Parents Changing gyms....has anyone out there changed gyms to have better coaching

[elizabeth7]

Hi there,
I am new to this forum. I have a 10 year old who is training for level 9. We are at a small gym that currently does not have many optional gymnasts and her coaches have never trained someone at this level. She recently tried out at a couple of gyms that have large optional and elite programs. There is one that we really like and want to go to but not sure the sacrifice of moving and money is worth it. She would be a part of their elite path program and we really like the coaches. Right now she mostly trains by herself and is home schooled so the opportunities to meet and make lasting social relationships is not there. Our current coaches are very hurt and upset that we are thinking of leaving...so I feel really guilty but I have to do what is best for my children. Just wondered if anyone out there has been through a similar experience and how it worked for you.

 

[cher062]

Cant say I would uproot the family and move to change gyms but you shouldn't feel guilty about leaving. It's not personal and no one should feel hurt or upset they should feel glad that your dd will have a gym that can meet her training needs. In the end the gym is a business and you have to hire the best coach for your daughter if that means a different gym then that is what it is.

In the end you need to do what is best for your daughter, you and your family and not worry about how the old gym staff feels.

 

[JessLW]

It sounds like you have a very talented daughter! I'm fairly new around here too but it is a rather friendly place and I'm sure you'll get lots of good advice.

When you say moving, do you mean moving the entire family? Would it be a big move? Would it affect siblings, jobs, etc?

I think, and this is just me, that I'd exhaust all of my local options before moving. At 10, your daughter still has a couple of years before testing elite is even possible, and even then, there's no big hurry. A strong local program that has successful level 10 gymnasts should be able to suit her needs just fine for the time being. If, in a couple more years, she is sure that she wants to go down the elite path, then you could start thinking about a bigger move. I would also be concerned that at 10 there would be a lot of pressure associated with knowing that your gymnastics was the reason your family moved, switched jobs, etc. If it didn't work out for whatever reason, that could be a big weight on a small child's shoulders. Then again, maybe your daughter knows right now that this is what she wants, maybe she is ready to go for it all the way. Only you can determine that, but I would also try to be realistic about elite and the possibility that even if you did move, it might not happen, or even if she did end up elite, she could burn out on it before she even hit high school.

That said, I wouldn't feel guilty about leaving, regardless of where you end up. It is natural that your daughter's coaches will feel a bit hurt, and if it is a very small program, they're probably not too happy about losing one of their star pupils, but in the end you have to do what is best for your child, not for their gym.

Good luck!

 

[flippin out]

I think that you need to start a Pro/Con list and see which list is bigger.

I don't know how far you have to travel for the gym you're considering, but uprooting family would be a major Con. What are your daughter's goals? Does she want Elite? Does she want the Elite training hours and commitment? That is a lot to ask from a 10yr old....is she mature enough to understand what that choice entails?

Putting aside any decisions of Elite tracking, it does sound as if she's outgrowing the current gym. The lack of teammates for her and the fact that the coaches have never trained a level 9 or above is worrisome. Not having any social interaction would be a concern for me - my dd's teammates are her 'sisters' and they love to hang out with each other both in/and out of the gym. So, if my dd found herself all alone in the gym.....I would consider a place that would allow her to part of a 'team' again. But - that wouldn't be the only factor in moving her. If the current gym met all other concerns - training, safety, etc....I would weigh that in my decision. In your situation, it sounds like it's a Con on the current training, and a Con on teammate bonding.....

If the current gym can't meet the needs of your dd, they already know that. I know dd's coaches would be sad to see her leave, but would be totally supportive of needing to find a place for her to grow and expand. With her coaches, I would have no problem going to them and explaining why I felt the need for a change and ask for their help in finding a place that would the best fit for her to keep going in the sport. I'm not in La-La Land thinking that this could happen either. I've seen it. Our gym is small and doesn't have Elite as an option. When we had a girl who wanted that path - the coaches and owners helped her to find the gym that they felt would be the best fit for and her family. ----If you talked to the coaches/owner of your dd's current gym, do you think that they would be helpful? Maybe they aren't angry about her leaving, but are just sad (thinking that you're dissing the gym). Explain that you've loved her gym for the time that she was there and that they have done a wonderful job coaching your dd, but feel the need to move on (they've done such a great job, that her dreams are big).....then let them know that you value their opinion and ask for input.

