Parents Am I a mean mom?

[MuggleMom]

I am so confused as to what is going on with DD. We are coming up on her first season at level 4. Everything seemed to be going fine, has all skills but vault but vault is improving she seemed excited and working on new things.

Last Saturday she rolled her ankle and hurt it. Didn't really say much to me at the time. Sunday She rolled it again a little at a friends house while playing. Monday went to practice said it was fine. Tuesday did TOPS practice no complaints. Wednesday no practice. Thursday its bothering her told her to go to practice but take it easy. I guess the coaches didn't really believe it was bothering her (and she isnt always good about voicing things) so she said it hurt after practice and they made her do all the events. Then she doesn't want to go to practice in Friday. I say go and do conditioning and work on what you can. She does when I get to practice she is in tears wants to go home, says coaches will "make her" do everything. I convince her to stay and do conditioning coaches seem fine with it they tell me shes been complaining last two days and if it continues to hurt I should take her to Dr. Saturday says ankle still hurts begs me to not go to practice. I let her thinking that Saturday and Sunday off she should feel better. Yesterday she still complains it hurts (not all day she just ran and said it hurt when she tried to run). Not getting worse but not really getting better. We have this long drawn out discussion full of tears and complaints about going to practice to do conditioning and routine walk throughs on Monday. They are learning new routines and I don't want her to miss that. She said on coach told her she should quite because shes hurt all the time and this made her feel really bad like she should quit. I ask does she want to quit she keeps telling me no but she is begging me not to go to practice because she doesn't just want to do conditioning.

I am getting really frustrated its a lot of money for her to just sit at home because her foot hurts. I am taking her to the Dr today to make sure its nothing serious (I really don't think its much of anything she didn't complain for days and there is no swelling or bruising at all). Does she want to quit and shes just not telling me? I have asked all sorts of different ways about it and she keeps saying she likes it she just doesn't want to go if she cant fully participate. I told her that's not how it works for any sport you still have to go and be a part of things and do what you can. Its just getting to be emotionally exhausting for me---and so crazy going from being really happy about new level and everything to tears every day.

Any advice or thoughts? (sorry this is so long)

 

[RTT2]

It sounds like she hurt her ankle and the injury hasn't had a chance to heal. Definitely take her to the doctor, and keep a close eye on coaches who insist kids train through pain.

 

[amiandjim]

I agree with the above...the fact that a coach told her she should quit because she “is hurt all the time” is just not ok. I don’t blame her for not wanting to go if the coaches are making her feel bad, which it sounds like they are.

 

[MuggleMom]

I am not pleased about the comment the coach made either and if I hear that this coach says something like that again I will definitely be saying something. I think the coaches didn't believe she was hurt because she was doing some tumbling (at first) but then said it hurt when it was time for beam. I think they thought she was trying to get out of beam which I can see. They now know she is hurt and I hope they treat her accordingly.

I think sometimes these younger coaches forget that these are just kids--and some of them pretty young-- DD is only turning 9 next month. They take little off hand comments really personally.

 

[Seeker]

I am not pleased about the comment the coach made either and if I hear that this coach says something like that again I will definitely be saying something. I think the coaches didn't believe she was hurt because she was doing some tumbling (at first) but then said it hurt when it was time for beam. I think they thought she was trying to get out of beam which I can see. They now know she is hurt and I hope they treat her accordingly.

I think sometimes these younger coaches forget that these are just kids--and some of them pretty young-- DD is only turning 9 next month. They take little off hand comments really personally.

You didn't say how old your daughter was, but until mine was way beyond L4, I didn't expect her to handle injury communications with the coaches. She can certainly tell them what hurts and what doesn't during practice, but I would always have the conversation first with the coaches so that nothing was misconstrued, misinterpreted and the right information was passed along to them. Even now, my daughter is a teen and isn't always the best at telling them ALL the information they need to know. But no -- no coach should be saying "you should quit" to a L4. I wouldn't wait for it to happen again; I'd say something to them now. Let them know the comment was heard and processed by your daughter and it didn't make her feel welcome or wanted. It's not an appropriate thing to say, but especially not to a lower level kid.

 

[amlfbaba]

I'd be careful about projecting your financial related frustrations to your daughter. Sounds like she's not getting support from the coaches, so she needs to be able to tell you how she's really feeling.

You said twice - "I don't want her to miss that" and "I'm getting frustrated..." -- who's putting more pressure on her? You or her? If she's really begging you - what's at the heart of it. Pain, frustration, the injury -- you need to find out with an open mind. And if the ankle is injured and she keeps doing stuff - it's either going to get worse or she's going to compensate and injure something else.

