Parents 13 year old just quit

[mom2gymmie]

My 13 year old level 7/8 daughter just quit gymnastics yesterday. She has been doing gymnastics for 5-6 years but switched gyms almost a year ago exactly. The gym had been better, the coaches were great, but there were some issues with her teammates.

A couple of them were anti-Semitic towards her, went as far as making jokes surrounding the Holocaust, (NEVER OKAY) and even those who were nice, never tried to make friends with her. A couple other things happened leading to the coaches meeting w us, and that made her very uncomfortable. My dd can be a little socially awkward. She is most likely neurodivergent and is also simply unable to brush off little things. Yesterday, she made the final decision to quit and when I emailed the coaches, I made it clear that they were amazing, but the social situation there had gotten too much for her. She is also starting hs next year, and is excited that she will be able to begin new sports. This was her top choice high school too. But- she is already regretting her decision. This was her life for so many years, and as she put it, her identity is so tied up in it.

So a few questions - how would you deal with this? She is anxious about this, especially because she does still love the sport, just couldnt handle the drama and she is scared she wont find anything else she loves as much. And suggestions for other sports? She will begin diving and wants to do wrestling (i dont love that idea) , any others maybe to do in high school since that isnt options there?

Thanks you all. I (and my daughter so she will be reading all this) am a long-time lurker.

 

[ProudGymnast]

Coming from a gymnast who has quit before.

The way you will know if you made the right decision is time. It is either going to become easier to think about, or the regret will grow everyday. For me it was the latter and I found myself back in gymnastics, loving it again.

I will say, this differs based on the terms you left gymnastics. Sounds like it was not about the gymnastics side with your daughter. That means that nagging to be in the gym will always be there, because well, once a gymnast always a gymnast.

But if there truly is no way to be in gymnastics and have a healthy relationship with people at the gym, it is best to redirect that fire and passion for a different sport. Or activity. Most likely gymnastics will always hold a special place in her heart, that is common.

Time often helps. If it does not then I would re-evaluate.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Take a deep breath. In fact take many deep breaths

New/unknown things are always a little scary. But just a little and not forever.
Give it time.

And enjoy all the new things coming your way.

And seriously you don’t want to stay in an ugly situation just because you are familiar with it.

And if down the road you find you really still miss gymnastics find a place that doesn’t have toxic/mean people

Mom, coaches who can’t/don’t/won’t address bullying and racism aren’t amazing

 

[Deleted member 26368]

Ugh, I'm sorry. I hope your daughter finds joy in her next activity and her future teammates/friends. It makes me sad to hear about kids being mean and hateful like that, because you KNOW adults in their life signed off on that BS.

 

[3cats]

I am sorry to hear that your daughter felt pressure to quit her sport because of an unsupportive and what sounds like a downright hateful atmosphere.

Let her know that the gymnastics community is large and maybe a better fit for her sport is at a different gym.

But if that gym left an understandable awful taste in her mouth and she is wanting to move on from gym then my suggestion is to find what high-school camps her new school is offering for the summer.

My daughter is also starting HS next year. She made the cheer team so she will be assisting with hosting fo the camp for it this summer. High-school is offering camps for all sports. High-school golf and track is an interest to my daughter. She is also doing HS weights this summer. Other retired gymnasts are doing High-school gymnastics, diving, pole vault. I've heard of gymnasts also being successful in weightlifting and wrestling as well.

Outside of High-school there is recreational and competitive climbing, and I will always promote Tumbling and Trampoline which my daughter continues to love and has enough time to participate in and still do all the other stuff.

Also don't forget, some retired gymnasts have moved on to theater and the arts in high-school and the greater community.

I hope she finds her place where she feels embraced. Whether that is at a more inclusive gym setting or in her new high-school or in the community.

 

[mom2gymmie]

Is it allowed by the guidelines to allow my DD to write on my account based on her perspective? She would love to, but I thought I would ask first!

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Is it allowed by the guidelines to allow my DD to write on my account based on her perspective? She would love to, but I thought I would ask first!

