Parents Update - possible change but long commute - input appreciated!

[LJL07]

I did it for about 5 years, 90 minutes one way and an hour home, and I’m still not over it, I rarely drive at all anymore, covid gave me a break and she’s in college now. She’s done well in D1 gymnastics, so it was worth it. It came at a cost to me in terms of my conditioning and I RSVP no to events over 30 minutes away. It was also hard on my other 2 kids. So I don’t know what the answer is. She’s at a college she probably wouldn’t have gotten into wo gymnastics but it was her first choice and a top program. She walked on, turning down scholarships at other schools but she’s very happy. She worked hard and got academic scholarships. I may not have done it for that long if I had a do over but it’s worth trying.

You and bookworm are rock stars. We are on year 4 of an hour commute each way with at least 3 more years to go. I am exhausted. The good: both of my girls do the commute and love the gym. They go to brick and mortar school, and the schools have been generous about letting them leave early to attend an early afternoon practice a few days a week. The bad: If there is an injury and we need to work in PT, forget it. Or even just regular old doctor appointments. Or the dentist. They just have to miss practice. Basically doing anything else becomes impossible when we factor in our work schedules.
One thing that has helped, but I also realize it might not be feasible for everyone, is that we hired a driver to get them out there. It is not cheap though.
They are both very happy. I have no idea given where we live if this will pan out in a college walk on spot or scholarship. All I know is that I am very, very tired.

 

[CLgym]

@LJL07 -- Curious how you found a reliable driver? Did you use a transportation company? This is an idea I have playing around with a little -- probably not at first, while my DD gets adjusted -- but eventually.

So, it looks like we are going to make the change! In the end, there wasn't really a choice at all. I met with current HC who basically set an ultimatum: DD gets her missing skills back by October (backwards connection on beam, flipping vault) or moves to Xcel.

The meeting was frustrating. HC attributed DD's struggles to a lack of motivation, and when I suggested what looked like lazy was actually anxiety, it was brushed off as "that's the trouble with kids these days." There was no self-reflection or insight on how to help DD, and I got the impression DD would be solely responsible for getting her missing skills without any kind of plan to help. HC also seemed weirdly uninformed. For example, HC asked me if I thought DD could get her skills by October -- I mean, how the heck would I know?? I am neither gymnast nor coach. When I threw the question back at HC, there was no real answer. In fact, HC was unable to answer even a simple question, like how DD was doing on floor. Oh, and possibly the worst part, HC blamed another gymnast by name (who had major fear issues and recently quit) as a reason why girls felt they could avoid skills that were scary. The whole thing was yuck. Later that evening, I got an email that my charge card transaction for DD's new comp leo had been voided. So I guess that ultimately answered my questions.

Unfortunately, DD is really having a hard time letting go. She's been at current gym since age 7. She needs time to process the change and grieve her loss, so we are taking baby steps. It's breaking my heart a little. So many good memories and friendships.... Not at all the way I wanted this thing to go.

 

[RTT2]

Sorry to hear it was such an awful ending, CL. Clearly, you are doing the right thing in getting her out of that environment, and I hope the new gym ends up being a wonderful place for her to grow and regain her confidence.

 

[MuggleMom]

Ughh that stinks. My dd coach can be tough...sometimes too tough in my opinion, but she knows her kids and has their back. When I told her DD was worried about having skills by the season cause we missed alot this summer she said she wasnt worried at all we had plenty of time and dd was doing well. I wish she would tell my kid that more lol, but I showed my kid the text and could tell it made a difference. I would be so mad if I had a meeting like the one you had.

 

[CLgym]

Ughh that stinks. My dd coach can be tough...sometimes too tough in my opinion, but she knows her kids and has their back. When I told her DD was worried about having skills by the season cause we missed alot this summer she said she wasnt worried at all we had plenty of time and dd was doing well. I wish she would tell my kid that more lol, but I showed my kid the text and could tell it made a difference. I would be so mad if I had a meeting like the one you had.

I am angry -- which has actually helped me to move on (I keep composing "she quits" emails to HC in my head that I know I would never send). But DD isn't angry. She's just sad. Really sad. And still feels fiercely loyal to her coaches.

 

[LJL07]

@LJL07 -- Curious how you found a reliable driver? Did you use a transportation company? This is an idea I have playing around with a little -- probably not at first, while my DD gets adjusted -- but eventually.

So, it looks like we are going to make the change! In the end, there wasn't really a choice at all. I met with current HC who basically set an ultimatum: DD gets her missing skills back by October (backwards connection on beam, flipping vault) or moves to Xcel.

