help her a lot! I hope it all works out for her (and you).

 

[Kiwi]

if the continued yelling/threats are NOT acting as a motivator, but in fact making it worse, it really needs to STOP.

You've totally hit the nail on the head here.

 

[taylortumbles]

I completely agree with the person who mentioned stacking the mats up both sides. Remove the fear of falling, build her confidence back up with the skill 1 step at a time.

My daughter developed a fear with bars. At first it was just her pullover, then it progressed to every skill and eventually she wouldn't even touch the bar. I'm not sure why exactly she developed this fear. It took her a full year to get over it. She STILL will not do a pullover and it's been a year and half now. She will do all of her other bars skills, but not a pullover. She is recreational- so not that big of a deal. Every spring her gym offers clinics for the girls to try the other disciplines they offer and she has decided she wants to try Acrobatic Gymnastics, so I'm interested to see how she likes it. That would eliminate the bars altogether.