Parents When is the "right" time?

[Flip4funmom]

*I apologize in advance for the novel*

My son just turned 6 this past April, he competes TNT. Over the summer He has learned and is quickly mastering bigger skills (Back tuck/pike, Barani, all variations) on trampoline and double mini. He has a passion for gym and BIG dreams.

All sounds typical right? Well there is something BIG that isn't typical with my son. He has something called femoral anteversion, his thigh bones are twisted. He has spent his whole life adapting and compensating for his differences. We recently found out that he can and will eventually need a surgery (or series of surgeries) to correct his legs. This is a big surgery where they break his femurs, rotate them and pin/screw them back together. If done while he is still young both can be done at the same time, the older he gets they will need to be done 1 at a time.

When do I schedule this for him? The only thing he said to his dr is he didn't want to miss competition season. His dr respected that and said next summer was fine. Dr is anticipating about 4 months out of the gym assuming everything goes well. Gym thought that was great as he is on track to possibly qualify for nationals this coming season. Waiting until then would push surgery into late july, tnt season starts in december/january. It was also brought to my attention that he will have to re learn all his skills and muscle memory would mean nothing (his Dr said the memory would still be there).

Waiting until next summer would allow him potentially a Nationals experience but putting the following season at risk and he would most likely not be National level that season.

Doing the surgery now/soon would allow him to learn bigger skills with his "new legs" as he refers to them but will force him to miss this while competitive season.

Do nothing until he chooses as an adult and let him continue to adapt and progress as he is and has always had to.

This kid is dead set on competing in Worlds/Olympics one day. I know how quickly things change and one day he could just choose to be done but until then I want to do everything in my power to help him try to reach his goals.

Thanks so much for reading through this, I'm just lost on the right thing to do.

 

[trampolinemom]

I guess I would choose to do this rather sooner than later. Since there will never be a good or convenient time. There will allways be competitions out there and yes it will be a set back for him. But he is only 6 he can handle a small set back perfectly well in the grand scheme of things. Even with elite as a goal he has plenty of time to return to the sport and be better and more mature. And be able to learn the bigger skills after his operation.

As an example my 12 yo DS in FIG elite is now out with an injury for 3 months completely and allowed to build back slowly in the 3 months after. But with the injury nagging the months before it did cost him the whole season. Nationals as a defendimg champion 2017, WAGC in Russia, several international competitions. He missed or will miss it all. Still no one is worried about the impact on his future in the sport. In the grand scheme of things missing a year in trampolining elite at 12 is also still ok.

It is hard to "zoom out" while you are in the middle of it all and next competition season is all you look forward to. But doing so every once in a while might be good for the perspective. And allways put his health first. If he needs this operation go for it.

 

[raenndrops]

If the doctor said next summer is fine, I would hold off til then.
He should be getting ready to go to school right now, and it would be better to do a surgery in the summer, so he enters school a little ways into recovery.
This would also allow him to potentially make Nationals this coming season. Try to schedule it as soon after that as possible to give him the most recovery time before school starts.
As for whether or not the muscle memory will be there when he returns - don't worry about it too much. He is young. He can relearn things.

 

[MILgymFAM]

I would do it as soon as feasible in the big picture- school, both parents’ jobs, etc. Nationals at his age is not as big a deal imo, and many gyms don’t even attend lower level nationals in T&T. For the big goals, getting surgery sooner, recovering sooner, and relearning skills sooner is the better plan if it’s all about gym. That said, it definitely shouldn’t be all about gym. When is the best time for your family to deal with this if he weren’t a gymnast at all? That’s when I would do it.

 

[skschlag]

I would do it as soon as feasible in the big picture- school, both parents’ jobs, etc. Nationals at his age is not as big a deal imo, and many gyms don’t even attend lower level nationals in T&T. For the big goals, getting surgery sooner, recovering sooner, and relearning skills sooner is the better plan if it’s all about gym. That said, it definitely shouldn’t be all about gym. When is the best time for your family to deal with this if he weren’t a gymnast at all? That’s when I would do it.

I agree. It is great that he is so passionate, but he is 6. Things can change. And nationals at 6, while fun, just is not necessary. This, however, is necessary and getting it done sooner will benefit him as well. Think about your lives as a whole, as MILgymFAM said, and plan that way. Gym should be the last thing that dictates the surgery.

 

[B&M's mom]

As the parent of a child who had defects in her knees during her competitive years and which ended up forcing her from the sport, consider doing it sooner rather than later. In my DD's case, the defect wasn't discovered until she was in so much pain that no adaptation would help. If we had discovered and fixed the problem earlier, she might have missed a season but she might still be able to do gymnastics. Also being 6, he might heal much faster than waiting until he's an adult.

 

[raenndrops]

I would do it as soon as feasible in the big picture- school, both parents’ jobs, etc. Nationals at his age is not as big a deal imo, and many gyms don’t even attend lower level nationals in T&T. For the big goals, getting surgery sooner, recovering sooner, and relearning skills sooner is the better plan if it’s all about gym. That said, it definitely shouldn’t be all about gym. When is the best time for your family to deal with this if he weren’t a gymnast at all? That’s when I would do it.

Yep ... I was looking at School #1 ... and time for parents to be SURE to be able to get off work (but didnt mention that part, lol).

 

[momnipotent]

In addition to doing what is best for your family, I would also ask what your son wants to do. While I agree that sooner is better than later, there isn’t a huge difference between doing it now and doing it in the summer. Nationals isn’t a big deal at levels 5-7 (and really I would make that argument for levels 8 and 9 as well) but it might be a big deal for HIM and with such a big surgery I would definitely take into account how he feels about it. I would definitely not leave it beyond next summer as the older he gets and the more his bones mature, the more painful it will be.

