Parents Am I overprotective?

[needcoffee]

You're definitely not being crazy! I can actually guarantee there are some parents who will feel uncomfortable about it, despite the responses here. And their feelings are not invalid.

 

[l.c.o]

If it were a random guy off the street creeping around the gym, it would definitely be icky. But anyone connected to a gymmie? As a mom, I'd never even think to question it. And I think the girls are used to having an audience, as there are always a lot of rec families around.

I never once wondered about the older boys at DD's former gym and the moms/aunts/friends in the audience...

I get that there are instances where things get blurred... in fact, watching one of the local gyms' ending pose for level 5? Made me feel SUPER uncomfortable for those girls, particularly the older ones. I couldn't watch them.

 

[gymgal]

I don't think you're being overprotective at all. I'm actually a bit surprised by the replies. I think it's very good of you to consider other parents feelings on matters like this, not everyone has had the same childhood and there are some parents who would feel uncomfortable about it.

I wouldn't mind as such, I know not all men are creeps. But to be honest I might wonder why a man with no relation to a child in gymnastics would want to watch a practice. I do have a history and my world view is slightly jaded.

I understand that a person's view of the situation may be skewed based on certain histories But the question is - how would a parent even know a guy sitting there is a stranger. And why would one come to that assumption? There are lots of rec parents, team parents, try-out parents. even older siblings and relatives that could potentially be watching. Unless you are in a very small gym, I don't know how any parent can keep track of all the other parents. I know only about 35% of the team moms in the gym, and the dads are an even lower percentage. And forget about the rec parents. No clue! Why would I walk into the viewing area making assumptions that anyone I don't know may be there for ulterior motives?

OP, it was good of you to ask for opinions but I think it is safe to say that most parents really would have no problem with having a male friend accompany your husband.

 

[AndieRose]

That's reasonable. Thanks. I just never know how people will react and I've only been a gym mom a little over a year so some of the etiquette is still new.

 

[SurpriseGymMom]

My first reaction is honestly "totally absurd, way overprotective!", but after reading on I can see why you wanted to ask.

While I think you're overthinking THIS instance, I understand where you're coming from. Obviously your history has skewed your perception, understandably so.
That said, I would only think it was cool to see a gym dad (or mom) wanting to show off their kid a little bit. I wouldn't think twice about someone, male or female, coming along to watch practice if they are in the company of "known" people.
However, if I saw anyone, male or female but yes I confess I would probably be slightly more concerned about males, who clearly didn't "belong" to any gymnast, was intensely watching and/or (even worse) taking pictures.... You bet your behind I would ask them what they were doing there and who they were. I have run into that at dance. It turned out to be a parent moving to town scouting dance studios for his daughter, so completely innocent, but there was still an unknown person there, observing our young daughters closely, and it was a bit uncomfortable.

 

[AndieRose]

My first reaction is honestly "totally absurd, way overprotective!", but after reading on I can see why you wanted to ask.

While I think you're overthinking THIS instance, I understand where you're coming from. Obviously your history has skewed your perception, understandably so.
That said, I would only think it was cool to see a gym dad (or mom) wanting to show off their kid a little bit. I wouldn't think twice about someone, male or female, coming along to watch practice if they are in the company of "known" people.
However, if I saw anyone, male or female but yes I confess I would probably be slightly more concerned about males, who clearly didn't "belong" to any gymnast, was intensely watching and/or (even worse) taking pictures.... You bet your behind I would ask them what they were doing there and who they were. I have run into that at dance. It turned out to be a parent moving to town scouting dance studios for his daughter, so completely innocent, but there was still an unknown person there, observing our young daughters closely, and it was a bit uncomfortable.

Yes, thank you! I guess I should have included my flawed thinking in the OP, but I kinda didn't want to go there. I should also have mentioned that both my husband and his friend have long, full beards. I know alot of men do now and I know it's not indicative of anything other than not liking to shave, but that tends to make people nervous.

