Parents understanding that how you practice affects how you compete

[rosiekat]

Any tips on explaining this to my son (8 y.o., L5)? He is a talented kid, and wants to go far in gymnastics. He works at practice, but not to his full potential, particularly in the events he doesn't like so much. He just had his first meet of the season and did well, but he didn't quite understand why he didn't do better. His coach and I agree, he is capable of being a stellar gymnast, he just doesn't see that he has to push himself to get better in order to be better.

This isn't me being CGM, this is truly something he loves and he wants to do well in. This is rather typical of how he does things, though - for example, in schoolwork, he'll settle for "good enough" when he is capable of better. I'm just trying to figure out how to help him see the cause and effect here. I know at least some of this is an age and maturity thing, of course, but any other tips?

 

[Iwannabemargo]

its so a boy thing, I have 2 of each and although my eldest boy and youngest girl are very competitive he will still do the minimum necessary to get by, whilst she will go the extra mile - and he is 18 ! If you find the answer, let me know.

 

[GymDad9.9]

Getting out what you put into practice is something of a mantra for my daughter. She tells me of all the girls who cheat in their drills and don't work hard in practice and I tell her always that that lack of effort will be reflected in their competitions. It seems to have stuck with her.

Not sure if there are any gymnasts your son admires, but perhaps there are You Tube videos that have them talking about how hard they practice and their work ethic. Seeing those you admire in the sport speak to the process can usually be helpful.

 

[meganliz77]

I don't know that I can offer a great deal of advice, but I have similar issues (personality wise) with my oldest non-gymnast DD. She is a bright and capable girl. But she has always been okay with being somewhere in the middle. She could do better in school, but doesn't. Extra credit to boost a grade? Nope. She also is not very competitive - like at all. Drives me a little nuts, because I am the complete opposite of that (as are my other two kiddos). She is an archer - and knows very well that if she practiced more her scores would go up, but she doesn't. One could maybe say it's laziness? I don't know... I don't view her as being lazy, just not super competitive. She is okay with being in the middle, holding the status quo, blending in. But I also have learned that you cannot develop motivation (best word I could come up with) in someone. They have to want it (whatever 'it' is). And they have to want it more than they want to stay/or do the same. She is 15. It has always been like this. She is not an over-achiever and I doubt she will ever be. And I have had to learn to be okay with that. Which BTW is super hard, because as parents we want to encourage and push our kiddos to do well, be better, want more - I still do this, but just in a different way so that she feels support but not pressure. But until she wants it for herself, it just won't happen!!

I think at 8 yo, your son probably recognizes their is a connection between efforts at practice and competition results. I doubt there is something you can say to him that will help him understand it more than him experiencing it the way he already is (his recent meet). Another consideration - if he is talented, I would be willing to bet some of this all comes easy to him. I have read on this board several times over - stated in various ways, but boils down to this - "hard work beats talent, when talent doesn't work hard". If he is truly unsatisfied with his meet results over time, I would be willing to bet he will make the changes he needs to. It just might be a bit later than a caring parent would hope it would be Good luck!

 

[Madden3]

As long as the problem is "not working to his potential" and not "goofing off and frustrating the coach, disrupting practice and distracting the other gymnasts." I suggest, let him so his thing so it keeps gym fun so he does not quit. 8 is too young to expect a typical boy to have that kind of competitive focus where they take every minute of practice seriously. Most kids want the good results at meets, of course, but youngers are typically not capable of the self discipline required to really focus and work hard every moment at practice. If he really loves the sport and wants to do well, he eventually will develop the maturity to do the necessary work. What is key is staying IN the sport. It's about the long haul, especially for boys.

 

[skschlag]

Such a boy thing! My ds has had this his whole life. He is now a L9 and is just now starting to see the benefit of practicing harder. sigh. He can even tell you that he does better in meets than he practices. Very frustrating, but we have just let him work thru it to see how it plays out.

 

[momstrong]

its so a boy thing, I have 2 of each and although my eldest boy and youngest girl are very competitive he will still do the minimum necessary to get by, whilst she will go the extra mile - and he is 18 ! If you find the answer, let me know.

Yep, that was my first thought too - it's a boy thing! My 12 yo ds isn't doing gym anymore - focusing on baseball, but it's his common MO in everything he does. He could easily get good grades, but is seeing B's and even dipping into C+ range occasionally unless we ride him daily. Frustrating!

 

[GymDad9.9]

It's a boy thing! Talk about over generalizations!

 

[Iwannabemargo]

It's a boy thing! Talk about over generalizations!

Or lots of experience

 

[GymDad9.9]

Or lots of experience

I'm one of five boys. My very experienced Mother would beg to differ!

 

[momstrong]

It's a boy thing! Talk about over generalizations!

True, now I feel bad saying that about my son, but it is more my experience with him than my daughter. I'm sure there are plenty of girls that fit into the same category!

