Parents so lost

[gothgymmom]

My DD just had a competition yesterday, and although I told her that I am very proud of her and would be no matter what, she says shes not proud of herself because she did not get a 9 on any event (very close though - .15 away) and was upset that she did not get a 34 AA to be able to test for next level. She has 3 meets left this season to try, but she is being really negative and says she wont make it. I have told her she will get it in her own time, and it doesnt seem to click with her. I have stopped trying to "mom-coach" her, although yesterday I was dying to tell her to straighten out the legs and point the toes haha. She will be 8 in a couple months and is in L2. Im lost on what else to say to her, without coaching her about what mistakes shes making, and that if she changes that she may get her scores. Is any one in or has been in a situation like this with their DD? If so, what the heck could I say to her because right now I feel so horrible that my DD thinks like this.

 

[GymGirl's Mom]

When DD gets down on herself, or her scores/performance at a meet I always tell her to remember her corrections and work hard at practice until the next meet.

If you wanted to have a conversation with her about it without playing "mom coach" ask her what some of the things her coaches are always telling her to fix at practice and to work towards really making an effort to make her corrections.

It's hard. As an armchair quarterback I can sit in the stands and see the "little things" she could fix and improve her score, but really it's her journey and if her coaches are any good they know what she needs to do and work on it with her regularly at practice. I try to stay out of it and just be her biggest fan through the good times and the struggles too.

 

[gymmiemom]

I agree with the above post. When my daughter is being negative I remind her that in order to improve meet performance she has to be doing things at practice like it is a meet all the time. Not just getting through the assignment as quickly as possible. My daughter is only 7 so I know that some things will just have to come as she matures...... Last year my DD was sorta oblivious to scores and AA scores because she was too little to really "get it." This year has been a struggle because she has become obsessed with the numbers. When she feels she received a low score she has a hard time shaking it off and moving on. But it is becoming more apparent to her that scores are relative. Like yesterday she got an 8.3 on beam and was devestated. Her lowest beam score of the season. But then she won beam. It was a good lessson in not worrying about the numbers and just rolling with it.

The only thing I tell my daughter before a meet is to "have fun and just go do what you do." Just keep cheering her on! She still has 3 chances!

 

[wgymmom]

All I tell DD is to listen to her coaches and do exactly what they tell her, and expect they'll point out the flexed feet and bent knees.

If she's feeling down on herself, you could maybe write her a special little note encouraging her. DD had a rough beginning this year and felt like a failure, so I wrote her a note that really helped her out. She keeps it in her gym backpack.

 

[seoulmama]

A LOT can happen in 3 meets-trust me on this! My dd is a level 5 and her meet scores have gone up a bit every meet this season-she finally is feeling better about the season, and she is 8 meets into her season! Even when she sets personal goals for herself and has met them, she if very hard on herself-focusing on the negatives (not medaling) than her goal. It's part of many gymnasts' psyche-they tend to be type A and very focused (not all, but many).

Something that might help- is tape her at meets and let her watch it. Often, they can see their own things to fix by watching themselves. Your dd is young-and she might not be ready for that, but it's a thought.

Just keep encouraging her-it's a marathon, not a sprint!

 

[raenndrops]

A LOT can happen in 3 meets-trust me on this! My dd is a level 5 and her meet scores have gone up a bit every meet this season-she finally is feeling better about the season, and she is 8 meets into her season! Even when she sets personal goals for herself and has met them, she if very hard on herself-focusing on the negatives (not medaling) than her goal. It's part of many gymnasts' psyche-they tend to be type A and very focused (not all, but many).

Something that might help- is tape her at meets and let her watch it. Often, they can see their own things to fix by watching themselves. Your dd is young-and she might not be ready for that, but it's a thought.

Just keep encouraging her-it's a marathon, not a sprint!

You stole my idea!!! I do that for my gymmies and, especially for OG, it really helps. Like, she could see how the judge thought her jumps weren't connected... or that her beam series isn't a series the way she was doing it (she decided to change the beam acro to solve that problem and spent time on her jump series).
YG tells me where she should have pointed her toes or kicked higher... and all I do the day of the meet is tell her to remember her corrections... have fun... listen to the coaches... and PLEASE, PLEASE do not fart when your booty is facing the judges... AGAIN! That's only happened 2 or 3 times that I know of, lol.

