Parents At what point do you encourage child to try something different

[Gymdancemom3]

My daughter loves gymnastics. It is all she wants to do. However, I have watched her struggle on bars for 2 years. She can not seem to get a squat on and her kips are hit or miss. Even when she does them, they are not straight arm. She struggled through this meet season scoring extremely low on bars. No squat on all season. She struggles with body control and tightness. She has ADHD and focusing issues and it really affects her being able to stay tight all over. If she focuses on one body part the rest goes haywire. I’m not sure what can be done to help her at this point and sometimes I feel that it may be time to move on to something new. It hurts my heart to watch her struggle so much. She works so hard, but it’s like she is running in place and not going anywhere. We just encourage her and her coaches are so patient and continue to work with her, but I just am at a loss. Does there ever come a time when you try to encourage you child to try something new new and different. Or do you just continue to watch them struggle?

 

[gymgal]

I have a non-gymnast with ADHD so I get where you are coming from in terms of focusing on one part and the rest falls away. It is really heartbreaking to watch sometimes. Have your discussed the subject with her yet? I would want to get a sense of where she is right now. How does she feel her bars are going vs the rest of the events? Is she comfortable scoring low in meets b/c she loves the sport so much she doesn't care if it takes her a lot longer to get a skill? If that's the case, then she is still getting something out of training even if it is not showing at the meets and I would be more likely to keep her in. But if she is not enjoying it and is just staying to please someone or to work for that next level, I would be more apt to steer her to a related sport. Have you talked with the coach about the future - do they feel like she will get the skill consistently at some point? Will other skills be just as difficult for her?

You could start to talk to her about maybe switching to xcel, where she would have more flexibility with her skills across the events, though eventually she would still need to find a way to get to that high bar to move up the levels. A tumbling and trampoline team would be an option too, if there is one near you. It would allow her to continue to do tumbling. Diving is also a good alternative if she likes to swim. Swimming is supposedly very good for ADHD. Has a calming and focusing effect.

 

[Gymmommy71]

I would just say to her the next time she talks about how she’s struggling - “you know it’s okay if you want to try something else besides gymnastics - it’s not the only sport/activity and you aren’t committed to do it for the rest of your life”... Then see how she reacts. She may say she never wants to quit cause she loves it and then you know, or she may be open to it. Sounds like she’s still at a level where she’s wouldn’t be going that many hours a week and could probably try other things concurrently.

I will say, that a lot of good older gymnasts struggled w/ bars when they were younger. My daughter was a epic bar struggler as a youngster, and although it’s still not her best event compared to the other excellent gymnasts out there, she eventually got the hang of it and can do a solid L8 routine w/ good handstands, etc. If you would have told me back then she’d be able to do the stuff she does now I never would have believed it.

 

[Gymdancemom3]

Thank you for your suggestions. Her sister dances and sometimes they will dance together and I have said, are you thinking you might like to try a class? Nope. She only wants to do gym. As frustrated as she gets and there have been tears over this, she does not want to quit and keeps working. My husband and I say if there is one thing she has it’s perseverance! We feel if she is willing to keep pushing we should support her, but there are times when I think that maybe if she tried something different she may fall in love with something new. It is so hard being a parent!lol

 

[wandrewsjr]

We seem to have a hyper obsession in gymnastics with "moving up" and acquiring new skills. If your daughter was playing soccer and all her teammates were getting faster then her and could kick the ball further than her, but she was still out there having fun playing the game with her team, getting great exercise, would you think she should quit the sport? Sport doesn't always have to lead to a certain destination. Just from your short description I would say she is learning great lessons about perseverance and not quitting when things get tough. And if she is still in love with gymnastics and that's all she wants to do, even despite struggling on bars? I understand why her coaches are so patient and want to work with her. I would want to work with her too.

PS - Don't give up on body control. Some kids gain that later than others.

 

[Gymdancemom3]

We seem to have a hyper obsession in gymnastics with "moving up" and acquiring new skills. If your daughter was playing soccer and all her teammates were getting faster then her and could kick the ball further than her, but she was still out there having fun playing the game with her team, getting great exercise, would you think she should quit the sport? Sport doesn't always have to lead to a certain destination. Just from your short description I would say she is learning great lessons about perseverance and not quitting when things get tough. And if she is still in love with gymnastics and that's all she wants to do, even despite struggling on bars? I understand why her coaches are so patient and want to work with her. I would want to work with her too.

PS - Don't give up on body control. Some kids gain that later than others.

Thank you for your response! I hate that it came across that I was concerned about her level. I honestly do not care what level she is and I don’t have any plans or worries about this going anywhere. We consider this an after school activity!lol. I guess as a mom, it is just hard to see your kiddos struggling and you want to fix it!! I know I can’t always do that and she is definitely learning life lessons. And yes, maybe the body control will come at some point. She is 11 and I know things are starting to change and that probably isn’t helping! Thank you again!

