Parents ANy stories of encouragement for my kid who just tanked a meet?

[CuriousCate]

My level 4 tanked some meets last year. BIG time. Her first two meets were in the 28-29 range for the all around.
She worked her tail off and at the third meet brought her AA up over 4 points. It was quite amazing and my husband and I couldn't stop smiling. She was back! But. While she ended up with the highest AA on her team, she was the only kid not to walk away with a single medal. She had been on such a high from finally doing better and then cried and cried and cried the whole way home. My husband is the (very) quiet type. As I tried to cheer her up and point out how well the meet had gone, he just drove. We got home, it was about 10pm and we sat down to finally eat, and he just looked at her and said "You know, I know you don't get this, but your mom and I? We're old. It really doesn't make any difference to us whether you walk away with a medal or not. I know it means a lot to you but when you're old you don't care about that stuff. All that you want to see when you're old is that your kid gets out there and gives it everything they have, and keeps working to get better every single day. That's what you've been doing, and you were amazing out there." I know it doesn't sound like much, but coming from a man of little words, I think it really meant a lot to her. So, what can you say? Just be honest with her. Let her know that what matters isn't a score from a meet but that she gets back into the gym the next day to continue working. I always tell my kids I'm not paying hundreds of dollars for them to do gym for the few minutes they perform at a meet- if that was the case it would be a lot of money per minute! Just give her a hug and let her vent for a few minutes, and send her back in to keep working. Honestly. The best thing that came out of my DD's tanking last year was that she learned that the world didn't end. She could be upset but she'd wake up the next morning and go to school and gym same as she ever did. It's gymnastics, not the end of the world, and I daresay watching them struggle is so hard but they learn SO much more than from winning.

Thank you for all of this. Every single word is perfect.

 

[CuriousCate]

My youngest is 8yr and she is competing L4 this fall and hasn't scored above a 34AA; in fact she comes in last place or just about at every meet
I would never use the word "tank" in describing how a kid scored - the title of this thread has me annoyed.

I'm sorry - i certainly did not mean to be offensive. It was actually her word (my DD's) to describe the meet, and I rolled with it. It was very insensitive of me to say. She unfortunately hears me use that word to describe races that I flounder in (I run a lot of road races), so I'm sure she got it from me. When I don't do my personal best, I always say "yeah...well I tanked that race. Oh well, on the the next". But I am sorry. No harm intended.

 

[CuriousCate]

Well, with no falls or omissions I would not consider it "tanking". We still laugh about the meet my dd fell 6 times - when there are only 4 events! (Twice on bars, twice on beam and both vaults). Some days are just like that.

Seriously though - sounds like it was just tough scoring and maybe not her best meet. Frustrating yes. But I would just chalk it up to a fluke. Especially if her placements were similar to normal.

Her placements were way lower and I actually think that's the only reason she even caught on that something was off. She is starting to grasp the meaning of the scores and deductions, but she sort of rates her performance based on placement. She was feeling much better about things today and heads back to the gym tomorrow. I hope in good spirits! BTW, your comment reminded me of that great book about the horrible, no good, very bad day! I should break that one out for her!

 

[CuriousCate]

It does me also, but I do understand why the OP is feeling this way, because her child (not said with malice or sarcasm) is at one of "those" gyms, where scores=success in terms of moving up. OP, I am not meaning this in a snarky way at all!!! But when your child is at a gym that has these standards in terms of moving up, a lot of unwanted pressure gets put both on the child and the parent. Yes, obviously, if a child is bombing with scores that are extremely low, then they need to repeat the level. But 34 just isn't that low. I do understand why your child is disappointed, seeing as she started out with higher scores. I would make it a learning experience for her....as the actual head coach was there, I would have her initiate asking him/her if possible why he/she thought her scores were so much lower this time around. I would have her ask in a general sense. "Any ideas of anything I could work on to get my scores back up there?" so to speak. To you, I ask: Were her steps off in the vault? Casts not as high? Leaps not as high? Tumbling more bent armed? Has she grown recently? Growing throws every damn thing off in this sport. My kid doesn't seem to EVER grow. But when she grows her mere 1/2 inch (which I thank God for!) it wreaks havoc on EVERYTHING. If she has grown, you can be real positive to her and tell her that this too shall pass, and her skills will be back up to snuff soon.

