WAG Changing Gyms Giving Notice

[Gym Mom 325]

When we changed gyms, we were told by our new coach that we should pick our last day, end practice, and leave quietly. Big scenes aren't appreciated because no one likes the cry fests.
Our exit didn't work out as planned, but much better. We planned to leave the last day of our family expo. Miscommunication of timing had us walking into the gym the same time the coaches and staff were leaving and all gymnasts and parents had already left. I had written out thank you cards for each of the coaches and staff as a way to say good bye. I was able to hand each one out and break the news to the HC through tears. I wanted to make sure they all knew that we appreciated them, there was no hard feelings and that it was a hard decision to make.
I wanted to make this switch in the most respectful and professional manner we could. I didn't want to hurt any feelings or destroy any relationships.
Our switch has been a big success. We are on good terms with all parties old and new. I think being quiet and honest about our switch helped.
There were no temper tantrums, no bad mouthing and no sneaking around. The scariest part was our last day and having to say goodbye. I didn't want to leave any unanswered questions, so the evening we left, I sent out a mass email to the team parents letting them know we had left and that it had been a difficult decision to do so but they still are and always will be a part of our gymnastics family!

While it was one of the scariest things and biggest decisions we've had to make for and with our DD, it couldn't have gone better.

 

[kandkfunk]

Just one more thought on this thread. As gymnasts get older, a change may be driven by them and not entirely by the parent. In those situations, it isn't as realistic for the parents to make the final decision before consulting their child. When we're talking about 15-17 year olds, they need to be a part of the decision.

Hopefully, from these discussions, we can all learn a little bit and see something from another's perspective. Most of us, coaches and parents alike, really are acting in our kid's/customer's best interests.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

Coachp, I am somewhat confused and feel you missed my point and/or did not respond to my questions. Further you completely validate our decision to lie.

Once again I get all the consequences of "lying" between coach and gymnast. That is not my question. I was inquiring what a coach would do if a parent were to discuss possibly switching gyms. What would/could a coach do with that information? How would it affect the treatment of the gymnast? The family? The possibility of staying after more research is done? All my questions were geared towards approaching a gym switch as you described, by being honest first before actually switching. But it seems like to you there is no middle ground. Your post is exactly why parents find the need to sneak around. It is evident you want them out the moment they look around. As such, it appears to me it really has nothing to do with the gymnast lying to you.

==
pretty sure I answered every question you asked......
You asked, What a coach would do if a parent were to discuss possibility of switching gyms.....and what would /could a coach do with that information. (which for the record I have no idea how anyone else it going to react...)
My reply was, "I am going to use this time to try and explain to the parent why what we are doing is correct for the child, they are going to question and ultimately make a decision."

How would it effect the treatment of the child,
My reply 1st sentence "According to everything I said, the child has no idea, this is between a parent and a coach." Meaning why would any difference in treatment occur, this is a conversation between a coach and a parent that happens all the time.....

The family?
how would I know depends how you end up.......

Staying after more research is done????
People look all the time,,, it's not even a answerable question because if you work it out you work it out.......

Perhaps you are just compelled to argue with coachP on everything he posts.....

 

[flippin out]

When the time comes, write the coaches (either ind. or as a whole) and thank them for taking the time to develop your dd into what she is today. Then either hand deliver if possible, to allow your dd to say her goodbyes to the teammates and coaches (coming in to say goodbye, if done right, is a benefit for both the girl leaving and the girls staying). If you hand deliver the letter, go at the end of a scheduled practice so that the practice for the other girls is not disrupted. If you go at the beginning of practice then the whole rest of that practice is crap for those girls.....do them a favor and go at the end. OR if that is not going to be possible due to your gym situation then just email the goodbye to the owner and coaches and leave it at that. If you are emailing only, then I recommend that your dd bring all her stuff (grips, etc) home the last scheduled practice that she has --quietly. You'll want it all out of the gym w/0 tipping off coaches or kids there.