 

[raenndrops]

Thank you for your response! I hate that it came across that I was concerned about her level. I honestly do not care what level she is and I don’t have any plans or worries about this going anywhere. We consider this an after school activity!lol. I guess as a mom, it is just hard to see your kiddos struggling and you want to fix it!! I know I can’t always do that and she is definitely learning life lessons. And yes, maybe the body control will come at some point. She is 11 and I know things are starting to change and that probably isn’t helping! Thank you again!

YG has been working on her kip since she was almost 8. She is 13 now. It still comes and goes... mostly goes, lol. It is not straight armed EVER.
She had a squat on for 2 months this summer... and it has gone on vacation again. She had been working on that since she was 8 also.
After 3 years combined of Old L4/Current L3, she switched to Xcel Gold (Not looked down on at our gym... they train with the JO girls and are considered Optionals).
She loves gymnastics though and works very hard. She wants to get better.
Lol, she managed to do a kip in her routine at her most recent meet (Xcel Platinum) and earned 4th place!
Dont give up on your DD and gymnastics!

 

[SurpriseGymMom]

Spin off question (my apologies, but I really want to know!). You mentioned ADHD and not being able to focus on more than one body part at a time. How, if anything, could her coach help with that? I am asking in a completely self serving way because I have a very young gymnast in my developmental team with severe ADHD and I want to be able to help her be the best she can be. Right now, it is very frustrating to see a split second glimpse of greatness only to see it fall apart instantly. She literally cannot hold a position or tight shape for more than 0.5sec. And this is medicated.... I have worked with her unmedicated also, even worse.
So I am genuinely asking for advice from parents as far as any insight on how I, as a coach, can help rather than end up having to keep this kid behind her true ability. I am not a specialist in different needs and have no personal experience with ADHD.

 

[Aussie_coach]

The time to encourage her to try other sports is when she no longer enjoys gymnastics.

 

[raenndrops]

Spin off question (my apologies, but I really want to know!). You mentioned ADHD and not being able to focus on more than one body part at a time. How, if anything, could her coach help with that? I am asking in a completely self serving way because I have a very young gymnast in my developmental team with severe ADHD and I want to be able to help her be the best she can be. Right now, it is very frustrating to see a split second glimpse of greatness only to see it fall apart instantly. She literally cannot hold a position or tight shape for more than 0.5sec. And this is medicated.... I have worked with her unmedicated also, even worse.
So I am genuinely asking for advice from parents as far as any insight on how I, as a coach, can help rather than end up having to keep this kid behind her true ability. I am not a specialist in different needs and have no personal experience with ADHD.

Over time, they develop techniques to deal with things... what a coach can do to help most is not get frustrated
Seriously, once the kids get a little older, they know that their form doesnt look like everyone else's and they get frustrated enough themselves.
For now, pick whichever "thing" is most important (core or pointed toes or straight legs for example) and only focus on that... until it becomes second nature (muscle memory). It takes quite a while when they are young, but it does happen.

 

[LindyHopper]

Thank you for your suggestions. Her sister dances and sometimes they will dance together and I have said, are you thinking you might like to try a class? Nope. She only wants to do gym. As frustrated as she gets and there have been tears over this, she does not want to quit and keeps working. My husband and I say if there is one thing she has it’s perseverance! We feel if she is willing to keep pushing we should support her, but there are times when I think that maybe if she tried something different she may fall in love with something new. It is so hard being a parent!lol

I'm not sure how old your daughter is. Could you let us know?

Little Bit (now almost 9 and competing at USAC Bouldering regionals today) was taking rec classes at gym where Short Stack is on team. Husband and I could see that gym just wasn't for her. She didn't have the passion for it that he sister did. But every time we suggested something else, she dug in and said no. That was until a little over a year ago when, at a County Parks event, she tried a rock climbing tower. It was like someone flipped a switch in her. We researched where to climb. She came out of her first rock climbing class with the same passion for it that Short Stack had coming out of her first preteam practice at the gym.

I guess my point is until she finds "her thing" support her at the gym. As long as it's a healthy environment, and she isn't consistently miserable in her struggles it will only help her with life skills and body awareness for when she DOES find her thing.

 

[profmom]

If she loves it, just support her passion. Gymnastics has been the hardest thing my daughter has ever done, but she loves it and her lack of "success" has not diminished that love. She will graduate from high school next year as a gymnast. The medals and trophies that others got when they were 8 or 9 years old will molder in their parents' attics. She will be packing a bagful of hard-headed determination and an exceptional capacity to hear and assimilate critical feedback to bring to college with her.

 

[duyetanh]

If she loves it, just support her passion. Gymnastics has been the hardest thing my daughter has ever done, but she loves it and her lack of "success" has not diminished that love. She will graduate from high school next year as a gymnast. The medals and trophies that others got when they were 8 or 9 years old will molder in their parents' attics. She will be packing a bagful of hard-headed determination and an exceptional capacity to hear and assimilate critical feedback to bring to college with her.

Like. Like like like like LIKE.
And there are LOTS of definitions of success. You sure as h*ll don't need a trophy to define it.

