Parents The guilt...

[Jen H.]

I know I am preaching to the choir here...but it really is the only "safe" place to do it, and where I know you all will get it.

The guilt, oh the guilt.

I know my girl has had it relatively mild in regards to injuries, but she did have elbow surgery in the past Spring, and it absolutely kills me when I see her scar. It is still thick, and purple, and a reminder of her fragility. Despite being stronger and fitter, and fiercer than most other 13 year old girls, she is still just a somewhat fragile young girl.

And the concussion that she had, which was terrifying. She was so confused, and helpless, and scared when it happened, and for few days after. She recovered just as good as new, but it still nags at me that I somehow "let" her get a brain injury.

And the ongoing nagging back pain, seeing her quietly take Motrin, not wanting to alarm me, but me knowing that she is needing it. Seeing her pack ice on her back after a particularly hard practice...

The endless bruises on the inside of her ankles from snapping her legs together on cast to handstands, or the inside if her ankles from doing the same on floor when twisting.
The jammed fingers and toes, the ripped off fingernail that took my breath away when I saw it, that she didn't even mention.
It is all her normal. Her normal which she wouldn't change. Her normal that she loves.

And her older sister who had an ACL replacement this year as well...who kept competing and smiling through the pain until her ACL was actually gone...her coaches didn't even believe she was injured because she kept on keeping on until it wa so unstable that she couldn't do much of anything. (This was cheer btw)

It Is a reminder to me of how all of the injuries that I incurred while growing up- different sport, but still a grueling one. It is a reminder of how busted up I am, facing back surgery, have had 2 knee surgeries, and countless concussions that I know is the reason for how my brain operates today.

I know this is her thing, and that she is still so much in love with this sport, and would have to be forcibly made to quit. It just makes me worry sometimes that she is going to be body-old before her time like I am.

I know this is one of the prices of gymnastics, I get it, I do.
It is just one of the not so pleasant parts of gymnastics that I don't like so much.

 

[l.c.o]

It Is a reminder to me of how all of the injuries that I incurred while growing up- different sport, but still a grueling one. It is a reminder of how busted up I am, facing back surgery, have had 2 knee surgeries, and countless concussions that I know is the reason for how my brain operates today.

I know this is her thing, and that she is still so much in love with this sport, and would have to be forcibly made to quit. It just makes me worry sometimes that she is going to be body-old before her time like I am.

I know this is one of the prices of gymnastics, I get it, I do.
It is just one of the not so pleasant parts of gymnastics that I don't like so much.

One leading question: Do you blame your parents or assign any guilt to them over your sports injuries as a child?

While I do completely empathize with you - as parents I think it's hard sometimes to really absorb the responsibility for our kids' wellness. Please know that it's not something that I take lightly as a parent, so I'm not being flippant at all when I say this: you need to let that part of it go. You did not cause your child's injuries and pain any more than your parents caused your injuries and pain. They could have been injured or hurt doing anything. Maybe doing after school chess instead puts them on the road during the optimal timing for a car accident. Would you blame yourself then? We have no way to control any outcomes.

My DD's one and so far only concussion came from being unexpectedly run into from behind by a much larger kid on the playground while her hands were full - her forehead broke her fall.

Whether any of your children should or should not continue in any sport is something you of course should give some thought. And considering their long-term health and happiness and balancing that against their happiness now is by no means an easy feat and is an entirely different subject. And of course, your personal experience can and should weigh in here. Do you regret continuing in a sport which caused (multiple?) head injuries/concussions that sounds like they left some degree of lasting effects? Was it worth it to you? If not, that is definitely something to consider. Not out of any mom guilt though - but rather after rationalizing any real compounded long-term risks.

My DD did both gym and cheer (she did fly... terrifying) for two years and I know personally that neither is for the faint of heart and both come with their own set of worries. I do occasionally worry about big injuries - I think most of us do but try to ignore it. I also have worried whether I would be at fault... and the contents of this post are the results of much careful thought. Good luck and sending hugs. I know feelings aren't rational by nature, but know you're doing your best to make you children happy and keep them healthy - that's something a good mom does.

 

[raenndrops]

You didn't cause any of the injuries your girls have had. There is no reason for you to feel guilty (said as someone who has had 22 concussions from various activities... Including playing the trombone, lol).

 

[Jen H.]

One leading question: Do you blame your parents or assign any guilt to them over your sports injuries as a child?

I don't blame them, they were both as busy as I am, without all the modern day advantages that I have at my disposal (cell phone, Internet, etc...) and really, this post is not THAT deep
I am really just taking this from the point of seeing her visible scars, her invisible ones, and the fact that I a am a broke-down mess!

