Parents Bribes and incentives

[Kiwi]

I use rewards with my DD and they seem to work very well with her, but I am careful not to overdo it. They seem to work as someone here described, encourage her to put in the hard work, and then she feels good when she starts to see the good results from the work she's put in. I've never used money, it is usually something like a leotard, or a small inexpensive toy, and usually given for hard work over a period of time, not for a particular result. In my DD's case, it seems to make her enjoy it more, not less.

I think it might depend on how it is done, and also perhaps the individual personality of the child.

 

[Bobby]

Well that was the interesting part. The kids in this study continued to do well after the bribes stopped....

That's exactly what I mean by "works". I've never read a study where the effect did NOT carry on for ages!!! It's one of the most fundamental characteristics of human behaviour. It takes a REALLY long time to 'peter out', especially if the incentives were really unpredictable in the first place.
PS: Just in case it's not obvious - it's a lot more powerful when it's unexpectedly dished out along the way as opposed to bargained for in advance!!!

 

[jdf]

There is a mom at my gym who always promises her daughter that she can bring cupcakes to the gym if she gets a certain score at a meet. This annoys me because the coaches try to de-emphasize competition amongst the girls and here is this mother tooting her dd's horn to all of the other girls.

 

[Kiwi]

PS: Just in case it's not obvious - it's a lot more powerful when it's unexpectedly dished out along the way as opposed to bargained for in advance!!!

This is what I mean about being careful not to overdo it. It is hard to give a reward unexpectedly once they start bargaining! My DDs have cottoned on to the reward thing and started asking for them all the time - "Can I have a treat if I do such-and-such?" - if I went too far down this path eventually they'd be getting a reward just for getting out of bed in the morning. So I quite often have to say no. The reward should only be for something significant that gives them a sense of pride and achievement, otherwise it will lose its power and the kids will become greedy and spoilt.

 

[Panda-girl's Mom]

I try not to bribe daughter with getting certain scores but last year she really wanted to go to IGC so I told her I would give her her 10 dollars for each 9 so she could start saving up. I also gave her 10 dollars for each rip only if she did not complain about it. ( I honestly got tired of her complaining of rips ) She did save up some money but I ended up paying for IGC and she used it for spending money while she was there. She did start talking about going back to IGC so I told maybe in 2 years that is if she continues doing gymnastics. I have found the older she gets the less bribes they need they want to do good for themselves and bribes are just not as effective as when they were younger.

 

[Bella's Mom]

I think I unintentionally bribed Bella. She overheard me telling my dad that when she makes team, I'm going to get her a cell phone because I want her to have instant contact with me. I do NOT plan on sitting in the gym on those hard benches three hours a night multiples days a week! It will be the first time I've left her alone at the gym and I will feel better if she has her own phone.

Unfortunately, she took it as "If I make team, I get an iPhone." Um...what?!?!?

I don't even have an iPhone kid so you getting one is highly unlikely.

 

[emorymom]

Don't worry Bella's Mom, there are plenty of phones out therein the environment if you change your mind. Coaches' phones, other girls' phones.

My 5yo preteam son has a bad habit of deciding he wants to leave gym and calling me from the gym phone. They are not really controlling over there.

What really annoys me is when he calls and says "so and so called me [a name]." OMG go back to practice. We do not need to talk about this now.

He has a coach who just really does not always notice the difference between running to the bathroom, and going behind the desk to use the phone.

 

[Megley]

Re the phone, I had this same thought with my 8yo and gave her an old prepaid phone to carry to gym. Unfortunately it did not take long for her to lose the phone! I am sure she took it out to show her gym friends and forgot to put it back in her bag. Anyway, if something happens now she will have to ask the gym to use the phone or ask an older teammate. I'm not risking another phone.

 

[Bella's Mom]

I would just love to know how she jumped all the way to an iPhone. I am thinking a very simple, basic prepaid. Girl is hittin' the crack pipe if she thinks she is getting some fancy phone at such a young age.