Women 10 yr old Daughter wants to quit and move on... Is it time?

[Gymmie118]

My 10 yr old daughter has been in gymnastics since 5 yrs old. She quickly showed a talent for it and progressed very quickly, joining the team and started competing in 1st grade. We are not in the US so the system is very different.
She loved it and couldn't get to the gym fast enough! She has made great friends and has smoothly progressed through her skills minus a few fear issues in the beginning.
She is now I guess the equivalent of a level 8 going on level 9. She placed 2nd in AA at the last state comp and is about to compete in a big regional comp that if she places in the top 30 she will go to nationals.
The problem is that she injured herself about 3-4 months ago broke a foot bone while doing a back tuck on beam and had surgery to repair it. Was out for a while and has recently started training full capacity again. Now she is scared she will do the same thing and can't seem to get over it.
Also after having some time out she seems to have lost her enthusiasm and interest for gymnastics and wants to try something else (rhythmic gymnastics) .
She is very emotionally sensitive and vulnerable to stress and while recovering she had panic attacks and headaches etc. at that stage she had alot of time off from practice and took it slowly.
Her coach can be quite negative but after alot of discussion he has started to change his ways.
However i feel it is too late and she has gone past the point of keeping at it to see her results.
When i go to watch the practices she seems happy and chats and laughs with her friends and does all her conditioning and stretches as normal..everything seems fine. But then at home she says she wants to quit after this next regional comp, regardless of if she gets into the national comp.
Do you think at 10 yrs old she is a little too young to see if she will regret leaving at this stage where she has huge potential?
Her coach is absolutely against her quitting.
She is a leader in her team and is supporting 2 younger girls who look up to her.
Where we are, coming back after a year off to try rhythmic may not be an option as this is a small town with few clubs and her coach has already said something to the effect of it being extremely difficult to come back after being away from the sport.
We are planning a 2 week vacation after the competition anyway to help her relax and her coach is not happy about that either.
She is convinced that rhythmic gym is for her because her strong point is her floor..her expression and artistry(she also learns ballet once a week) and there are no high apparatus for her to fall off.
I wish she would continue just one more year until graduating elementary school and see if she gets some good results from all this hard work.
I hate to see her quit something she is so good at.
Doing rhythmic at the same time is also not an option because her team currently trains 20 hrs a week.
What would you do? Should she quit?

 

[hawaii_gymnast]

Would it be an option to cut back her training to say maybe 12 hours a week and let her try rhythmic at the same time? Then if she doesn't like rhythmic she can switch back and still have maintained her skills from artistic.

 

[gymmomtotwo]

Maybe try a sports psychologist, someone neutral she can talk to about what she is thinking and feeling. Her coach and you see her talent and potential. She see her fears and worries getting in the way. I dont see you or the coach getting her through this, since the coach has not handled it well so far and you are her parent. She needs lots of patience right now, not a lot of pressure from her coach to perform.

Ultimately, she is 10, which I think is old enough to make the decision. She has given well thought out reasons why she wants to change to rhythmic. But I would not give up quite yet. Perhaps a change in coaching is possible?
We start these kids at such an early age (me included), that it's really more our decision than it is theirs to have them do gymnastics. Yes they love it, but as they get older,they may decide it just isn't for them.

 

[OzZee]

Has she tried a rhythmic class to see if she likes it in reality?

 

[Muddlethru]

Do you think at 10 yrs old she is a little too young to see if she will regret leaving at this stage where she has huge potential?

I don't think 10 years old is old enough. I made a decision when I was 10 which my mom unfortunatetly let me. To this day, I regret that decision and wished my mother had not made it too easy for me to quit. I am over 50 now. But I still feel same compunction.

 

[GymBee97]

10 yo at the level you say is a lot of wear on the body and it probably has been a fast move to that level - she could just be burnt out. She may be good but really wants to move on to something else. is that an awful thing? When does the season end? if its a ways off then a lot can change between now and then. since you plan to take 2 weeks "rest" could you talk to the coach and see if maybe she could try a few rhythmic classes during that time. Those middle school years are really hard on the kids in gymnastics. Those are the years where the extracurricular activities are available to them and they can feel like they are missing out on something. in the end forcing her to continue isn't going to accomplish anything. If she doesn't want to do it she won't give it her all and wont show all the talent she has. I would let her quit at the end of the season if she still wants to and try the rhythmic. It may be harder to go back if she doesn't like it but its not impossible either there are lots of girls that do it. I think that many coaches want younger gymnasts so if they leave and come back and are older than they want then they really don't want to put the effort into that gymnast. Unfortunately I've seen that too. If you had an "Excel" type program like we have in the US I would suggest that. It Allows the completion with less stress, less hours and a little more free time to try other things.

