Parents Should I let this bother me?

[Deleted member 18037]

There are lots of things in life to fall on your sword about.

JMO this is not one of them.

I can easily see how one exception turns into a snowball........................... So it can just be a no exception gym.

Because otherwise, well, I know Suzie is not on team yet but she can't, won't sleep with out her sister and then there is Betty who is on JO but BFF with Janet on Xcel so its OK whats one more and there it goes.

And for all anyone knows the goody bags and trinkets have been bought, to the head count they had prior to your kids joining.

Don't assume this is a personal attack/slight and meant to exclude on purpose and out of meaness. And please clarify with the grownups, of course.

The party is for last year season, your girls weren't there. Next years party will be their time. Its nothing more then that.

You want to have the girls get to know each other quicker. Invite them all to an activity. Ice cream, local park, pool. Have a barbeque. Pizza after practice. You take the break the ice initiative.

 

[jessimee]

Thank you again for all the various perspectives. Especially the reminders that if I get worked up about it, my girls will get more worked up. I did clarify last night with the coach, and the sleepover will be in 3 weeks, and is a celebratory event for the girls who competed last season. Fine. I explained that to my girls. I guess I believe that celebrations/activities that are exclusively for last year's team members should conclude prior to new team members being invited to join. It IS a life lesson--you will not always be invited to every party--but in this instance it only serves to incite a sense of division between the "old" and the "new", in a group which should be "one", which is unnecessary at best, hurtful at worst. The new girls, mine who are sisters, would be thrilled to be included and would not hesitate to participate even without knowing the other girls that well. They are friends with some of them as the team girls often do make-ups in the level 2 classes and they all hang out at open gym together. But, it is what it is, and when new girls move up next year, we will reach out and make them feel welcome--perhaps organizing a meeting for new parents so all the team traditions can be explained prior to the girls being blindsided by them.

 

[cyclopsmom]

That is too bad. Does that mean girls who quit the team are invited to the sleepover, also?

 

[profmom]

I don't want this to sound harsh, so please don't take it the wrong way, but I think your attitude toward this is detrimental to helping your girls assimilate into their new roles as team members. I can understand not being happy about it if they're not happy, but the gym may be thinking first of the girls who've already been on the team for at least a year, some perhaps many more. It's great that your girls are outgoing and comfortable with large sleepovers, but that may not be the case for others. I would discourage you from framing this for your girls as something they should feel hurt about. If they were excluded and others in the same situation were included (i.e., others who just joined the team), that is a different matter. In the grand scheme of things, this is one event at the very very beginning of what everyone probably hopes will be a long investment in team membership, fun, parties, events, etc. On the other side of your girls' situation are also probably girls who are attending this event for the last time ever. If circumstances were reversed, would you be here the day after the sleepover complaining that people had to spend a lot of time integrating the brand new team members and didn't pay much attention to the girls who are leaving the team, some perhaps after several years? Sometimes we all have to accept that some things just are not about us or our kids.

Whatever YOU might be feeling, I strongly encourage you to shrug your shoulders in front of your girls and say that's just the way it is, there may be good reasons for it, you'll go next year, and leave it at that. Don't provide them with a chip to balance on their shoulders from day one. Trust me that it's a bad idea.

 

[raenndrops]

Thank you again for all the various perspectives. Especially the reminders that if I get worked up about it, my girls will get more worked up. I did clarify last night with the coach, and the sleepover will be in 3 weeks, and is a celebratory event for the girls who competed last season. Fine. I explained that to my girls. I guess I believe that celebrations/activities that are exclusively for last year's team members should conclude prior to new team members being invited to join. It IS a life lesson--you will not always be invited to every party--but in this instance it only serves to incite a sense of division between the "old" and the "new", in a group which should be "one", which is unnecessary at best, hurtful at worst. The new girls, mine who are sisters, would be thrilled to be included and would not hesitate to participate even without knowing the other girls that well. They are friends with some of them as the team girls often do make-ups in the level 2 classes and they all hang out at open gym together. But, it is what it is, and when new girls move up next year, we will reach out and make them feel welcome--perhaps organizing a meeting for new parents so all the team traditions can be explained prior to the girls being blindsided by them.

The problem with your thinking is that these celebrations cannot happen until the season is fully finished… and teams often move girls up AS SOON AS the season is finished. There is not enough time to plan and execute everything between times.
That being said, at our gym, the MAIN season is over in mid-March. Girls are moved up to team at the beginning of April. We still have a meet at the end of June for those choosing to go (this year, we have more than half the team attending). We cannot do any end of the year things until after July 2 because we don't know if they will get new personal high scores or add to the 9.0 Club or medal. However, since the new girls have been with us since April (but kind of insulated as they rotate as their own group), when we do have a celebration, it will be an "End of One Season / Start of Another Season" celebration.

