MAG Talk me off the ledge

[momto2js]

DS just turned 7. This is his 2nd level floor season and he uptrains one day a week with his old now level 5 teammates. The level 5 team ranges from 9-13 years old where the new level 4 team is made up of 5-7 year olds. There have been times when gym behavior hasn't been the greatest in both groups (boys will be boy type stuff). This is especially an issue with the level 4 group.

At tonight's practice (his up train night) he and another kid were sent home for tossing a foam block back an forth while waiting in line. The were absolutely made an example of. I am not upset they were sent home. However, the coach they were working with could have given them a warning (hey guys knock it off) but instead the head coach came over screaming and marched them out the door. I'm not sure how developmentally appropriate it is to expect 7 year old to stand in line an wait for 5-7 minutes between reps and not get into a little trouble.

Compared to the girls team these boys stand around an awful lot, and that is where the trouble starts. Girls are 3 to a beam and working skills, or 6 across the floor working skills, or at stations ect. Boys one or two at a time. I have asked several times for some ideas of things DS can do while waiting in line to keep him busy or things to do when other are making not great choices. It seems that the coaches don't have any great ideas.

Our head coach has a ton of experience, but it is a growing program and she is stressed. There has been lots of turnover in assistants. My son perceives her and mean, and I understand why. There is another program in the area that is smaller and less pressure type place. I really like the head coach there from what I have seen at clinics and meets. I am considering visiting and watching them practice and talking to him. I will have to be strait with our current coach because this is a small gym community. I just think my kid should be allowed to "forget" sometimes and a gentle reminder should be offered before being sent home. He is after all a 7 year old boy.

Good news is that DS is doesn't seem as upset as I thought he would be and I think he will want to go back. Bad news is I won't leave the gym during practice just in case something happens. Any thoughts or experiences you can offer to help me put this into perspective.

 

[Sasha]

Is it a tolerance difference for goofing off between your son's coach and HC? Like your son's coach is more tolerant of some playfulness, and so did not give a warning before HC swooped in unexpectedly and exercised her more strict corrective measures?

Does your son's coach regularly attempt to control the boys' behavior, or is he/she 'oblivious' to, or doesn't mind, some antics?

And for clarity, were the boys quietly and gently tossing a block without bothering anyone, or were they being pretty rambunctious? So many different shades of 'tossing a block.' I am imagining our boys coach tolerating the quiet case, but definitely intervening if they were tossing it far or high, loudly, toward other gymnasts, etc....

We have a lot of standing in line at times, too, in my son's L3 group. There is some minor goofing permitted when it's not interfering with others, and they do get warnings. They are mostly 6, a couple 7s.

 

[iwannacoach]

Yeah, I think the HC could have handled it with a warning, but then again I don't know if she thinks a warning on Monday should last until Wednesday, or whether or not there's a bit of history between her and either of the two boys.

What I really want to comment on is the idea of looking at the other gym in a small community. You seem comfortable with the other club's HC because of things you've seen at clinics or meets. Do you know anything about this coach's work with kids in the gym..... because meets and clinics are very different from day to day training.

Another thought came to mind when you said the other gym was smaller and had less pressure. Do you know if the smaller gym gets results similar to the current gym, and do those results come about in the same time frame. If the results differ, and the small gym lags in developing their kids, will your son be happy or wish he could develop his skills at the same pace as his former team mates.

The thing is this...... sometimes changing gyms is a great move that works, but then again there are times when it ends up being a mistake. It can be pretty rough when a gym change goes bad, because the gym the child switched away from may not want them back or simply won't let them advance to team upon their return.

So be careful and watch out for what you wish, as you may be stuck with it.

 

[BlairBob]

Boys with nothing to do are trouble waiting to happen.

Busy work. Side stations.

However, I have really good success with my burpee penalty ladder with boys.
1st infraction-10 burpees. Doubled every time. They will hate burpees but eventually they will stop being little knuckleheads for the most part.

 

[gymmomof1]

Boys with nothing to do are trouble waiting to happen.

Busy work. Side stations.

However, I have really good success with my burpee penalty ladder with boys.
1st infraction-10 burpees. Doubled every time. They will hate burpees but eventually they will stop being little knuckleheads for the most part.

Lol when I read OPs post this was exactly what I was thinking since this happens at school so it could go for a school teacher too lol (well maybe not doing burpees but sweeping the floor lol) .

 

[skschlag]

ahh. boys. Not a group I would ever want to coach!