 

[Jen H.]

You didn't cause any of the injuries your girls have had. There is no reason for you to feel guilty (said as someone who has had 22 concussions from various activities... Including playing the trombone, lol).

Please explain the trombone injury??!!

 

[l.c.o]

I don't blame them, they were both as busy as I am, without all the modern day advantages that I have at my disposal (cell phone, Internet, etc...) and really, this post is not THAT deep
I am really just taking this from the point of seeing her visible scars, her invisible ones, and the fact that I a am a broke-down mess!

I wasn't necessarily thinking you were taking it that deep, just trying to make a point that really, we often feel guilt as parents that shouldn't really exist.

It's of course natural to see physical scars and feel their pain and feel empathy for them. But really, I guess my point is you shouldn't feel guilty. Sad for them, sure. But not guilt...

 

[raenndrops]

Please explain the trombone injury??!!

OK... So at the end of 7th grade, the band teacher "made me an offer I couldn't refuse"... He would GIVE me a trombone and all I had to do was play it in 8th grade - 12th grade. I wanted to be in band, but as a drummer. I couldn't afford any instrument. So, after talking to my parents, I took him up on the offer. After getting the trombone and playing it once, my stepmom said I had to practice outside.
There was only one place outside that I could put the sheet music, so that was where I practiced. I had (undiagnosed at the time) asthma. About two weeks in, I was getting better. I was practicing a whole song, but I got dizzy and fell back, hitting my head on the "grass" ... Which we didn't know had a brick sidewalk underneath. Lost consciousness, but came to quickly. Because of the LOC, I actually went to the ER (I had had concussions before, but rarely went to the ER for them). I was diagnosed with a concussion. They attributed the dizziness to trying too hard (stepmom took me and didnt know about the undiagnosed asthma - doc refused to diagnose me at 2 years old because "it would follow her for life and she may outgrow it".) I took 2 weeks off the trombone.
I played trombone for 2 more weeks, but when I got a 2nd concussion in 4 weeks, I had to give it up.
I am a freak. I accept it. But I am not as bad as my sister who shredded her ACL in her sleep - by rolling over! She had it replaced a couple years ago because of it. The pics were cool... Looked like strands of yarn in the before pics

 

[GYM0M]

I get it. I feel the same way too when my 10 year old is toting a bucket of ice water and asking for the heating pad....... And there have been times when I've considered that it's too much pain for her to deal with, but I balance it by considering how much pain it would cause her if I told her she had to quit.

 

[Committed]

I get it. I feel the same way too when my 10 year old is toting a bucket of ice water and asking for the heating pad....... And there have been times when I've considered that it's too much pain for her to deal with, but I balance it by considering how much pain it would cause her if I told her she had to quit.

Right?!?
My DD just had to do a Google Presentation titled "All About Me". She had to include pictures (not her own photos) and quotes. Every single one had to do with gymnastics....... I gently nudged her to add a non-gym slide! So, there is a lone graphic of a soccer ball!

 

[sleeping judy]

I feel guilt too. My 9 year old just feel off the monkey bars last week in our back yard and badly broke his arm. Just planted wrong and broke the radius and his ulna. Had to be put under to have it surgically "set." Every time someone asks how it happens or if I was watching him, gives me a pang of guilt. Crap happens, kids get hurt either doing sports or not. I think guilt and worry are part of the territory of parenting that I wasn't prepared for

 

[UnoMas]

I go back and forth with guilt too, every day, as I try to get my "old" teenage DD through the last few years of her gym career. It is day to day. She is beat up by this sport and her body is trying to tell her "no more"!

However...my daughter cried the most tears I have ever seen her cry on the day I told her that she might seriously need to think about quitting gym. Way more tears than she's ever cried from any injury or procedure she has experienced. It's a constant battle and balancing act. Right now the positives from gym, past and present outweigh the negatives so we continue to try and hang in there with her.

I think if they weren't doing gym that we as parents would simply find other things to be guilty about, but I definitely understand what you're saying. I know I would feel guilty if she were lying on the couch texting all day and being inactive and unhealthy. It's a balance. Hang in there and hang on!

 

[Taurus]

This one hurts me just to read it. And it's a feeling that all moms can understand. You will know in your heart if the day comes when it's just too much but until then, be strong for her and for yourself. I have to remind myself that, for my gymnast, the time she gets to spend flipping and flying through the air is so brief a time in her life that the only thing I can do is enjoy her happiness now