Parents Who makes the call?

[KipNurse]

Who do you want your daughter to grow up to be? Teachers, coaches, friends, etc all influence who your daughter becomes. Which is not to say that you should teach her to run away, but it's certainly a valid concern that you don't want her spending a large portion of her time with toxic people.

Very interesting thought...thank you! I think deep down this is a concern...so much darn time committed...

 

[bookworm]

We have had 2 gym changes, due to coaching issues, and it was totally my call. I pay the gym bill, so I want to be getting what I am paying for....did they want to change gyms? Not at first but as others have said , they adapt and realize they are better off in the long run....

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Who do you want your daughter to grow up to be? Teachers, coaches, friends, etc all influence who your daughter becomes. Which is not to say that you should teach her to run away, but it's certainly a valid concern that you don't want her spending a large portion of her time with toxic people.

Not personal wallinbl.

I want my daughter to understand she can only do her best and sometimes it's them not her.

Far too many people stay in abusive, dysfunctional relationships because no one ever let them it's Ok to say, I've given all I can, it's time to go. Sadly I know this on a very personal level and it's something I don't wish on anyone, especially my daughter.

Sometimes, it's not you its them.

 

[bookworm]

Sometimes, it's not you its them.

Bingo!

 

[NewtoGym]

I would never leave this decision to a 9-year-old. Too much pressure on them and they just cannot comprehend the whole picture. i would advise making the executive decision.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

Bingo!

bingo bingo!

 

[JoyAvenueMom]

Kipper switched gyms at 9. At first, I talked to her about possibly changing and it was clear she was TOTALLY stressed out about making the decision. Ultimately, I told her that I was making the decision to leave the current gym. However, she could decide which new gym to attend. She was instantly relieved since I took the "big" choice off of her. She tried out a couple of gyms (I picked for her to try) and chose the toughest, most focused of the two. The change was hard bc she was close to former team mates. However, within a couple of weeks she had built bonds with her new team. Don't underestimate the pressure it will put on your dd if you "leave the choice to her". So, if you KNOW it's time to move, then DO IT!

On another note, I met a new parent in our gym's lobby who moved her 7yo dd from another good gym in the area because our team won more, and "if the tuition is the same, she would rather win". I don't think winning at L3 is a really good measuring stick to use. But there are LOTS of other good reasons to choose or leave a gym.

 

[KipNurse]

I would never leave this decision to a 9-year-old. Too much pressure on them and they just cannot comprehend the whole picture. i would advise making the executive decision.

You're right...I've gone back the route of mommy and daddy have this under control...we'll make the best decision for you. I've just had a few people ask "well what does SHE want to do"? ...

Kipper switched gyms at 9. At first, I talked to her about possibly changing and it was clear she was TOTALLY stressed out about making the decision. Ultimately, I told her that I was making the decision to leave the current gym. However, she could decide which new gym to attend. She was instantly relieved since I took the "big" choice off of her. She tried out a couple of gyms (I picked for her to try) and chose the toughest, most focused of the two. The change was hard bc she was close to former team mates. However, within a couple of weeks she had built bonds with her new team. Don't underestimate the pressure it will put on your dd if you "leave the choice to her". So, if you KNOW it's time to move, then DO IT!

On another note, I met a new parent in our gym's lobby who moved her 7yo dd from another good gym in the area because our team won more, and "if the tuition is the same, she would rather win". I don't think winning at L3 is a really good measuring stick to use. But there are LOTS of other good reasons to choose or leave a gym.

Thank you! And do you mind me asking why you changed in the first place? And thankfully, I'm not leaving based on the "we'd rather win" mentality. I just want...even if she doesn't continue much longer...I want the years to be good for her. Thank you all!

 

[lovegymnastics22]

We switched DD even though she didn't want to. There is no question it was the right call and I'm glad we made it. I did not tell her all the reasons because I didn't think it was age appropriate --she was 7 and a lot was gym drama and I didn't want to bad mouth the gym or the people there or stress her out by implying it was not a place to long-term be successful. In retrospect that was a mistake. I also implied if she didn't like it she could switch back. Also a big mistake, since I didn't mean it. It took her much longer for her to adjust and I still think she has misgivings. If I could do it again I still would have switched her but I would put aside my general "if you have nothing nice to say..." approach and have been upfront with her from the start even if it meant pointing out all the bad things about the old gym. That may not be how I would deal with other things in life, but in this case because her experience of the gym and my knowledge as a parent are so different, it would have been the better way to deal with it.