 

[needcoffee]

I'm not going to speak for AndieRose or anyone else with a history, but for me personally, I KNOW my feelings are sometimes irrational. Truly, I do. I know that anyone could watch my child at meets or the beach or pools or out in public in general. I KNOW this logically. And yet a random male friend watching practice still doesn't sit well with me? Why? I have no idea. I honestly don't. I probably wouldn't send my kid to a gym with a male coach either, even though I know most of them are awesome and 100% harmless. Feelings on topics like these are sensitive and don't always make sense, but it doesn't make anyone wrong.

 

[AndieRose]

I'm not going to speak for AndieRose or anyone else with a history, but for me personally, I KNOW my feelings are sometimes irrational. Truly, I do. I know that anyone could watch my child at meets or the beach or pools or out in public in general. I KNOW this logically. And yet a random male friend watching practice still doesn't sit well with me? Why? I have no idea. I honestly don't. I probably wouldn't send my kid to a gym with a male coach either, even though I know most of them are awesome and 100% harmless. Feelings on topics like these are sensitive and don't always make sense, but it doesn't make anyone wrong.

Thank you!

 

[gymmomtotwo]

If the man was accompanying a gym parent, I would assume it was a visiting friend or relative. I would think nothing of it. It would not concern me in the least.

 

[profmom]

Andirose, I think you were very brave to put it out there and ask the question. It sounds like your past trauma is still having hurtful effects in your life. I wonder if it might be helpful to talk to someone professionally about it? Gentle hugs.

 

[Faith]

I should also have mentioned that both my husband and his friend have long, full beards. I know alot of men do now and I know it's not indicative of anything other than not liking to shave, but that tends to make people nervous.

In my part of the world beards are entirely normal these days. In fact it's a sign that an area is "gentrified" once the hipsters move in!

Doesn't make me nervous, just a bit eye rolly and I start to look for the gluten free deli's and artisan bakeries.

Us parents spend so much time running to and from gym. Sometimes if our friends want to see us they have to come on the gym run too!

Thing is, even if you do have someone ill intentioned turn up at a gym, pool, or other children's activity, safeguarding these days is such that there should be no chance of them actually getting access to any child.

 

[AndieRose]

Andirose, I think you were very brave to put it out there and ask the question. It sounds like your past trauma is still having hurtful effects in your life. I wonder if it might be helpful to talk to someone professionally about it? Gentle hugs.

Thank you! I have spoken to counselors in the past and I'm actually pretty well adjusted, at least I think I am. Gymama sent me a very kind PM and I told her I was in tears after reading some of the replies because it makes me confront how I'm still affected by the trauma in ways that I never imagined. I figured it was a normal reaction (not wanting my husband to take his friend), but it just makes me realize how off base I can be. Although, some of the more recent comments have made me think, "Wait a minute, alot of women and men have been attacked or abused, and they might appreciate this kind of consideration."

 

[AndieRose]

In my part of the world beards are entirely normal these days. In fact it's a sign that an area is "gentrified" once the hipsters move in!

Doesn't make me nervous, just a bit eye rolly and I start to look for the gluten free deli's and artisan bakeries.

Us parents spend so much time running to and from gym. Sometimes if our friends want to see us they have to come on the gym run too!

Thing is, even if you do have someone ill intentioned turn up at a gym, pool, or other children's activity, safeguarding these days is such that there should be no chance of them actually getting access to any child.

LOL, my husband gets very annoyed when I tell him he has a hipster beard, so I do it quite often

 

[motigymnasticsmom]

I've never been abused, but I am leery of strange men and my daughters. About a month ago a man was supposed to be waiting for a ride, but sat right across the street and was watching our girls. On the way out, DD told me and I went back and made someone call 911. A lady from the dance studio down the road came and said that he had done it to them the night before. Nevertheless, it was a good lesson for DD about trust. Tell someone if you don't like a situation. My point is that you NEVER can tell, its sad. I'd rather my DD think that I'm weird in a good way and trust me and her father. Because once something happens, you just can't undo it.

 

[sce]

I never once wondered about the older boys at DD's former gym and the moms/aunts/friends in the audience...

And sadly, maybe you should have. My 13yo ds seems to garner the attention of the moms in the viewing area, I know because some aren't afraid to tell me. Seriously people, that's my little boy!

On the other hand, I see no issue with Dad bringing a friend to the gym. Lots of people bring relatives or family friends to see part of practice. Is it really any more disturbing to the other parents than a Dad watching a practice?