The meeting was frustrating. HC attributed DD's struggles to a lack of motivation, and when I suggested what looked like lazy was actually anxiety, it was brushed off as "that's the trouble with kids these days." There was no self-reflection or insight on how to help DD, and I got the impression DD would be solely responsible for getting her missing skills without any kind of plan to help. HC also seemed weirdly uninformed. For example, HC asked me if I thought DD could get her skills by October -- I mean, how the heck would I know?? I am neither gymnast nor coach. When I threw the question back at HC, there was no real answer. In fact, HC was unable to answer even a simple question, like how DD was doing on floor. Oh, and possibly the worst part, HC blamed another gymnast by name (who had major fear issues and recently quit) as a reason why girls felt they could avoid skills that were scary. The whole thing was yuck. Later that evening, I got an email that my charge card transaction for DD's new comp leo had been voided. So I guess that ultimately answered my questions.

Unfortunately, DD is really having a hard time letting go. She's been at current gym since age 7. She needs time to process the change and grieve her loss, so we are taking baby steps. It's breaking my heart a little. So many good memories and friendships.... Not at all the way I wanted this thing to go.

What a crummy ending! I'm so sorry for your daughter. As far as the commute, we live in a college town. We hired a college student to help out, and at the end of the school year, we had our current driver help us find a new driver. It's an easy job, so we have never had much difficulty finding someone. You could try putting a post on facebook. It really relieved some of the burden even though it cost us.

 

[txgymfan]

What a crummy ending! I'm so sorry for your daughter. As far as the commute, we live in a college town. We hired a college student to help out, and at the end of the school year, we had our current driver help us find a new driver. It's an easy job, so we have never had much difficulty finding someone. You could try putting a post on facebook. It really relieved some of the burden even though it cost us.

Most areas have a Nanny and Sitter group for an areas. Look for “Your Area nanny and Sitter” and post what you need with hours and a pay range, people looking for jobs scout those pages daily.

 

[PeanutsMom]

@LJL07 -- Curious how you found a reliable driver? Did you use a transportation company? This is an idea I have playing around with a little -- probably not at first, while my DD gets adjusted -- but eventually.

So, it looks like we are going to make the change! In the end, there wasn't really a choice at all. I met with current HC who basically set an ultimatum: DD gets her missing skills back by October (backwards connection on beam, flipping vault) or moves to Xcel.

The meeting was frustrating. HC attributed DD's struggles to a lack of motivation, and when I suggested what looked like lazy was actually anxiety, it was brushed off as "that's the trouble with kids these days." There was no self-reflection or insight on how to help DD, and I got the impression DD would be solely responsible for getting her missing skills without any kind of plan to help. HC also seemed weirdly uninformed. For example, HC asked me if I thought DD could get her skills by October -- I mean, how the heck would I know?? I am neither gymnast nor coach. When I threw the question back at HC, there was no real answer. In fact, HC was unable to answer even a simple question, like how DD was doing on floor. Oh, and possibly the worst part, HC blamed another gymnast by name (who had major fear issues and recently quit) as a reason why girls felt they could avoid skills that were scary. The whole thing was yuck. Later that evening, I got an email that my charge card transaction for DD's new comp leo had been voided. So I guess that ultimately answered my questions.

Unfortunately, DD is really having a hard time letting go. She's been at current gym since age 7. She needs time to process the change and grieve her loss, so we are taking baby steps. It's breaking my heart a little. So many good memories and friendships.... Not at all the way I wanted this thing to go.

I am so sorry. When my daughter retired from the first gym, we were told, "All gymnasts reach their end. Some just end sooner. We saw it coming." And when I responded that the favoritism, lack of support, no plan to help get past fears, I got the same response you did..she was lazy and other girls work harder. Why is that the go to line for coaches? Fear and laziness are NOT the same thing. I have yet to see an Optionals level gymnast who made it to Optionals be "lazy". Perhaps some are not on the elite track, some may not even be on the college track, but gymnastics and lazy do not usually go together. I understand your anger. My daughter understands your DD's grief. I wish you both the very best and I am furious that yet another coach has simply washed their hands of a struggling athlete rather than help them. Peace and hugs to you.

 

[Lightning L]

I just happened to fall into this convo while looking at what “Optional Prep” was really prepping for. Is “Optionals” the USAG team? My girl has been in AAU Xcel silver for a couple years (1 season no meets due to Covid). We did REC for years and my DD self taught herself lots of skills at home.
The gym she was at I have been unimpressed lately with the coach. Needless to say the coach she has had since she was little quit. The gym put a teen girl that competed last year in charge of coaching the AAU team! Competitive gymnastics is a big sacrifice financially for our family. I was not willing to pay that kind of money for a novice coach. The Xcel team has lost 5 girls in the last few months.
I requested that my daughter move over to USAG Gold team at that gym and was told she needed to work on some things to move. All the answers the coach gave were BS. And she wasn’t kind about it at all. The woman tried to say she wasn’t working hard enough during conditioning. I’ve watched the girls on that team and my DD is very comparable in skills. And her stage presence far exceeds lots of the girls.
We pulled my DD this week and are moving gyms in hopes it will repair her passion for gymnastics as she was ready to quit. It was a hard decision and there was lots of sadness that came with it.
There is more of a commute 35-40 min each way but after reading this post, I’m convinced I’ve made the right decision.