Parents team parents removed from gym

[skschlag]

I think it is a tough position to be in. I like that I *can* watch my son if I want, but most of the time I chose not to. It is too easy to get caught up in what they are doing, not doing, who the coach is paying attention to, etc. If I stay, I usually sit back and drink coffee and chat with other moms/dads.

We did have some negative parents about a year and a half ago that woudl get in the lobby and try to "get people riled up". The coach found out and called them in to talk. basically told them that if they have an issue they need to come to him, and not cause problems in the lobby. So far that has worked.

I don't really like the idea of someone telling me I *can't* watch my child, but I think it is a better practice to not watch him! LOL!

 

[mtbmom]

Sorry, too lazy to read the whole thread... but why not just turn off the tv monitor??? That way everyone can stay and no one watches every waking moment of practice.

My daughter just left gymnastics for dance and at our gym parents were only allowed to watch from the rec. side which was really far from the team practice area. Only one Grandparent stays regularly. It is strongly discouraged and keeps "crazy parent syndrome" at bay. Our old gym had a parent "bullpen" loft and it was "crazy parent" central.

At dance there is a waiting area, that you're supposed to be in (or you can wait in your car, which I do). No peeking in the windows of the classrooms. Parents are allowed to watch I think 2 weeks out of the year and of course comps/recitals.

 

[Pickle's Mom]

Sounds to me like the owner/coach is trying to take the easy way out. Instead of working to resolve the concerns of parents, they are doing something that will likely further add to the problem, not solve it. They would do well to remember that parents are paying customers, and treat them as such. If the team parents were pleased with the program, they would be telling the rec parents what a great program it was. Why are owners/coaches so lacking in business sense sometimes????

It sounds as if the parent behavior is potentially upsetting enough to the running of the gym that it is good business sense for them to institute this new policy.

Honestly, the parents at Pickle's gym are pretty normal, but a very few are downright toxic. If I were a gym owner, I would be constantly worried about what they were saying, why they were saying it, and how it was impacting other parents.

Pickle's gym doesn't have any sort of viewing policy, but it's pretty accepted that, once your child has moved to team, you stay for at most 5 minutes at the beginning and maybe for 15-30 minutes at the end. I can't imagine having two hours free to sit and watch my daughter on a tv screen. If I'm not at work, that is prime time for errands or exercise.

 

[sportzmomov3]

Take yourself as a parent out of it. Look at it from the gymnasts' point of view. Do you realize that it can be distracting for the girls to see the parents talking, maybe even hearing what you're saying? Even if the room is set apart from the floor, let's be real, word gets around and kids are pretty bright these days. You don't think they know that you're whispering about so-and-so? Yes, they know.

I can tell you that at both gyms we've been at, there was/is limited viewing. For good reason. It disrupts things for the girls. And yes, the cause is the parents. For the girls to see parents INTENTLY watching their every move is disconcerting to some, and probably downright annoying to most others. And it does not matter what age they are, unless they are itty-bitty toddlers. If they are 7, they are in school already; you should be fine with leaving them for an hour or so. If you don't trust enough to do so, then you shouldn't be at that particular gym. If you have just cause to believe it is unsafe, they why would you stay?

Look at the issue from another perspective. It isn't always about you, the parent. After all, this is your DD's sport, remember?

 

[SamIam]

Parents are allowed to stay at our gym, and there are some who will bring a more comfortable chair than the bleachers, a book, an iPad or nothing and sit the whole practice.

I have a lot more to do than that. It has seemed to me over the years the progression appears greater if I pop in every few weeks a half hour before practices ends to see how its going. Watching all the practice every day sitting at the side and to critique how she is doing seems counter productive for her and would be frustrating to me. I learned early on I am not a coach or a gymnast nor do I attempt to play one on the internet so sometimes I just don't get it.

If however, I was told I could not be there I would want to know why.

I also have come to realize "those parents" are at every gym.

Good luck to the op and her situation.