 

[xxStumpyxx]

The OP is quite right to bring this up for discussion, it shows she is mindful of other people's feelings, even if her fears of what other parents may think are groundless , the world has sadly changed and not for the better

How many of us has ever wondered if there is any person (make or female) viewing whose intentions are not honerable? I will be honest and will say I haven't given it a single thought at all until I read this thread.

I am putting my trust into our gym clubs safeguarding and welfare policies and procedures and don't want to think of the other side of things.

Sometimes the unthinkable happens, in my home town a man was caught exposing / pleasuring himself in front of a children's nursery / day care centre in daylight during operational hours a few months ago . These events are rare but sadly do happen.

 

[gymmommy12]

OP - you have every right to be concerned, especially if the girls in the gym aren't allowed to wear shorts at practice. Most women don't realize this, but there are a lot of pedophiles in our communities. Those of us who have worked in social work with children and families realize that the problem is far more widespread than most people realize. I don't want to get into great detail here, but we have no way of knowing who to trust, male or female. Most people who are a potential danger to our children don't even have a criminal record. If it makes you feel any better though, most children are harmed by a close family member or friend...not the strange man or women that might be a "peeping Tom." If you want to protect your girls, make sure you dress them modestly when out in public, which includes a pair of board shorts or gym shorts on top of bathing suits...and no bikinis. Thank you OP for bringing this issue up. Don't worry though...most parents wouldn't think twice about who is watching gym practice.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Overprotective, I get why but overprotective none the less.

Best thing we can do for our kids is to teach them boundaries, to be observant, honor their ick factor. Teach them secrets are not OK and to tell tell tell when something happens (like noticing strangers hanging around on the fringes) or if someone is making them uncomfortable.

Our gym, friends/aunts/uncles/grandparents/older sibs, come for pick up, drop off, to stay, male and female. Folks thinking about joining come to watch. No one is getting away with kids that are not theirs, too many Momma Bears hanging around.

 

[Faith]

OP - you have every right to be concerned, especially if the girls in the gym aren't allowed to wear shorts at practice. Most women don't realize this, but there are a lot of pedophiles in our communities. Those of us who have worked in social work with children and families realize that the problem is far more widespread than most people realize. If you want to protect your girls, make sure you dress them modestly when out in public, which includes a pair of board shorts or gym shorts on top of bathing suits...and no bikinis.

Actually. I think the attitude that girls should change their dress/behaviour is wrong. It's one step away from "she wore a short skirt, she was asking for it".

I don't care how common paedophiles are. The reality is I have no way of telling- it could be a teacher, an uncle, could be their gym coach.

It is better to teach your children about their right not to be touched, or made to feel uncomfortable by anyone. I know the gym/school has very strict safeguarding protocols- no child is alone with an adult, no personal communication with a child.

It is more likely that a child will be abused by a person in a position of trust. Wearing gym shorts won't make an ounce of difference - except teach a child that not covering up = asking men to look at them inappropriately.

 

[cbifoja]

Most women don't realize this, but there are a lot of pedophiles in our communities. Those of us who have worked in social work with children and families realize that the problem is far more widespread than most people realize.

This statement surprises me as I have always assumed quite the opposite. But then, I don't work in social work so I realize that your experience is likely more comprehensive than mine. I'm not challenging your expertise but out of simple curiosity, do you have some general statistics.

I vacillate on this topic. The statistics seem to show that our children are most likely to be molested by someone in our social circle/family so my first reaction to the OP's post was similar to many others here: OP is overreacting; that the idea of a stranger being a danger to a young girl in an environment like a gym seems far-fetched.

But I don't mind admitting that I notice when strangers show up in our gym. We are a small gym and as much as I am at the gym, I generally have an idea of who is typically there at different times. When a stranger shows up to take a kid, it does make me pay a little more attention.

What I'm embarrassed to admit is that I wish that it didn't bother me when a certain father at our gym talks about my daughter's body and points her out to some of the other fathers in the gym. I honestly believe he is just admiring her muscle tone as an attribute to success in this sport, but when I hear him talking about her to other men, for some reason, it bothers me. I don't know if that's a rational response or not, but I'm just going to throw it out there and own it.