 

[stillhoping]

One thing we found out about ankle injuries: the ligaments are like rubber bands. Each time they roll their ankle, it’s like over stretching a rubber band and the rubber band tears a little. If they don’t strengthen their ankle and let it heal, like an overstretched rubber band, the ligament eventually snaps - a third degree sprain - a total tear. Please get your daughter some medical help and physical therapy before she has a devastating ankle injury. I’m speaking from experience. And, I agree with the others, a coaching change may be in order.

 

[amiandjim]

Also to add, she is 8...she will have a hard time expressing how an injury feels and how much it hurts, especially to the coaches and especially if they aren’t believing her. My daughter did an entire practice last year on a broken foot simply bc we had no idea how injured she was. She even came home and told “it felt fine.” Thank goodness her coach called me and told she cried through the entire floor rotation until she had her sit down and ice!

 

[Deleted member 18037]

She rolled her ankle and it hasn't been checked by a health care provider?

My kid has rolled her ankle twice.

Once was a bad sprain.
And once it was a fracture.

Even the doctor didn't know until they looked at the xrays which it was either time. In fact the first time she happened to have an appointment with her ped, so I asked her. Ped took a look said its probably just a sprain but if you can get an xray it couldn't hurt. Yeah, that was one that was a fracture and 5 weeks in a boot.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

One thing we found out about ankle injuries: the ligaments are like rubber bands. Each time they roll their ankle, it’s like over stretching a rubber band and the rubber band tears a little. If they don’t strengthen their ankle and let it heal, like an overstretched rubber band, the ligament eventually snaps - a third degree sprain - a total tear. Please get your daughter some medical help and physical therapy before she has a devastating ankle injury. I’m speaking from experience. And, I agree with the others, a coaching change may be in order.

And those ligaments can cause a bone to fracture................

 

[stillhoping]

And those ligaments can cause a bone to fracture................

Yes. I wish I had known. I wish dd’s coaches had known. Dd’s also fractured, with a 3rd degree tear. Later she told me how many times she had been rolling her ankle. I didn’t even know it was happening until it was too late .

 

[kayjaybe]

If you are in this sport for the long haul, realize that at times you will be paying for coaching while your daughter is injured. Our gym gives a break on tuition when the child is doing conditioning only, but I don’t know if that is common amongst gyms.

If you are this concerned that it is “a lot of money for her to sit home because her foot hurts,” realize that this won’t be the last time it happens. I’ve seen girls out for weeks or MONTHS because of injuries. If it is going to stress you out, you should probably find out now how your gym handles payment when there is an injury. (note - I wouldn’t expect any break on tuition because a kid needs to rest something for 1-2 weeks. But if it is an injury requiring being out for months, you might want to find out now what the payment situation would be.)

 

[CLgym]

Mine rolled her ankle in Level 4, complained for a couple of weeks, and ultimately was found to have an avulsion fracture (tendon or ligament pulls off a small piece of bone); She was in a boot for a few weeks. If it is still bothering your daughter, I'd go to the doctor.

 

[mls529]

I also have an 8 year old (non-gymmie) who twisted or turned her ankle funny this weekend. Even if it is not a full sprain or something more serious like a fracture, it really hurts. My little one was in tears today (day 3) due to the pain, and can't even participate in gym at school. Like others have said, you have to let injuries heal or they can turn into something that never fully recovers and comes back with a vengeance later. So I would personally be careful about making a little one feel guilty about skipping gym.

At our old gym, my older DD also wasn't great about speaking up and when she did, it was rarely with full information. I found that the best way to ensure injuries were handled well was with a doctor's note. My DD would go to practice and condition or maybe work bars, but all within doctor's orders. And if the coach asked her to do anything that wasn't following doctor's directions, I would have a very, very big issue with it. Although, I have to say, I would also have a big issue with a coach who says "maybe you should quit" -- that is harsh and inappropriate in basically any situation (and I am not a sensitive squeaky wheel type, but a comment like that would really get to my kid).

 

[RTT2]

My daughter's previous gym is a toxic environment where the head coaches often demean and belittle the girls, and will ignore injuries telling the girls they need to "toughen up" or "stop being wimps". Girls are told to train through injuries- or are completely ignored when they speak up about being hurt. She moved to a new gym at the start of this summer that is better in every way. A few weeks in she rolled her ankle during practice. When I got there for pick up the head coach hurried over to let me know exactly what happened- he'd been coaching them on floor at the time and saw it happen. He explained in detail how she rolled it and how many minutes they had her ice and rest it, and he checked in with her before allowing her to continue practice. Her ankle was fine, no further problems. I feel safe leaving my daughter at this gym because I believe the coaches will take care of her. a. It's basic human compassion to take care of a hurt child. b. It's just good practice to immediately RICE a possible injury rather than encouraging a child to keep pounding on it and most likely make it worse.

