Parents Changing gym for 1 sibling?

[Shooosh]

how would this work out? If you have two daughters at a gym but think another gym is a better fit for one of them...
Will the current gym allow 1 child to stay? Will my family be given the cold shoulder??
I'm freaking out!!
I seriously am losing sleep over this.

 

[Serenity28]

Just substitute the word "gym" with "school" and make the choice

 

[MILgymFAM]

If the gym will not allow one daughter to stay then perhaps it's not a good environment for either of them. My kids are at different gyms, but they do different types of gymnastics- but they have also intermittently taken rec classes at each other's gyms. There is a family at my ODDs gym that had girls at one gym, then two different gyms (really far apart too), and now one gym again. Bottom line, you have to do what's right for both your kids and the gym needs to understand that.

 

[Sasha]

Depends on the gym. Sadly, many will definitely send you packing if you change to a rival gym for one child. Or even if you are permitted to stay, there can be a whole lotta awkwardness. And unfortunately, unless you can point to other families in your current gym with this arrangement as a precedent, it is very difficult to foresee how the owner/coaches will react and what will happen.

Are your girls both on the same team/track such as JO? What levels are they? How long have you been at your current gym? What is it about the other gym that better suits your one daughter?

 

[Jenny]

Good post /\

 

[Aussie_coach]

It is more common than you would think. Different gyms work for different kids.

 

[munchkin3]

Went through this- it depends how you present it. Are you considering switching to a more intensive gym, or a less intensive one?
How much of a difference in skills are the girls currently?

Our situation was a bit easier in that it was my son who switched because there were coaching changes and we found the opportunity to leave. My DD stayed on and we had to commute in the opposite direction for 6 months until my DD decided to change also.
We left gym A and kept everything on good terms since it was a strategic change and not a coaching one.
Are there any strategic reasons for changing her? If you are thinking of switching child A to a more intensive program, is it well known? Reason I ask is there were a few times girls moved from Gym A to 'serious' gym and it went something like 'she going to try the big time gym'.....DD wants to give it a try......gym A knew they were not creating elites so.......
You will definitely need to have a talk with the gym though......

 

[l.c.o]

Just substitute the word "gym" with "school" and make the choice

This. My kids may be in two different school districts next year. Not thrilled about it, but my two kids each need different things next year.

I'd consider being completely up front with their current gym. It'll probably depend on the reasons. In our area, I have an acquaintance with two DDs - one a young, awesome L10. She wanted to move her L10 DD to a new gym with more pits and other 10s, and the new gym refused to take one DD without the other (as it was a LONG drive, and other DD was just a L3, they said no thanks). But then when my DS was ready for a boys team, DDs former gym was ok with him being at a different club, despite them having a boys team (after they thought about it and discussed).

Either way, be positive when talking to them.

 

[Gymmommy71]

I have seen this topic come up a few times during my DDs gym career (with other families, not me directly).

Some gyms are okay with it, and some freak out like it's an all or nothing situation. I think the degree at which the gym where both kids started at believes the other gym is a direct competitor of theirs from a business perspective plays the biggest role in if it will be allowed of not. Original gyms also seem more accommodating if the gymnast that is leaving to train elsewhere is the less skilled of the two siblings.

 

[momof2gymmies]

This has come up with us. Our gym is not a good fit for DD2. It is great for DD1. We can not have them at two different gyms. At least not if we leave ODD at current gym. We are giving it one more year with DD2, and then I may have to switch both

 

[Sasha]

Original gyms also seem more accommodating if the gymnast that is leaving to train elsewhere is the less skilled of the two siblings.

Agreed.

Brainstorming....

Reasons that have at least a shot of working out...
- One child wants a program not offered at current gym (Xcel, T&T...)
- One child is not skilled/focused enough to 'keep up' effectively at current gym pace and needs a lower-demand program.
- One child is older and current gym is more focused on younger kids, less interested in older starters.
- One child has academic needs (like school is across town and gets out an hour later, or goes to a special academic program like required tutoring for a disability - NOT just an elective academic class) that doesn't fit with schedule of current gym.

