Parents Uggh....

[sppd]

Good Morning Chalk Bucketeers,

Our Daughter changed gyms about 10 months ago, and has been developing well under a great coach. She has become extremely close with her teammates and all was going well. Suddenly without any real notice we learn that her coach will be moving to a new gym effective immediately. We have heard a little from both sides (gym and coach) and are not sure what the real story is. Neither side is claiming any wrong doing, safety, or anything concerning, but more of a difference of opinion about the future direction of the gym. We are not taking sides, and just want our daughter to be able to focus on training and enjoying the sport. This sudden change leaves our daughter without a coach for State, but the Head Coach of the gym appears to be stepping in to get her through State.

Last night was a mess at the gym, lots of tears and goodbyes between the girls. As it stands right now ALL of her teammates (except one who came mid-season) have immediately withdrawn their girls to follow the coach to his new gym. Our daughter is obviously distraught, as her gym change last year was tough on her, and now when everything is starting to click, wham-o. My daughter who is tough as nails and always positive, hysterically cried herself to sleep. My daughters teammates (now former) have always communicated via group texts and since my daughter does not have her own phone my wife receives the group texts on her device. The texts from her teammates had my wife in tears as well. As I have mentioned in previous posts we are very hands off gym parents, and until last night we had no idea that our daughter was held in such high regard by her teammates and their families. It was heart breaking to read that the girls feel like they cannot be a team without my daughter, and how sad they are.

You may be wondering why we would not just change gyms as well, since we are very pleased with her coach and she has a great group of teammates (truly friends). For us it is not that simple unfortunately. The gym that her coach and team are going to is my daughters old gym. Despite being told that our daughter could not return when we left the old gym, her coach sent me an email saying that he sees so much potential in our daughter that he has talked to the owner of our old gym and convinced him to allow us back if we would like to follow him as well. He has also offered to facilitate a meeting with the owners to make sure that we are all on the same page. We have learned that there are major differences between why we left the old gym and why the old gym thinks we left.

We are planning to stay put and get through state. After state we will have to evaluate how my daughter does under the Head Coach. The Head Coach is a very successful, talented, and highly regarded coach, but has a very different coaching style than my daughter has been used to in her 4 years of competitive gymnastics. Truth be told we are not even sure that the Head Coach will even accept our daughter to train under him, as it appears that he is very selective of who he will coach.

I guess we will just have to wait and see what the future holds, and try to be supportive of our daughter through this unexpected and difficult change. I am sincerely sick over all of this and hope that it does not have a lasting impact on our daughter or her love of the sport.

SPPD

 

[reluctant]

All I can say is this sounds very very upsetting. I am sorry that you are going through this. Changes at the gym are really really hard. Just take it one day at a time. I am sure it feels really raw right now. We went through a (sort of) similar experience and it does get better with time.

 

[skschlag]

What a difficult place to be in. I am so sorry. Good luck with state and the decision...

 

[LGnyc]

That whole post was a gut punch to read. I can't even fathom how it felt to live through it. That said, I think you have a fantastic game plan. So many parents would have just made snap decisions or put a plan into motion before sitting back and evaluating. I think you are doing the absolutely right thing in taking time. Btw, what level is your dd? What are her goals? Can you share why you left your old gym (for perspective and navigating going forward)? Good luck with everything.

 

[stillhoping]

I would be tempted to follow the coach to the new gym.

 

[Ali'sMom]

I'm so sorry your daughter is in flux right now!

I'm glad you're waiting through States.
My big question would be - why did you leave old gym, and have those circumstances changed? That would be a big factor to me...

 

[Tuppy]

It sounds unbelievably hard. I'm so sorry.

 

[NutterButter]

I'm really sorry. This is stressful no matter what but even more so that it's right before state. I see nothing wrong with taking a deep breath and waiting until the dust settles to make a decision. Sounds like there are some unknowns now and waiting until the shock and emotion surrounding the shock has worn off is good.