 

[Gymmie118]

Thankyou so much everyone for your thoughts I really appreciate it!
She has tried rhythmic, she took a day off and tried with a new rhythmic club nearby. she was practically the best one there in terms of core strength and basic flexibility( maybe not so much in the back though) . She didnt really get to try the apparatus that time though so thats the part we arent sure about. But she liked the girls there and wants to join as soon as she has the chance.

her coach thinks she is running away from her fears and no good could come out of quitting.....but i do think she is pretty much burnt out.
We have thought about a sports psychologist too, they are quite hard to find around here. She has talked to the school psychologist though and now the school also thinks she should quit.
of course it is her sport and she is the one doing it so she should choose...its just so hard to see her hang up her leos so early!
Although her coach says he wouldnt take her back if she leaves now, i think he would.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

You do realize that this is quite common after an injury / surgery. Happen to lots of athletes in ALL sports. Stop talking to her about it, don't watch workouts, and drop her off at the door every day on time (DO NOT CUT BACK, IT WILL ONLY SLOW HER RETURN and make things worse) . Once she starts to regain her skills and confidence she will be fine. Her coach should of educated her about this feeling / depression , when she first got injured.
If after one year she still wants to quit then so be it, but never let a child quit after an injury.

 

[iwannacoach]

^^^^^Ditto that^^^^^ She has a problem she's either not aware of or is unable to cope with and bring to resolution. Tell her to start talking, or ask questions that surround the issues of coach/gymnast relationship, unspoken parental expectations that aren't real (except to her), her injury, competition, and does her rapid rate of progress exceed her trust in the adults around her to "keep it real," and to round out her experience with an occasional period of just catching her breath..... because while some progress is good, and more progress is better, sometimes to much isn't just enough....... it's just too much.

 

[my4buffaloes]

My first thought was that she is running away from her fears. I think that needs to be addressed for sure. I hope she sticks with it.

 

[AlexsGymmyMom]

I was also thinking that she seems to be trying to avoid the things that scare her. I feel like if my DD quit because of a fear (and let me tell you she has many, lol) she would have regrets. I hear all the time from girls that quit gym do to fears or injuries and every one of them wishes they had stuck it out a little longer.
On the other hand, if she has a real passion and talent for rythmic gymnastics she may regret not being given the opportunity to fulfill that dream as well.
I do feel (if this were my DD) that she should stick with gym til she has overcome her fears and if she still wants to quit and go to rythmic then I would allow her.

 

[Faith]

What are her ultimate aims? Does she want a college scholarship (if you have them) or to turn elite? Has that ever been her plan?

Would she be amenable to a 6 month trial-no competing, just training. The there's no pressure on her to gain skills or try stuff she doesn't want to, just try and build that confidence again. Tell her if she still feels the same at the end of the 6 months she can switch to rhythmic with everyone's blessing.

Doing rhythmic at least will keep up her flexibility, and some of her strength. What does her coach say about 3 months training rhythmic- if she's been off with an injury anyway it will get some of her fitness back. Then reassess whether she wants to go back to WAG, if she won't consider the above first.

I believe the current olympic RG champion started out in WAG and switched because she was afraid of beam

 

[gymmomtotwo]

I've been thinking a little more about your DD. She broke her foot and had to have surgery 3-4 months ago. I'm assuming that it was at least a month and a half before she could do anything on it (and probably more). She has a big meet coming up that determines whether she makes nationals or not. The plan is to compete her in this meet. So she has had one to two month to come back and get herself ready for the biggest competition of her life. Maybe that's just too much pressure so soon after her injury. Maybe the coach is pushing her too hard coming back and this is her way of pushing back and saying "Too much, it's just too much". She's only 10. Does waiting a year really make any difference if it keeps her in the sport? Maybe if everyone stepped back and gave her permission to just come to the gym and gradually get back up to speed without a deadline, maybe she'd handle it better. This isn't an 18 year old who has to push through and be ready for the Olympic Trials or her dream is shattered. I don't know her, but maybe she just needs more time.