No matter how talented he is, his health has to take takes prescedence over competition. As trampolinemom mentioned-even when they are at the level where they are qualifying for Worlds and other high level competitions, injury can have them out for at least a season and they come back just fine. In addition, the sport is so precise that even a small mistake can cost you a Worlds/Olympics spot. For example, the current men’s senior elite team. The competitor who took first at Elite Challenge did not complete his routine at nationals and thus didn’t even get a spot on the national team for trampoline. (And he reclaimed his previous spot on the junior team easily after a year off for a back injury). The women’s favorite for the Olympics in 2016 sprained her ankle at warm ups at nationals that year and couldn’t compete, giving the Olympics spot to someone else. Plenty of talented athletes wind up with fear or blocks that slow their progress or drive them out of the sport.

Also, until a certain age, they don’t understand that amount of non-trampoline effort and work that goes into going to international competitions. My older son (who, to be fair, is talented but not on an elite track) told me the other day he wanted to be elite. When I told him that would mean conditioning and stretching at home, he decided he would stick with level 10.

So, while he may be very talented and have excellent chances of making it to Worlds or other international competitions, I wouldn’t make any major decisions based on that dream as a 6 year old level 5-it would be different if he were older and already competing and winning at the elite level, but even then I would say health takes prescedence. The longevity in trampoline is much longer than regular gymnastics and he has plenty of time to get there, even with a year off.

 

[Flippin'A]

To give yourself some perspective, I would recommend looking up Austin White. He walked into a gym for the first time in 2001 at the age of 13 and became the double mini world champion in 2015 at 27. There's no rush, especially for men's t&t and you want to make sure your son has the best chance possible to recover fully and have a long, healthy career if this is his chosen sport as he gets older.

 

[Flip4funmom]

Thank you for the wonderful advice! I will try to touch on everything.

I know nationals isn't a big deal at 6( well 7 by then) to him it is HUGE. It is seriously all he talks about. When I say he lives for gym I mean it. I have tried multiple times to convince him to just be a kid! His response is pretty much "I am but gym is my favorite place". If he wasn't in gym we could in theory do the surgery whenever but would honestly still probably plan for the summer since he would be out of school.

Maybe I just have guilt that he has to go through this at all. I know it's not my fault and there isn't anything anyone could have done to prevent it but he's found something he loves and I would hate for an I'll timed, though necessary surgery to ruin that. I think I need to have a sit down conversation with him and maybe one on one with his coach as well. I know as the adult I and his dad need to make the decision but I also feel even though he is only 6 he deserves an opinion, it is his body.

Thanks again

 

[profmom]

I don't think that more than a very tiny percentage of six year olds (i.e., probably less than a tenth of a percent) are capable of having the sense of time or perspective required to make judgments about what four months of recovery means. And if he has the surgery and the time off from gym results in his finding a new passion, that's not a terrible outcome either, though it may well be that his passion will outlast the time off. Time off of school is also way less of a big deal now than it will be later. If it were me, I think I'd be tempted to do it in the fall, since most people tend to be less active in the winter anyway, and it's a real bummer for a small person to be limited in active play during the summer. I'd suggest consulting with the docs to see if this is one of those things where sooner is clearly better.

Sigh. I'm now realizing it's too late for me to win that Triple Crown.

 

[B&M's mom]

My DD at 6 was convinced that she should spend all her time at the gym because it was her "passion" and she thought it was an "11", her words! She also thought candy was a good breakfast and all day TV was a right. Needless to say, I didn't rely on her judgment. Your son may be better though!

I understand your feelings, having been there, its incredibly hard. If you have questions, get a second opinion. The diagnosis may be the same but at least you'll know. If you don't have a clear understanding of what the adaptations are, ask. Also find out if he'll be working with pain. You might also, if you haven't been told, ask about the long term prognosis. Will this cause any other problems?

I know how difficult this is. Good luck with your decision!

 

[scgymmom322]

My dd had to have abdominal surgery at 5 years old that kept her out of the gym for 10 weeks, and then slowly eased back in to practices. She was on pre-team at that time, and completely obsessed with gymnastics, too! She seems similar to your son in that she was advanced for her age and ahead of where most kids her age were. Like your son's, it was a surgery that we could choose the timing of, and it was so hard to think about her missing all of that school, gym practice and opportunities that went with it. We decided to do the surgery sooner rather than wait, and now, looking back, I am glad we got it over with. I think it would have been even more difficult on her to miss out on gym time, school, and other things as she has gotten older.

I agree with Profmom above, too, about trying to do it in the fall/winter. She had her surgery in November and it was great timing. It was hard to keep her busy without gym, and she missed it so much, but that season is one that naturally has a few more breaks from school and work at least (Thanksgiving and Christmas). That being said, it was still really hard on her. She was very sad most of the time, and we had some behavior issues because she had no way of getting her energy out. We saw lots of movies, and her gymnastics coach, who she absolutely adored, met up with us for lunch a couple times so that she could see her.

Good luck with your decision!

 

[Flip4funmom]

I can't say how much all of your advice is helping me approach this with a clear head. I think we have decided on sooner then later but we have to find out his Drs availability and go from there. When I say my son has and deserves an opinion I don't mean that I'm going to let him decide when I just feel like he deserves to be apart of the conversation and aware of the process. I don't think blind siding him is right. I want him to understand as much as he can at 6 the reasoning and we're not "just mean" as he says now whenever the topic is discussed.