 

[sce]

Wow, how tough. No word of advice, sounds like you are handling an awful situation quite well. Much hugs to you and your Dd.

 

[MILgymFAM]

That really, really stinks. I think it’s great that the coach and your DDs teammates think so highly of her and want her to follow. I think the rest is so hard!

A couple of questions- you said the HC may not wish to train your DD after states. Does that mean she’s off the team or will there be a coach replacing the one who has left? Have you spoken to the HC about your DDs place going forward? Also, did you leave the original gym due to a coaching issue? If so, would that be resolved since she would get the coach she loves? If there was another reason for the switch, has it resolved or can it be resolved? Finally, just in case it all goes south after states, are there other gym options not yet explored?

Honestly, I’m floored that the coach left with so little notice and no real explanation and all the other girls followed. As a parent I would be hesitant to follow a coach that doesn’t even bother to see a season through to the end- it seems really unprofessional to me, barring a major safety-type issue.

 

[sppd]

Btw, what level is your dd? What are her goals? Can you share why you left your old gym (for perspective and navigating going forward)? Good luck with everything.

I'm so sorry your daughter is in flux right now!

I'm glad you're waiting through States.
My big question would be - why did you leave old gym, and have those circumstances changed? That would be a big factor to me...

Our Daughter is a Level 7 (11 years old), who has been scoring in the high 35s and low-mid 36's AA. She has been up-training and is on-track to compete Level 8 next year. Her goals are to chase her gymnastics dream as far as it will take her. When the time comes that the sport is done with her or she is done with the sport she plans to coach (after being the President for 8 years of course) .

The bottom line of why we left the old gym had to do with scheduling issues for the summer (other stuff too, but not deal breakers). I have no idea if those circumstances have changed or not. Clearly there was a misunderstanding at some point because why we left is not why they think we left. This is why her coach is willing to facilitate a meeting between the gym owners and us to get us on the same page if we decide to consider going back.

I am just sick over all of this for my daughters sake.

SPPD

 

[Sasha]

Honestly, I’m floored that the coach left with so little notice and no real explanation and all the other girls followed. As a parent I would be hesitant to follow a coach that doesn’t even bother to see a season through to the end- it seems really unprofessional to me, barring a major safety-type issue.

Could be, but I have also seen/heard of coaches be pushed to the wall with little choice but to leave at inconvenient times, or literally ousted (without that being made the public story). And speaking out on the 'real explanation' when the root case may be owner/HC disagreement could sometimes be a career killer. Or heck, sometimes a golden opportunity comes up at an inconvenient time, timing isn't negotiable, and one has to think of their own and their family's future.

I have no idea of the case here, but I agree that the reasons, whatever they may be, could very well factor into my decision to stay or go (if it were my DD).

ETA: I have also seen it be the norm that owners don't permit advance announcement of a coaching departure in cases where a competing gym, or coaching disagreement is part of the cause. Of course there is often still rumor and chatter, but official announcements might come same day as departure. I have seen this in business in some cases, too, in an attempt to reduce the in-person employee chatter with the departing team member.

 

[sppd]

That really, really stinks. I think it’s great that the coach and your DDs teammates think so highly of her and want her to follow. I think the rest is so hard!

A couple of questions- you said the HC may not wish to train your DD after states. Does that mean she’s off the team or will there be a coach replacing the one who has left? Have you spoken to the HC about your DDs place going forward? Also, did you leave the original gym due to a coaching issue? If so, would that be resolved since she would get the coach she loves? If there was another reason for the switch, has it resolved or can it be resolved? Finally, just in case it all goes south after states, are there other gym options not yet explored?

Honestly, I’m floored that the coach left with so little notice and no real explanation and all the other girls followed. As a parent I would be hesitant to follow a coach that doesn’t even bother to see a season through to the end- it seems really unprofessional to me, barring a major safety-type issue.

He planned to stay through State, but when he put in his notice they told him not to return.

