Parents Taming the beast !

[Iwannabemargo]

Well - I haven't been here very long but I must just thank everyone here whose wise words have helped me recently - let me explain.

DD is a talented mite - her coach regualrly tells her she is the most naturally talented gymnast in the club. The trouble is she is afraid of everything ! She wont attempt new thing in case she fails and recently she has been driving me potty.

We have just had school half term (1 week holiday) and normal gym is replaced with two days of 9-4 training for team girls so I decided that we needed a break. I told DD that we were having a break from gym to sort out her attitude ( it had got to the point of her stomping around the gym shouting "its not fair" and slapping the mats in temper- her not me!) and to stop mummy going nuts!

So we have missed 2 weeks of training.

I am feeling much more relaxed, no battles for two weeks and reading lots of post on here has made me realise that her pace may not be mine - just because I know she can do something doesn't me she does. She will get ther in the end.

Well I'm feeling fairly Zen like atm, however gym starts again on Monday so we'll see how long that lasts !

'Margo

 

[Faith]

Well done! For reaching Zen and doing what's best. Sometimes it's difficult to be the parent and say no.

Thanks to this place I had calmed down and decided to chill, then all the stuff I had been worried about not happening, happened, and then some . Typical!

I am not stressing any more. People keep moving the goalposts!

Hope monday goes well.

 

[cher062]

I agree with Faith. Keeping in mind no matter how talented a kid is they have to go at their own pace is key. Start with "Is she having FUN while going at her own pace?" If you answer YES then you are golden. She just doesn't know how talented she is and when her brain catches up with her body she will be outstanding. Don't worry either if they never catch up.

I've seen lots of "Naturally talented" gymnast out there not make it past L5 because of the added stress by coaches and parents. It's usually the ones that have to work hard for everything that make it through to optionals and beyond.

 

[KarenUK]

My child is not a particularly talented gymnast. She was in a rec class until she was offered her squad place at the age of 10 - and that was mainly because of her flexibility and work ethic rather than being talented. But she does the same things - there are skills I know that she could do, but her head tells her that her body can't do it, and then her body joins in! I did the frustrated thing, trying to persuade her that she can etc etc, but you do come to the realisation that they will do it at the right time for them - something will just click one day, and that seemingly impossible skill will suddenly be easy.

I stopped asking 'did you try xyz today' and 'how many abcs did you stick on beam' in the car on the way home, and started asking 'what did you do today that you were pleased with?' some days it is a big thing, other days it is something little, like helping someone else with something, or one extra rep in a conditioning exercise, or a nice comment or joke with her coach. It helped me and her to see something positive every time - not every day will be a light bulb day.

 

[Iwannabemargo]

We have a very different attitude over here ( from what I can gather) - our levels are a lot more relaxed and we are still quite "British" about "its the taking part not the winning that counts".

Gymnastics has been the making of her- when she started school she was litterally dragged off me by the teacher every day screaming - she was so timid she wouldn't get off my lap even when we went to my sisters house.

We started gym and for 8 weeks she sat on my lap crying as she wanted to join in but was too scared. The first few weeks it was me and he doing 15 mins of the session together, then the whole session, then she would do some bits with her briother, then she started to change.

nearly 2 years on Today she got up voluntarily on stage with the Zumba instrctor and demonsatrated two routines in Family Zumba - such an improvement and I put a lot of it down to Gymnatics. She is growing in many ways and as long as she stops her mithering (moaning) I don't care if she never gets another skill.

'Margo

 

[mumoftwogymnasts]

She wont attempt new thing in case she fails and recently she has been driving me potty.

Just wondering how old is she? And is she afraid to attempt stuff in case she fails in other area of her life, school? other sports?

Sounds a lot like my DD. Most things at school come easily to her. She is athletic and picks up most sporting skills fairly easily, on the school track, cross country and swim team. She is used to sucess, and is often reluctant to attempt something she is unsure that she can perfect the first time

She is not however the most naturally talented gymnast on her team, far from it in fact. In the lower levels she picked up skills quickly and easily, but now it is a whole different story. Ironically gymnastics, the thing that she loves the most, is the thing that she has to work the hardest at... and it has been a HUGE learning curve for her.

 

[MayDay]

It's good to be zen. I hope the feeling lasts! I think that children can be greatly influenced by the attitudes of the adults around them. Like, when you are freaking out they are going to freak out, lol. But we all know how hard that can be sometimes!

Also good to see that gymnastics has helped give her more confidence.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

zen=mental gymnastics

 

[Iwannabemargo]

Just wondering how old is she? And is she afraid to attempt stuff in case she fails in other area of her life, school? other sports?

