Parents Son's attitude (looking for advice/support)

[sevenatenine2]

I’m hopeful my own personal experiences will help you.

My daughter walked at 8 months. She read at 3. Back handspringed at 5. Also, top 3 in the state in track in the under-8 division. I spent a fortune on private school because I they would work with her on her level. She did team gymnastics from kindergarten. I drove myself crazy with what would best serve my genius, athletically gifted child best.

My daughter just developed early. Please don’t get me wrong, she is top of her class still and very intelligent, but she is no longer anywhere near 3-4 grade levels ahead of the other kids in her grade. Same with gymnastics. She’s been competing longer than most of her same aged peers, but several of them have caught up with her that started several years after her. And guess what? Her interest started waning (Bc she’d been doing it FOREVER) and some of them were still fresh and super motivated.

My daughter’s tale isn’t cautionary, because she is successful and it the only part of the story that I regret is my reaction to things. I made honest mistakes trying to do right by child, but she would have been JUST FINE waiting a few years for all of it.

 

[nycgymmom]

My son is 5 he doesn't do gymnastics but soccer since he was 3. . During the spring my son is outdoors playing soccer so you could imagine the distractions and my husbands frustrations. I will tell you what I tell my husband if you continue to treat his passion like a job he will end up hating the sport and quitting. I tell my gymnast and soccer player right before practice have fun and try your best. Then I hope they do.

 

[twinmomma]

The youngest T&Ter at our meet last week that we ran was 6 1/2. He's at a very high performing gym and he's as cute as a button. As I ran the staging area which was not visible to parents, he attached himself to me and was constantly worried about when it would be his turn. Your son is even younger. My little buddy and his friends weren't focused in the staging area, stretching and such. They were playing tag and tackle and the things little boys and girls do.

My point is. He's 5. Let him be 5. If he can't focus well enough for team, then it's not time for team. Mine was 7. And she's an intense little thing.

Stop pushing him to be something he isn't developmentally ready for. Let him hone some skills in rec. There's nothing wrong with that.

 

[mommyof1]

I think it is time for you to take your concerns to a parenting board. I feel it is no longer about gymnastics. It is about listening, direction following, and what you want your parenting style to be. It is no longer about gymnastics.

It seems to me that at least 75% of the questions asked and answered here end up being parenting questions, even if the person asking the question doesn't initially realize that it's really a parenting question. Injury question? A lot of the discussion is about how to parent through the injury. Skills question? Someone usually reminds the questioner that it's up to the child and the parent needs to be a soft place to land. Attitude or behavior question? Again, it's about how to parent through the challenge. Since many or most of the members here are gym parents, it really all comes down to parenting. And that's what keeps me coming back.

 

[gymboymom]

It seems to me that at least 75% of the questions asked and answered here end up being parenting questions, even if the person asking the question doesn't initially realize that it's really a parenting question. Injury question? A lot of the discussion is about how to parent through the injury. Skills question? Someone usually reminds the questioner that it's up to the child and the parent needs to be a soft place to land. Attitude or behavior question? Again, it's about how to parent through the challenge. Since many or most of the members here are gym parents, it really all comes down to parenting. And that's what keeps me coming back.

I agree. However at this point I believe the OP keeps bringing up issues on this forum that are about 5 year old behavior. I think she needs advice from other parents of 5 year olds. She also seems to come and drop the same type of question over and over. I think there are even 2 similar threads by her in 2 days time on this board.

 

[rosiekat]

When the age brackets changed in MAG, my son went from being competitive age 6 (earliest MAG competition age)/L4 to competitive age 8/L5 the following year. My kid is talented and loves gym, and my first thought was regret, because if the age brackets had changed earlier, he could have begun competing a whole year earlier! And I was actually a bit annoyed...until I thought about it. In general, my kid is probably of average maturity for his age - very mature in some respects, and then pretty immature in others. I realized quickly that although he could have competed earlier, and might be a year ahead now, none of us would have been happy because he needed that extra year to develop some of the necessary basic self control issues.

Just because a kid *can* do something (i.e. train competitively) doesn't mean it's the right fit for him at this time of his life. (And of course, it also could be the right fit, I don't know your kid!) But there's nothing wrong with dialing it down and keeping it just fun for now. With my son, I let him go to 3 rec classes per week before he joined team - so he could go to gym more, which he wanted, but didn't have the pressures of being on team. Maybe something like that is a better fit for your son for now.