The HC currently has 3 girls. After last night there are only 5 optional girls left including my daughter. I was told that they do not plan to hire another coach. Since there will only be 5 optional girls left. Optional is a very small part of the profitability of this gym, so there is no question about the gym surviving this, however we have not had an opportunity to speak directly to the HC, but the woman who runs the office stated that our daughter could stay and the HC would get her through State. Again we are in wait and see mode. I am guessing that there will not be a whole lot of answers before state. Our Goal is to have our Daughter focus on getting through state and doing well. When the dust settles we will have those conversations that need to take place. It is going to be tough enough to keep our Daughter focused, that perhaps now is not the time to have a talk with the HC with questions he probably cannot answer since he is also focused on his 3 girls upcoming State Meets.

SPPD

 

[suebee]

Do you mind if I ask why the old gym thinks you left?

It’s a hard situation. My 2 cents as only a gym mom is that coaches seem to come and go. Each coach is different and has strengths and weaknesses. The philosophy of the gym comes from the owner and/or HC, even if they aren’t the ones coaching your kid every day.

Even if you love the Now-former coach but you have a difference of philosophy with the owner/hc of the old gym, I’d be reluctant to switch back.

And to stay in new gym, you’d have to feel that the HC/owner is a good fit for your kid and will even continue to train her. 5 kids for optionals does not sound ideal in many ways, especially if she was really enjoying the team aspect of it.

Maybe there are some other local gyms to consider?

 

[Flyaway]

First of all I'm so sorry that you and your dd are in the middle of this. I think you are absolutely right to not jump ship immediately. I am definitely a "wait until the dust settles" kind of person. It is very difficult to make decisions when you don't have all the information. That being said, is the coach that is moving ok with you guys waiting a bit before making the decision to switch gyms? I would make sure that the offer to facilitate a meeting with the owners extends beyond this initial moment or you might end up with a situation where current HC doesn't want to train dd and she's exceeded the timeline of welcome at the new gym too. Of course that would be worst case scenario and I truly hope that doesn't happen.

 

[MILgymFAM]

Is the old coach taking the girls to states still? Are their practices remaining the same, simply at a new location? If your biggest concern is getting through states with the least stress, it may be worth it to get the HC to go out of his way and speak to you about the future. He cannot possibly be so busy that your family doesn’t deserve a bit of his time at this point. If he isn’t willing to train your DD post states, maybe she should join her teammates ASAP. If he is willing but you know or discover that it’s not to work for your DD, same thing. Or, I would ride out where you are until states and then seek a third option. Was the summer schedule truly the make or break for the first gym? They’re rarely convenient for parents, but in the grand scheme of things I’ve not heard of people leaving over them either.

 

[CuriousCate]

My concern is that if you wait too long to "feel it out" at your current gym, will the owner at the old gym who told you not to return change his/her mind about giving your DD another opportunity to be on their team? Personally, though, I'd be sure to talk with your current HC about the future for your daughter there. If he/she can't find the time to do that, well there's your answer and you need to leave. If he/she wants to train your daughter long term, then it might be worth staying if he/she is a good coach.

ETA - I just worry that if situations change and your current HC does not decide to train your DD, that you may be out of luck at your former gym. The owner of that gym might just be opening a small window for you and you don't know when/if it will shut.

 

[John]

I would have the conversation with the old gym. The current gym seems to what if and with 5 optionals hand picked by the HC it is possible your DD will be without a team after states. Have the Meeting ASAP.

 

[sce]

I would have the conversation with the old gym. The current gym seems to what if and with 5 optionals hand picked by the HC it is possible your DD will be without a team after states. Have the Meeting ASAP.

I agree, have the conversation. You can then use all the information to make the best decision moving forward.

 

[raenndrops]

I agree with others... have the meeting with the old gym sooner rather than later... BUT I would suggest NOT involving DD at this point. Wait to hear them out and see if the summer schedule will be an issue, etc.