Anon Stressed and dealing with disappointment

[Anonymous (b48a)]

I have never been too stressed watching my daughter's gymnastics until this year at L9. I actually feel physically ill when I watch her compete or when she has a bad meet and is disappointed. I do not know what is wrong and how to talk myself down. I have a full life, lots of other interests, kids, job, so I do not know why her gymnastics feels particularly all-consuming this year. Any tricks?

 

[Anonymous (e6c1)]

Is your daughter struggling? Level 9 is hard.

You need to put in the work to calm down. Your attitude absolutely affects your child and being able to be calm during competition will help her be calm. I’m not sympathetic (I am also a level 9 mom and the love/hate I have for this sport is extreme!) but it’s your mom job to keep it under control. And even if you think you are projecting calm, if you are not actually calm you probably are not.

Frist, identify what you are most nervous about. Injury? Failure?

If it’s injury you have to accept that they are a part of life in gymnastics, but can be mitigated by proper training, diet, and sleep. Trust her coaches training and make sure she’s getting enough good food and sleep, then make your peace with it.

If it’s failure, you have to redefine success in your head. If she’s a level 9 gymnast, she is already more athletic and agile than 99 percent of the population, and if she never is more than a level 9 gymnast that’s perfectly fine. It doesn’t have to be college or bust.

 

[Anonymous (de58)]

I have noticed this year has been more difficult for me to watch, as well. And mine isn't L9 yet! I think for me, it's because I am seeing that she may not meet some of the goals she set for herself, and that makes me feel bad and wonder if I should have done things differently/guided her differently over the past several years. My daughter has not vocalized this to me, it's truly just me, but I believe that is what makes me so anxious watching her and/or preparing myself if she's feeling disappointed. Hugs to you!

 

[Anonymous (e6c1)]

I have noticed this year has been more difficult for me to watch, as well. And mine isn't L9 yet! I think for me, it's because I am seeing that she may not meet some of the goals she set for herself, and that makes me feel bad and wonder if I should have done things differently/guided her differently over the past several years. My daughter has not vocalized this to me, it's truly just me, but I believe that is what makes me so anxious watching her and/or preparing myself if she's feeling disappointed. Hugs to you!

I could have written this. My child is went through puberty and is now gymnastics big (5'5 - 130). which is a perfectly great size for life but it makes some gym skills hard. This is exactly the size she was always going to be (the end of her growth curve from age 3 and 1" and 10lbs less than me) so knowing she wasn't going to be exactly petite why did I put her in gymnastics to begin with? I think we both got carried away with her early success; she was and is amazing at putting her body in the exact correct position, and is incredibly strong. I ingored this peredictable future, and now she is dealing with body dismorphia, and not meeting her gym goals. Even with her growth, she's still pretty good at gymanstics, and would be amazing at literally any other sport, but I see no way of getting her to switch without considering it a failure.

 

[Anonymous (7553)]

I could have written this. My child is went through puberty and is now gymnastics big (5'5 - 130). which is a perfectly great size for life but it makes some gym skills hard. This is exactly the size she was always going to be (the end of her growth curve from age 3 and 1" and 10lbs less than me) so knowing she wasn't going to be exactly petite why did I put her in gymnastics to begin with? I think we both got carried away with her early success; she was and is amazing at putting her body in the exact correct position, and is incredibly strong. I ingored this peredictable future, and now she is dealing with body dismorphia, and not meeting her gym goals. Even with her growth, she's still pretty good at gymanstics, and would be amazing at literally any other sport, but I see no way of getting her to switch without considering it a failure.

It's common to have a transition period when growth happens in a short time, but your daughter's size is by no means prohibitive. Pretty much every NCAA team has multiple athletes her height or taller. I came back to gymnastics as an adult an inch taller and similar weight, over a decade post retirement having grown two inches in my 20s, and post recovery from leukemia in my late 20s, and I was able to get back to level 7/8 skills on bars and beam very quickly. Vault and tumbling just didn't interest me.

I really think your daughter will adjust and be great.

 

[RTT2]

I'm honestly impressed that you made it to L9 until you started feeling stressed out watching gymnastics. Up through 9 it was just nerves on her behalf because she cared so much and I didn't want her to be disappointed. Of course, I projected calm and kept things light with her, but I was nervous watching meets. Once she hit 9 it was knowing just how difficult the skills are- unlike the earlier levels, I knew falls could happen on every event and it's not uncommon to see injuries- or scary falls that look like they could easily have led to injury at those meets. So, I think what you're feeling is pretty normal. Others have given good suggestions for trying to stay calm. I wish those things would have worked for me over the years, but at times it's just been a white knuckle ride.