 

[gymmomtoo]

I agree with what some of what everyone is saying--I think making a decision to quit when you're trying to come back from an injury and are making that decision because you're scared of getting injured again (which I believe you said that she said, but I could be wrong), is just running away from her fear. I don't think that is a good precedence to set for her life. It sounds to me that not only is she scared, but she's also stressed--at the gym she is okay and happy and working, but at home when she has time to think about the upcoming meet, her head is getting in her way. I know you aren't in the US, but check out Doc Ali's website(HeadGames) and see if you think the workbook will help your daughter. It has really helped my daughter (she also does the webcamp each week too).

My daughter is older than yours, but I've had the conversation with her about not quitting because you're afraid or before you're up to full strength. Quit when you have your skills back and then still know you aren't enjoying it anymore.

 

[Gymmie118]

Thankyou so much again for all the comments.
Yes, actually I thought it was too early to compete in regionals but she had to make a decison as it was the cutoff date. Her coach convinced her to at least enter but at a level slightly lower doing compulsories which has a basic handspring vault, no twisting on floor, no release moves on bars and a non connecting flight series on beam. (And if she wasn't ready she would scratch.)
At least she wouldnt have to do the skill she injured herself on(back tuck on beam) lol! They gave her the job of leading and teaching the younger girls the compulsories and they have become a great little team now.

she has had enough time to heal the injury and is back to full training with no pain but yes, emotionally I agree she was pushed too fast. As her coaches knew she was backing off it was like a desperate attempt to give her a new short term goal to keep her going.
But although she says the fear is her issue when giving the reason ( to her coach) for wanting to quit, and i'm sure its still there, i think the main thing is she is tired of the lifestyle..no time to play with friends, barely gets her homework done, can't try anything new etc . And she has convinced herself that rhythmic will be better. I have told her no matter what sport, if you are doing it seriously and competing, it will be the same thing, many training hours, not much free time etc and she says thats fine if she is doing what she likes to do!
But how can she be so SURE she is gonna love rhythmic.
If this were a country where gymnastics is a really popular sport with so many clubs to choose from i would have no worries about her quitting at this point and trying what she is interested in as i know she could always go back and start again at a new club if it didnt work out, but in this area there are only a small handful of clubs that are all in close competition with each other ..that would be difficult.
Last fall she had the opportunity to be part of a post olympics event where the Japanese womens team came to coach a handful of girls in a big exibition meet and she was coached by her fav. Idols which she loved and afterwards started talking about a college scholarship. I dont know what happened to that idea now.
I wish homeschooling were legal here, she has school 8 till 4 pm everyday and then trains 5:30 til 9pm on 3 weekdays plus 4-5 hrs on sat, sun. ( fri off, tues ballet lesson but no gym training) its alot..
anyway i will see how she feels after this regional meet and our 2 week overseas vacation.
i like the idea of giving her 6 more months to see how she feels because by then she will be training her higher skills again.
thankyou for your thoughts!

 

[Gymmie118]

I agree with what some of what everyone is saying--I think making a decision to quit when you're trying to come back from an injury and are making that decision because you're scared of getting injured again (which I believe you said that she said, but I could be wrong), is just running away from her fear. I don't think that is a good precedence to set for her life. It sounds to me that not only is she scared, but she's also stressed--at the gym she is okay and happy and working, but at home when she has time to think about the upcoming meet, her head is getting in her way. I know you aren't in the US, but check out Doc Ali's website(HeadGames) and see if you think the workbook will help your daughter. It has really helped my daughter (she also does the webcamp each week too).

My daughter is older than yours, but I've had the conversation with her about not quitting because you're afraid or before you're up to full strength. Quit when you have your skills back and then still know you aren't enjoying it anymore.

Thankyou, great advice, i will check doc ali'swebsite! My daughter has alway been very emotional and moody i do think she could benefit from a sports psychologist!

 

[Tillieb123]

I would ask her to keep going UNTILL the end of elementary school then if she still wants to quit. Let her