Parents switch or no switch?

[CLgym]

Just wanted to jump in to say good luck! Keep us posted on your daughter's new gym journey.

We have a very similar story... My DD switched gyms in order to move from Xcel to JO about 2 years ago. Old gym had said no to JO because of body type, age, etc. And, like you, I was a little worried that the new gym didn't have the same powerhouse reputation as the old one. But, two years later, I am SO glad we made the jump. Hope you have the same happy ending. Best of luck!

 

[jessimee]

Update...don't know if anyone will look at this because this thread is kind of old now but... the old gym has asked that DD come back for a tryout for their JO program. I guess it took us leaving for them to give her a second thought. My younger DD (8) is still at old gym in their Xcel program. She has no interest in JO and is comfortable there so I left her there. When I was dropping her off yesterday the front desk person flagged me down and said that the HC would like me to schedule older DD to do tryout week w/ JO. Their level 3's are all 8 and under. Mine is 10. Now here's the thing. Old gym says their level 4's are 9-12 year olds. DD has level 4 skills for the most part, as I've mentioned, kip (50-75% of the time), ROBHS little pause BHS , FHS vault, cartwheel on beam, (I don't know what they all are but these are what she's mentioned to me), but they are not super pretty. Assuming they even offer her a spot, would it be unreasonable for me to say to old gym, "I will bring her back, if you can put her in level 4 with girls her age even though her skills may not quite be there yet?" She has the mental piece--she is focused, this is her only sport, she chose it, not me, she WANTS to be at the gym all the time, she is not phased by strict coaching (in other words, sad to say, she is not bothered by being yelled at; her Xcel coach was kind of yelly), school work comes easy and she is quick to get homework done. Also, she is not as motivated by medals and being on the podium as she is by just the idea of being in the JO program. She was willing to go to pre-team if that was what it would take. If they are truly the fabulous coaches they tout themselves to be (Ukranian national team coaches), they should be able to help her get where she needs to be after a couple months of 12 hours a week right?

 

[MILgymFAM]

Update...don't know if anyone will look at this because this thread is kind of old now but... the old gym has asked that DD come back for a tryout for their JO program. I guess it took us leaving for them to give her a second thought. My younger DD (8) is still at old gym in their Xcel program. She has no interest in JO and is comfortable there so I left her there. When I was dropping her off yesterday the front desk person flagged me down and said that the HC would like me to schedule older DD to do tryout week w/ JO. Their level 3's are all 8 and under. Mine is 10. Now here's the thing. Old gym says their level 4's are 9-12 year olds. DD has level 4 skills for the most part, as I've mentioned, kip (50-75% of the time), ROBHS little pause BHS , FHS vault, cartwheel on beam, (I don't know what they all are but these are what she's mentioned to me), but they are not super pretty. Assuming they even offer her a spot, would it be unreasonable for me to say to old gym, "I will bring her back, if you can put her in level 4 with girls her age even though her skills may not quite be there yet?" She has the mental piece--she is focused, this is her only sport, she chose it, not me, she WANTS to be at the gym all the time, she is not phased by strict coaching (in other words, sad to say, she is not bothered by being yelled at; her Xcel coach was kind of yelly), school work comes easy and she is quick to get homework done. Also, she is not as motivated by medals and being on the podium as she is by just the idea of being in the JO program. She was willing to go to pre-team if that was what it would take. If they are truly the fabulous coaches they tout themselves to be (Ukranian national team coaches), they should be able to help her get where she needs to be after a couple months of 12 hours a week right?

In my honest opinion, no, you can’t ask for a specific level placement. Being with girls her age isn’t as important as being with girls on her skill level, and always playing catch-up (if their 4s are ahead) is no fun for anyone. I once tried to insist that my DD not be placed on L3- she was 14 and had competed Gold- and that gym turned her down because of it. Now.. I stand by what I did, because of her age and previous level (and her then current skill level), but that gym started all girls coming from Xcel at L3 to learn “their way” and I couldn’t demand my way out of it.

ETA: another way of handling it is to let her try out if you want to (I wouldn’t want a gym that was only interested because we left, personally), and decide after they tell you her placement. It’s really individual if the age difference even matters.

 

[IreneKa]

Yes, I wouldn't demand it, or make it a condition for her return, but you could politely ask (after try outs and them confirming her spot) if she could train with L4s over the summer, then see where she is at the end of the summer and then decide her level. But be prepared that they might say no, different gyms have different rules about levels and placements.

 

[jessimee]

OK, thank you. MILgymFAM, I appreciate the thought about skill level being more important than the social piece. I guess I was worried because she will spend 12 hours a week with these kids and it would be nice if she could be "friends" with them too. Although who says she can't be friends with littler girls right ? And since she was OK with going to pre-team, the social piece is probably not as much of an issue for her as maybe it is for me. And, thank you, IreneKa, I will politely ask, rather than make it a condition. A little of me is maybe slightly resentful that it took us leaving to get a second shot...

 

[John]

I will go the other direction. You have left this gym and are currently training elsewhere? This is a relationship between you, your daughters and they gym. In any relationship, you are allowed to ask for what YOU need. The other party is allowed to say no. You are then allowed to decide what is best for YOU and act accordingly. Do what you think is best for your daughter, I feel gym is 50 percent relationship with peers.

 

[IreneKa]

I will go the other direction. You have left this gym and are currently training elsewhere? This is a relationship between you, your daughters and they gym. In any relationship, you are allowed to ask for what YOU need. The other party is allowed to say no. You are then allowed to decide what is best for YOU and act accordingly. Do what you think is best for your daughter, I feel gym is 50 percent relationship with peers.

Exactly. They can ASK, and the gym can say yes or no or offer an alternative solution, based on which the OP can decide whether to come back to this gym or not. But if they start making demands\ultimatums, the gym will most likely become resentful, and will not be open to any negotiation.

