Parents What to do with DS

[Deanna]

My little man will be 4 yrs old March 20th. He is trying desperatly to become his own person, yet keeps following suit of Kadee. You can tell he wants to be his own person, but is just too comfortable following.
He wants to be a football player. He actually wants to play for the University of Arkansas, be a Razorback and have people watch him on TV...lol. Its an obtainable goal. (if not for UA..maybe another school) so I dont want to dicourage him..but I also dont want to put a false positive in his head either. (same as with Kadee and gymnastics..she wants to be a Gymback when she "grows up").
Thing is at this time, at least here, there are no "football" programs (flag..peewee) until age 5. So I still have a year to figure out what to do with him.
He loves gymnastics, but past the preschool level sadly our gym doesnt have any boys. So even though he can still stay in gym (since he will still be a "preschooler") for another year, after that point..there is no where for him to really go. They have a rec program for girls and there are girls of all ages going..but NO BOYS past preschool.
Its not all about whether they have a competitive level for boys. He doesnt have the personality for that kind of competition anyway. As a "group" he would be fantastic..but he could not get out anywhere by himself and have people watching him. Hes jsut too shy, too reserved. He would do better in a "team" (as far as they preform whatever as a group) setting. Which he is loving the gym, but then again..hes in it because Sissy does it, and he wants to be like his big sister, you know?
We thought about putting him in t-ball or SOMETHING. But it seems like nothing really starts for boys around here until they are 5.
So what to do for my little man for a year. Something where he could be a part of a whole. Something his sister doesnt do. Something that is just "Bubba". Any ideas for something to involve him in. That is age appropirate. Low stress..fun. Where he can spend time with other boys his age...doing boy things. He has his preschool friends. 2 of them that they go to each others houses. All 3 of us moms are trying to help them build their social skills, independence, ect. At this point us 3 moms cant seem to come up with any ideas.
Im not trying to force him into anything. Im not setting my sights on him playing college ball. Im just trying to figure out how to help him firgure out who he is..seperate from his sister. She started gym when she was 2 1/2 in a mommy and me class and that is her "thing". I guess I just feel bad that he is practicly 4 and I still havent been able to help him in that. For some reason there just doesnt seem to be as many options for boys at this young of age as there are for girls. Maybe its just our location..i dont know.
Any ideas aside from going to preschool 2 days a week. Having a play date 2 times a month (we try to do it that often), and the gymnastics class he gets 1 day a week during his preschool (his preschool is at the gym). He really wants to play football. Its all he talks about. He loves to sit and watch football with daddy..even if he has no clue who is playing..he seems to have a descent idea of what is goign on in the game. (i think my daddy came back in my son..lol). He has a football that he loves to throw..and he has a great throw on him for 4. (not so great at catching..lol). He has a razorback themed bedroom (by his request)..he is even having a razorback themed birthday party. He is only 4 I know, and will probably change his mind many many times about what he wants to do..but for now, this is what he wants..but its not offered for another year.
What do i do in the mean time?
Sorry so long..and im babbling as normal. Im just really lost with him.

 

[mariposa]

How about if you moms that are going to get together for playdates bring a football (or soccer ball, baseball/bat, basketball, etc) and teach them a little about the sports yourselves! Here, we have a great company that does the Soccertots (and they have a baseball one and basketball, too), not sure where you are, but maybe there is one near you? SoccerTots

Good luck! I always feel bad because my youngest can't take any kind of classes right now due to finances. Luckily, she isn't super outgoing and doesn't want to yet, but I think it would be of great benefit to her. I would definitely keep him in gym the next year if you can't find anything, gymnastics is good for all sports and is great for preschoolers!!

 

[gym law mom]

I would keep him in a gym program as long as you can. It helps with socialization and the gymnastics will be a benefit no matter what sport he tries when he turns 5. Are there any swimming programs run by a city or school? What about soccer? At this age the primary goal is just to keep him active and trying new things. I think Mariposa has a great idea about some parents meeting up at a park and kicking a soccer ball around or tossing a football. Even set up little obstacle courses for him to run around in the back yard.

BTW--The light pink color of your posts is hard to read.

 

[Deanna]

Thank you ladies. Now that the weather is warming up a bit we have talked about doing more things outside with them. Buddy does have the little kids plastic t-ball set, basketball goal..ect. So we will def. put those to use. As far as any "team" things...there just isnt anything here for his age. The city does a t-ball, soccer, peewee football (flag) ect..but they all start at 5. We contacted the them and there are no programs for kids under 5. We are going to get a family membership at the Y the middle of March. They too have peewee football and soccer, but again, not till 5. They do have a pool (but so does his preschool,, which he gets a swimming lesson once a week also during her preschool class) and offer swim lessons for kids his age. So we could get him involved in that. I know he is only 4 (well amost) but it just seems strange that there are "girl" things in this town, (gymnastics, cheer, tumbling, (although all these are at the gym) but nothing to speak of boy wise.
Sorry about the font of the first post. The one and only time I try to make it look pretty and do something with it, I make it to where it cant be read..lol. I did try to go back and edit it..to just go back to my normal plain jane font..but I cant for the life of me find the edit button. Sorry about that.