 

[JumpingBean]

It doesn't really matter what you know he is capable of or what his coach thinks his potential is and what he could really accomplish if he applied himself more. If he, himself, is satisfied with his results (not numerical but his perception of himself), he will continue as he is. It's only when his expectations of himself will stop meeting reality that he will realize more effort is needed. What are his goals? If he ups them internally, he will adjust his effort. All you can do is wait. If he is competitive enough and goal oriented enough, he will get there. And it's not a boy thing

 

[sce]

He is young. If he enjoys what he is doing, he will continue. He has years of hard work ahead. He will put the time and effort in.

 

[rosiekat]

It doesn't really matter what you know he is capable of or what his coach thinks his potential is and what he could really accomplish if he applied himself more. If he, himself, is satisfied with his results (not numerical but his perception of himself), he will continue as he is. It's only when his expectations of himself will stop meeting reality that he will realize more effort is needed. What are his goals? If he ups them internally, he will adjust his effort. All you can do is wait. If he is competitive enough and goal oriented enough, he will get there. And it's not a boy thing

LOL, I'm not worried about his goals as he thinks he'll make the Olympics. And skill/ability wise, he's probably got as good a shot at it as any other 8 year old. That's why I wish he could see sooner rather than later that the effort gives the result, otherwise he's got a snowball's chance (well, less than a snowball's chance, since actually making it is statistically impossible anyway!).

He truly loves being at the gym, and that is the most important thing.

Another consideration - if he is talented, I would be willing to bet some of this all comes easy to him. I have read on this board several times over - stated in various ways, but boils down to this - "hard work beats talent, when talent doesn't work hard".

It has all come relatively easy to him - he still has to work and practice, but the skills so far have been fairly easy for him. At L4, he was fine as long as he showed up all the time. Now at L5, he is mostly OK but there are definitely skills that need work and lots of fine tuning. I've tried to emphasize how much I admire hard work and give him the positive praise for that, but the reality is that he can (sort of) coast at this level and do fine. So that frustrates me, and then when he wonders why he didn't do better at a meet, it's like a concept he's never heard of. He has his first really big meet this weekend, and while part of me wants him to do well, part of me wants him to get skunked so that he asks the question for real.

And in fairness, he has matured so much just in the last year, and I do attribute a lot of that to his time at the gym and with his coach. Maybe some of it is simply me not understanding the brain of an 8-year-old boy! He loves being at the gym, and I know he's gotten so much more than just athletic skill from being there - and I know that's what really matters.

 

[Alie21]

My 7YO DS is very similar in attitude - you are not alone! There are a couple of boys the same as him and a couple of more driven ones in his training group. There is one quite laid back girl in my daughters group but on the whole the boys seem less focused than the girls.

Great posts above. We try to point out frequently when his hard work and persistence pays off in all aspects of his life not just at gym (as most of the time I wouldn't have a clue what is going on!) to try to get the 'hard work pays off eventually' message across. My son could use that training shirt that says "Don't wish for it, work for it" I'm hoping that with maturity the work ethic improves but also realise that this is just my DS's personality and that he is totally happy with himself as is - except that brief 'why didn't I score better' moment He was (unsurprisingly) disappointed to be 0.001 (yep that is the correct number of decimal places!) away from scoring gold band at States - I had to bite my tongue not to say "point your toes"

Good luck to him!

 

[Madden3]

I agree being in gymnastics with a positive role model coach can help boys gain confidence and focus as they mature. And yes, I am not saying your child is in any way immature. I am saying, he is 8. He is not supposed to be mature.

Every boy in the gym probably dreams of being at the Olympics someday. I bet virtually every competitive gymnast dreams of that, a kid at his first rec class may dream of that. It is a fantasy, a dream, not a goal. Dreams have their place, of course. But alone they are not sufficient for motivation. For that you need goals. Goals have to be measureable and attainable in the not too distant future, and the younger the person, the less distant the better.

So a goal might be "I will learn this new skill so I can compete it by...." or "I will improve my all around by X amount by the last meet of the season" or "When I compete I will count in my head for each hold and not just assume I held it long enough" or "I will stick every event at the next meet." For your son, maybe his goals can be more about practice. "I will not cheat on the conditioning circuit" or "While I wait my turn I will practice hand stands" or 'I will really challenge myself during stretching."

I am not suggesting your son needs to set goals like that. I stand by my point that it is a marathon, not a sprint (if I may steal a phrase) and the last thing you want to do is make gym too much pressure and not fun so he becomes sick of it at the half mile mark. But I think if you feel it is important he work harder at practice, maybe helping him develop those types of goals, perhaps with coach's input, might help. My younger DS is 10 and a level 6 and is having a much better season than last year, in part because he set realistic goals for himself where he could have some clear successes linked to his efforts.