Our coach tends to make sure there is no down time or little down time. But he is strict. He would never tolerate even gentle throwing of a block in workout. And we have 7 year olds in our level 5-7 practice. When my ds was 7, he was kicked out of practice several times, had to do multiple sets of pushups, arm circles, rope climbs, etc. He learned the expectation pretty quick at 7, and was able to figure out what he is to do while waiting.

Most of the time, there are multiple stations for kids. I am thinking of vault, where they will have to wait mainly. There will always be a little down time.

Is this a pattern of behavior of the coach? Or a one time event? Maybe she was having a bad day? Maybe she had said something? I don't know.

As to looking at the other gym, you should be prepared for your current gym to just not ask you back. I know that seems harsh, but it happens. They may just tell you to leave if you are looking, and you need to be prepared and ready for that to possibly happen.

 

[momto2js]

It is a growing program and is having growing pains. One of the issues is that their are 4 part-time coaches that rotate who has which group on a given night. HC always has a group too, this year DS has worked with 6 different coaches. We have been at this gym since DS was 3 and we started there when we were new in town (read living in a hotel). So it isn't the closest option. HC has said several times that she would understand if we wanted to try the closer gyms.

HC is definitely, moody. I understand the expectations, but there are developmental limits for most kids. She doesn't do a real good job screening kids to find ones that can meet those behavior expectations. It seems to be a "you go the money" approach when they are young, then the ones that can't make it wash out. The kids sent home are actually the "good" kids, at least when they are fooling around, it isn't meant to hurt anyone. There have been issues in this group with kids being mean. I think what happened was she saw an opportunity to make an example of a couple of kids no one would have thought of.

There have been several ideal threats this year "if you don't have you BHS by XXX" you will go back to level 4. Well several of the 5s don't have it and they are competing level 5. My son actually has his and is a level 4. So she has caused a problem that her word isn't good and so it is hard to know where you stand.

On the other gym, it is a small municipal program. No I'm sure kids don't progress as fast. They aren't as good long term, but they only have one coach and that consistency and a little fun might be what the doctor ordered. He is a middle of the road gymnast, and I don't see time changing that.

 

[gracyomalley]

Couple of thoughts - first if your DS is only 7 it really is next to impossible to know if he will stay a "middle of the road gymnast" especially in Boys....there are tons of talented boys who quit long before optionals to do other sports, (which is part of why boys programs tend to be more laid back) and other boys who blossom at puberty, skip levels and become no longer "middle of the road"....so much is strength based. Now , I'm not talking about Olympics here - just continued success and progression, but still.

Boys mess about far more than girls - and while a nice chatty "team meeting " and coach disapproval generally makes girls toe the line, with boys, its in one ear and out the other until they are more mature....rope climbs, handstand contests, team "punishment" with extra conditioning and the disapproval of the other team mates when one goofs off will go much farther....and generally my boys consider it a good day if their team only had one or 2 episodes of such - except for the day that only the higher level (and consequently older/more mature) boys are there - where they work hard and listen well....

My boys have a very experienced male coach - and that makes a big difference. He has infinite patience with their "boyness" but consequences for bad behavior. He is also totally honest with them - DS the younger is repeatedly told that if he concentrates and works on form he's move up - and some day he'll figure out what that means...or quit. DS older does the above, gets skills and is progressing....they have teammates that vary from young Level 9/Future Star winners, to goofy 6 year olds who can throw fulls on floor, and 12 year old level 4s who have learning disabilites....all working out together...it can be chaotic! Kids are rarely sent home, but when it happens its because of safety issues....or swearing, fighting, really off stuff....otherwise its consequences!!

I'm not sure its always bad for kids to get sent home, however, if they aren't responding to instructions - whether it be the crying girl who is overwhelmed and won't do her beam series for 45 minutes, or the cranky boy who can't stop playing enough to at least not distract the ones who are there to work...practice does serve a purpose other than glorified open gym, after all....my kids haven't been sent home for either reason, but I have made it clear to the coaches (in both instances...) that it would be perfectly fine with me - gym is expensive and coaches and team-mates deserve respect, so if you aren't able to work there - get home and try again next practice....

If you have the choice of another program and think it might be a better fit - I'd investigate, at age 7 its too early to lock in to one sport/gym....but I'd look at whether there are boys that have been there for the "long haul" and see what those parents think....and keep in mind that the most important thing at 7 is whether the kid is happy, safe and learning....

 

[Deleted member D3987]

in this incident, the punishment does not meet the crime.