The key is to make this about what is best for your dd. Do not involve other parents, otherwise this could turn ugly. Your decision to leave is about what is right for your dd. If you involve other parents into it (telling them that your going, talking in the lobby, etc.) then it's not about your dd and her needs anymore....it's now a problem involving every parent in the lobby (bc they will talk, they will naturally be concerned how your dd leaving will effect their own dds). That situation can get very ugly. Next thing you know a parent is freaking out and calling the coach wanting reassurance that everything is fine......and now they know before you are ready to tell them.

If you have a 30day notice. I personally would just pay the month and leave immediately. Staying at the gym after giving notice is inviting trouble for all - both the kid leaving and the kids staying.

I've seen some really nasty ways to leave over the years - kids talk and belittle the program for months before leaving, kids crying bc they don't want to leave, kids never allowed to say goodbye (they never came back to say goodbye) - the kids left in the program are the ones to suffer there, always wondering why Suzy didn't like them enough to say goodbye.

When my dd needed to leave her gym at an upper level (needed a place better suited for her training purposes), we chose to write letters to each coach and dd wrote letters to her closest teammates (those in her training group) telling them how proud she was of them and wishing them all luck in their seasons to come. Then we went at the end of scheduled practice and delivered in person. I couldn't have asked for a better/smoother departure. The coaches and teammates appreciated the heartfelt goodbyes and we are still on good terms with her old coaches. While the owner may still be upset to this day about my dd leaving (after all dd was a paycheck she's missing), the ones who mattered (coaches she worked with) were and remain supportive of our decision. The coaches were sad to see her go (no coach wants to lose an athlete....it's like a family member), but they understood why we had to go.......and that they understood was important....I couldn't have asked for more than that.

 

[wandrewsjr]

When the time comes, write the coaches (either ind. or as a whole) and thank them for taking the time to develop your dd into what she is today. Then either hand deliver if possible, to allow your dd to say her goodbyes to the teammates and coaches (coming in to say goodbye, if done right, is a benefit for both the girl leaving and the girls staying). If you hand deliver the letter, go at the end of a scheduled practice so that the practice for the other girls is not disrupted. If you go at the beginning of practice then the whole rest of that practice is crap for those girls.....do them a favor and go at the end. OR if that is not going to be possible due to your gym situation then just email the goodbye to the owner and coaches and leave it at that. If you are emailing only, then I recommend that your dd bring all her stuff (grips, etc) home the last scheduled practice that she has --quietly. You'll want it all out of the gym w/0 tipping off coaches or kids there.

The key is to make this about what is best for your dd. Do not involve other parents, otherwise this could turn ugly. Your decision to leave is about what is right for your dd. If you involve other parents into it (telling them that your going, talking in the lobby, etc.) then it's not about your dd and her needs anymore....it's now a problem involving every parent in the lobby (bc they will talk, they will naturally be concerned how your dd leaving will effect their own dds). That situation can get very ugly. Next thing you know a parent is freaking out and calling the coach wanting reassurance that everything is fine......and now they know before you are ready to tell them.

If you have a 30day notice. I personally would just pay the month and leave immediately. Staying at the gym after giving notice is inviting trouble for all - both the kid leaving and the kids staying.

I've seen some really nasty ways to leave over the years - kids talk and belittle the program for months before leaving, kids crying bc they don't want to leave, kids never allowed to say goodbye (they never came back to say goodbye) - the kids left in the program are the ones to suffer there, always wondering why Suzy didn't like them enough to say goodbye.

When my dd needed to leave her gym at an upper level (needed a place better suited for her training purposes), we chose to write letters to each coach and dd wrote letters to her closest teammates (those in her training group) telling them how proud she was of them and wishing them all luck in their seasons to come. Then we went at the end of scheduled practice and delivered in person. I couldn't have asked for a better/smoother departure. The coaches and teammates appreciated the heartfelt goodbyes and we are still on good terms with her old coaches. While the owner may still be upset to this day about my dd leaving (after all dd was a paycheck she's missing), the ones who mattered (coaches she worked with) were and remain supportive of our decision. The coaches were sad to see her go (no coach wants to lose an athlete....it's like a family member), but they understood why we had to go.......and that they understood was important....I couldn't have asked for more than that.

