Parents when to push and when to back off

[aquatica]

I need some advice on dealing with a kid who's going through a rough patch. This is her first full year of competitive after 2 years of developmental, and she is a 10-year-old level 3. It's been a rough year for her, with multiple injuries (broken finger, Severs), and even prior to that she is at best a middle of the pack gymnast, which bothers her. She no longer wants to go to gym - sometimes she says she feels sick (mysteriously starts right before gym and gets better after it's late enough that there's no possible way she could go) and sometimes she says she's too tired. I've tried talking to her about it and I can't get much from her - she says she still likes gymnastics but it's really hard, and that's about all she will tell me. We are not allowed to stay and watch but from the little bit I see she seems reasonably happy while she's there - it might just be putting on a good face or because of being with friends, though.

So I'm torn... it's still the middle of competition season, and her coaches have the (not unreasonable) expectation that she will be at practice and working hard, and I definitely believe that it's important to push through the hard times. On the other hand, maybe she just needs a break from the pressure and to find out if she really loves the sport enough to continue? I just have no idea how to handle this...

 

[NY Dad]

Poor kid! Sorry to hear about all the issues she's had to deal with. You had posted over a year ago that your dd didn't seem to enjoy the mental aspects of gymnastics and didn't like to compete. Has this just come up again or has it been an issue all along?

Maybe she would prefer to go into a rec program. IMO, If she's never enjoyed competing that's probably not going to change.

 

[RTT2]

Does your gym, or a gym in the area, offer Xcel?

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Yep Xcel or IGC

 

[cadybearsmommy]

I was going to suggest Xcel as well. JO is very stringent especially in compulsories and it's not for everyone. In Xcel she could move at her own pace and would be able to work new skills on some apparatuses even if she wasn't ready to learn new skills on the others because there is a lot of flexibility and overlap. They get to have their own routines. Your dd might find it to be less pressure and it could be a fun and refreshing change for her.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

And to not compete it's rec, no shame in rec.

And she is correct, gymnastics is very hard work.

When my daughter would grumble, I would tell her she could quit at any time. The first time she was like really. Me, sure but what are you going to do instead, dance, karate, art, creative writing, coding, piano...... because staying home and watching TV is not an option. And she knows I meant it.

Gym it is.

To note, she always hits the floor willingly and happy. Exception if limited due to injury, she hates limited practice but knows at this point she has to to keep up. There is no profession to be sick or so hurt she can't.

 

[aquatica]

Poor kid! Sorry to hear about all the issues she's had to deal with. You had posted over a year ago that your dd didn't seem to enjoy the mental aspects of gymnastics and didn't like to compete. Has this just come up again or has it been an issue all along?

Maybe she would prefer to go into a rec program. IMO, If she's never enjoyed competing that's probably not going to change.

Before she started competing, she had been quite afraid of it, but once she'd experienced it she loved it (but is still very hard on herself and is disappointed when she doesn't win). She is also very sensitive and has a hard time dealing with the constant criticism and frustration. One of her coaches is also not a great fit personality-wise, but again, I would like to see her learn to deal with that.

Does your gym, or a gym in the area, offer Xcel?

No, there is no Xcel that I know of (I'm in Canada though). There is a lower-level recreational competitive program, but she's likely beyond it (her current group is one intended to progress gymnasts from the recreational stream to the elite one).

 

[gymmomx2]

How many hours does she train currently? Is the goal to have her qualify for Provincials? Unfortunately, the field is extremely large and competitive for her age/level so it really sucks for the middle of the pack girls. She will need at least a 36 to qualify so I understand her stress if qualifying for Provincials is the goal.

Does your gym have another stream that is in between the rec and "elite" stream? What does "elite" mean at your gym - is it the JO program or the national stream (Aspire/Novice/Junior/Senior)?

 

[aquatica]

How many hours does she train currently? Is the goal to have her qualify for Provincials? Unfortunately, the field is extremely large and competitive for her age/level so it really sucks for the middle of the pack girls. She will need at least a 36 to qualify so I understand her stress if qualifying for Provincials is the goal.

Does your gym have another stream that is in between the rec and "elite" stream? What does "elite" mean at your gym - is it the JO program or the national stream (Aspire/Novice/Junior/Senior)?

She is in JO. The gym has 3 streams, the higher two being JO. No idea about the 3rd stream but it from what I can tell it seems to be mostly kids who were very late starters to gymnastics. There have been national stream gymnasts at the gym but it's general just been one kid. Elite in our gym seems to mean level 6+ and also the kids who are advancing through the compulsories at an accelerated rate. She is in a stream that develops kids to optionals but at a slower pace. She currently trains 12 hours a week. Qualifying for provincials is a personal goal for her but it's almost certainly not going to happen.

 

[gymmomx2]

Maybe it's time to have a chat with the coaches - maybe they can ease up on the pressure if she's not likely going to qualify for Provincials. It's a long season for the compulsory kids with Provincials being in June...she's probably feeling a bit of fatigue and boredom from doing the same routines for so long.