- May 23, 2025
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Warning this could be a long post!
I'm not even sure what I'm looking for but here's the backstory and current situation for my 10 year old DD. We are in the UK so I know pathways are different here.
She started gymnastics at age 6. At age 7 she won her local club competition and was invited to join their development programme. Later that year she placed 5th AA at a regional competition. She moved up in the development ranks. There was no club comp when she was 8. She placed 1st in the club competition aged 9. During that year she got a new coach. She suddenly developed a fear and mental block at backwards tumbling and just couldn't nail her BHS. Something also just seemed to change. She wasn't as happy; there wasn't the same communication from the coaches. Her team mates seems to almost push her aside too. (The other girls' parents are all heavily involved in the club in ways that I couldn't be because of young children too which made me feel like we weren't "part" of things, somehow but I thought I was imagining it!)
Despite not having the same level of skills as her team mates, she still won the club competition (beating some of the girls who were in the higher training squads and gymnasts who trained for more hours than her.) Coaches never even congratulated her when she won' further making me feel that something was... off. At some point that year, she came home from training really upset. She wouldn't even talk about it for several hours. When she did, there had been an incident in which the (new) coach was pretty dismissive, in an inappropriate way, of her after an accident/injury had occurred. I raised it with one of the coaches who passed it on to the head coach. The head coach then passed it on to their safeguarding officer. Basically, it was shut down and I was told that I would have to raise a formal complaint. I did not. I had already started to feel that my daughter was... I don't know how to explain it... being overlooked. It just "felt" like her face didn't fit any more. I felt awkward around the other gym mums; the caoches no longer smiled or communicated much. Mutterings about prep grades etc seemed to stop suddenly. The sweet videos of how well she was doing stopped. She rarely appeared in the monthly roundup videos of new skills etc etc. Something just felt... off.
DD seemed to be losing motivation. She often came out of training sessions depressed or sad. She no longer bouced around the house or did back walkovers and cartwheels everywhere she went. I asked if she wanted to quit. I said that it was ok if she did, if she was no longer enjoying it. she said no; gym was her life and she wanted to go "all the way." She missed a fair bit because of injury and illness over a year or so too. Also, she can be quite slow to gain new skills, compared to her peers.
Eventually we agreed that she would try out for a new gym club. But it took 10 months to actually do it. She missed her first try out as she had been ill and it was another 6 months before she got another try out. In between that time, she came home one day because all her friends/team mates had moved to a different class time and she had been "held back." I spoke to the coach about it who said that she hadn't been held back but just needed a little more time because she still had this mental block over BHS. Not once did she tell me there were ANY issues.
She did the try out at the new gym and it looked good. But she worked so hard that she actually pulled a muscle. When she was getting ready for her own training that night, I told her to tell her coach about the sore quad and that she might need to go easy on it. she got really upset and said that they always made her "push through" the pain and keep going. (This had happened before more than a year previously and set off alarm bells for me and was when I first started thinking that perhaps she should change clubs.) So I spoke to the coach myself. The coach kept asking me what she had done to hurt herself. Eventually I admitted that she had tried out for the new club. Coach then pretty much ripped my daughter apart. She wasn't progressing; she wasn't gaining new skills; she would no longer even let daughter TRY BHS as it wasn't safe for her; her shoulders are too tight and she wasn't doing the prescribed exercises at home; she was compensating with her back which is dangerous (I had no awareness of this, despite previously checking in with them because of this BHS mental block) they'd held her back and she was STILL struggling (I had already asked this and been told she hadn't been held back!) and they were going to drop her down to 2 piece rather than 4. (Again not 4 months previously they'd said that she was being put forward for prep grades and doing really really well.)
Well did I not feel like a complete idiot for trying her out in a development squad at another club? I cried for hours that night. I even spoke to my daughter and told her that perhaps she would need to find a new hobby, focus on something different because not all girls make it to elite level no matter how hard they worked, that some people just don't have what it takes despite their best intentions. I crushed my 9 year old's heart that night. I literally saw her dreams disappear from her eyes and have felt so much guilt since then!