Such a reasonable and thoughtful post. Kudos to you, your daughter and her former gym.

 

[Aussie_coach]

The reason that gyms don't want team kids to stick around if they are planning to leave is it causes dissension among those who are staying. If you are upfront and give notice, then it's public knowledge. That's not good because the kids (and maybe the parents) will want to know why you are leaving. Common answers are: BETTER coaching, BETTER equipment, BETTER team, etc. That hurts the morale of the kids who are staying, because their gym has just been called inferior. It also plant the seed that Gym X is a BETTER gym (maybe it is, maybe it isn't). Some parents blindly follow. Some parents who are leaving actually try to get their gymnast's teammates to go with them so that they can leave with a friend. If you are planning to leave, but keep it a secret -- word will quickly get out. No matter how much you bribe your child to keep quiet about the upcoming move, they won't. It's always the kid who shares "their secret" with at least one teammate (by the end of the night everyone knows). A teammate on the receiving end of the secret news will naturally ask the gymnast why they are leaving, and once again word gets around about the BETTER gym.

Even if your child keeps their mouth shut, it's not uncommon for gyms where your child is trying out to call your current gym and ask if there is anything they should know about you/your family before they take you on (problem parent? problem kid? outstanding balance?). Even if that doesn't happen, it's very common for a kid at the gym your gymnast is trying out at to recognize them and call their friend at your current gym to tell them your gymnast was trying out for their team last night.

If you are confident in your gym and your program then this should not be a problem. In the long run it will help you business not hurt it, if a gymnast leaves on a positive note. The right message is - We are sad to see you go but understand that sometimes you need to explore other options, but the door is open if you want to come back. I have found more often than not they do indeed come back, and when they do come back they become the greatest advocate for your gym, they have been out there and know what else is available and know that their child is much happier in your program and they share it with all the parents.

We, as coaches and gym owners, can never stop people from talking about us to other clients or potential clients and nor should we want too. We just need to make sure our programs and coaches are excellent so the gossip is good! If they are leaving because there is a problem with your program or your coaches, this is a wonderful thing to, it allows you to identify a key problem area in your gym and to work on it and make it a strength.

 

[windydays]

Thank you all for the exuberant exchange and communicating your experiences!

 

[3rd_time_around]

Moving gyms is hard, especially if you've been there for a long time. I don't own a gym or coach, but I've worked at ours for years and I've seen it all. I've seen the sneaky ones who clean out their cubbies then when it didn't work out they come back like nothing happened and lie. I've seen parents banned from the gym but not the gymnast. I've seen a planned exodus of half a team level to another gym. I've experienced the rumor-spreading in the community to discredit our gym, coaches, and owners. I've seen parents who want to switch because they're unhappy try to take as many people with them as they can. I've seen families switch due to moves, sickness, money problems, distance problems, and these are usually handled graciously with tears and good-byes and lots of love. CoachP is correct--the honest ones usually leave on decent terms, and friendships continue and no hard feelings. But the ones who sneak around, or leave and try to take others with them, or leave pretending "all is well just needed a change" and then bad-mouth our gym as soon as they are at their new gym? No, they don't have continuing good relations with their old gym. I've seen "gym-hoppers" that can never find a place they like, and the one they left is always a bad gym. I've seen girls leave and come back (and sometimes leave and come back again, and again)--if they left on a good note; if the parents apologize or make amends for any bad behavior; if they just sit down with the HC and come to an agreement.
The relationships in gymnastics are an investment with money, time, and emotions. It's the 3rd one that causes the most trouble. People get their feelings hurt. Coaches that have invested so much time and training and emotion into a gymnast only to have them walk away can be very painful for both parties. But to get back on track, its best to be honest and upfront, and if the problems can't be fixed or worked out or changes made, it is probably time to move on. But don't be sneaky. Make a clean break, don't drag it out. If you are required to pay for the month, just do it and go. And hopefully you won't have to deal with nastiness as described by some that have switched gyms.