 

[gym law mom]

I think you have some good ideas and you may find some activites for him at the Y. Riight now not everything has to be structured sports. This is such a fun time to just let him try a little of this and a little of that---also nice time to be with the family without all the pressure of getting to this practice and that game etc. Keeping him in swimming is great--it really teaches coordination, builds confidence and is all around good exercise. Can he ride a bike? That would be some fun family time just going out for bike rides.

 

[emorymom]

If you can get him doing a decent freestyle and backstroke the length of the pool, he will be ready to race 6-and-under in summer swim league. My son's first full season of summer league was at 4. So was DDs. They were very valuable to their summer teams by age 5.

 

[cadybearsmommy]

Well, I would definitely keep up with the swimming! That is always important and the sooner they start the better! My dd is still trying to get the hang of it, lol.

I know you said the city and the Y doesn't do programs for children under 5, but do you guys have Little Leagues in your area? Our little leagues have a "Weeball" league (t-ball) for 3 and 4 year olds. My dd did it when she was three and it was so cute!

What about Karate or some other kind of martial arts? Most of them take kids at age four!

 

[Twosmiles]

My girls are 4 as well and just started tennis lessons. Its awesome! They play with really big sponge balls these days (size of a softball) and little kid racquets (and a really short net). Its a pretty social activity with about 4-6 kids in a class and they do a lot of fun conditioning drills/games in addition to learning forehand, backhand, and volleys. The program is called quickstart.

Its amazing how much they have learned in three weeks and their eye hand coordination has really improved a lot. I think the skills would translate very well to football.

The boys in their class seem to really excel and get a big boost of self confidence too.

 

[Monkeygirlsmom]

The YMCA has some great sports for preschool boys and girls! I know , depending on season, there is Floor Hokcy, basketball, soccer
and many other things, and the price is very reasonable! you should check out the local Y programs (you do not need to be a member for the sports)

 

[Deleted member D3987]

i'm sorry...is this boy 4? or 14??

 

[gymjoy]

He is 4 - almost. And I say let him be 4. Have some play-dates at the park. Do some mommy and me classes if you feel you must do something with him - music, art, sports - whatever. No 4yo, boy or girl, needs an organized or competitive sport, not even to learn to work in a group setting. Developmentally they are just getting the knack of interacting with other cooperatively, and this happens best in free-play without too much adult intervention or instruction, or too many rules.

All this need for organized activities for younger and younger babies is becoming ridiculous (IMHO). Learning by playing is a wonderful thing - and becoming lost to our children. Go to the playground, sit on a bench with the other moms, let your kids play all by themselves. Step in only when they absolutely need you. It is amazing what kids can figure out on their own, even at 4yo.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

well then...when my kids were almost 4...i was trying to figure out to teach them to wipe themselves and not use the 'end' product as finger painting art on to the bathroom walls. go figure...i thought that learning that was important at the time.

 

[cadybearsmommy]

He is 4 - almost. And I say let him be 4. Have some play-dates at the park. Do some mommy and me classes if you feel you must do something with him - music, art, sports - whatever. No 4yo, boy or girl, needs an organized or competitive sport, not even to learn to work in a group setting. Developmentally they are just getting the knack of interacting with other cooperatively, and this happens best in free-play without too much adult intervention or instruction, or too many rules.

All this need for organized activities for younger and younger babies is becoming ridiculous (IMHO). Learning by playing is a wonderful thing - and becoming lost to our children. Go to the playground, sit on a bench with the other moms, let your kids play all by themselves. Step in only when they absolutely need you. It is amazing what kids can figure out on their own, even at 4yo.

I do see what you are saying to a certain extent, but all children are different. There are always different reasons why it might be a good idea for a young child to participate in an organized activity.
My dd went through a social anxiety phase when she was three. It was really bad. We couldn't take her to public playgrounds, etc without there being a meltdown. She didn't want the other children near her. If a child even came within an arm's distance from her, she would drop to her knees and start crying and shaking. She was always paranoid that the other children were going to touch her or take something from her. It was way beyond normal shyness, she was completely terrified. We freaked out and took her to be tested, only to find out that b/c she was developmentally on track in other areas, she could not qualify for services based on social issues alone.
So instead of backing down, we decided to push her socially. We put her in dance at a young age, then tried out Weeball one summer, soccer for a while, preschool, etc. (She didn't start gymnastics until 4, but obviously it is her favorite, lol.) Being in an organized atmosphere with other children made the difference for her. Today, you would not even know that she was the same child. She is the social butterfly of her 4k class, is a wonderful friend to everyone and is always ready to help. She is also an imaginative child who loves to play. I don't think she would have been able to overcome her anxiety if it wasn't for putting her in a more structured social situation. Even to this day, she is a stickler for the rules, listens better than most 5 year olds, etc.