The next morning I found out that she had been accepted into the squad of this new club. She has gone in at their bottom rung and is on a 3 month trial. It is a 2 piece squad. She absolutely, desperately wants to go back to 4 piece. She is coming to the end of the 3 month trial and has been invited to compete in a local F&V competition. Another friend who judges at national level told me during all the mess with the previous club, that she thought DD would make a "lovely" 2 piece gymnast, she also said that gymnasts don't tend to get back into 4 piece once they've become part of a 2 piece squad.
It doesn't look like she will be going to 4 piece. She is too old for their prep squad now, at 10. And I don't think she has enough skills for her age to move into their performance squad. She still hasn't "quite" mastered her BHS on the floor - though is gaining confidence all the time. Other skills are coming thick and fast though. They train beam/bars on alternate weeks so she is still getting some time on them but she feels the skills are actually too easy for her because of what she had been doing at the old club.
I'm trying to just "trust the process" but can't shake off the previous coach's words and my friend's words.
My daughter LOVES her new club. Coaches are fantastic and SO engaged and we parents even get to watch which is just amazing! She is back to flipping all over the house and just has her spark back. To me, mission accomplished. But... she desperately, desperately wants to go back to 4 piece. I feel that her age might be against her; the backwards step and time missed are probably against her too. I'm trying to temper her enthusiasm and drive with what just might be the reality that we discovered back at the start of this year. At what point do 1i break her heart again?
I don't know what I'm looking for by posting this here. There are no answers, I know that. I'm literally losing sleep over it though. I'm genuinely not "THAT" mum. We have a "no expectations," policy. Do it because you love it. If it brings you joy, carry on. I don't and won't coach at home. I'm a dance teacher and will occasionally help her with presentation. (Another thing we were told by previous coach was that she only wins because she is neat.) Any words of encouragement or support? New club does not know any of the back story. Her new coach has commented on the tightness of her shoulders though and that just sends me spinning back to the previous coach's words.
If you made it this far. Thank you! I'm glad I got it off my chest!!
IF you made it this far, thank you. I just wanted to get this all off my chest!
I'm not even sure what I'm looking for but here's the backstory and current situation for my 10 year old DD. We are in the UK so I know pathways are different here.
She started gymnastics at age 6. At age 7 she won her local club competition and was invited to join their development programme. Later that year she placed 5th AA at a regional competition. She moved up in the development ranks. There was no club comp when she was 8. She placed 1st in the club competition aged 9. During that year she got a new coach. She suddenly developed a fear and mental block at backwards tumbling and just couldn't nail her BHS. Something also just seemed to change. She wasn't as happy; there wasn't the same communication from the coaches. Her team mates seems to almost push her aside too. (The other girls' parents are all heavily involved in the club in ways that I couldn't be because of young children too which made me feel like we weren't "part" of things, somehow but I thought I was imagining it!)
Despite not having the same level of skills as her team mates, she still won the club competition (beating some of the girls who were in the higher training squads and gymnasts who trained for more hours than her.) Coaches never even congratulated her when she won' further making me feel that something was... off. At some point that year, she came home from training really upset. She wouldn't even talk about it for several hours. When she did, there had been an incident in which the (new) coach was pretty dismissive, in an inappropriate way, of her after an accident/injury had occurred. I raised it with one of the coaches who passed it on to the head coach. The head coach then passed it on to their safeguarding officer. Basically, it was shut down and I was told that I would have to raise a formal complaint. I did not. I had already started to feel that my daughter was... I don't know how to explain it... being overlooked. It just "felt" like her face didn't fit any more. I felt awkward around the other gym mums; the caoches no longer smiled or communicated much. Mutterings about prep grades etc seemed to stop suddenly. The sweet videos of how well she was doing stopped. She rarely appeared in the monthly roundup videos of new skills etc etc. Something just felt... off.
DD seemed to be losing motivation. She often came out of training sessions depressed or sad. She no longer bouced around the house or did back walkovers and cartwheels everywhere she went. I asked if she wanted to quit. I said that it was ok if she did, if she was no longer enjoying it. she said no; gym was her life and she wanted to go "all the way." She missed a fair bit because of injury and illness over a year or so too. Also, she can be quite slow to gain new skills, compared to her peers.