 

[Aero]

+1. Plus we see the athletes ALL the time.

I, our gym, believe that good hello's and good goodbye's are the same. We welcome a gymnast and say to goodbye to a gymnast with a similar voice and intent. I provide the everyday message to our team athletes that respect for yourself, teammates, competitors, gym and staff is the basics of what we are. Good goodbye's are meaningful as we see the gymnasts FREQUENTLY at meets, training camps and even during travel. I have many current gymnasts who have friendships with athletes at other gyms - no worries!

It has been quite a read for me of the replies of this and the Changing Gyms at different levels. I have withheld reply, until now, as I am shocked with replies that speak to what I believe to be a few poorly executed gym changes examples. Let me speak that it is possible to change gyms for the right reasons and execute it well. I have witnessed and participated in such events were discression, empathy and excellent execution by parents and gym business gave respect and credit to all. Coachp gives his examples that would lead me to trust a phone call to his gym and a gym change would not produce huge anxiety. My empathy to those who have been wronged, but be assured this is not universal in the gymnastics business.

But make no mistake, it is personal when a gymnast (family) leaves. As coaches we spend 1,000+ hours/year for many years with the gymnast toiling and suffering the trail of this magnificent sport and it's life lessons. I am passionate with each gymnast as they work each day. Tough days - excellent days - all the days - athletes and coaches share the experience in the gym. My investment is filled with optimism, respect, effort and passion. Should a parent choose not to value that I am truly disappointed. It is personal - every occurrence. I have had gymnasts move to other gyms in our local area and come and visit me before they had off to their D1 or D3 scholarship opportunities. These events reassure me that the worlds human capital is to be appreciated.

Make no mistake it is also business. Team business does not pay the bulk of the bills, but it too is business. Integrity of the program, staff and team members is prized. When you leave, we discourage you from coming back by reminding you that the issues you had on leaving still remain. I believe our program to be consistent and high quality, hence if you ask to return, the concerns you had still remain. This does not make for the beginning of an excellent business relationship or athlete/coach long term relationship. Business keeps the short term in the eye, but the long term in the mind and bank. One client (family and athlete) leaving will not cause the business to fail, but I will protect the balance of the business strongly from disparaging/misleading influences. It takes years of effort, energy, resources and integrity to build a business. That investment IS important.

All the best to those making difficult decisions. It is personal to all involved. Be respectful and show integrity.

Best, SBG -

@Short Balding Guy | Thank you so much for this. This is an incredibly honest, genuine, and just plain real post. This will certainly be something I keep handy on my iPad to keep in perspective as I become a better coach in the future and am faced with this problem more. I just started my team in February and have had four of my original twelve athletes quit for various reasons. It really hasn't affected me too much because I haven't invested huge amounts of time in these girls yet. However, as the years go on, I'm sure it will sting a lot more when an athlete leaves, and I know I'm going to need an effective strategy for handling departures with honor and humility. I believe your post will help me do so.

If you are confident in your gym and your program then this should not be a problem. In the long run it will help you business not hurt it, if a gymnast leaves on a positive note. The right message is - We are sad to see you go but understand that sometimes you need to explore other options, but the door is open if you want to come back. I have found more often than not they do indeed come back, and when they do come back they become the greatest advocate for your gym, they have been out there and know what else is available and know that their child is much happier in your program and they share it with all the parents.

We, as coaches and gym owners, can never stop people from talking about us to other clients or potential clients and nor should we want too. We just need to make sure our programs and coaches are excellent so the gossip is good! If they are leaving because there is a problem with your program or your coaches, this is a wonderful thing to, it allows you to identify a key problem area in your gym and to work on it and make it a strength.