 

[MuggleMom]

An update: took her to get checked out and there is no fracture just a sprain. She also went to practice yesterday after her melt down and had a great time--She did only what she could and that was mostly just strength stuff but was proud of herself because she did so good at some of the exercises (Good rope climbs and presses, some cast handstands).

I am trying to be better about putting the financial element in the conversation. I do bring that up at times but mostly I told her if you are a part of a team and a sport you do need to go to practice even if you cant always participate like you would like to. She is happy she went. She is happy she knows exactly what is wrong with her foot. She is missing TOPS today since its just conditioning and she has been doing extra conditioning all week anyway. The coach that said the mean comment is usually one of the nicer more upbeat coaches so I am going to give her the benefit of the doubt for now and hope that it was an offbeat comment not meant in the way it sounded but I will be keeping my ears open for more of the same.

I bring up the financial side way more on here than I do in front of her--because it is an important part of my perspective but I agree it should not be an important part of her perspective. I was just worried that it was about something other than being hurt. I think she just had a couple bad days in a row and was venting. I just always feel like a jerk when I put my foot down and then I have to stew on my decision until I get off work and get to practice and see that she is laughing and fine (then I get to wonder why I was so worried in the first place).

Thanks for letting me vent on here during that stressful time between the tears and knowing if she is laughing and having fun at practice lol

 

[MuggleMom]

And one more thought...I will definitely be communicating about an injury (even a smaller one) to the coaches before practices from now on so that there is no confusion. I sent an email yesterday and I think it really helped all involved. I think part of the issue this time is she was fine for a few days so I didn't realize it was bothering her on Thursday so there was no opportunity for me to talk to the coaches and she didn't do a good job of speaking up for herself. I think she learned a lesson too about speaking up sooner rather than later.

 

[John]

@MuggleMom Thanks for the update. For the record and against others here I do not think to speak frankly about the cost and sacrifice of gymnastics is a bad thing to do with your gymnast. It should just be done at their maturity level, money and finances are part of life.

 

[Texasmomof3]

One thing you will find is that the seriousness of injuries is not always immediately evident. My dd trained for six months with stress fractures in both legs before the pain became bad enough that she told us she thought something was wrong. She also has a teammate who broke her foot and practiced for two more days before it got painful enough that she mentioned it.

Our kids are used to having the small aches and pains of training. Sometimes it takes them a while to realize when it is a larger ache and pain.

 

[kitkat]

Glad to hear that nothing was broken.
In our gym even if you have a broken arm, foot, torn knee - you still go to training. Obviously it would be tailored to their abilities. But not going is never an option for our gym and has never even been questioned by my dd.
Also you will get to know if your daughter is really hurt or is "hurt" because something is happening at the gym. I have seen lots of kids get "sore' tummys because something else is really going on.
If my dd told me her foot hurt or something else. I would believe her. She has never cried wolf ever. I ask her - is this hurt you need to see physio or is this something that will go away by tomorrow. Now granted my dd is now 16 but even when she was little thats how we measured things.
When my dd was young and still today - I ask her what her favourite part of the day was and what could she have changed.
Never talk about the financial aspect. They are young and don't need to be burdened with additional stress.
Sadly sometimes coaches think saying stupid stuff like - maybe you should quit, or if you don't get better at this skill I will pull it or maybe your in the wrong level. Think that this will encourage or motivate kids. Maybe some it will but most it doesnt't

As a mom over the years I found that my job is to feed her properly, take her to physio when she needs it, help her body recover when I can, never burden her about money and love her conditionally.

Gymnastics for parents is tough. Good luck momma...

An update: took her to get checked out and there is no fracture just a sprain. She also went to practice yesterday after her melt down and had a great time--She did only what she could and that was mostly just strength stuff but was proud of herself because she did so good at some of the exercises (Good rope climbs and presses, some cast handstands).

I am trying to be better about putting the financial element in the conversation. I do bring that up at times but mostly I told her if you are a part of a team and a sport you do need to go to practice even if you cant always participate like you would like to. She is happy she went. She is happy she knows exactly what is wrong with her foot. She is missing TOPS today since its just conditioning and she has been doing extra conditioning all week anyway. The coach that said the mean comment is usually one of the nicer more upbeat coaches so I am going to give her the benefit of the doubt for now and hope that it was an offbeat comment not meant in the way it sounded but I will be keeping my ears open for more of the same.

I bring up the financial side way more on here than I do in front of her--because it is an important part of my perspective but I agree it should not be an important part of her perspective. I was just worried that it was about something other than being hurt. I think she just had a couple bad days in a row and was venting. I just always feel like a jerk when I put my foot down and then I have to stew on my decision until I get off work and get to practice and see that she is laughing and fine (then I get to wonder why I was so worried in the first place).

Thanks for letting me vent on here during that stressful time between the tears and knowing if she is laughing and having fun at practice lol