Well, that didn't go well.

[my4buffaloes]

We have officially switched gyms. The owner of the old gym was very angry at us. We tried to be very professional and positive about the switch, even complimenting the old gym in the process. But as soon as she found out she turned into a crazy, ranting woman and said some horrible things about us. Why, oh why, did it have to go that way? Why did she have to get so defensive? I just don't understand.

She even went so far as to accuse us of using her. I don't get that at all. She runs a business and provides a service. We paid for it. When we decided it didn't meet our needs any more we opted to go somewhere else. We didn't jump ship in the middle of the season or ever say anything bad about this gym. I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt, but in the end she lived up to what everyone had told me about her.

It was a horrible day yesterday dealing with this, but now that we have straightened out the camp situation (we were supposed to go with that gym) I think we can officially put this past us. My daughter is only 9 and it is sad that she had to learn at such an early age how some people can be so two faced. We tried to shelter her from the anger as much as possible, but she knows - some anyway. Ugh! Does it always go like this when you switch gyms?

Jennifer

 

[IJustWriteChecks]

We had this same situation a few years back. Just stay positive and focused on your new situation. It does get easier. Will your daughter be competing against her former teammates and have the possibility of running into her prior coach? We had a few tense meetings the first year after we left, but now everything is fine. Best of luck at your new gym, and hang in there!

 

[my4buffaloes]

I don't think we will run into them very often. Emma will be at level 5 at the new gym and the old gym didn't even offer a level 5 option (the owner now claims she was going to start one this fall). Which makes the way she acted make even less sense. I am trying to do the right thing and not get into it with her, but it is hard!

 

[AGM78910]

We have officially switched gyms. The owner of the old gym was very angry at us. We tried to be very professional and positive about the switch, even complimenting the old gym in the process. But as soon as she found out she turned into a crazy, ranting woman and said some horrible things about us. Why, oh why, did it have to go that way? Why did she have to get so defensive? I just don't understand.

She even went so far as to accuse us of using her. I don't get that at all. She runs a business and provides a service. We paid for it. When we decided it didn't meet our needs any more we opted to go somewhere else. We didn't jump ship in the middle of the season or ever say anything bad about this gym. I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt, but in the end she lived up to what everyone had told me about her.

It was a horrible day yesterday dealing with this, but now that we have straightened out the camp situation (we were supposed to go with that gym) I think we can officially put this past us. My daughter is only 9 and it is sad that she had to learn at such an early age how some people can be so two faced. We tried to shelter her from the anger as much as possible, but she knows - some anyway. Ugh! Does it always go like this when you switch gyms?

Jennifer

We had the exact same experience except the ranting by the gym owner was to our faces as soon as we told him that we were leaving. We simply turned around and walked out the door with him screaming that we would be crawling back (didn't happen). Too bad my 9 year old daughter had to experience that. It upset her terribly and she did not get to say goodby to her friends.

The new gym my daughter wound up at has been such a good experience that is was worth the aggravation. We have run into that coach many times at meets and our meetings have been polite but not friendly. Not sure why some people act badly in these situations, they are providing a service that we no longer needed. It was not personal and we did not even tell anyone where she was going because we did not want anyone following us to the new gym.

We arranged for my daughter to meet off site with her best gym buddies to say goodby and she was able to have closure. She also knows that her friends will still be her friends. And it will get better, I promise.

 

[Pickle's Mom]

No advice here, but good luck at the new gym and with L5.

 

[Blackie6]

Sorry it went horrible. It is a shame that some owners don't really take the time to listen to what the parents are saying! We loved old gym, but the communication was horrible. Owner really didn't want to work with us, meet with us or care to listen to us. Our poor sweet coach was our liason and I feel horrible she had to be placed in that position when all he could've done was asked to meet with us. In the end it is a bussiness and as parents we are paying for a service. Taking it personal (owner) and yelling or screaming only may scare away others...quickly...gymnasts leaving is sometimes like an epedemic!

Good Luck to your DD in L5, it sounds like the move was better for all of you!

 

[3stars]

I'm sorry that the transition went poorly. What a horrible memory your daughter will be left with from her previous gym. Best of luck at your new gym!

 

[bookworm]

Sorry to hear what happened but not surprised at all...this type of scenario happened to us when we switched gyms 2 years ago..the coach behaved like a raving lunatic...called us names in front of my then 12 year old..said that she'd never get the skills that we were asking about ...that my daughter was destined for failure blah-blah... whenever we see them in public, the one coach is downright rude but the others are fine with our move because , lo and behold, my daughter GOT the skills they said she'd never get, and she got them the week after we got there and has competed them in every meet since!!!

And after that happened to us, I have since advised any people that are considering a gym move to move first, then inform them by email....

 

[Tumblequeensmom]

I'm learning that this happens much more frequently than I had once thought. My DD just gave notice at her current gym that she's leaving and going back to Level 7 at another gym where she can also do her high school team. I, too, wrote a complimentary email to the owner explaining her decision and why she was leaving that gym. The owner, who had been so nice and pleasant to my face (have since found out that she's a "she-devil" on Facebook w/her nasty comments about EVERYONE), delivered a one line note back to me.... "good luck w/Level 7 and don't forget that you owe tuition for the entire month of June per the 30 day clause." Evidently I was supposed to have given notice on the first day of the month before her last day. How many people seriously plan that far in advance, espec. when DD just made that decision 2 weeks ago??? I guess 30 days doesn't count from mid-month to mid-month. Oh, and don't forget my story about us being banned from her PREVIOUS gym!!! These people are CRAZY!!!! And ultimately they're just cutting themselves off at the knees!

 

[my4buffaloes]

Wow, I had no idea that it was so common for adults to behave this way. I don't get it, but thanks for the support!