@Aussie_coach | 100% YES. Being confident and emotionally sound is incredibly important for life's difficult moments, and not just solely for in the gym. I believe that a gym that uses this strategy over the years will actually gain an unshakable positive reputation. An untouchable paragon of promoting loyalty and honor within the sport, which will undoubtedly produce fantastic people, let alone fantastic athletes. It seems to me that a gym with this approach actually has the smallest chance of parents/kids leaving! I envy you Aussie_coach, and wish I could visit your facility to learn.

As for my own situation, my little Xcel group is 10 girls strong now and even though we've just started out and are complete n00bz, it already feels like a family because every single one of us is experiencing the competitive gymnastics world together. I think that bond will be pretty strong for a while, at least.

 

[happychaos]

@Short Balding Guy | Thank you so much for this. This is an incredibly honest, genuine, and just plain real post. This will certainly be something I keep handy on my iPad to keep in perspective as I become a better coach in the future and am faced with this problem more. I just started my team in February and have had four of my original twelve athletes quit for various reasons. It really hasn't affected me too much because I haven't invested huge amounts of time in these girls yet. However, as the years go on, I'm sure it will sting a lot more when an athlete leaves, and I know I'm going to need an effective strategy for handling departures with honor and humility. I believe your post will help me do so.


@Aussie_coach | 100% YES. Being confident and emotionally sound is incredibly important for life's difficult moments, and not just solely for in the gym. I believe that a gym that uses this strategy over the years will actually gain an unshakable positive reputation. An untouchable paragon of promoting loyalty and honor within the sport, which will undoubtedly produce fantastic people, let alone fantastic athletes. It seems to me that a gym with this approach actually has the smallest chance of parents/kids leaving! I envy you Aussie_coach, and wish I could visit your facility to learn.

As for my own situation, my little Xcel group is 10 girls strong now and even though we've just started out and are complete n00bz, it already feels like a family because every single one of us is experiencing the competitive gymnastics world together. I think that bond will be pretty strong for a while, at least.

You sound like you have the makings of a great coach! Congrats on your sweet little team. I think that your value system WILL produce the fantastic people you desire, and their gymnastics won't be too shabby either. If you run your program as you've described, I believe parents WILL be more loyal. And if you get the occasional rumor-starter, the rumors will not get very far.

 

[bogwoppit]

I have removed some posts from this thread due to so many reports. Please try to discuss without getting personal. As I always say, you do not have to agree with the other posters, just ignore or state an opinion. But not more than that.

Feel free to block posters that annoy you.

 

[Becauseisaid]

OP - if you want to know how to handle your departure, think back on the last girl who left. Regardless of the reason, was there badmouthing? Did your DD come back with stories of how the girl "wasn't that great to begin with" or "would regret her decision"? Were the other parents wagging their tongues and talking about how their girls were going to crush that specific child at the next competition?

The culture of the gym comes through fairly clearly during these things. We had a girl leave this past week. Not sure if she's going to a different gym or quitting altogether, as the coaches aren't talking. The parents have all said positive things like it was obvious the gymnast hadn't been happy for a while and we hoped she found something she was passionate about - then the conversation devolved into how former gymnasts would need to change the way they ate.

If you think back on the way everyone acted the last time someone left, that will tell you how to manage YOUR departure for the minimum drama.

 

[windydays]

We have been pretty fortunate at my current gym. When a family/gymnast has left, there has never been any animosity toward her or her family from current families/gymnasts. I have only seen friendly terms when we have seen former gymnasts at meets.

I do remember one family that was called into the HC's office and asked they were leaving, family said no, HC told family that XYZ gym called to inquire about family. Family left the gym. I don't know if the family was asked to leave or decided to leave at that point, but no "notice" was given.

I would hope that if I did give a 30-day notice and was asked not to stay, the 30-day payment would be waived.

 

[maddiemei]

We gave 30 days notice, per our gym contract we had to sign. We were leaving after the state meet. They were already registered. They kicked my daughter off the team. Luckily the new gym was able to re-register her for the meet and take her. Looking back I wouldn't have given notice.