The other thing is that darn it, this is a subjective sport. We have been at meets where they obviously loved the little ones (and my kid rocked it there). We have been at meets where they loved the graceful, ballerina types (and my kid scored poorly there). Honestly, she did better at the meet where she scored proudly, and I was so much more proud of her....there was an event at the former meet where NONE of us, not even my husband who thinks his child walks on water, thought the high score she got was earned. Try and focus on something she did really well in one or more of the events, and remind her that the scores do not make the child. It is all a huge learning experience for your child. And yes, I know I sound like a broken record to those who have heard it before, but thank the stars my kid isn't at your kid's gym....or she would still be in level 4. NWIH would she ever score the 36 to get out of compulsories. She is one of the not as common success stories in optionals who sucked in compulsories, and thank God her coaches knew enough to get her out of them so she could play to her strengths.

Definitely not taken as snarky. Thank you for understanding (although I really do wish I could change the title of this darn post now because I feel horrible!). To be honest, your post is eye opening because really, with the push for the 36 at our gym, I assumed that everyone used that as a reference point. Since this was not my thing growing up, I only know what I'm learning through this process... I take the word of the gym as gospel because technically, that's the word that decides my kiddo's fate for the moment. I'm going to work on getting her to speak with the coaches about it...she is pretty shy when it comes to that. The growing thing....I will have to measure her! Her pants have seemed shorter but I blamed my laundering skills! And yes, my kid is not one of the graceful, long lines, kids. She is pretty small, and a little awkward but pretty powerful. You're right...in some meets they seem to love her. This meet, they sure did not. She had one of the lowest scores in the entire meet... But, yes. It will be a great learning experience for her!

Thank you, again.

 

[John]

Before locking into the current gym with slightly strict expectations be sure the gym fits your DD and your family. Gym move almost killed me. Better to grow relationships that you will keep for years to come.

 

[raenndrops]

Tell her judging is very subjective and these judges may have just been harsher on her than her teammates for whatever reason. And vice versa at the previous meets.

I don't agree with this part. That makes it seem like the judges intentionally played favorites. What if she encounters these judges again? It could cause a negative feeling and she may assume they will score her low, so not try as hard and do worse ... self-fulfilling prophesy.

 

[duyetanh]

Definitely not taken as snarky. Thank you for understanding (although I really do wish I could change the title of this darn post now because I feel horrible!). To be honest, your post is eye opening because really, with the push for the 36 at our gym, I assumed that everyone used that as a reference point. Since this was not my thing growing up, I only know what I'm learning through this process... I take the word of the gym as gospel because technically, that's the word that decides my kiddo's fate for the moment. I'm going to work on getting her to speak with the coaches about it...she is pretty shy when it comes to that. The growing thing....I will have to measure her! Her pants have seemed shorter but I blamed my laundering skills! And yes, my kid is not one of the graceful, long lines, kids. She is pretty small, and a little awkward but pretty powerful. You're right...in some meets they seem to love her. This meet, they sure did not. She had one of the lowest scores in the entire meet... But, yes. It will be a great learning experience for her!

Thank you, again.

You are welcome, and I am glad she has at least scored high enough to move on in their eyes (forgive me, I am fried...I *think* you said she had made a 36 at the beginning of your post, hope that is the case)....I am hopeful for you that this meet is an anomaly, and that she rallies for the next one! And it does sound like she has grown....trust me when I say it throws everything for a loop! Right now my kid is a hot mess with her skills across the board because of her "bit" of growth....I just tell her this too shall pass.