As far as my DS goes, he doesn't have social issues, but we will probably still put him in an activity when he turns 3 or so. He has spent his entire little life tagging along to take his sister to dance, gymnastics, etc and he is itching to do something himself.

Of course I don't think a four year old should be scheduled for something every day of the week and of course they still need time to play and be kids! But I don't see how putting them in an organized activity once a week or so is going to hurt anything. They will learn to listen and follow directions, and will probably make new friends as well!

 

[Monkeygirlsmom]

I think something organised is good! I know right now its not easy to just go to the park and meet kids when it is only 10 degrees outside. we have local community classes to do things with little ones as well, maybe even call the local schools to see if there are
things around for preschool age boys to do.

 

[Deanna]

Thank you Cadybearsmommy. Im really getting to where I dont want to start my own posts on here. It seems like no matter what I say, someone turns it into something its not. He wants desperatly to play football. Its his wish, he wants it. I never said "hey bubba..you wanna join some sort of sports team"? He wants to play football. There is no where here that offers peewee football till 5. He wants to play football with other boys. Its really hard to get him together with other boys for a game of backyard football because he only knows a couple little boys, and NO little kids live in our neighborhood. (kadee's best friend comes and visits her grandma often..who lives next door). With everyones busy schedules its hard to get these three little boys together but a couple times a month. Daddy goes out and throws the ball with him all the time. He has a little tykes basketball hoop..at little plastic t ball set. We have been trying to nurse this along with him for a while because its something he has been wanting for a while. My issue comes because Kadee has been able to do her thing since she was 2 1/2 (started in mommy and me)..and I cant for the life of me find a way for him to do his. (ie..play football). I even looked into t-ball/soft pitch..soccer..nothing till 5. The Y doesnt offer it till then. I know when we lived in Jersey these things were available either through the town or local gym (Y) some starting at 3yrs. I have no big dreams of my son playing ball for the NFL and being in the Super Bowl. Im just trying to help him find something that can be HIS. I feel like im letting him down somehow. It has always been him and his sister. He follows her everywhere and wants to do everything she does. And although she loves him dearly and plays great with him..she is involved in things on her own (not just gym)...and at times finds him too childish..or she is just too busy. He gets upset sometimes when she goes to the gym and asks when he is going to get to play football. I really dont think playing football once a week (practice) and maybe a scrimage game or two a season is going to damage him in anyway. I guess Im one of those crazy/pushy parents for trying to help my son do something he wants to do. As far as the potty training thing..i cant even "work" on him with that..he has been in underwear since he was 2 1/2 ~24/7.

 

[cadybearsmommy]

You are not a crazy pushy parent! If you were trying to put him in something every day of the week, I would agree with the previous posters that you might want to back off a bit. But it doesn't seem like you are wanting to do that at all! It seems like your ds is feeling left out a bit and WANTS to do something and there is nothing wrong with an organized activity once or twice a week. As a child, I always WANTED to do dance, cheerleading or gymnastics, but my family couldn't afford it, and I can't help but think that I missed out on a lot. You are not robbing your son of his childhood, he can take part in an organized activity and still have plenty of time to play. As long as he is having FUN that is what matters!

I'm not sure if you looked into my previous post, but do you have any karate/martial arts centers in your area? It can be a lot of fun for little boys and usually they start at 4. It might be something for him to enjoy until he is old enough for football.

I think it is adorable that he wants to be a football star! Little kids have big dreams sometimes, it is definitely not always the parents pushing them. Heck, my dd still says she wants to be a princess when she grows up and that definitely didn't come from me! LOL

 

[Deleted member D3987]

hey there deanna, don't take my tongue in cheek post serious. i didn't put my kids in to anything until they were 5. then gymnastics at 6. i personally hate football. and you might want to try piano. you would be amazed at what they can do with this instrument at age 4.

p.s. hey bog, me stating i hate football is cause for a hanging here just like someone stating they hate hockey up by you.

 

[mariposa]

Deanna- The great thing about these forums IS that you get differing opinions. Keep starting threads. We all learn from them and people who just read and don't join or post also learn from them. The differing opinions are what makes this a great place. I would never have stuck around if everyone just agreed with me and told me what I wanted to hear. You kind of have to have a thick skin whenever you post on forums because you are going to get 10 different opinions. You might not like some, you might not agree with some and you might get some really great advice. And 6 months later, you might realize that what you disagreed with has now become something you totally agree with!