Eventually we agreed that she would try out for a new gym club. But it took 10 months to actually do it. She missed her first try out as she had been ill and it was another 6 months before she got another try out. In between that time, she came home one day because all her friends/team mates had moved to a different class time and she had been "held back." I spoke to the coach about it who said that she hadn't been held back but just needed a little more time because she still had this mental block over BHS. Not once did she tell me there were ANY issues.
She did the try out at the new gym and it looked good. But she worked so hard that she actually pulled a muscle. When she was getting ready for her own training that night, I told her to tell her coach about the sore quad and that she might need to go easy on it. she got really upset and said that they always made her "push through" the pain and keep going. (This had happened before more than a year previously and set off alarm bells for me and was when I first started thinking that perhaps she should change clubs.) So I spoke to the coach myself. The coach kept asking me what she had done to hurt herself. Eventually I admitted that she had tried out for the new club. Coach then pretty much ripped my daughter apart. She wasn't progressing; she wasn't gaining new skills; she would no longer even let daughter TRY BHS as it wasn't safe for her; her shoulders are too tight and she wasn't doing the prescribed exercises at home; she was compensating with her back which is dangerous (I had no awareness of this, despite previously checking in with them because of this BHS mental block) they'd held her back and she was STILL struggling (I had already asked this and been told she hadn't been held back!) and they were going to drop her down to 2 piece rather than 4. (Again not 4 months previously they'd said that she was being put forward for prep grades and doing really really well.)
Well did I not feel like a complete idiot for trying her out in a development squad at another club? I cried for hours that night. I even spoke to my daughter and told her that perhaps she would need to find a new hobby, focus on something different because not all girls make it to elite level no matter how hard they worked, that some people just don't have what it takes despite their best intentions. I crushed my 9 year old's heart that night. I literally saw her dreams disappear from her eyes and have felt so much guilt since then!
The next morning I found out that she had been accepted into the squad of this new club. She has gone in at their bottom rung and is on a 3 month trial. It is a 2 piece squad. She absolutely, desperately wants to go back to 4 piece. She is coming to the end of the 3 month trial and has been invited to compete in a local F&V competition. Another friend who judges at national level told me during all the mess with the previous club, that she thought DD would make a "lovely" 2 piece gymnast, she also said that gymnasts don't tend to get back into 4 piece once they've become part of a 2 piece squad.
It doesn't look like she will be going to 4 piece. She is too old for their prep squad now, at 10. And I don't think she has enough skills for her age to move into their performance squad. She still hasn't "quite" mastered her BHS on the floor - though is gaining confidence all the time. Other skills are coming thick and fast though. They train beam/bars on alternate weeks so she is still getting some time on them but she feels the skills are actually too easy for her because of what she had been doing at the old club.
I'm trying to just "trust the process" but can't shake off the previous coach's words and my friend's words.
My daughter LOVES her new club. Coaches are fantastic and SO engaged and we parents even get to watch which is just amazing! She is back to flipping all over the house and just has her spark back. To me, mission accomplished. But... she desperately, desperately wants to go back to 4 piece. I feel that her age might be against her; the backwards step and time missed are probably against her too. I'm trying to temper her enthusiasm and drive with what just might be the reality that we discovered back at the start of this year. At what point do 1i break her heart again?
I don't know what I'm looking for by posting this here. There are no answers, I know that. I'm literally losing sleep over it though. I'm genuinely not "THAT" mum. We have a "no expectations," policy. Do it because you love it. If it brings you joy, carry on. I don't and won't coach at home. I'm a dance teacher and will occasionally help her with presentation. (Another thing we were told by previous coach was that she only wins because she is neat.) Any words of encouragement or support? New club does not know any of the back story. Her new coach has commented on the tightness of her shoulders though and that just sends me spinning back to the previous coach's words.
If you made it this far. Thank you! I'm glad I got it off my chest!!
IF you made it this far, thank you. I just wanted to get this all off my chest!