 

[bogwoppit]

We gave 30 days notice, per our gym contract we had to sign. We were leaving after the state meet. They were already registered. They kicked my daughter off the team. Luckily the new gym was able to re-register her for the meet and take her. Looking back I wouldn't have given notice.

Ick.

 

[flippin out]

We gave 30 days notice, per our gym contract we had to sign. We were leaving after the state meet. They were already registered. They kicked my daughter off the team. Luckily the new gym was able to re-register her for the meet and take her. Looking back I wouldn't have given notice.

Sadly, I think that happens a lot. Gyms require 30 days, but what they really mean is 30 days pay. The gym does not want the kid to stay....the potential of more kids following grows the longer they stay after making the announcement.

That being said....if they require the 30 day notice, and then kick the kid out....I would not pay. You, in good faith and thinking that you were doing the correct thing, gave notice ---then the gym refuses to uphold the 30 day notice, then they also lose my 30 day pay. Just my opinion though. I don't think they can legally demand the 30 day pay if they refuse to uphold the 30 day notice. The legality is different if it's the family refusing to uphold the notice.

Personally, I would NOT give a 30 day notice. It's bad for all involved (kid, gym, and teammates). Clean, respectful break is always best! Try and keep it classy. I know some gyms (owners) just will not abide by that, but I'd try anyway. See my previous post for ways to keep it classy

 

[kandkfunk]

We gave 30 days notice, per our gym contract we had to sign. We were leaving after the state meet. They were already registered. They kicked my daughter off the team. Luckily the new gym was able to re-register her for the meet and take her. Looking back I wouldn't have given notice.

This exact thing happened to one of my DD's teammates. The owner also gave the family a very snide letter upon kicking her out. It was two weeks before state. They were just trying to abide by the contract. This was also the last family who would bad mouth a program. It just wasn't a good fit for them. So, when we left after state, I just sent an email that we were done. This was all done after a meeting with the owner/head coach in which I expressed my concerns, but was met with a very defensive response and no real solutions.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

Okay, whether anyone agrees on how to leave is just a difference in opinion,, but,,,, Guys, announcing that you are leaving 2 weeks before the state meet is just not proper... It will cause huge drama with the kids and parents and will most definitely effect moods and training. Not advisable, the absolute worst time to announce you are leaving....

 

[skschlag]

Here's where I see the issue.

Gyms require 30 day notice (or 2 week, or what have you). Really, they don't want notice, they just want money. however, in an expensive sport, parents can't afford to pay 2 tuitions for the same month. Thus, you run into the issues.

Parents give the notice so they can make the break...we are done here on May 31, start new gym on June 1. But coaches don't want to know in advance, really, that the kid is leaving. So they get mad, and kick people out, or treat the kid poorly. Or the parents lie, and have the child lie, to avoid getting kicked out/treated poorly.

It is hard. Coaches are saying that you should be honest, but not to let them know you are leaving 2 weeks/month in advance. Just pay your tuition for that month and move on.

I can see where this type of system can create the need for sneaking an lying. It is a dysfunctional system, that in the long run, only hurts the gymnasts.

It really does put every one in a tough spot. How do you give your 30 days without getting kicked out, and afford to let your child keep doing gymnastics?? I get that communication is important, but it seems to me that the answer is you just pay your 30 days at one gym while already attending the other gym?

 

[kandkfunk]

@coachp, I agree, but when you are new to the sport or coming from a different background, it really just doesn't seem like that big of a deal. From their (my DD's teammate) perspective, they were just trying to follow the expectations laid out in the handbook. They had not told anyone on the team about the move. They also didn't say anything that night when they gave their notice or were kicked out. It really just looked like an overboard tantrum from the owners when people found out.

Now, had they had the benefit of CB to figure out the proper etiquette or see the reasons why they would be asked to leave right away, things might have been different. But, the vast majority of families in this sport don't understand these issues at this level. They don't have the benefit of learning from other parents or coaches. They are just doing the best they can.

Btw- we left after state with only email notification. After meeting with the owner, who wasn't very receptive to our concerns.