 

[jessimee]

Again, I am thankful for all the info and perspectives. I have not said another word about it to my girls, other than, "You'll get to do it next year." Of course if bothered me at first, because they were crying about it, and no one from my our gym has communicated anything to me about anything related to joining the team, other than the head xcel coach emailing me to let me know they could move up and start practice on June 12. I am not a gymnast and know nothing about how seasons work, etc. I do have 4 kids though, and have been involved in multiple other kids sports. The sleepover as a reward is not something I've ever seen before. One of my daughters is on a horse jumping team that does many such activities together, hosted by their trainer, and never once was how long a girl had been on the team or how many shows they'd competed in or whether the other team parents were comfortable with a newer girl being included been a factor.

 

[Committed]

Again, I am thankful for all the info and perspectives. I have not said another word about it to my girls, other than, "You'll get to do it next year." Of course if bothered me at first, because they were crying about it, and no one from my our gym has communicated anything to me about anything related to joining the team, other than the head xcel coach emailing me to let me know they could move up and start practice on June 12. I am not a gymnast and know nothing about how seasons work, etc. I do have 4 kids though, and have been involved in multiple other kids sports. The sleepover as a reward is not something I've ever seen before. One of my daughters is on a horse jumping team that does many such activities together, hosted by their trainer, and never once was how long a girl had been on the team or how many shows they'd competed in or whether the other team parents were comfortable with a newer girl being included been a factor.

There are going to be many times where kids feel slighted. Be prepared for them not to be invited to a bday party that "everyone" else is invited to. Or being moved to a different group than their friends. Or needing to repeat a level when "everyone" else moves up. Group A gets the better time. Group B gets the better coaches. Kids will be split up by group, by level, compulsory v. optionals, etc. You just have to go with the flow. Don't get caught up in the drama....there will be a lot of it, especially in the lower levels.

One thing I do recommend is to find out if there is a new parent orientation. It sounds like you may be in need of some information about how your gym works, season, meets, etc!

 

[Gymmommy71]

That just sucks that they aren't invited. Ugh - I'm sorry. Doesn't sound like a very welcoming place for new team members and it would really bug me to the point where I'd be having buyers remorse. However, like others have said you'll have to put on a good face for your daughters so they don't start to get down on the gym over this in case it is an isolated incident and everything is fine and wonderful from here on out. I guess time will tell.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

From a personal perspective. We have a small gym. 35-50 kids depending on the season.

All the levels train at the same time from 4 on up. Many have younger sisters. My daughter is with a group of girls that started together, they are now L6 and L7s.

It would be nearly impossible to have get togethers with that many kids, as in the whole gym or even the upper levels. These kids are used to training together yet no one bats an eye when there are parties by level. A couple of the L6 girls have birthdays coming up, only half of the L7s are invited. They are new 7s who have come up with the 6s and moving quicker.

The older L7s have their get togethers and the new 7s are not always invited. No one gets their feelings hurt. We all (kids and parents) get it. Its not personal. Its rather like a classroom. There are classmates and there are friends. There are teammates and there are friends. And parents have limited funds. Sometimes there are L6 things, sometimes L7 things, sometimes whole gym things, sometimes "just friends" things no matter the level.

And then there are times we all get together, officialy, as long as you are still at the gym.

After kindergarten, really there is no need to have ask everyone to something.

 

[Madden3]

jessimee I truly have no idea why sleepovers are so big with gym teams. To me large group sleepovers are an area rife with potential problems. Apparently at our gym, boys team sleepovers were banned year ago due to some insane antics. (Thank goodness- my son's are miserable for days after any sleepover due to the sleep depravation.)

Of course you were a little upset when your kids, who were so excited to get on the team and start practicing and feel a part of something special, came home crying within a couple weeks because they have been left out of an event meant for the entire team! It is a sleepover in the gym, not a tour of Europe, in other words, arrangements must be somewhat flexible and I fail to see the big deal of including more. Also this is a team sponsored event and consequently is not anything like a birthday party or similar thing that is just for friends and not the whole team. Nor is it like practice groups or levels that are decided for training/skills reasons, also it does not appear space is the problem... According to the gym, they are not invited because this is only for the kids who competed last year and that is the one and only reason. To me, that is not a great reason to leave team kids out when most people would know being left out would result in some hurt feelings.

I am sure no one is trying to be malicious or mean with this limitation, but to me that shows a remarkable failure of imagination. To me it is obvious that little girls would be saddened about being left out. (Except for the ones who are secretly relieved because they are not ready for sleep overs.) No matter what anyone says or does not say about it, THEY know that their TEAM is doing something special and they are not invited. It is going to hurt a little, it's entirely normal. That is why I suggested a special treat...because, yeah, life sucks sometimes even for little kids and that is what moms are for, to help them feel better.

Of course making a stink (as you obviously have no intention of doing) is not a good idea because in the end, the kids will quickly get over it and life goes on, no reason to make waves over something so minor. But maybe next year when/if a sleepover idea is being floated, you (or your kids) can suggest some other way of doing things.