 

[rjb123]

So I went to see a MAG meet a few weeks ago because my friend's son was competing. These boys were older than your son- like early /mid elementary aged. And while they were all well behaved, when they rotated it was like kids being let out of school for recess! CRAZY! I had to laugh a bit at the difference between the WAG meets and MAG! Frankly, it was delightful to see. They announced "judges take control of your events" or something similar and I was cracking up, because they really DID have to take control in a sense! Anyway, my point is that these are KIDS. And your son is REALLY REALLY young. He is truly just a baby. I have mentioned before how my oldest DD started competing at 6 and was TOTALLY clueless. And that was NORMAL- she was six! I just urge you to just embrace where he is- ENJOY this! SOAK IT IN! LAUGH about it! Take pictures and write down the crazy adorable cute things they do and say. I promise you it goes SO fast- even faster in this nutty sport it seems. This stuff- what he is doing now- I know it seems SO important- SO SO life altering, but it really isn't. This won't make or break him- its about having fun and loving the sport. Don't push him to be an adult at five. Just don't. Let him be little.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

I have mentioned before how my oldest DD started competing at 6 and was TOTALLY clueless. And that was NORMAL- she was 6.

My girl like to do flips on the vault mat at 6. She did this at her first meet during the warm up. The judge looked at the coach and went if she does this during her turn I’m goung to gave to give her a 0.....

The coach looked at the judge and said, she’s 6.

I miss those days. They can barely remember which way to face and present........

They are little kids, for such a short time. Enjoy the heck out of them being little.

 

[rosiekat]

Correction to my above post - not age brackets, but age determination dates.

 

[sce]

When the age brackets changed in MAG, my son went from being competitive age 6 (earliest MAG competition age)/L4 to competitive age 8/L5 the following year. My kid is talented and loves gym, and my first thought was regret, because if the age brackets had changed earlier, he could have begun competing a whole year earlier! And I was actually a bit annoyed...until I thought about it. In general, my kid is probably of average maturity for his age - very mature in some respects, and then pretty immature in others. I realized quickly that although he could have competed earlier, and might be a year ahead now, none of us would have been happy because he needed that extra year to develop some of the necessary basic self control issues.

Just because a kid *can* do something (i.e. train competitively) doesn't mean it's the right fit for him at this time of his life. (And of course, it also could be the right fit, I don't know your kid!) But there's nothing wrong with dialing it down and keeping it just fun for now. With my son, I let him go to 3 rec classes per week before he joined team - so he could go to gym more, which he wanted, but didn't have the pressures of being on team. Maybe something like that is a better fit for your son for now.

I love this. Also, to clarify that he still could not have competed sooner. They still require boys to pass their 6th birthday before competing. To your point, there is probably a reason for this too, and even though T&T allows them to be younger, overall most kids are not ready until they are older.

 

[duyetanh]

I agree. However at this point I believe the OP keeps bringing up issues on this forum that are about 5 year old behavior. I think she needs advice from other parents of 5 year olds. She also seems to come and drop the same type of question over and over. I think there are even 2 similar threads by her in 2 days time on this board.

Yeah, I teach 20 five year olds a year on average, so I feel like I have at least a clue...but it sure isn't the same as having one 24/7.

 

[rosiekat]

I love this. Also, to clarify that he still could not have competed sooner. They still require boys to pass their 6th birthday before competing. To your point, there is probably a reason for this too, and even though T&T allows them to be younger, overall most kids are not ready until they are older.

Not that it actually matters, but his fall birthday would have fallen well before any competitions. Trust me, I spent far too long figuring it out and grousing to myself before I truly realized and accepted that it was ultimately a good thing for him!

 

[sce]

Not that it actually matters, but his fall birthday would have fallen well before any competitions. Trust me, I spent far too long figuring it out and grousing to myself before I truly realized and accepted that it was ultimately a good thing for him!

So he turned 7 before competing as a 6yo. Okay makes sense now. Either way, you are right that he was little and probably best off not competing when he was even younger. He’s still got a lot of years in this sport.

 

[klv8]

You've gotten lots of good advice here, but I figured I'd chime in with what I know would work for my kids. Very simply - you goof off in practice, you will be missing the next one. Nothing huge like moving back to rec....kids this age seem to live in the moment too much for that type of consequence. In our house, the consequence would most likely be that if you goof off on Monday and don't listen to the coaches, you WILL be staying home on Tuesday. (Or whenever the next practice is.) Usually the threat of that is enough, but be prepared to follow through if it isn't. He will need to know you are serious about it.

 

[tucktwisttumble]

You've gotten lots of good advice here, but I figured I'd chime in with what I know would work for my kids. Very simply - you goof off in practice, you will be missing the next one. Nothing huge like moving back to rec....kids this age seem to live in the moment too much for that type of consequence. In our house, the consequence would most likely be that if you goof off on Monday and don't listen to the coaches, you WILL be staying home on Tuesday. (Or whenever the next practice is.) Usually the threat of that is enough, but be prepared to follow through if it isn't. He will need to know you are serious about it.

