At what point do I make her decision?

[sportyfam5]

I am looking for advice....again! My almost 15 year old L8 has been wishy washy in the gym for basically the past 2 years. She was pretty much off from March of this past year until November (she was doing PT for back, then taking time off, did IGC for week in summer, school volleyball for fall). In November she wanted to go back slowly, 2 days per week. That was fine by me and coach. What is frustrating is she says she wants to keep doing it and even wants to do a meet or 2 in the spring. However, she rarely chooses to go to the gym and when she does she doesn't do much, saying she "can't". In the last week or so I have asked her to decide to either keep it up or quit. She said she doesn't want to make that decision and still WANTS to do it but CAN'T.
So do I make the decision for her or just let it keep sliding? In my heart (and hers I think) I want her to miraculously get back into it full force. In my mind I think she has had enough

 

[sportzmomov3]

Actions speak louder than words. Saying you want to, but not showing any active motivation to DO much/or anything about it, says to me that it's time to hang up the leo...

 

[MaryA]

When we were talking about moving DD to a different gym this summer, in the end she said that she wanted to but she didn't want to be the one to make the decision. She felt so much guilt about leaving the gym and the coaches and the friends who had been a part of her life for half her lifetime. Maybe that's what is going on here and she just needs you to make the decision. I know my daughter became much happier and less stressed out once the decision was made. If you "make" her quit and she misses it, she can always go back. And if she makes the decision to go back, hopefully she'll have the drive to make it happen.

 

[C's MOM]

That was a decision I had to make myself for older DD. She also went a year more than she would have had I had the nerve to just pull her earlier. But in the end, yes I was the one to make that decision for her. Her grades began to suffer and she just wasn't happy, but she herself would never have pulled the plug. Like another poster stated, their actions speak louder. From time to time, DD still blames me for ending her gym, but in retrospect she wouldn't be the young woman she is today had she not stopped no matter who initiated the stop or not. Good luck!

 

[Aussie_coach]

Perhaps you could swap those hard earned gymnastics skills for another sport. A level 8 gymnast, even one who is struggling can easily step into a sport like cheerleading, team gym, trampoline or sports acrobatics and excel very quickly. Many of these sports would allow her to do in on lower hours and would be more flexible with the stuff she can't do.

 

[gym law mom]

The word can't would indicate she feels she physically is unable to do the skills or workout required. Is the word she really wants to use...won't? Sounds like time for you, dd and the coach to sit down and lay it all on the line. She needs to know that nobody will be mad at her if she stops gymnastics and obviously she's found other activities. Maybe just hashing it out will help her make the decision.

 

[sportyfam5]

Perhaps you could swap those hard earned gymnastics skills for another sport. A level 8 gymnast, even one who is struggling can easily step into a sport like cheerleading, team gym, trampoline or sports acrobatics and excel very quickly. Many of these sports would allow her to do in on lower hours and would be more flexible with the stuff she can't do.

She does play volleyball and loves it but that is only Fall season at school. She tried out for a local club team but only made their house team. She will be doing that one night a week. She may also try track with school in the Spring so maybe she will feel some fulfillment then.

 

[txgymfan]

It sounds like she is already "transitioning out". By the time most kids get to optionals they do gymnastics and not much else. I agree that it is time for sit down with dd, coach and parent or parents. Does the team have a prep-op team she could try?

 

[sportyfam5]

It sounds like she is already "transitioning out". By the time most kids get to optionals they do gymnastics and not much else. I agree that it is time for sit down with dd, coach and parent or parents. Does the team have a prep-op team she could try?

Yes there is a prep op team and she has no desire to do that. She doesn't get along with those girls and not really sure why else. I have talked with her and so have her coaches. I think she is done but just doesn't want to give up something that has been part of her life for 12 years (most of her life!)

 

[Deleted member D3987]

tough transition...

 

[UnoMas]

Aw. I'm sorry, it makes me sad reading this...must be so very hard for her and for you. I agree with txgymfan, it sounds like it is time for a talk with you, her, and the coaches. Maybe in that kind of situation a mutual decision can be made... I would think it would be really hard to make that decision for her. It seems like she needs to own her decision...but that doesn't mean you can't help with a good long heart to heart.

 

[Tumblequeensmom]

I think it's harder on us parents to accept the decision when our girls are "done." It's been such a lont part of their (and I admit, OUR) lives and there's definitely a mourning process that must take place... at least for us! Been here, done this. IT"S HARD!!!

It does sound like she's ready to move on tho. I understand where you're coming from w/ her doing volleyball out of season, only one day per week. I'ts just not enough activity when they've been so active for most of their lives. (I signed my DD up for a membership at a local gym, and am she was doing a good job of going several times a week before her HS gymnastics season began. Once that's over, I'm hoping she'll keep up the gym workouts.)

 

[gymnut1]

Sounds like she is ready to move on from the gymnastics but not from the gym. Is she old enough to help out with a kindy class or special olympics class? Helping out as a volunteer coach is a great way to build confidence.

 

[sportyfam5]

I think it's harder on us parents to accept the decision when our girls are "done." It's been such a lont part of their (and I admit, OUR) lives and there's definitely a mourning process that must take place... at least for us! Been here, done this. IT"S HARD!!!

It does sound like she's ready to move on tho. I understand where you're coming from w/ her doing volleyball out of season, only one day per week. I'ts just not enough activity when they've been so active for most of their lives. (I signed my DD up for a membership at a local gym, and am she was doing a good job of going several times a week before her HS gymnastics season began. Once that's over, I'm hoping she'll keep up the gym workouts.)

Thanks and I see you are still on CB. I guess once a gym mom always a gym mom!
We talked again tonight and she insists that she stills WANTS to but CAN'T and won't make a decision. Maybe she just needs more time. I am glad our gym is so flexible. Did you DD decide or did you?

 

[sportyfam5]

Sounds like she is ready to move on from the gymnastics but not from the gym. Is she old enough to help out with a kindy class or special olympics class? Helping out as a volunteer coach is a great way to build confidence.

You may have hit the nail on the head! She really does want to coach and I think we will talk with HC about that. Maybe some coaching and some workouts will help her decide. Great idea! Thanks so much. I love CB friends.

 

[SuperGirlmlm]

I broke my wrist a year ago, now, I wear a Tiger Paw on it. Back then, I was a level eight and my mom almost made me quit. However, I had a drive to get back in it. When I got back, it took my a month to get all my skills back. If your daughter has the same drive that I do, she will have to leave gymnastics before she realizes how much she truly loves it.

 

[luckygymnast27]

I see two things here. First is maybe she does want to quit, but feels like you would be disappointed in her. Second is if she really can't do something, maybe you could her back in level seven or six and let her work her way back up to eight.