Reasons that may annoy gym, but could possibly be worked out...
- One child has another established activity (academic, sport, etc.) that doesn't fit with the schedule at current gym (not just activity of the moment with a schedule that is ever-changing, but something like band for a serious music student).
- One child is in a practice group of kids with known social issues like bullying that you have tried to address but still linger

Reasons that are more likely to get you the boot, or at least bad blood...
- Younger/More talented child needs a 'more rigorous' (higher hours, 'better' coaches, more 'winning' gym) program than offered at current gym. This is basically telling current gym, "My kid is better than your gym", so obviously not a compliment.
- One child doesn't get along with a coach, or other coaching-style fit complaints
- Anything else that is a 'want' not an obvious 'need' like wanting a smaller practice group, wanting younger/older teammates, wanting more/fewer/different hours.

But like everyone is saying, there is such a spectrum. Some gyms would accommodate ALL of the above and be happy to keep you as a paying customer for your other child, and some gyms won't even consider talking to you and slam the door behind you immediately at first sign of you trying out elsewhere for any reason.

 

[2G1B]

I agree, it really depends on the gym...

For our journey, we have been at several gyms. Gym 2 (gym 1 we left and moved all 3 to gym 2) at the time was not the right fit for DD2; but was good for DD1 and DS. That gym changed DD2's training group to one that just did not work for her schedule. At first when I told them it wouldn't work they played it that she could definitely stay with the original group, they had thought that *I* wanted to move her. Then a few days later they came back and said, "nope. We talked about it. She has to change groups/time. Make it work." I told them it wasn't possible to "make it work". She would take some time off of gym while we decided what to do. As it was she had been unhappy anyway, she felt unwanted. She didn't really want to quit; but it was clear that gym wouldn't work for her. I moved her to a lower pressure gym and just didn't say anything, though clearly word got out that she hadn't quit gymnastics, instead had changed gyms.

Then, after time, issues came up for DS. I figured out that there was a gym that was a great fit for him that was much more convenient to our house and to DD2's gym. I put in his notice for gym 2; but said in my notice that I hoped DD1 would be able to stay on team. The owner didn't seem thrilled; but she said that DD would be able to stay. Meanwhile, at DD2's new gym things were changing. New ownership came in and it suddenly wasn't a less competitive gym. Suddenly Gym 2 coaches started telling me how much they would love to have DD2 come back. I'm pretty sure that they knew that there was now a real chance that I'd be taking DD1 to DD2's gym. And in the end... I did. But, DD1 did stay at Gym 2 for a bit more than half a year after DD2 had left that gym. It was hard for her to leave as she had a couple of coaches who she was extremely close with; but in the end she wouldn't have had them much longer anyway due to some changes.

So, I now have DD1 and DD2 both at Gym 3 and things are good for them. DS is at Gym 4 (the girls have never been at this gym) and is beyond happy. At first Gym 4 didn't seem to care at all that DDs were at different gyms; but now I have gotten a little bit of a feeling with the owner that he isn't thrilled about it since Gym 3 is proving to be competition (which it never was when it was under the old ownership and Gym 2 was far enough away that it didn't matter). DS's coaches don't care at all though and the girls' gym doesn't have a boys' team, so they don't care about DS being at a different gym.

 

[gymdog]

It does happen regularly but some gyms aren't okay with this. Not sure how to figure out if yours is but I guess you just have to try it and hope for the best. If your coaches/gym is generally rational then you can just explain.

 

[SurpriseGymMom]

I have seen this at gym only if the original gym (ours) does not offer the desired training track (Xcel). Once our gym started offering Xcel, the sibling came back.

