Anon Should I tell coach about "mean mom?"

[Gym2halo]

Last year, my daughter and I had several problems with a "mean mom." After so many comments from her about other children and my own as well as bad behavior from her daughter, I completely dissociated myself from her and have kept myself as physically distant as possible. It seems this year the intimidating behavior is in fact going to continue after recent experiences.

The coach made a comment to me that they were "going to do something" and asked if I was going to be a part of it. I just said that I didn't know as of yet. So I am guessing the coach has no idea how I or my daughter feel about them. Others have told me I will just look like the bad one if I say anything to the coach. But I honestly do not want the coach thinking I am friendly with them. I want nothing to do with them. I have been hoping some other parent would come forward before me, but another parent has said though the mean mom has been aggressive towards her, she is sure we have experienced the brunt of it. I don't expect the coach to take any action. I will say that things have been very uncomfortable and unfun for me ever since they came into the picture. I can tell it is wearing on my daughter. Do you just leave this alone and hope the problem takes care of itself somehow?

 

[Dahlialover]

Personally, I’d continue keeping my distance and see how things play out. You don’t want your reputation to get tarnished as a result of your association with any drama that this woman generates. It doesn’t sound like you are confident in the coaches ability to effectively handle the situation and if you jump in, you may be worse off in the end.

There are times when you have no choice but to enter the fray but this doesn’t sound like one of those situations.

 

[Anonymous (63e7)]

Just so everyone is clear - the OP's daughter is NOT a gymnast. She is in a different activity. Although we can all relate to a 'mean mom' the dynamics for this family are different than a typical gym setting.

OP - I find it unprofessional that the coach asks you to be part of whatever solution in dealing with the 'mean mom' If the coach acknowledges it, then they should be the ones dealing with the problem. Personally I would stay out of it. In my experience, the kids of the 'mean moms' leave the sport all together which eliminates the problem.

 

[Anonymous (5e06)]

Yes, I have learned that there are mean moms in so many of these competitive activities. We signed a sportsmanship agreement last year, and she clearly didn't follow it. I just wonder if there is ever a right time to bring it up, especially if I am being asked if I am going where they are going.

 

[Anonymous (63e7)]

Yes, I have learned that there are mean moms in so many of these competitive activities. We signed a sportsmanship agreement last year, and she clearly didn't follow it. I just wonder if there is ever a right time to bring it up, especially if I am being asked if I am going where they are going.

I'm confused - are they leaving?

 

[Anonymous (5e06)]

I'm so sorry. It was with regard to an optional clinic/event and competition. They will likely be the only ones from that coach besides us going to it (if we go) because it is in another state, to which I happen to be closer to than some in-state competitions. I really do not want them knowing my business.

 

[Anonymous (63e7)]

I'm still confused. Can you go to this other event and just not hang out with the mean family or is there some sort of social expectation? I understand that it's wearing on you, but why your daughter? What interaction is there between your daughter and the other mom?

I'm trying to understand what boundaries are already in place with this family - for you and your DD. If there aren't any, now's a great time to build them up.

 

[Anonymous (5e06)]

We do go to event where they attend, and I personally go nowhere near the mom. The daughter came up to mine (and my daughter's friend) at the last event. The daughter has distracted mine during my daughter's private lessons (copying unique/artistic parts of routines alongside my daughter), positioning herself in front of the coach to practice while my daughter was being coached) and most recently pushed my daughter and another girl out of her way to collect awards. Lessons have taken place in the same room where they are allowed to practice....that sort of thing. It feels intentional. All of it. Lessons are not cheap, and nobody does it. I try not to be too hard on the kid, but knowing her mother...it makes me question it all.