 

[thefellowsmom]

You know, I really thought that we didn't have anyone too crazy at our gym. Then, I went to a couple of open gyms at the rec gym (we have a separate team training facility) and each time, there was some mom screaming at their kid across the gym. I could not believe it as I have never seen anything like it.

At our gym the waiting area is walled off and has windows you can look through. There are a couple of moms that have to stay because they commute so far, but most people just drop an go. I had to stay due to the weather a couple of weeks ago and everyone was working or chatting, not really paying attention much to what was going on out on the floor. And there is no way that someone would even get away with trying to get their kids attention from the waiting room.

But this other gym is open with bleachers and I could not believe that they were allowing these parents to scream at their kids across the gym. It made me so uncomfortable. I was really embarrassed for them and felt bad for those kids as they just started struggling more and more with their mom's yelling at them. This was a first for me and quite upsetting. Geez!

 

[happychaos]

Take yourself as a parent out of it. Look at it from the gymnasts' point of view. Do you realize that it can be distracting for the girls to see the parents talking, maybe even hearing what you're saying? Even if the room is set apart from the floor, let's be real, word gets around and kids are pretty bright these days. You don't think they know that you're whispering about so-and-so? Yes, they know.

I can tell you that at both gyms we've been at, there was/is limited viewing. For good reason. It disrupts things for the girls. And yes, the cause is the parents. For the girls to see parents INTENTLY watching their every move is disconcerting to some, and probably downright annoying to most others. And it does not matter what age they are, unless they are itty-bitty toddlers. If they are 7, they are in school already; you should be fine with leaving them for an hour or so. If you don't trust enough to do so, then you shouldn't be at that particular gym. If you have just cause to believe it is unsafe, they why would you stay?

Look at the issue from another perspective. It isn't always about you, the parent. After all, this is your DD's sport, remember?

Most seven-year-olds LOVE to have mom or dad watch whatever they are doing. I think it's part of being seven. Twelve-year-olds? Maybe not so much. Plus, the OP said that thier "viewing" room had a tv screen in it to watch practice. I am assuming the girls can't even see the parents. If a particular parent is disruptive, or complaining about the gym, that should be dealt with by the coaches on an individual basis.

Your DD must apparently be brighter than mine (and she's pretty bright) because my DD would not have the slightest clue what I was talking about during her practice. Parents whispering about other peoples children (called gossiping where I come from) is not appropriate and should be dealt with on an individual basis by the coaches.

As for my seven-year-old going to school, her school encourages parents to be involved and present at the school often. This includes helping with reading groups, art projects, library fridays, class activities, and serving lunch. Parents are also welcome to drop by the classroom at any time, for any reason. If her school suddenly said that no parents were allowed in the school during the school day, you'd better believe I'd be suspicious as heck.

And yes, it is HER sport, not mine. But she is seven, so yes, some of it IS about me. As a parent I have the responsibility of looking out for her best interests, and ensure that she is in a positive, wholesome, uplifting environment. Personally, occasionally watching practice reassures me that DD is in the right place, and doing the right thing. And it reassures me that the coach is coaching in a manner that I am comfortable with. I DO trust, but I also verify. I have heard too many horror stories about coaches yelling (not just gymnastics) or kids being bullied by teammates.

And again....most seven-year-olds just like to have mom or dad watch when they can. It's always the first thing my DD asks after school on gym days. "Can you stay today?!?!?!"

 

[gymmom-in-training]

Remember... The OP said that it wasn't an issue with the parents watching practice. It's an issue with the parents bad mouthing the gym.

It doesn't sound like the gym has an issue with people watching them. After all, the rec parents can see their every move too and they're allowed to be there everyday.

It's an issue of toxic team parents.

Don't make this something that it is not.

 

[Krystan]

Remember... The OP said that it wasn't an issue with the parents watching practice. It's an issue with the parents bad mouthing the gym. It doesn't sound like the gym has an issue with people watching them. After all, the rec parents can see their every move too and they're allowed to be there everyday. It's an issue of toxic team parents. Don't make this something that it is not.