 

[iwannacoach]

She'll never be happy until she understands, maybe with your help, that she will always want to do better than before. Yesterday's good enough is constantly lost in the fuss to learn the next skill. Possibly she needs to be nudged to picture herself six months or a year ago, and helped to realize the amazing growth she's had over that time. Hopefully she'll look forward to next six months, or year, and can imagine how much she may learn.

 

[Muddlethru]

What ensues after a not so good meet or after she is down on herself? Does she tend to work harder and tries to do better or sulks, and just beats herself up? If it is the former, then your work s easy. But if it is the latter, then she'll need more help to get out of the the negative thoughts. But my gut tells me your daughter will work it our herself and surprise you.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

And as always, ,, I say, don't talk to her about it at all. Let her figure it out on her own. Our inner strength is exactly that..

 

[my4buffaloes]

I try to point out the positives. Yes my dd fell off the beam at the last meet, but she went for and nailed her series on the first try. You have to find positives other than scores or placements. And set goals that don't involve scores or placements. My dd's goals from the last meet were the series on beam, landing both vaults and not hitting her feet on the floor on bars. 1 for 3 isn't bad LOL

 

[wallinbl]

I try to keep the conversations about these things generalized and not specifically about gymnastics. I try to point out that we'll fail often, that it's important to learn how to react when we don't accomplish our goal, and that we can choose to be the one that figures out what went wrong and works on it, or we can choose to be the one that pouts and quits. I ask my girls which one they think is the happier person, and they usually get it.

This happens with school, and many parts of life.

 

[Becauseisaid]

To get my child out of a negative mental state, I will generally ask her "Well give me 3 things you think you did great.".

 

[gracyomalley]

One of the best lessons of gymnastics is what happens when you DON'T achieve your goal....what you do next, how you approach changing that frustration into something positive. At 8 all this is really hard, and at Level 2 its sad to see so much pressure put on a kid to score well...but different gyms do that very differently (we don't compete at all until new Level 4 - level 2 is rec only here - fun, fun, fun)

If she's fairly new to gymnastics it may just take more time than she wants it to. If she's a "slow mover", then the most important thing would be her enjoyment of practices, her team-mates, and setting mini goals that are achievable...ie, not score related (I have no idea what skills she is doing but I'm sure her coaches would help her with the goal setting). My DD thinks of herself as slow to learn skills....and needs more repetitions than some girls to get stuff - this is partially a fear issue with her, and partially something she has figured out about herself. It kept her a level 7 this year, and she's had to work through a lot of frustrations on the way....however, I will say that the only helpful things I have done is support her, encourage her to give it her all and see the things she IS accomplishing, to remember WHY she does gymnastics (friends, fun, etc). Meets are family mini-vacations, and she sets goals with her coach for each one....at 11 and optional level she is hoping for college gym, but at 8 she was hoping for a bag of candy and dinner with friends after the meet....their coach didn't let them see scores until after the meet and I think that year DD went from a whopping 19 (scratched bars) to 33+ scores - then did a few meets of same level the next year before putting on the gas through old L6...

point is, if your DD likes gym and its a "good thing" for her then this will pass....and be a good lesson in life. THERE WILL BE TEARS along the way....not every good gymnast gets to level 10...some are just fantastic kids who enjoy it, are good team members, get great exercise and have fun - maybe hit low level optionals in high school or do excel...and who knows, your DD may struggle a bit for a while than move quickly at higher levels - you really can't be sure...but you can be sure that learning that self esteem isn't about winning or getting what you want will really benefit her...

Of course I really hope she gets whatever magic score her coaches require to move up or train up or whatever makes it more satisfying for her! I think from what you are saying she has much less to add than the 19-33 season - it can happen, but it doesn't always...

 

[twinmomma]

And as always, ,, I say, don't talk to her about it at all. Let her figure it out on her own. Our inner strength is exactly that..

