Anon Strong willed gymnast

[Anonymous (db91)]

My 9-year-old 6E son is a typical “strong willed child”. He has a strong need for autonomy and resists anything that he feels forced to do. He is incredibly competitive and hard working and he loves challenges but, if someone tells him he has to do something, he loses all his motivation.

About a year ago he started working with a very stern and authoritarian coach and he has struggled emotionally ever since. The Coach’s “I’m the boss and you do what I say” manner has sucked the joy out of gymnastics for my son. My son is obedient but it is tearing him up inside. He hates the way the coach talks to him and it makes him hate doing what the coach tells him to do even though it’s exactly what he wants to do!

This dynamic is starting to cause him to experience mental blocks. When he is nervous about a skill, the coach makes him do it over and over and my son gets more and more anxious and frustrated. My son sees the coach as the enemy and the skills as something cruel he is doing to him. Prior to working with this coach, and he loved working on new skills. But the old coach let my son set the pace. When my son sets the pace, he works like a fiend but the second you push him, his oppositional instinct kicks in and his progress slows.

When this coach first started at our gym last year, he pushed my son very hard and my son basically had a nervous breakdown and almost quit gymnastics. After I explained the issue, the coach made some adjustments and backed off on some of the pushing. Things seemed like they were getting better for a while but now it’s bad again. My son is starting to have a lot of anxiety about going to gym. We are not to panic attacks in the car level, but we are edging towards that. In a few weeks his best friend, and training partner since day one, is moving away and I expect things to go into crisis mode.

The coach is somewhat open to feedback. He’s invested in my child’s success (because my child is very successful and the coach is very ambitious) so that does give a me some influence. I’m confident that if I ask for a meeting with either him or him and the owner, I’ll get one.

Soooo…. Any advice for how to handle this? I have to talk with the coach and be diplomatic. We don’t have any other gym options, so we have to make this work.

 

[Anonymous (21a8)]

Honestly, this is not a tenable situation for your son and with no other gym options, I’d be inclined to find entirely new activities for my child. What you have right now is a huge mismatch with your strong willed child and an inflexible coach. If neither in the relationship are open to change then this will just continue and IMHO, the damage to your young son is simply too much to risk. If you choose to continue get some therapy for your son so that he has coping mechanisms and also to learn to be a little more flexible. You will also need to be ready to have the same conversation with the coach when the relationship is getting out of hand (and it will ebb and flow with the coach).

 

[Anonymous (d532)]

If you feel the coach is open, I'd suggest he and your son sit down and make a plan together. So, the coach would state what needs to be worked on and your son could give input on what does he need for it to work, ie. start in a lower-level drill or easier environment, be able to stop when the repetitions are too much and he's starting to overthink/get more anxious,...so that the end goal the coach wanted is reached, but your kid has a bit of control on how to get there.