Parents When to push?

[ValleyGymMom]

Whenever our level 9 daughter gets into a slump, I never quite know how to handle it. My first instinct as a mother is to be reassuring. Once in a while though it seems like the only thing that works is being tough with her, which is the approach my husband usually takes. Oddly though this does seem to work. But of course as a mother it breaks my heart to see her in tears. This doesn't happen often, but like every other gymnast there are times when they just seem to struggle with something. We had one such episode last week when after a run of really good bar practices she started to slide again. Her Dad picked her up that night and had a very firm lecture for her on the way home. By the time they got home they hugged it out and everything was fine and the next day bars was much better! How does everyone else handle situations such as this? Our daughter is 16 and is very hard on herself when she gets into a slump. Any advice...especially from parents of teens.

 

[Monkeygirlsmom]

Good ? I will be paying attn to this one!

 

[Granny Smith]

VGM - it's such a fine line when to push and when to let it be. My dd will be competing L9 this yr and she's a teen too, she'll be turning 14 in Sept. She has had a twisting block for the last 2 yrs now, but she is finally doing a full no problems. She really needs to get the 1.5 now or front full now. I've learned to stay away from the topic, but will just say to her that she needs to be working the skills. I know I am not saying anything she doesn't already know herself.

I always try to give her praise when she is trying to do something. If she gets it, even better, but I know how hard it is for them to go for skills sometimes and am proud of her for at least trying. I try to encourage her and let her know that I believe in her and if she only believed in herself half as much as I believed in her, she'd surprise herself out there.

 

[Gymdad2]

I agree with Granny on this one. I leave the criticism, corrections, and teaching up to her coach and just concentrate on support and encouragement for dd. I expect her to have good days and bad ones, and I don't think its my place to act as judge and jury because I am not a coach. I'm the cheerleader and the bill payer - she is the gymnast.

 

[LizzieLac]

I must admit I struggle with this myself. I try not to bring up gymnastics, other than to ask how was practice, what events did you work on, and who was at practice (b/c DD just moved to a new level and I don't know any of these girls).

But DD will every so often complain about not being able to do something, not getting her kip yet, feeling like other girls do skill better than she does, etc. I start out being positive and supportive telling her that she just needs to keep working at it, she can ask her coach for drills to try, she is getting better every day, etc. I tell her I have all the faith in the world that it will all come together in a couple of months when we start competing and that she just needs to belive in herself and keep at it.

Well, my first line of discussion doesn't work. She still gets emotional and doubtful of her abilities, worrries she won't get the skill and so on. At this point, I tend to start to push, as you describe it. I get frustrated b/c all of my good/positive words are falling on deaf ears.

I think, in my case, the pushing I start to do at this point, does not really help either. I am trying to learn how to hold back and just keep telling her I believe in her. However, I think reinforcing the hard work that is required and the positive attitude (not feeling sorry for herself when something doesn't come easy) is still sort of important.

Anyway, I just want you to know I struggle with it to. Would love to hear what other parents do!

 

[bookworm]

To reiterate what others have said, just be her mom and NOT another coach. You're paying the coach to coach her so let them do that , as hard as it sounds. When my daughter's having a lousy day in the gym ,the last thing she needs in the car on the way home is a lecture from me on what she is supposedly doing wrong in the gym....as teens, they basically know they're having a bad day so a happy face (or at least supportive shoulder) is something she should be able to look forward to.

 

[ValleyGymMom]

I must admit I struggle with this myself. I try not to bring up gymnastics, other than to ask how was practice, what events did you work on, and who was at practice (b/c DD just moved to a new level and I don't know any of these girls).

But DD will every so often complain about not being able to do something, not getting her kip yet, feeling like other girls do skill better than she does, etc. I start out being positive and supportive telling her that she just needs to keep working at it, she can ask her coach for drills to try, she is getting better every day, etc. I tell her I have all the faith in the world that it will all come together in a couple of months when we start competing and that she just needs to belive in herself and keep at it.

Well, my first line of discussion doesn't work. She still gets emotional and doubtful of her abilities, worrries she won't get the skill and so on. At this point, I tend to start to push, as you describe it. I get frustrated b/c all of my good/positive words are falling on deaf ears.

I think, in my case, the pushing I start to do at this point, does not really help either. I am trying to learn how to hold back and just keep telling her I believe in her. However, I think reinforcing the hard work that is required and the positive attitude (not feeling sorry for herself when something doesn't come easy) is still sort of important.

Anyway, I just want you to know I struggle with it to. Would love to hear what other parents do!

You sound exactly like me! I always start out with reassusring words. She knows I am her biggest cheerleader, her biggest fan, but I will always be honest with her too. Thanks!

 

[NGL780309]

Whenever our level 9 daughter gets into a slump, I never quite know how to handle it. My first instinct as a mother is to be reassuring. Once in a while though it seems like the only thing that works is being tough with her, which is the approach my husband usually takes. Oddly though this does seem to work. But of course as a mother it breaks my heart to see her in tears. This doesn't happen often, but like every other gymnast there are times when they just seem to struggle with something. We had one such episode last week when after a run of really good bar practices she started to slide again. Her Dad picked her up that night and had a very firm lecture for her on the way home. By the time they got home they hugged it out and everything was fine and the next day bars was much better! How does everyone else handle situations such as this? Our daughter is 16 and is very hard on herself when she gets into a slump. Any advice...especially from parents of teens.

I don't have a teen (mom to 5yo L4) so we are in completely different worlds. From my position (one that could very well change in 10 years) it depends on what the issue is whether I'd push. If it's a skill that she isn't doing I wouldn't say anything. That would just add pressure. If the problem is that she's just not working and using gym as social hour, I'd give her a push.

 

[Pickle's Mom]

When someone finds the exact correct formula of tough love vs supportive reassurance to create a happy, succesful child, will you please PM me with it?

Thanks.

 

[gymjourneymom]

When someone finds the exact correct formula of tough love vs supportive reassurance to create a happy, succesful child, will you please PM me with it?

Thanks.

I think the person who figures it out will make a fortune doing seminars & selling books!

 

[Aussie_coach]

Kids actually greatly benefit from having both parents react in different ways to their issue's. They themselves will become more level headed adults if they have the exposure to different kinds of parenting. It's OK for Mum to give reassurance while dad gives a lecture, as a teen she needs both types of parenting.

 

[gymcoach26]

If it's a skill or fear issue then I would not push it. Be reassuring and a shoulder to lean on. If it is lack of focus.. well, I also would not push it. I would probably just ask how she feels about gymnastics. Is it something she still enjoys? I think at that age and level you know if you are serious about the sport or if you are just done. Maybe she is not into it anymore and pushing won't get you anywhere. This is a level 9 16 year old, not a 5 or 6 year old who may need a little reminder that gymnastics is not a play date! It is all a balancing act I guess.

 

[ValleyGymMom]

If it's a skill or fear issue then I would not push it. Be reassuring and a shoulder to lean on. If it is lack of focus.. well, I also would not push it. I would probably just ask how she feels about gymnastics. Is it something she still enjoys? I think at that age and level you know if you are serious about the sport or if you are just done. Maybe she is not into it anymore and pushing won't get you anywhere. This is a level 9 16 year old, not a 5 or 6 year old who may need a little reminder that gymnastics is not a play date! It is all a balancing act I guess.

It's not a skill or fear issue. I think it's a mental thing. If she misses something on the first couple of tries then her mind is telling her that she will miss them all. She is not burned out either... she LIVES for gymnastics and can't wait to get in the gym everyday. Tonight she had a so-so bar practice again because of a rip on her hand and I think she was holding back because of the pain.