I have a hard time believing you're actually a parent. Letting a 7 year old "figure it out on her own" is a ridiculous statement. As a parent, it is our responsibility to guide our children in learning how to deal with adversity, with disappointment, with success, with achieving goals, etc... It is not our job to abdicate that to a coach, or a teacher, or whoever is working with our child at the moment. In the best of circumstances, it is a partnership with those people, in other circumstances it is a struggle to teach them how to be proud of their successes however small they are in the face of coaches and teachers telling them they aren't good enough.
When a child asks you for help - which they do when they are down on themselves because they don't really know how to ask for the guidance they need - you do not say nothing. You reach out, put your arms around them, and tell them you love them and find ways to create achievable goals for them to be proud of.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

I have a hard time believing you're actually a parent. Letting a 7 year old "figure it out on her own" is a ridiculous statement. As a parent, it is our responsibility to guide our children in learning how to deal with adversity, with disappointment, with success, with achieving goals, etc... It is not our job to abdicate that to a coach, or a teacher, or whoever is working with our child at the moment. In the best of circumstances, it is a partnership with those people, in other circumstances it is a struggle to teach them how to be proud of their successes however small they are in the face of coaches and teachers telling them they aren't good enough.
When a child asks you for help - which they do when they are down on themselves because they don't really know how to ask for the guidance they need - you do not say nothing. You reach out, put your arms around them, and tell them you love them and find ways to create achievable goals for them to be proud of.

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First off, the Op is asking for advice from other parents, which is what she is getting. There is NOTHING wrong with the way she is parenting, she told her exactly what she needed to hear, which "she is proud of her no matter what" and "she will get it in time". Now the OP whats to know what else she should do, and my reply is , nothing. She has already done everything correct to this point. Digging further will only open up the "vent", and the child just needs to get over it and move on. So in my opinion, (which is what she is asking for..) she has done everything perfect.
Second, my identity here is not a secret. I have two girls, both gymnasts at one time, oldest is still on a college gymnastics team.

 

[twinmomma]

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First off, the Op is asking for advice from other parents, which is what she is getting. There is NOTHING wrong with the way she is parenting, she told her exactly what she needed to hear, which "she is proud of her no matter what" and "she will get it in time". Now the OP whats to know what else she should do, and my reply is , nothing. She has already done everything correct to this point. Digging further will only open up the "vent", and the child just needs to get over it and move on. So in my opinion, (which is what she is asking for..) she has done everything perfect.
Second, my identity here is not a secret. I have two girls, both gymnasts at one time, oldest is still on a college gymnastics team.

Now, if you'd said that, I would have actually agreed with you. But you didn't say that, you said, "Don't talk to her about it at all...let her figure it out." You didn't say, "you're doing everything you can, honestly there's nothing more for you to say." IMO there's a chasm of difference between the two.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

Now, if you'd said that, I would have actually agreed with you. But you didn't say that, you said, "Don't talk to her about it at all...let her figure it out." You didn't say, "you're doing everything you can, honestly there's nothing more for you to say." IMO there's a chasm of difference between the two.

===
My reply was to the op, so Why would I point out what she has already done when she clearly asked what else to do? Perhaps next time you should take a moment to read the content of the reply relative to the op post prior to posting things like this. " I have a hard time believing you're actually a parent". pretty rude

 

[gothgymmom]

Thank You everyone for your replies and support. It means alot to me. The squabbling could have been left out haha but its ok. As parents of gymnasts we are put under alot of stress ourselves and sometimes its hard to keep it in. I will remember what everyone has pointed out to me and try to utilize it. Again, Thanks!!!

 

[JoyAvenueMom]

I'm stealing this one from an earlier post, but you can always add: "I LOVE to watch you do gymnastics. Everything you do is amazing to me". I'm gonna guess it's probably a true statement and will warm her heart like nothing else.

 

[gothgymmom]

I'm stealing this one from an earlier post, but you can always add: "I LOVE to watch you do gymnastics. Everything you do is amazing to me". I'm gonna guess it's probably a true statement and will warm her heart like nothing else.

I do tell her stuff like that. I even include that she rocks hard cause i cant do any of that stuff let alone get in front of that many people and do it! me and my family have told her numerous times that she is the best in our eyes. last year me and DH actually got her a medal and on the back we put #1 AA , had gymnastics star on front, and gave it to her at the end of season banquet. she loved it an put it up with the rest of her medals.