Emma started last night at the new gym and loved it. She knew some of the girls from the old gym that had already switched, knew some from church and knew some from school. All the girls seemed very friendly, she loved the coaches, etc. She was beat but very happy when she came home. She is sore today, as the practice was 4 hours compared to her usual 3. I like how they do it at this gym. 3-4 hour practices, rather than 4-3 hour practices. I think this is going to work out well. I have never heard anything negative about his gym, except from the owner of the old gym. That must say something, right?

 

[mariposa]

It is very common. I have come to realize that the gym world is very competitive and I think that the owners take it very personally when someone leaves their gym for another gym. And I do get that, but I think it would be best to behave in a professional way. I kept our departure as positive as possible from DDs old gym and the owner turned it negative. I felt very bad already about leaving and that made it worse. I know she was hurt though and I do think that they let those feelings get in the way sometimes. It doesn't excuse the behavior, but I have learned to try to see it from their side. Besides it being personal, it also effects their financial situation and many, many times, leads to other kids leaving as well.

 

[Geoffrey Taucer]

For all its virtues, the world of gymnastics does have a tendency to attract divas and egomaniacs.

Sorry to hear you had a bad experience; hopefully things will work out well for you at the new gym.

 

[Flippers Mom]

It CAN go well, but it takes a lot of effort on both sides! Flipper switched gyms a year ago. We loved the old gym and coaches, but she was the only optional level gymnast and had gone to every meet alone for several years. We let the owner/head coach know that we would be leaving 1.5 months before we actually left (the new gym knew we were switching and encouraged us to work at keeping the relationship good as the owners respect each other). Flippers old gym was devastated and indicated that they feared that other team members would follow us, but we promised to actively discourage that (it's an hour drive and we promised not to offer rides, etc.). When old team members asked about hours or prices, we told them of our commitment not to recruit and just gave them the phone number if they really wanted to pursue more information.

The old gym owner and I (mom) were friends, and while it was rough for a couple of months, we remain good friends. We still get all Flippers leos through the old gym and often help that very small team with fund raisers (car washes, bake sales, etc.). Flipper still goes and visits every chance she gets and they have made it clear that she is welcome there anytime. Flipper qualified for Level 8 Regionals this year and her old gym owners made the 500 mile drive each way to go watch her compete. We felt honored and continue to be thankful to that gym. Of course, I had very little to do with this - the owner acted very professionally and has even commented that she is glad to see Flipper flourishing and doing well at the new gym and that's where she needs to be in order to have teammates.

 

[gymjoy]

Sad to hear every-bodies stories. Luck for us we have not had that experience.

We have had a few girls leave dd's gym recently. The coaches usually handle things professionally. They do try to talk some girls out of it, but never make a scene of it. They always allow the girls to come and say bye to the leaving team-mate. (That is painful to watch. )

What makes me feel for the coaches is that, while we can say that it is only a service, we all know that coaching is more than an impersonal service. The coaches, gymnast and parents are emotionally invested in this service over a long period of time. Leaving a gym is not like leaving a restaurant after dinner out, or finding a new mechanic for your car.

Many, not all, coaches put lots of time and effort into developing gymnast. It must feel like a punch in the gut for them to hear a gymnast is leaving them for another gym. We can lament all we want about how gyms talk bad about one another, but this is a competitive sport. That competitiveness bleeds over into the whole gym scene. Which gym is best? Who has the best score? The largest number of optionals? The highest number of state titles? Losing gymnasts is not only a personal blow to a coach, but a blow to the gym's reputation.

Not that this excuses an adult from the behaviors listed in these post.
You would think that the coaches/owners wouldn't burn bridges or give the departing family more fuel for the gossip mill. But some folks just don't see beyond the moment they are in. The smart coaches are the ones who listen to those leaving to pick up clues on what they need to fix.

Anyway, just some thoughts.

 

[my4buffaloes]

gymjoy - I totally understand what you are saying and we feel horrible for leaving the old gym. I know it must be hard to watch their entire level 4 team leave. My daughter was the only one left. Between that and the fact that they didn't offer a level 5 program and only mentioned after the fact that they were starting one were huge parts of us leaving. They can't argue with those facts. But I get how it must be hard to deal with. I wanted it to work at that gym, but it just didn't.

 

[gymjoy]

Oh, my comments are not aimed at any one poster. I know that gymnast and their families have a hard time deciding to leave, and that they leave for many reasons - most of them valid. We left dd's first gym. It wasn't a horrible scene, but it wasn't warm and fuzzy either.

All the post just got me thinking about things, and about things around my dd's gym. Something about the "service" argument bothered me.

I'm certain that you, and all the others, made the right decision for your gymnast and families. And those crazy coaches certainly did not make good decisions with their ugly behavior.

 

[my4buffaloes]

gymjoy, you are right though, technically you could call it a service, but it really is more because things are so personal. We were with the old gym for 3 year and my daughter was close to her coaches. She was sad to leave them and it is hard for her to see them suddenly be mean to us. Leaving a gym is just hard all the way around.

 

[Blackie6]

Sad to hear every-bodies stories. Luck for us we have not had that experience.


You would think that the coaches/owners wouldn't burn bridges or give the departing family more fuel for the gossip mill. But some folks just don't see beyond the moment they are in. The smart coaches are the ones who listen to those leaving to pick up clues on what they need to fix.

Anyway, just some thoughts.

This is a great post! I wish when our whole L5 team left last year the owner would have thought there something that needed fixing! Many others have left behind us for other gyms, and yet he still doesn't make changes. It's a shame because girls are leaving his gym, not quitting gymnastics, so the foundation his coaches provide is not the problem, it's all management.