Women Another abuse article

[GymMom4]

This hits the nail on the head as to why we switched gyms:

http://tinssp.com/usag-sexual-abuse...l&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_campaign=buffer

 

[duyetanh]

WOW. That's a bingo for sure. UGH.

 

[MILgymFAM]

A lot of what he wrote really resonates with me. My DD was in a couple of situations with really bad coaches, and I still see the echoes of it years later. I did get her out of those situations, but I wish I had done it even sooner than I did.

 

[GymMom4]

A lot of what he wrote really resonates with me. My DD was in a couple of situations with really bad coaches, and I still see the echoes of it years later. I did get her out of those situations, but I wish I had done it even sooner than I did.

Me, too. The signs were there for years.

It is so hard...my daughter has been at a different gym for a few months but still has a lot of confidence issues. She is extremely hard on herself and worries she will get in trouble if she messes up.

Unfortunately we did not have an advocate there...we tried to be that for our daughter, as did other parents for their kids, and all was ignored and chalked up to us causing drama. They stood up for the coach.

 

[Gymmom0824]

Wow no words! It's so sad that stuff like this exists in our children's sport that they love. Sorry you had to go through it.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

And yet I have been told. This is just how gymnastics is.. Dont question the coach. Don't have your daughter advocate for herself....

Ummm No thanks.

 

[Faith]

Yep.

I also moved my dd. I only suspected, i had no proof, and dd wasn't even with that coach. For exactly the reasons in that article.

The parents of the kids in that group seem to think it's fine. Injuries are a normal part of the sport. The kids swear they love the coach. Everyone in the club wants to be in that squad because they are getting some incredible results.

But i have heard what the coach says to the kids. I have seen them ignore kids they're not happy with. I have seen them be lovely and almost parental, which makes me doubt myself, but i think is part of it. I have seen them walk out of one childs competition to warm up another.

I also hear many people say how good a coach they are. I suppose time will tell, whether they all go to the olympics or whether they end up broken, and whether they think it's worth it. I think dd would have broken, either emotionally or physically. It may well have broken me too, as the club culture was such that you were a "chosen one" in that squad, or you were outside it.

 

[kecks]

excellent article. i am a track coach who ventured into gymnastics. this article is as true as it gets. culture of obedience in gymnastics is the problem. the production of little soldiers is the problem. the total absence of the idea of a mature, responsible athlete in wag is the problem. soldiers are way easier to abuse than little people educated to think for themselves.

 

[GymmieC]

Yet parents Still keep their kids at these abusive gyms. Nothing changes. I have heard from, "There is nowhere else to go." "They are the best around. " "to "Oh they aren't like that to my little Suzy! They Like her!" They are So fooling themselves! I pray they come to their senses. But more of this talk needs to happen.

 

[2littlegymmiesmom]

We moved our girls for these same issues. This article could almost be describing our old gym. It was just accepted that this was the way it was. Many parents brought it up to the gym owner and she continuously brushed it aside. We left and many others as well. My younger DD was mostly unaffected by these coaching practices but it had a HUGE negative impact on my oldest DD who was ONLY 7 at the time. She's now 10, training Level 8 and LOVES her new gym family, as do we!. Its night and day, we went from such negativity to so much positivity and coaches who really care. So glad we were quick to realize what a toxic environment it wasn't an get out before my DD decided she wanted to quit the sport she loves or before her confidence was destroyed worse than It was. It took a lot of time and caring from the new gym to build it back up but they were fantastic and patient with her and we are so grateful we found a great gym.

It's so awful that this is just accepted and that young girls are treated this way!!

 

[LGnyc]

excellent article. i am a track coach who ventured into gymnastics. this article is as true as it gets. culture of obedience in gymnastics is the problem. the production of little soldiers is the problem. the total absence of the idea of a mature, responsible athlete in wag is the problem. soldiers are way easier to abuse than little people educated to think for themselves.

The other problem on top of that is this - the girls who often excel are pleasers to start with. They are perfectionists who care deeply about how the coaches feel about them. And don't want to rock the boat above all else. So these girls are ripe for the abuse the article describes. Too ripe.

 

[GymMom4]

Yep.

I also moved my dd. I only suspected, i had no proof, and dd wasn't even with that coach. For exactly the reasons in that article.

The parents of the kids in that group seem to think it's fine. Injuries are a normal part of the sport. The kids swear they love the coach. Everyone in the club wants to be in that squad because they are getting some incredible results.

But i have heard what the coach says to the kids. I have seen them ignore kids they're not happy with. I have seen them be lovely and almost parental, which makes me doubt myself, but i think is part of it. I have seen them walk out of one childs competition to warm up another.

I also hear many people say how good a coach they are. I suppose time will tell, whether they all go to the olympics or whether they end up broken, and whether they think it's worth it. I think dd would have broken, either emotionally or physically. It may well have broken me too, as the club culture was such that you were a "chosen one" in that squad, or you were outside it.

That was exactly our experience. Even the kids knew who the "favorites" were. My daughter would say that her coach either ignored her or was mad at her most of the time. He talked badly about kids to their teammates and other parents. No one was allowed to question or raise concerns. It was upsetting to my daughter and then he said she wasn't coachable and was frustrating to him. So we left. He was stunned. A lot of parents chose to not see what was going on.