 

[gothgymmom]

Want to be clear that unsafe practices aren't in play. But rather issues like: "not clicking with the same coach after 3 plus years" and "toxic parent culture of parents who cry favoritism and coach tries to keep all happy and fair and move them all together" and "lack of a positive atmosphere" are all just irritating reasons to me...(there are more but sometimes a bunch of irritants wrapped up together can make it all seem so BIG!)

Thats the main reason my DD wants to take a break. She doesnt get along well with some of the coaches (who HC just says they are doing their job even when i mentioned said coaches favoritism which I have seen and know DD has seen as well). She still loves gymnastics, but she states that going 3 days a week for 3 hours a day is too hard for her to handle. There is only 1 other gym in my immediate area but I was told its like a season of dance moms up there and I def. dont want her in that environment, so Im kinda screwed if she wants to go back. I have mentioned to her about either RG or AG, but I just looked today and there is no where even close to me that trains that! She does seem happier that she made her decision to take the break. Its reviving her so to speak.

 

[munchkin3]

If I had to do it all over again, I would have done it a year earlier for my DS.....that extra year of a terrible environment is really causing MAJOR self esteem issues now at 14. We are navigating through it and DS is hanging on.

DD we pulled her right after states, but the coaches for her were different than DS....she misses them dearly but knows for gymnadtics sake, it had to be done. She was not 100% on board at the time of the switch, but a few days in, she was too busy having a great time at the new gym to think of the old gym......she still gets sad every once in a while, but still would not go back. She says the 'feeling' of the new gym is completely different and really good.

Make a list of good and bad, maybe that will help.

 

[JoyAvenueMom]

Thank you! And do you mind me asking why you changed in the first place? And thankfully, I'm not leaving based on the "we'd rather win" mentality. I just want...even if she doesn't continue much longer...I want the years to be good for her. Thank you all!

The gym hired a new head coach. EVERYTHING about the gym changed. The new philosophies and practices did not match my values, and several coaches quit. I tried to adapt, but had a hard time staying positive and supportive. I didn't want to be the Negative Nancy of they gym. In short, I felt the changes would not help my dd achieve all that she could in the sport. I can elaborate more in a PM, but don't really want to "out" myself and bad-mouth our old gym in any way. It's a good gym and meets the needs of lots of gymnasts. It was just no longer a "good fit".

 

[flippin out]

so what did you (your dd) decide to do? Stay at current gym or look at another club? Hoping that whatever the outcome that you all as a family are happy with the outcome.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

Well that's a hard one. Depends, does the current gym show well at meets? Do they have kids moving to the upper levels? If they are good then then why leave. If not then you have hard choices ahead, and yes the gym will find out in the long run.

 

[KipNurse]

This is an old thread and I enjoyed looking back at my agonizing decision and thank all of you back then with your words of advice. Bottom line, my gut feelings where correct, we changed gyms and it was an awesome call. My daughter has THRIVED and this was the best decision. I'll say probably what others have said, we should have done it sooner. Thanks again everyone!

 

[flippin out]

This is an old thread and I enjoyed looking back at my agonizing decision and thank all of you back then with your words of advice. Bottom line, my gut feelings where correct, we changed gyms and it was an awesome call. My daughter has THRIVED and this was the best decision. I'll say probably what others have said, we should have done it sooner. Thanks again everyone!

So glad that everything turned out well....gotta love when that happens.

 

[Mom2-4]

We or I am in the same position as the original poster. We had a big shake up at the gym a few years back. My DD was the only optional who remained with her current coach when HC changed gyms. She was 11 at the time she wanted to stay her coach said she understood if she wanted to follow her teammates. She did not. She has been the lone optional for years now and doesn't mind even though I feel that she would have moved much faster with more aggressive coaching. She is currently training L8 at 13. She is afraid a new coach will push her to train skills she is afraid of. She spent many years at L6 and now that she has hit puberty I feel like she constantly struggles with skills that many smaller younger gymnast find easy. I will always wonder if I made the right decision or should have moved her. For now she is progressing slowly and happy. The difficult thing is with no one to compare to or aspire to. Is the slow progress her or coaching? I just keep driving and paying and hoping I am doing the right thing. But I definitely feel the OP's struggle. I feel like if I made her move at 13 to advance her faster she would quit.