 

[RTT2]

What does your daughter want to do? Is she happy at the new gym? I'd meet with the old coaches and try to establish if there is a possibility for moving to 4, but wouldn't demand it, and then go from there. Most likely she could get the L4 skills over the summer, but the coaches may not be willing to offer that as an option.

 

[Flyaway]

It bugs me that the old gym wants you back now that you've moved on. For me that's a red flag. What's changed between them saying no and now asking for her to do a tryout?

And I did ask one JO coach (HC, I think) at old gym about JO there. They took one look at her on the beam from across the gym and asked her age and said, "no".

They lost your money. I think I would politely decline honestly.

 

[RTT2]

It bugs me that the old gym wants you back now that you've moved on. For me that's a red flag. What's changed between them saying no and now asking for her to do a tryout?

They lost your money. I think I would politely decline honestly.

I agree it would rankle me a bit to have them want her back now, but the OP still has another daughter at the first gym so is now dealing with having two at separate gyms. I wouldn't cut off my nose to spite my face if it could work out to have both girls at the same gym and possibly have the 10 yo training for L4 this summer. Maybe the coaches at gym #1 are used to having Xcel kids express interest in JO only to drop out after finding out how hard the conditioning is, or something similar, so seeing this girl move to another gym to pursue JO brought home to them just how serious she is.

 

[jessimee]

What does your daughter want to do? Is she happy at the new gym? I'd meet with the old coaches and try to establish if there is a possibility for moving to 4, but wouldn't demand it, and then go from there. Most likely she could get the L4 skills over the summer, but the coaches may not be willing to offer that as an option.

She's away at a summer camp this week, so she has no idea! My gut feeling is that she would want to go back to old gym if offered, because that is where all the kids from her school go. It is 5 minutes from our house and there are carpools from the school.

 

[jessimee]

It bugs me that the old gym wants you back now that you've moved on. For me that's a red flag. What's changed between them saying no and now asking for her to do a tryout?

They lost your money. I think I would politely decline honestly.

Maybe it is money. Maybe they have parents asking all the time about JO and the HC didn't really take me seriously, or think DD was serious the first time I asked her to look at her.

 

[jessimee]

Thank you to everyone who has responded to my questions! You all have been so helpful! This mommy is now going to put gym out of her mind until Monday, since DD is away at camp, see how the trial goes and go from there!

 

[Randomactsofcheer]

Thank you to everyone who has responded to my questions! You all have been so helpful! This mommy is now going to put gym out of her mind until Monday, since DD is away at camp, see how the trial goes and go from there!

Even if they do place her on the JO team, are they doing so because they believe in her ability to be successful? Or are they doing so because they don’t want to lose a paying customer. And if they don’t believe in her ability to be successful in JO, will your daughter get the coaching she needs to be successful or will she continuously be trying to prove herself to coaches that don’t believe in her.

There is a small chance that, if you return to the old gym, you will burn a bridge with the new gym. They may not give your daughter a second chance to be on their team if it doesn’t work out again with the old gym. Ask your daughter what she wants to do. If she already has her mind and heart set on the new gym, she may not even want to bother with a trial at the old gym.

It’s a tough place to be in, good luck!

 

[Getoutyall]

That is a good point that random acts of cheer brought up. My daughter just finished a season with a coach who did not believe in her and it was rough. I would never want to be in that position again. We actually just switched gyms because of this, I wanted her confidence back and a coach that believed in her.

 

[jessimee]

Even if they do place her on the JO team, are they doing so because they believe in her ability to be successful? Or are they doing so because they don’t want to lose a paying customer. And if they don’t believe in her ability to be successful in JO, will your daughter get the coaching she needs to be successful or will she continuously be trying to prove herself to coaches that don’t believe in her.

There is a small chance that, if you return to the old gym, you will burn a bridge with the new gym. They may not give your daughter a second chance to be on their team if it doesn’t work out again with the old gym. Ask your daughter what she wants to do. If she already has her mind and heart set on the new gym, she may not even want to bother with a trial at the old gym.

It’s a tough place to be in, good luck!

That is food for thought. Based on what I've seen and the reputations of both gyms, it would seem to me that old gym is not desperate for clients. They have a reputation for producing and people drive long distances to come there. New gym is small, dominated by Xcel, JO team is pretty small-no L10, one 9. If anything, I would think they would be the ones just out for my money. If old gym offers DD a spot, I'm going to burn a bridge one way or the other. Maybe better to burn one not in my neighborhood... I wish this wasn't so stressful. My older DD rides horses. I thought barn drama was complicated

 

[Flyaway]

My older DD rides horses. I thought barn drama was complicated

There's barn drama?? Who knew?!

 

[jessimee]

Update: DD "tried out" at old gym. First day she was put in level 4 by mistake. And loved it. Second day she was put in level 3. Didn't love it--kids were all young and it was too "easy" (boring?). Went to level 3 practice at new gym that night and came out crying. There was an issue with her asking not to be spotted on the kip, the coach spotting her anyway so somehow her leg got slammed into the bar because she wasn't expecting a spot (this is all coming from her), the other girls her age ignoring her (coach never even introduced her), and IDK, maybe just being super tired? After loving the level 4 practice, and then being told she can't do L4 at her old gym because she doesn't have the basics to back up her skills, she now thinks she made a big mistake trying to go to JO altogether. She would love to put in the time at the gym but having to go back and just do the level 3 skills AND missing her friends/similar age peers from Xcel, I think she is putting it all together that maybe Xcel is the route for her. So I am putting her back on the Xcel team at her old gym (sigh of relief) I am just glad that she had the opportunity to try it and make the choice herself. That way she won't blame me later, LOL.