Like the above poster stated ------ I too would exhaust all local options before uprooting the family. A great program that has a solid L10 team would be a great place. It would have coaches that are knowledgable at that Level of training and a Team for her to bond with.

 

[Gymmonkeymomma]

We recently moved our 10 year old from a small program, where, like your DD she has basically been training (and competing) alone for several years. We had been at our old gym for 7 years (older dd also competed). I felt we were moving her for the "right" reasons and unfortunately our old gym took it personally that we were leaving. However, this was tge best move for dd who will be competing level 8. She's at a gym with a fairly large optional program with lots of kids her age, and has improved her skills/form tremendously. She's made lots of new friends as well.

With that said though, I don't think I would have considered moving our entire household for the sake of one child's activity.

 

[bookworm]

Anytime I've changed gyms (and I've done it twice) , it's been for better coaching....and in my experience, if you're even thinking about changing gyms for that reason, the change is about a year overdue. I would exhaust anything "reasonable" in terms of a commute (we currently drive 1.5 hours each way) versus uprooting your entire family for the sport. There are those who think what we do is crazy but you do settle into a routine of meals, homework and downtime during our daily drive...

 

[DND]

I cannot comment on your decision to switch based on having to actually move your family, but I did move my DD and can give you perspective in that regard.

My DD had the same issue where even though she loved her coach and friends the gym she was at was not set up to train her at the level she was interested in. We live in a smaller city and there are really only two gyms that have what would be considered really successful programs. DD met with the head coach for her assessment - I was thinking this would be for the following season - and she had her placed and wanted her to start the following day.

To be honest I was not sure how my DD would handle the change, but she was so excited there was no way she was not showing up as requested. We took a week off from her "old" classes and started the new program on a trial basis; I was not sure if she would like or that she understood the demands of the new program, and then made our decision.

She enjoyed the week very much so we made the switch. There were times at the beginning where she felt a bit like the odd man out as she had to go back to basics to correct some positioning etc. that was not really worked on in her old program. She had not been conditioned in her old program so that also took its toll as she was very sore for the first while. Fitting in to the group of girls that had been together for the past two or so years was intimidating.

Even with all of the trials she persevered and now the she is just as close with all the girls like she was in her old gym. I think kids are much more resilient that we realize. They have a great ability to re-adjust to change and carry on with any circumstances they are given.

DD's old gym was not happy to lose her and after trying to get us to change our mind they handled things in a manner I found disappointing and that just made me more sure of our decision. Its funny it was not her coach who acted poorly, but rather the owners. DD's coach was very supportive and while she was sad and would miss her - in the end she probably spent more time with DD than we did - she understood the move was not personal, but rather a decision to take DD to a place she wanted to go and that she would not be able to get her there. To me that is what a truly good coach is!

As fo her old friends they keep in touch outside of the gym and see each other at meets. They may not be as close as they once were due to training hours and schedules, but they are still friends none the less. DD's new friends from gym are now her support system and they socialize inside the gym and out.

Overall even though it seemed questionable at first it was the best decision we ever made and DD's gymnastics are doing great as well.

I wish you luck with your decision as we did not have to move our family and I also felt guilty changing gyms. Just know on that front what ever you decide will work out and just make the decision based on whats best for you and your family and not guilt. In the end whats meant to be will be!

Good Luck!

 

[flippin out]

margg - so glad that the switch worked out well for your dd. It's great to hear a positive outcome, that she's still friends with her old teammates and that her old coach understood the reasons for leaving. As to the owners....I guess if they never coached her, I guess all they saw was a paycheck walking out their doors.