I think these days that parents think that kids MUST be in organized activities or they aren't doing something right by their kids and that is just so far from the truth. Sure, it is fun and has benefits, but you aren't depriving your child if they aren't in 5 different activities before they turn 6. Kids these days are soooo over scheduled and free play/just being a kid seems to be a thing of the past, when kids still need that free time/down time. People are sharing what they have learned from their experience and that is okay! And someone out there might be researching putting their kid in something because "everyone else is" and find this thread and read all the opinions and realize that their kid will turn out just fine if they don't get to play football before they turn 5.

 

[Deanna]

I dont mind advice or ideas or suggestions. Many in this post have said pretty much the same thing. I just feel personaly attacked when someone makes it sounds like i am trying to MAKE him play a organized sport. Or that I think he HAS to play an organized sport. I would have never thought of football or any "ball sport" for him at this age. But he is the one that has said it over and over again that he wants to play it. He is the one that spends his money (Christmas..Easter..Birthday..ect that he gets from his family in Jersey) on all this sports stuff. He is the one that wanted to spend his money on the basketball hoop, t-ball set, he bought himself a offical football for the little guys (smaller..kinda between one of those tiny ones they hand out at highschool games and a "normal" size)..he spent the last of his christmas money on a new bike (he was growing out of his old one). He loves sports..but is hung up on football and has been for a while. He has been wanting to be on a "team" for a long time. (pushing a year now). I think some has to do with Kadee being on a team. Im not pushing him into anything..im just trying to help him. Im proud of him for wanting to get out from under his sisters wing persay. He may only be 4 but he needs to be his own person. I know what its like to grow up being known as "so and so's baby sister". Im not depriving him of being a child. He goes to the park..(sometimes with his sister..but i try and take him once a week when sissy is in school) when weather permits. He plays with other little kids when he is there. He loves it. Now that the weather is improving i will be able to take him more often..and as several mentioned i will let him take his football..t-bal set..ect and see if anyone else wants to join in a game with him. Something (sadly) i never thought of myself. I never thought of the martial arts thing..maybe something i will look into. Music lessons..i was a band nerd in school..so i understand music..but for him Im not sure it would be a good choice at this point. Some time down the road..maybe. Im def not opposed to that. Hes a little high strung (what boy his age isnt.lol) and cant seem to be able to do much of anything that takes too much concentration at this point. Although in preschool he is doing really good. He knows his numbers from 1-10..all his ABC's. He can point all them out in random order inside of words. He can even write some of them. So he can obviously sit long enough at times. Something I will give some thought to. I was really not going to respond it at all..but i let it go and let it go..and the more i let it go the more it bothered me. Then someone else said something..and that made me see that its not just me that it rubbed the wrong way. (being a momma bear..this can happen very easily). I always try to be encouraging in responses to others. If I dont agree with the OP i dont say anything. I know you are going to get different responses, and thats why I ask questions. I value everyones thoughts. I really do. I just dont like feeling that im some how doing something wrong because my child wants to be on a "team". He wants to be a part of a team..a part of something. 4 or 40, I dont see anything wrong with that. My post was about ideas of what I can do to help him until this can happen, how i can help him become seperate from his sister, an individual. Not about whether putting him in something organized was a good idea, ridiculous or what have you. It just really rubbed me the wrong way. I came to people i consider friends for ideas and went away feeling like my parenting skills were being questioned. Next time I will take it all in stride and not voice my thoughts in response. Im not a fighter. I dont like confrontation. I love it here and dont want to be viewed as a pot stirer. But I did feel a need to stick up for myself. I have my childs best intrest at heart. My world revolves around them and I do whatever i can in my power to provide them with what they need, and what i can of what they want (within reason). It breaks my heart to see my little man crying because sissy has been part of a "team" (not really until this past summer) or group since he can remember. But he cant be. Its the one single thing he talks about doing that is seperate from his sister. And I cant find a way to help him with it. Its not a flash in the pan thought hes been going on for a while. (almost a year is a lifetime for a 4 yr old) We have gone with the little kids sports things (basketball hoop, t-ball..ect.) hopeing that will pacify until he is old enough..he just isnt buying it anymore. And Im at a loss.

 

[emorymom]

Oh, I cannot answer the football problem and I will advise you that if your son is advanced, as mine was and ready to play a ball sport, you will put him in with 4 year olds (if you find a 4 year old league) and he will look at them with frustration as they will appear beside him completely unfocused. You have to wait a few more years for them to catch up. And you can't put him in with 6 year olds because they're not likely to let you for fear of him getting hurt.

If you don't want to get him on swim team, have you thought about BMX? I think there is a 5-under category. That's good for the little precocious boys.