 

[mandkmom]

It's hard sometimes as a parent to know what is going on when the gym tells you to stay away during practice. Our old gym did this and would even hang curtains over the windows sometimes so we couldn't see anything. But I trusted the coaches and my DD said she was happy. Until she wasn't and all of the sudden I heard an avalanche of problems that sounded a lot like things from this article. I felt so guilty that I missed it all.
DD never stepped a foot back into that gym. I've been honest when asked why we left (but didn't make a big deal either). It's amazing how some parents rationalize what is going on while totally acknowledging that what happened to my DD is true. But their child is not the focus of the yelling or demeaning behavior so it's ok?

 

[l.c.o]

That was an excellent read. Sadly, even "every day JO gymnasts" experience this, from compulsories to optionals. I've seen it and my DD has experienced it. And yes, us parents know, and we put up with it. We even discuss it amongst ourselves. Like abuse in general often is, it's usually cyclical. So things get bad but then they get better to a degree, and like idiots, we think, "Whew! So glad that's over!" But as soon as you're comfortable, it gets worse again, and we fall for it again.

It's hard when your kid is having success and doesn't want to quit yet.

My DD attended a couple of sports camps this summer and was so surprised by how FUN it was. I mean, they still had to work hard and got corrections, but the climate was so much different. It was such a positive experience. I has left me a bit hopeful for what could be "next".

 

[bookworm]

The part that was really interesting to me was the comments from the pole vaulting coach....because those were similar to what my youngest daughter's diving coach said when she started diving in college...she was obedient, she did as she was told, didn't initially say anything about her knee...and then he asked her one day early into the conditioning season, how is your knee doing? She told him it was getting achier than usual and his response floored her ...he said, "well then we'll adjust your workouts"....no yelling, berating or belittling. He said he wanted to work with her so she could succeed.

I think that the culture of blind obedience in gymnastics is what makes it ripe for egomaniac coaches and their abusive "techniques"...I still am not optimistic in seeing change industry wide from a USAG standpoint. The sport needs more Aimee Boormans but sadly there aren't a ton like her out there....and with the recent success of some WOGA and GAGE gymnasts , whose coaches have had their "techniques" come into question in the past, and not to mention, USAG just named Valeri, the star of Ohashi's blog on body shaming, as National Team Coordinator, I am even more pessimistic that nothing will change.

 

[GymMom4]

That was an excellent read. Sadly, even "every day JO gymnasts" experience this, from compulsories to optionals. I've seen it and my DD has experienced it. And yes, us parents know, and we put up with it. We even discuss it amongst ourselves. Like abuse in general often is, it's usually cyclical. So things get bad but then they get better to a degree, and like idiots, we think, "Whew! So glad that's over!" But as soon as you're comfortable, it gets worse again, and we fall for it again.".

That is so true!

It's like lots of you were at our previous gym.

It's sad to me that these problems are so widespread.

 

[jillc]

And yes, us parents know, and we put up with it. We even discuss it amongst ourselves. Like abuse in general often is, it's usually cyclical. So things get bad but then they get better to a degree, and like idiots, we think, "Whew! So glad that's over!" But as soon as you're comfortable, it gets worse again, and we fall for it again.

It's hard when your kid is having success and doesn't want to quit yet.

I have no intention to sound harsh, but why do you put up with it as a parent? Are there not other gyms in your area that DD could move to? Are you worried she wouldn't have as much success at another gym? If you got to start over again, would you do something different?

I have found this site so valuable in learning from others. My DD is very new to the sport and stuff like this makes me very cautious with her future in this sport (if she continues to like it). So far her coaches seem very positive and supportive, but If my DD ever had coaching like the article described, I hope could recognize the behavior pointed and find a way to get her into a better situation. But that is probably WAY easier for me to say when my DD doesn't have a ton invested into this sport yet.

 

[MILgymFAM]

I have no intention to sound harsh, but why do you put up with it as a parent? Are there not other gyms in your area that DD could move to? Are you worried she wouldn't have as much success at another gym? If you got to start over again, would you do something different?

I can answer for why we stayed longer than we should (and how long one should stay is pretty close to not at all). It's such a double edged sword. My DD didn't have a huge chunk of life invested in the sport. She didn't have a grand future of college or anything either. We put up with things we should never have because of those things.
Because many gyms wouldn't take her, wouldn't let her even try out, and there was always a worry that a gym switch would mean there would be no other gym that would take her. When coaches were mean it was (in our heads) because she wasn't good enough, was lucky to even get a shot at competing. It was wrong and we learned from it. I would absolutely do things differently even if it meant she had to quit earlier than she did. We weren't necessarily wrong that other gyms wouldn't take her, but we were wrong in thinking it mattered.

 

[Uppity]

The part that was really interesting to me was the comments from the pole vaulting coach....because those were similar to what my youngest daughter's diving coach said when she started diving in college...she was obedient, she did as she was told, d

Oh it can be/is the same in diving too. Many clubs have chinese or eastern european coaches, and their methods are very much as in the article. Clubs are sticking with these coaches as they produce results quickly, at least in the short term. It is very similar to gymnastics when producing elite level athletes. You do what the coach says.

 

[bookworm]

Oh it can be/is the same in diving too. Many clubs have chinese or eastern european coaches, and their methods are very much as in the article. Clubs are sticking with these coaches as they produce results quickly, at least in the short term. It is very similar to gymnastics when producing elite level athletes. You do what the coach says.

I'm not saying it doesn't exist in diving , and coming from her gymnastics backround, we fully expected a similar ilk of coach but were pleasantly surprised that he was not. Granted, she's not at a powerhouse diving school, but a lot of these abusive techniques by gym coaches aren't restricted to the top gyms/colleges. Like you say, they get results and stick with it. And now with Valeri's the head of it all, it will be status quo.