He's still a baby (not actually but...). He should be allowed to "goof" around. If the coaches arent bothered parents shouldn't be bothered. I personally don't think this is fair or reasonable for a child of any age. I "goofed off" as a 9/10/11/12 y/o in the gym, and not once was my extra curricular threatened. Likely because my mom knew I was there to blow off steam, have fun, and win the occasional medal. The Olympics & college gym were never on the radar for our family & my gym career and that is OKAY!!!

This might shock some people but your little Suzie, or Bobby are statistically NOT going to be the next Simone Biles. Kids who "have it" - have it. If they don't they don't. Nothing Mommy & Daddy can do to foster that "it Factor" except for drive them too and from practice, make sure they're adequately nourished & rested, and be as supportive as possible. For 99% of gymnasts it is for fun. It is a place to be with team mates, do something fun & add enrichment through physical activity to their lives (something this generation is seriously lacking).

I get that you can be frustrated that you're paying & driving and putting out all the effort for them to "goof off" - and that can be frustrating. But like I said at the start of the post - if it is a serious problem, coaches will step up. If they don't- chances are they are still getting in a good workout & are doing what is [minimally] required of them.

Just my $0.02.

 

[twinmomma]

He's still a baby (not actually but...). He should be allowed to "goof" around. If the coaches arent bothered parents shouldn't be bothered. I personally don't think this is fair or reasonable for a child of any age. I "goofed off" as a 9/10/11/12 y/o in the gym, and not once was my extra curricular threatened. Likely because my mom knew I was there to blow off steam, have fun, and win the occasional medal. The Olympics & college gym were never on the radar for our family & my gym career and that is OKAY!!!

This might shock some people but your little Suzie, or Bobby are statistically NOT going to be the next Simone Biles. Kids who "have it" - have it. If they don't they don't. Nothing Mommy & Daddy can do to foster that "it Factor" except for drive them too and from practice, make sure they're adequately nourished & rested, and be as supportive as possible. For 99% of gymnasts it is for fun. It is a place to be with team mates, do something fun & add enrichment through physical activity to their lives (something this generation is seriously lacking).

I get that you can be frustrated that you're paying & driving and putting out all the effort for them to "goof off" - and that can be frustrating. But like I said at the start of the post - if it is a serious problem, coaches will step up. If they don't- chances are they are still getting in a good workout & are doing what is [minimally] required of them.

Just my $0.02.

I'll second all of this. My daughter and her teammates have a ton of fun at practice. When it gets out of hand, coach drops the hammer. But they are all 11-15 year old girls. High level, motivated girls (Level 7 and up T&T). I think you need to think about what your goal is for him in participating in gymnastics.

 

[klv8]

I guess I should've clarified - my hypothetical response/consequence was assuming that the coach is dealing with the behavior, but child was not responding to the coach's correction.....thereby causing disruption to the class as a whole. That is really the only scenario where I've felt I needed to step in as a parent, because I totally agree that at this age, it should be fun and there should be no pressure! Sorry, I probably didn't have enough info to give advice in this case.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

You've gotten lots of good advice here, but I figured I'd chime in with what I know would work for my kids. Very simply - you goof off in practice, you will be missing the next one. Nothing huge like moving back to rec....kids this age seem to live in the moment too much for that type of consequence. In our house, the consequence would most likely be that if you goof off on Monday and don't listen to the coaches, you WILL be staying home on Tuesday. (Or whenever the next practice is.) Usually the threat of that is enough, but be prepared to follow through if it isn't. He will need to know you are serious about it.

You understand the child is 5 (barely 6).

The expectations for 12 yr old are very different then when she was 6. At our gym the expectations for 12 yr olds are very different then 6 yr olds. In fact they usually don't even practice the same days but on things like camp days the little's drive the bigger kids a bit nuts sometimes. Not because they are awful kids but because they are 6.

When my kid was 6 she was easy to distract, hard to focus, spent time staring off into space when it was someone else's turn. She wasn't misbehaving. She was 6.

I did the same thing I do now. Coach is in charge at gym. Teacher is in charge at school. As long as the grown ups get what age appropriate is and handling things age appropriately. I'm out of it.

 

[Flipping Awesome]

It is amazingly refreshing for me to take my daughter to the gym and let the coaches handle discipline for a while. Truly. I see her goofing off from time to time (she's 6, in her 2nd Xcel competition season), and while I would like to nip it in the bud, I do trust the coaches to handle it. I also trust that they will ask me to take her home (or make her sit out until I get there) if she is acting out so badly that she is disrupting others or creating unsafe situations. Gym is one time where I can say, that is my monkey, but it is not my circus. I understand your frustration, because every parent wants to know that their time and money is being well spent. What are the coaches doing about his behavior? Surely he doesn't just have free run of the gym.

 

[skschlag]

@weslansmommy Any update???