I also agree that it seems many people are posting without reading the original post or the replies. Please take the time to do this! It seems unfair to tell the OP her daughter might not like seeing her watch her every move when, if you read her post, you would realize it is a camera in the corner and the gymnasts can't see the parents at all. This is NOT the issue she asked about and is not relevant - the issue was parents bad-mouthing the gym within earshot of rec parents - an issue that does need to be dealt with, but totally different than kids seeing the parents watching them.

And I completely disagree with the poster that said the kids can hear what the parents are saying. Again, this is seems impossible in the OP's situation. My dd is 10, pretty aware, can see me when I'm there, but has no idea what is being said amongst the parents. I've asked her about a few things (so-and-so is leaving because of such-and-such, etc), and she has not heard a thing. Maybe since I have not heard any bad-mouthing or "toxic" gossip at our gym I can't relate, but it seemed a stretch to me.

But I do think the bad-mouthing needs to be stopped. Not allowing parents in the building is a bit much though, in my opinion. It seems like they could, like dunno said, only ban those parents who have been a problem, and for a specified time frame.

 

[Esoteric]

Dd's gym has a very open viewing policy. Some of the compulsory team parents stay, some don't Almost none of the optional parents stay. I would sometimes bring a book or my laptop to work from the gym when she was in the pre-team attending 2 hours 3x/week. The gym has tabled and chairs situated near outlets in addition to bleachers. Now that she is there 3 hours a day, There is no way I am staying unless DD or her coach specifically ask me to watch something. That being said- there have been some pretty nauseating parents. One parent was told she was no longer welcome to stay and observe. She sort of started showing up a bit earlier and earlier and began to cause problems again. The HC told her that if she came to observe one more time her daughter was off team. There was another mom who was given a similar ultimatum. The coaches know how destructive and contagious that negativity can be to not only other parents, but to the gymnasts. No one should have to tolerate being in a cesspool of gossip being spewed by pre-pubescent behaving adults and I am very grateful this gym takes a no-nonsense approach.
Perhaps the gym said no more viewing because there were a few bad apples but they do not do well with individual confrontation? Rather than calling out a specific individual they just made a blanket rule?
I know the gym I attended as a kiddo had an elevated, enclosed parent viewing area, but there was some veneer on the glass so the gymmies could not see in. I honestly think that is the way to go, even for rec kids. It allows the gymnasts to learn independence and focus entirely on their instructor, which is the safest bet in this sport.

 

[SGMOM]

I have not run into this specific situation, but I can see from the dynamic at our gym how it could happen.

At our gym, the communication from owner to parent and from coach to parent is infrequent and inadequate. It's not intentional, I think. The infrequent part happens because the coaches are very busy. The inadequate part stems, in part, because they just don't understand how little some parents know about the sport.

As a result, much of the "education" parents receive about the sport and being on team comes from other parents. For the most part, this works OK, but sometimes information distributed in this way is inaccurate. There's the occasional parent that angers easily. These parents tend to complain.

Our owner, then, fields complaints. I believe at this point that they believe all team parents are crazy, which makes them communicate with us even less, which just makes the cycle continue.

There was a recent email sent to the team about negative comments in the gym. We aren't sure what it was about exactly. The specific offense wasn't mentioned.

Since I don't really know of a better place to take my kid, and she loves gymnastics, I put up with the gym craziness. I am sure that it will blow over. In our case, if the owner just bothered to sit with the parents for 10 minutes a day in the viewing area, it would do wonders for building the team. She's a former gymnast, and her knowledge is invaluable.

 

[unsure]

I just want to say thanks to all who have shown interest in this post. I never expected such a reaction. Just a quick update (sort of) nothing has changed. We still have no answers and are still not allowed in. Thanks for the support and ideas. Still hoping that an answer is soon to come. When and if it does I will post.

 

[sportzmomov3]

Most seven-year-olds LOVE to have mom or dad watch whatever they are doing. I think it's part of being seven. Twelve-year-olds? Maybe not so much. Plus, the OP said that thier "viewing" room had a tv screen in it to watch practice. I am assuming the girls can't even see the parents. If a particular parent is disruptive, or complaining about the gym, that should be dealt with by the coaches on an individual basis.