If she is 13 she can sign up herself

 

[mom2gymmie]

If she is 13 she can sign up herself

Oh! I thought you had to be 16+!

 

[skschlag]

Is it allowed by the guidelines to allow my DD to write on my account based on her perspective? She would love to, but I thought I would ask first!

please have her register herself.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Oh! I thought you had to be 16+!

Nope rule change, 13

 

[skschlag]

Oh! I thought you had to be 16+!

The rule was changed recently. But, please help her register herself, and to do so in a way that keeps her anonymous

 

[maybeagymnast]

I just signed up! I am the daughter of mom2gymmie!

 

[Deleted member 18037]

I just signed up! I am the daughter of mom2gymmie!

Welcome let us know how diving goes.

 

[catchingupmom]

I just signed up! I am the daughter of mom2gymmie!

Welcome! I'm sorry that you had an unpleasant experience with your teammates. Unfortunately, you will always encounter people like that in life, but hopefully there aren't that many. Good luck in diving and trying out new sports. My daughter tried hurdles for the first time this year and found that her gymnastics muscles really helped her be proficient at track!

 

[maybeagymnast]

coaches who can’t/don’t/won’t address bullying and racism aren’t amazing

idk... I mean honestly they were super kind and really cared abt me as a person not just as a gymnast, but one specific girl who did this the most was 17 years old and been there her entire life. She was very close with the coaches and ig they had tried w her in the past but nothing worked

 

[KIPSOG]

She will begin diving and wants to do wrestling (i dont love that idea)

Are you worried about her wrestling boys? More than half of the states have girls wrestling as a high school sport, where they only wrestle other girls at competition. I wrestle on my high school team and I love it. I would encourage you to let her at least try it. It's a great sport for building strength, endurance, confidence, and some self-defense.

 

[raenndrops]

My 13 year old level 7/8 daughter just quit gymnastics yesterday. She has been doing gymnastics for 5-6 years but switched gyms almost a year ago exactly. The gym had been better, the coaches were great, but there were some issues with her teammates.

A couple of them were anti-Semitic towards her, went as far as making jokes surrounding the Holocaust, (NEVER OKAY) and even those who were nice, never tried to make friends with her. A couple other things happened leading to the coaches meeting w us, and that made her very uncomfortable. My dd can be a little socially awkward. She is most likely neurodivergent and is also simply unable to brush off little things. Yesterday, she made the final decision to quit and when I emailed the coaches, I made it clear that they were amazing, but the social situation there had gotten too much for her. She is also starting hs next year, and is excited that she will be able to begin new sports. This was her top choice high school too. But- she is already regretting her decision. This was her life for so many years, and as she put it, her identity is so tied up in it.

So a few questions - how would you deal with this? She is anxious about this, especially because she does still love the sport, just couldnt handle the drama and she is scared she wont find anything else she loves as much. And suggestions for other sports? She will begin diving and wants to do wrestling (i dont love that idea) , any others maybe to do in high school since that isnt options there?

Thanks you all. I (and my daughter so she will be reading all this) am a long-time lurker.

If she is looking for another sport, track is always a good one. In my state, for the 2nd straight year, the long jump state champion is a former gymnast (retired at L7 training L8). She is a junior this year, so she still has another year to get even better. She also competes in high jump, hurdles, and 200m and 400m.
From our gym, we have girls that also transitioned to track. A few of our former gymnasts are doing great things in pole vaulting (and long jump, high jump, hurdles, and sprints).

 

[Leo7]

I’m so sorry to hear about the atmosphere in your gym. There are many high school sports for gymnasts to do well in, with the added benefit of being part of the team at your high school where you will make new friends adjusting to high school. Track is great. In our state, almost all of the girls at polevault state meet have a Gymnastics background with a number of them going on to do pole vault in college.

 

[belgym]

I loved high jump, athletics, diving, trampoline and tumbling, dance and soccer post WAG. Good luck! Gymnasts are awesome at all sports! It really gives you a great foundation for anything thanks to the insane strength training we do in gymnastics!