I have seen it in dance though, and know it was not an easy decision for the parents to make. This family exhibited better(?) parenting than I would have, for sure, as one dancer was practically bullied by the studio owner at the dance studio all their daughter attended. They moved the bullied daughter and allowed the others to remain. Me, I would have taken them all out of that environment but the mom was adamant that the younger girls were fine and were not experiencing anything close to what their sister had. The older girl ended up at a different studio then quit dance after a couple of years whereas the younger ones are thriving at the original studio. (We were at both studios and I know all that went on with all dancers involved).

I would assume that a lot of it is based on the personality of the gym owners/management. Our gym was happy to get the sibling back after attending another gym for Xcel!!

 

[duyetanh]

I have seen this at gym only if the original gym (ours) does not offer the desired training track (Xcel). Once our gym started offering Xcel, the sibling came back.

I have seen it in dance though, and know it was not an easy decision for the parents to make. This family exhibited better(?) parenting than I would have, for sure, as one dancer was practically bullied by the studio owner at the dance studio all their daughter attended. They moved the bullied daughter and allowed the others to remain. Me, I would have taken them all out of that environment but the mom was adamant that the younger girls were fine and were not experiencing anything close to what their sister had. The older girl ended up at a different studio then quit dance after a couple of years whereas the younger ones are thriving at the original studio. (We were at both studios and I know all that went on with all dancers involved).

I would assume that a lot of it is based on the personality of the gym owners/management. Our gym was happy to get the sibling back after attending another gym for Xcel!!

Wow. I too would have removed all my kids from the studio. That's interesting.

 

[gracyomalley]

When my boys started competing they had to switch gyms to the only one with a men's program - and the head coach at DD gym (where they had done rec and one of them preschool) eased the transition for us and followed their scores, was genuinely excited for them. DD considered switching at that time as well but it was clearly not the same level of coaching as she was used to - everyone was very pleasant about the whole thing. Later the coaching at the boys gym changed and the girls program there grew - DD again considered switching but there was a girl there who bullied her even at the trial practices (its a small state, they had known of each other at meets, but it was still quite surprising as at the time DD was a very quiet friendly 9 year old training L7). DD chose to stay at her first gym and I continued to do the crazy schedule...both HCs were very pleasant and kind to both DD and our family, even though there was some animosity between them. When DD had to switch because her first gym was in the process of closing she was welcomed. In the end she was also hitting puberty and the social situation at the boys gym had only worsened, and she didn't manage to enjoy gym there and quit a year later, but that was not related to the new gym as much as a reflection on the fact that DD really DID need the kind of gym she had been at initially, and was not a kid who could thrive athletically in just any atmosphere. There was some emotional messiness over her quitting gym, as one would expect with a 12 year old who had thought she wanted to do college gym deciding to quit at L8, and I'm sure that both sets of coaches had moments of being really annoyed with us - but as a mom I was never made to feel bad about trying to do what was right for my kids.

After all, one must remember that we as parents pay the gym to train our kids safely and as happily as possible. I'm sure some gyms are so full and well respected they can behave differently, but good business practice (to say nothing about the proper way to behave when working with children) would be for gyms to be open to helping families find what works best for them. Parents also must of course be respectful and honest about what they are looking for and what their child's potential really is.

Having kids at different gyms is a pain in the rear, though, and had it been all ponies and rainbows I would have loved for them all to thrive in one place with one booster club, one training and competition schedule, etc. especially as a single mom. I am glad that DD did get to compete old levels 5-7 at her first gym - she was happy, strong, safe and felt loved by her coaches and team mates there and experienced athletic success and intense friendships that she might not have had otherwise, so it was worth it.

 

[gymmomtotwo]

A person I know was moving one gymnast to a new gym (reason doesn't really matter), but the other younger sibling loved and wanted to stay at the current gym. The mother had a meeting with the owner/head coach to tell of the switch. The gym pulled the younger child out of practice, sent her to the locker room to pack up her stuff, and they were asked to leave the gym immediately. This is a gym about 3 miles from my house, and I thank my lucky stars that DD does not go to that gym. Be mindful of when you inform the gym, and how you do it, so your kids do not suffer if the gym reacts badly. There is no way of knowing until you actually do it, but be aware that it could happen.