 

[2G1B]

Another thing to consider is that it is very possible that expenses are being covered by the booster club from what was paid in for last season.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

an event meant for the entire team!

I am pretty sure the OP clarified who the event was meant for. The event is meant for the kids who competed during the season. The OPs children did not.
Next year, after competing the season, they too will be able to attend.

Again, there is much we and the OP even may not know... who is paying, like the above poster said perhaps it is the booster club? We things bought already? Etc....

And I am sure there a many at the gym not attending as its an Xcel only event.

Its a slippery slope to bend the rules as to who can go................ Sometimes there needs to be a line in the sand. Or otherwise Suzy has been here for years why can't she go??? What about Sally??? Wait if you ask those 2 why not this one???? And now its out of control and not just 2 kids for this event............

You have to draw a line sometimes.

 

[Gymmommy71]

Another thing to consider is that it is very possible that expenses are being covered by the booster club from what was paid in for last season.

I'd buy that as a reason for a banquet or outing at an offsite facility, where counts have to be turned in in advance and expenses paid to a third party, but an in house sleepover at the gym? They can't order an extra pizza or pack of juice boxes to cover a few extra girls...that would never be worth hurting kids feelings - especially the children of new costomers.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

I remember when we were first at our gym. They had a craft party for the team girls. The craft recommendation was for ages 8 and up (who knew). It was a craft my kid had at home. My kid showed up. Turns out the gym policy was to follow the recommended guidelines on the box because they had liability concerns. And my kid was not yet 8 a few weeks shy of 8. She was barely with the gym for more than a couple months. We had to leave.

She was upset at the time. Yes its hard to see children upset. But really, they are not going to get through life without disappointments.We had a discussion about rules and such. A life lesson. She is long since over it. In fact I doubt she remembers it. And I only did as I was reading this thread. Now great friends with everyone at the gym. And there are still events at the gym that has various age limits. The age limit is the line in the sand. It is what it is.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

that would never be worth hurting kids feelings - especially the children of new costomers.

I could be completely wrong but I believe the OP was already a gym customer but new to team.

I have two girls, 7 and 9 who just joined the Xcel team at our gym (7 in bronze and 9 in silver). Their first practice with the team was June 12.

So now they say the event is for kids who competed last year, yet they let these 2 go. Well now there are all these other kids going well they didn't compete last year so if they go I should go. And there go the parents. This is a nightmare for the gym...................

There is a line in the sand or there is chaos.

 

[Seeker]

Better communication a remembering they're dealing with little kids would go a very long way. Unfortunately, sometimes she it doesn't always happen that way.

 

[CLgym]

This whole thread has me baffled a bit. Just a few weeks ago there was a similar thread about girls who were uninvited from the year-end banquet after moving gyms (I can't recall the exact circumstances, but think at least one of the girls was "demoted" to Xcel). In any event, the overwhelming majority of folks believe it was perfectly OK for the gym to tell them they couldn't attend the banquet to celebrate the season they had just completed because they had left the gym -- and a team banquet is for the TEAM....

... unless apparently you are new to the TEAM. In which case it is also OK to exclude.

I get it: These are not big issues. Certainly nothing to raise a fuss over. But at the end of the day, especially when we are talking about young kids at lower levels of competition, it seems that it costs so little to be inclusive.

My DD changed gyms last year (old gym said she was Xcel-only so she moved to a gym that would allow her to compete JO). She was invited to TWO banquets (old gym and new). It never occurred to me that she would be excluded from both.

 

[SuperMama]

I don't see why they shouldn't be included. I understand not including in an end of year banquet but it seems odd not to include them in a sleepover after move ups have taken place and they're officially practicing with the team.

That said, I don't think it's something to get too upset about since we all have to pick our battles.

 

[gymnastmom05]

Are you sure your girls are the ONLY new girls on team? That's the part that seems odd to me. I don't really know of any gyms that only have 2 new girls start team, unless they joined team before the official start date (our gym, and most that I know of, invite girls to team and they all start on a set date, some join a little later but never has anyone joined during competition season). Is it possible that other girls joined team but started earlier than your girls and also aren't invited (because they didn't compete)? Anyway, I understand them feeling left out but I also understand the celebrating the season and maybe it's the way the schedules work between competitions/the gym schedule/and school schedules that it just can't be worked in before the new girls start. There are many things that are like a right of passage at my DD's gym - from long sleeve leo's, to optional leo's, freedom to pick your own hairstyle (optionals) to grips. They're all an "earned" type of reward. So is the banquet. I don't have any problems with it and feel like it's a good lesson in life. I don't like to see girls upset but if they're all given the same guidelines, it's not just being mean to a few, they all had to abide by the same rule. What happens if they grow the team next year and they invite 20 new girls to team? Someone is paying for it and sometimes black and white rules just make it clear from the beginning so there isn't any "favoritism" claims, etc.