 

[sce]

Her placements were way lower and I actually think that's the only reason she even caught on that something was off. She is starting to grasp the meaning of the scores and deductions, but she sort of rates her performance based on placement.

Well there is a lesson to lwarn there. Placements will vary a ton. My dd got higher scores than many teammates last year, but was in a different age group, where she got few medals. The teammates got many medals. Medals are nice but not a full reflection of your performance.

 

[Ginger]

Definitely not taken as snarky. Thank you for understanding (although I really do wish I could change the title of this darn post now because I feel horrible!). To be honest, your post is eye opening because really, with the push for the 36 at our gym, I assumed that everyone used that as a reference point. Since this was not my thing growing up, I only know what I'm learning through this process... I take the word of the gym as gospel because technically, that's the word that decides my kiddo's fate for the moment. I'm going to work on getting her to speak with the coaches about it...she is pretty shy when it comes to that. The growing thing....I will have to measure her! Her pants have seemed shorter but I blamed my laundering skills! And yes, my kid is not one of the graceful, long lines, kids. She is pretty small, and a little awkward but pretty powerful. You're right...in some meets they seem to love her. This meet, they sure did not. She had one of the lowest scores in the entire meet... But, yes. It will be a great learning experience for her!

Thank you, again.

This (in bold) actually may be the reason why she didn't scored as well at this meet as she did at previous ones. While I don't think the judges play favorites, I do believe they have their preferences. Nothing she can do about it other than focusing on improving her form, or whatever might caused her lower scores (hopefully her coaches have an idea!).

Remind her of Gabby Douglas quote: "Hard days are the best because that's when champions are made".

 

[Sasha]

This (in bold) actually may be the reason why she didn't scored as well at this meet as she did at previous ones. While I don't think the judges play favorites, I do believe they have their preferences. Nothing she can do about it other than focusing on improving her form, or whatever might caused her lower scores (hopefully her coaches have an idea!).

And yes, my kid is not one of the graceful, long lines, kids. She is pretty small, and a little awkward but pretty powerful. You're right...in some meets they seem to love her.

I was just going to post and highlight this exact same thing.

OP, your daughter is only 7, competing Level 4 - that is amazing! Not many 7 year olds at that level achieving what your daughter has. You must be at a very competent gym to have trained her to this level of aptitude, so all good news! That said, most 7 year olds still have that "awkward" kind of movement compared to gymnasts a year or two older who have simply developed more body control through maturing connections between brain and body. Things like consistent tightness in the core and limbs is usually still developing, as well as "steadiness" on landings, etc.. This can absolutely result in lower scores temporarily, but (if that is the issue and very often is) will resolve as she matures and simply practices the shapes with proper corrections thousands more times (numbers game).

She is doing fantastic!

Enjoy her tiny, powerful, adorable awkwardness while it lasts! And as others have well-documented here, scoring varies widely between meets and judges, so all those 'little things' (a little looseness in the arms here, little wobble there..) will result in different numbers and placements depending on the day. Keep encouraging her just to listen to her coaches, and that being a world-class gymnast someday isn't earned by being better than others at meets right now, but by being her own best in the gym every practice. The world class gymnasts will be the athletes who never give up despite every single one of them having bad days and disappointing meets.

 

[CuriousCate]

I was just going to post and highlight this exact same thing.

OP, your daughter is only 7, competing Level 4 - that is amazing! Not many 7 year olds at that level achieving what your daughter has. You must be at a very competent gym to have trained her to this level of aptitude, so all good news! That said, most 7 year olds still have that "awkward" kind of movement compared to gymnasts a year or two older who have simply developed more body control through maturing connections between brain and body. Things like consistent tightness in the core and limbs is usually still developing, as well as "steadiness" on landings, etc.. This can absolutely result in lower scores temporarily, but (if that is the issue and very often is) will resolve as she matures and simply practices the shapes with proper corrections thousands more times (numbers game).

She is doing fantastic!