Sounds a lot like my DD. Most things at school come easily to her. She is athletic and picks up most sporting skills fairly easily, on the school track, cross country and swim team. She is used to sucess, and is often reluctant to attempt something she is unsure that she can perfect the first time

She is not however the most naturally talented gymnast on her team, far from it in fact. In the lower levels she picked up skills quickly and easily, but now it is a whole different story. Ironically gymnastics, the thing that she loves the most, is the thing that she has to work the hardest at... and it has been a HUGE learning curve for her.

Thanks - she will be 8 next month

Its funny - she is very much two differnt people, depending whether the activity falls in her comfort zone. He school teachers tell me she is the quietest child in school - they have to coax answers out of her and at home we call her Foghorn Leghorn - she's always telling the boys what to do ( she is the youngest).

Gym is her spiritual home - she is not interested in anything else really. School work is easy but she doesn't know she's bright. She got level 3's on her SATs ( Level 2 is the norm), she has just very low self confidence and always have. We try and build her up, tell her how well she is doing but sometimes its a struggle !

She has just started team sports in school ( we think its important for her to participate in team sports as well) and they have asked her to do hockey after seeing her play netball. Her father was an England Junior Rugby player, played golf off 6 (without lessons or trying really hard) and a county cricketer - my lot bring the brains and flexibilty !

We just have to keep on building her confidence and hope she gets better as she matures - simple, but not easy

'Margo

 

[cher062]

At 8yo sounds like 1/2 the gymnasts out there. It's hard to see sometimes as when we are looking at a practice we don't see those same issues in other kids, but I bet if you poled the other parents they would say the same things about their kids. one of the things we have done to show our DD that YES she is good and is improving is to keep record of her comp scores. The scores themselves really don't mean alot other than what one person though of a specific performance at one point in time but as you move forward from meet to meet you will see an 8.5 go to an 8.6 and so on. It doesn't sound like a lot but if you play it up she will start to understand "being THE BEST" isn't the same as "DOING YOUR BEST". Focus on the Doing Your Best and she will eventually understand that she is doing well.

I also think no matter how good you are, no matter how many 1st places you come home with every gymnast at any moment in time has a fear factor for at least one event. My DD's fear item - BEAM I think it always will be. When she can suck it up and consintrate she actually does very well and usually places but when she lets the fear take over she falls and is all over the place and she is now 14.

The other area use to be Floor tumbling but after getting a 9.5 on floor last year at a meet for her routine she walked away saying on the way home You know Mom I really am good at this. Ok she was 13 then started on pre team when she was 3 it only took her 10 years of training to come to that conclusion even though everyone kept telling her the same thing.

The mental aspect of gymnastics is hard for the young kids to grasp and keep in their heads and this sport is at least 60% mental and 40% physical. Keep encouraging her have her focus on just her scores and accomplishments. Point out how this fall she can do a carwheel on the beam for example and last year at this time she wouldn't even have tried it. eventually she will get it.

 

[Galadriel]

if i can add my 2c worth?
my dd is 18, and has always been good at school, best in gym club, good at sport .... but lack of confidence... and also not wanting to try something if she doesnt think she will be really good at it.
= frustration for parent
She now really really wants to try pole vault - (as well as gym) and her friend goes to athletics twice a week and she could get a lift with her, and try it - but she is scared to, in case she isnt great at it! She has never done athletics as such, and although it is obvious it doesnt matter if she is good or not, - if she wants to give it a go - do it! And she wont be horrendously awful i am sure(!), as she can run, and has upper body strength - but - no - she wants to do it (but her gym coach is worried about injuries!) but she will never try i am sure!

Any hoo! - at you dd age mine was very similar - and it is still there!

I dont know if it will be the same, but i just supported, and was there if she wanted me to be, but i stressed a lot when she was younger! What worked in the end was me to just take a step back, and learning to go with the flow!

I applaud you for taking her out for a couple of weeks - one of the worst things i found was the coaches pressure on the parents.

Less stress on everyone = happier everyone = better family life!!!

 

[Iwannabemargo]

thanks Galadriel, I do think its genetic - I remeber having panics as a child when asked to do things I felt unfcomfortable about. I asked my dad what age I was when I grew out of it (unfortunately mum is not here to ask and dad was working lots when we were children so wasn't there a lot of the time). He said not til I was 18 ( I went off for a year and lived in France to learn French) ! So I've got a long way to go.

Yes I do think its lack of self estime and fear of failure - I've even bought her a mythbuster badge with "failure is ALWAYS an option" on it to remind her its okay to fail and by failing we learn.

'margo

 

[emorymom]

http://www.amazon.com/Mindset-Psych...2322/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1320401294&sr=8-1

Goofy title, good book.