 

[mommyof1]

If she loves it, just support her passion. Gymnastics has been the hardest thing my daughter has ever done, but she loves it and her lack of "success" has not diminished that love. She will graduate from high school next year as a gymnast. The medals and trophies that others got when they were 8 or 9 years old will molder in their parents' attics. She will be packing a bagful of hard-headed determination and an exceptional capacity to hear and assimilate critical feedback to bring to college with her.

I cannot "like" this enough. I have wondered at several points whether it was time to pull the plug (including once this season!), but the hope that I will one day be able to say exactly what profmom says above is what keeps me going.

 

[mariposa]

I'm in that boat, where I torn between supporting my DDs love for the sport and encouraging her to move on. She still loves gymnastics, but I don't think she will reach her goals at her gym for various reasons and I hate seeing her work so hard and not get the coaching she deserves. She's old enough to make decisions herself, but I still struggle with it.

 

[Amusibus]

Spin off question (my apologies, but I really want to know!). You mentioned ADHD and not being able to focus on more than one body part at a time. How, if anything, could her coach help with that? I am asking in a completely self serving way because I have a very young gymnast in my developmental team with severe ADHD and I want to be able to help her be the best she can be. Right now, it is very frustrating to see a split second glimpse of greatness only to see it fall apart instantly. She literally cannot hold a position or tight shape for more than 0.5sec. And this is medicated.... I have worked with her unmedicated also, even worse.
So I am genuinely asking for advice from parents as far as any insight on how I, as a coach, can help rather than end up having to keep this kid behind her true ability. I am not a specialist in different needs and have no personal experience with ADHD.

You should absolutely post this as a separate thread.

My daughter has adhd also and has always struggled with the same issues you describe. Every kid is different, but for mine, adjusting expectations helped. Basically both the coach and I know she will always progress more slowly than other kids.

What our therapists have advised the coaches try is things like: make one correction at a time. Give one step directions. Set her up with a peer buddy to help keep her on track. Repeat directions as needed. Never scold or punish for forgetting what she is supposed to do at a station. Never skip her turn in line because she forgot. Never say “pay attention!” in a stern way that the other kids can hear. Use her as your demonstration gymnast, to show the group what we are doing next. Assign her special jobs so she stays involved and attentive and feels special. The more you can get her head in the game the more her body will follow suit. Try taking a short video of her doing a skill then show it to her after, which helps improve body awareness. Try giving incentives, like maybe a sticker chart depending on age. When at an independent station, don’t ask her to simply do a skill, instead tell her how many reps to do and have her count them out. Hope this helps, let us know.

 

[Gymdancemom3]

I just wanted to give a small update. When I posted this we had just made a gym switch. It has been a month and half and I just had to say, WOW. I never realized the environment of the other gym was quite as “overwhelming” as it was! Not only to my gymnast, but to ME! The new gym has been WONDERFUL!! My entire attitude has changed, FOR THE BETTER! My kiddo and myself have found a renewed love of this sport. She is making great improvements and I am feeling so much more relaxed!! I am so confident in her coaches and knowing they are doing what’s best, that I literally have no worries or stress! It has been so amazing. Thank you all for your suggestions and advice!!

 

[Deleted member 18037]

We seem to have a hyper obsession in gymnastics with "moving up" and acquiring new skills. If your daughter was playing soccer and all her teammates were getting faster then her and could kick the ball further than her, but she was still out there having fun playing the game with her team, getting great exercise, would you think she should quit the sport? Sport doesn't always have to lead to a certain destination. Just from your short description I would say she is learning great lessons about perseverance and not quitting when things get tough. And if she is still in love with gymnastics and that's all she wants to do, even despite struggling on bars? I understand why her coaches are so patient and want to work with her. I would want to work with her too.

PS - Don't give up on body control. Some kids gain that later than others.

This a billion times

If she is good most of the time. Periods of frustration happen in many areas.

If the coaches are good

Let her have at it.

And glad she is a place that is a good fit for her.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

My daughter loves gymnastics. It is all she wants to do. However, I have watched her struggle on bars for 2 years. She can not seem to get a squat on and her kips are hit or miss. Even when she does them, they are not straight arm. She struggled through this meet season scoring extremely low on bars. No squat on all season. She struggles with body control and tightness. She has ADHD and focusing issues and it really affects her being able to stay tight all over. If she focuses on one body part the rest goes haywire. I’m not sure what can be done to help her at this point and sometimes I feel that it may be time to move on to something new. It hurts my heart to watch her struggle so much. She works so hard, but it’s like she is running in place and not going anywhere. We just encourage her and her coaches are so patient and continue to work with her, but I just am at a loss. Does there ever come a time when you try to encourage you child to try something new new and different. Or do you just continue to watch them struggle?

So strength privates 2 times a week 1/2 hour each for 3 months. Then make a decision . Better than quitting . Sounds to me like she lacks the strength needed for bars.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

So strength privates 2 times a week 1/2 hour each for 3 months. Then make a decision . Better than quitting . Sounds to me like she lacks the strength needed for bars.

Just curious what would be done during strength privates??? That kind of private actually sounds worthwhile.