Your DD must apparently be brighter than mine (and she's pretty bright) because my DD would not have the slightest clue what I was talking about during her practice. Parents whispering about other peoples children (called gossiping where I come from) is not appropriate and should be dealt with on an individual basis by the coaches.

As for my seven-year-old going to school, her school encourages parents to be involved and present at the school often. This includes helping with reading groups, art projects, library fridays, class activities, and serving lunch. Parents are also welcome to drop by the classroom at any time, for any reason. If her school suddenly said that no parents were allowed in the school during the school day, you'd better believe I'd be suspicious as heck.

And yes, it is HER sport, not mine. But she is seven, so yes, some of it IS about me. As a parent I have the responsibility of looking out for her best interests, and ensure that she is in a positive, wholesome, uplifting environment. Personally, occasionally watching practice reassures me that DD is in the right place, and doing the right thing. And it reassures me that the coach is coaching in a manner that I am comfortable with. I DO trust, but I also verify. I have heard too many horror stories about coaches yelling (not just gymnastics) or kids being bullied by teammates.

And again....most seven-year-olds just like to have mom or dad watch when they can. It's always the first thing my DD asks after school on gym days. "Can you stay today?!?!?!"

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That comment is snarky at best and not called for. I wasn't even remotely saying that my own DD was the one noticing this behavior, so I certainly wasn't implying that she's so smart to have it figured out.

 

[happychaos]

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

That comment is snarky at best and not called for. I wasn't even remotely saying that my own DD was the one noticing this behavior, so I certainly wasn't implying that she's so smart to have it figured out.

Sorry Sportsmom! What you actually said was "Do you realize that it can be distracting for the girls to see the parents talking, maybe even hearing what you're saying? Even if the room is set apart from the floor, let's be real, word gets around and kids are pretty bright these days. You don't think they know that you're whispering about so-and-so? Yes, they know."

I guess you weren't saying YOUR DD would notice parents gossiping. Sorry, I misunderstood. I guess we can both be thankful that our DD's remain oblivious to our practice-time conversations Although in our case, there is thankfully no gossipping anyway.

 

[SignHere]

At our gym, there are only specific observation weeks. I think this can be good AAnD bad. Good because, as others have. Said, it decreases gym parent craziness, which you will see even if you don't allow the parents to observe. Bad, because coaches can miss issues parents could pick up - for instance, my DD was being bullied by 2 girls on her team. It took me a few months to find out the names of the girls because she wouldn't tell me names, she would just come home from practice and cry. when I finally found out the names and talked to her coaches about it, they took care of it, but I think if I were allowed to observe more often it wouldn't have gone on so long. The coaches can't be everywhere, and these girls ( ESP. Middle school age) can be incredibly sneaky. I think the coaches could use the extra eyes and ears out there to catch these things and help nip them in the bud.

 

[JessMom]

I just want to say thanks to all who have shown interest in this post. I never expected such a reaction. Just a quick update (sort of) nothing has changed. We still have no answers and are still not allowed in. Thanks for the support and ideas. Still hoping that an answer is soon to come. When and if it does I will post.

I'm curious . . . what happens if a parent tries to watch? I know there are a lot of people with "the rules don't apply to me" attitude (my personal pet peeve).

 

[unsure]

I'm curious . . . what happens if a parent tries to watch? I know there are a lot of people with "the rules don't apply to me" attitude (my personal pet peeve).

I think there may be some that do that to some extent, but I have followed the new rules so that no one can point any fingers at me.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

I'm curious . . . what happens if a parent tries to watch? I know there are a lot of people with "the rules don't apply to me" attitude (my personal pet peeve).

like the parent that Geoff posted about that just walked right out in to the gym. forget that the gym is our workplace/space/office.

 

[mtbmom]

like the parent that Geoff posted about that just walked right out in to the gym. forget that the gym is our workplace/space/office.

I bet you LOVE that close parental input! Must really add to the coaching.