Enjoy her tiny, powerful, adorable awkwardness while it lasts! And as others have well-documented here, scoring varies widely between meets and judges, so all those 'little things' (a little looseness in the arms here, little wobble there..) will result in different numbers and placements depending on the day. Keep encouraging her just to listen to her coaches, and that being a world-class gymnast someday isn't earned by being better than others at meets right now, but by being her own best in the gym every practice. The world class gymnasts will be the athletes who never give up despite every single one of them having bad days and disappointing meets.

Thank you! I do feel like a lot of it is age (although her teammate is only 6 weeks older but just truly defines control and grace!) I will tell her that - to be her own best in the gym every practice. I love how you put that!

 

[Sasha]

Thank you! I do feel like a lot of it is age (although her teammate is only 6 weeks older but just truly defines control and grace!) I will tell her that - to be her own best in the gym every practice. I love how you put that!

Yes, there are always a few lucky ones who mature into control earlier. Definitely the exception at age 7, though. At age 7, my DD's grace could could be compared to a robotic daddy long legs (pretty sure coaches actually said that! lol). By 9, she was much more controlled and solid. Now at 11, she is both solid and graceful. Each in her own time!

 

[profmom]

As what's meant to be in the kindest and most friendly of terms, please also take care in how you talk about disappointing performances around the gym and at meets. I still remember the very public and fraught boo hoo hooing of a mom of one of my daughter's teammates about how horribly her daughter had done in achieving an AA score two full points higher than my daughter's and "only" winning a lousy 6th place AA medal to go with her four event medals at a meet where my daughter went home empty handed.

 

[Flyaway]

OP, I get it. Although maybe a dramatic word choice (I'm guilty of doing that too!), I'm sure it felt like a tanked meet to both you and your dd. My level 4 dd is one who is happy to score a 34, but the measuring stick is different at your gym, and that's ok. I'm not offended by your choice of words - that's what it felt like to your dd! Bottom line is, the sun will come out tomorrow. This is a great learning opportunity for both of you! She'll be a stronger gymnast and even more importantly a stronger human being from dealing with this disappointment, channeling the negative energy into positive focus and gaining perspective. I always say I'm grateful when my kids are handed a disappointment while the stakes are low. That way I can help them learn how to handle the inevitable disappointments that will come later in life when the stakes are higher.

 

[gymgal]

Tell her judging is very subjective and these judges may have just been harsher on her than her teammates for whatever reason. And vice versa at the previous meets.

I don't agree with this part. (above) That makes it seem like the judges intentionally played favorites. What if she encounters these judges again? It could cause a negative feeling and she may assume they will score her low, so not try as hard and do worse ... self-fulfilling prophesy.

I only meant to say that judges have their own little things the look for in addition to basic scoring. Some might be really harsh on pointed toes and are on the lookout for them. For others, it might be bent legs. The list goes on. It is not about playing favorites. It's about what they are focusing on during the routine. I find nothing wrong with letting a gymnast know this. It will help her to understand why scoring differences meet to meet. If it were an objective sport, every judge would come up with the same score every time for the same routine and we know that doesn't happen often.

 

[raenndrops]

I only meant to say that judges have their own little things the look for in addition to basic scoring. Some might be really harsh on pointed toes and are on the lookout for them. For others, it might be bent legs. The list goes on. It is not about playing favorites. It's about what they are focusing on during the routine. I find nothing wrong with letting a gymnast know this. It will help her to understand why scoring differences meet to meet. If it were an objective sport, every judge would come up with the same score every time for the same routine and we know that doesn't happen often.

THAT is a better way to put it. THAT is what I tell my gymmies.

 

[Gymmom0824]

I am late to this post, but going through the same thing with my daughter after a meet today. Her previous meets were much higher scores, but she had a low vault score today that really made her all around low and it seemed the judging was a lot stricter today. I love all these words of encouragement and love the Gabby Douglas quote someone above posted.