Good luck to your dd this season, hope it's a great one.

 

[Gymmonkeymomma]

margg, glad to hear your DD is happy at her new gym. My little Monkey pretty much had the same experience as yours, except I posted a much more condensed version above We are also keeping in touch with old teammates, and like yours, it was our owner/gym manager that had the negative attitude towards leaving, DD's coach was very supportive.

 

[elizabeth7]

Wow! Thanks for all the great responses. We are in a tough position. Well at least I feel like we are but maybe I am worrying too much about our current coaches feelings. We have to stay where we are until December as my dd made one of the tops teams and she has to go with current coaches to that. They have worked really hard to provide the best for us but at the same time when they found out I am considering leaving they told me my dd is not as good as i think she is, she will never make elite, how could I do this to them, etc....I really felt bullied....as they threw a lot of insults at me. My daughter was sought out over the summer and asked to audition/try out for a couple of elite teams. I have now been told by two separate coaches that her foundational skills are all wrong and she has a lot of basics that have to be fixed so I feel panicked that I have to rush to move her. There is a local gym that we could go to but I worry that our current coaches will be even more hurt if we go there instead of to move. We have no family here, and my job is portable so in those respects moving is not too big of a deal. I have thought about moving her to the local gym at least until spring and then reevaluate going to the bigger out of state gym but worry about transitioning her twice. Anyhow, I really appreciate all the great replies!

 

[flippin out]

How does your dd feel about going to the other local gym? If it's a good choice for her - training wise, then I really wouldn't worry about the feelings of the current gym about moving here there v. moving to another gym farther away. As much as you like current gym, take them out of the equation. Make your decision solely based on what is best for your dd/your family/her training....... sadly, there is no room for guilt in the equation. If you make your decision with a heavy dose of guilt in the equation.... you may not be making a decision that is the best for who is most important (your dd, and your family).

just wondering (cause I know nothing about how Tops camp works) - Is it possible to switch now and go to Camp with the new team? I thought that I had heard of girls doing that before. -------not telling you to do that.....I was just curious

Good Luck with your decisions.........let us know how it goes

 

[bogwoppit]

I would ask a specific question in our TOPs forum here. I am sure another child moved and went to camp with a new gym last year.

I also would try the closer gym out for now. Your DD is very young and if she chooses Elite, or it chooses her, she will be training for many years for those high level skills. Any move you make for her should be thought out well, I think taking much more time and exploring all options would be a very good thing.

As to the feelings at the gym, they will get over it. If they don't it still is not your problem.

 

[gym law mom]

I would not worry about having her current coach's feelings hurt. If they don't have the experience then keeping her at that gym will not benefit her at all in the long run. She should not be seen as their "experiment."

Personally, I would look at the other gym in the area. My concern about moving the entire family at this point is you've had 2 independent coaches tell you she has major skill issues-----absolutely not her fault, but it can take some time and even remaining at a current level for a year to make sure that is all corrected. Many of the coaches on this forum will tell you they have seen girls "chuck" skills at L10/elite and the technique is horrible. That leads to low scores. frustration, having to go back and relearn the basics and injuries.

Has she tried out for the other local gym and what did they say? If she has alot of technique issues then taking a step back now at age 9 will help her as she does move foreward.

I do remember in your original post that you were looking for an enviornment where she would have more friends since she currently is about the only optional girl and is homeschooled. I can tell you getting into an elite training group can be very isolating. While there will be more girls, they are usually small groups and the day consists of gym and school. I knew girls that dropped out of those groups because they wanted more of a social life. Just some other things to think about.

 

[gymmomtoo]

If the other local gym has better coaching, high level kids, etc. then I would definitely move to that gym before moving the entire family--especially as gym law mom said, you have been told she has issues with form, etc. I would definitely NOT worry about the coaches' feelings! With the comments they have made to you after hearing you are looking around, they don't really deserve to have you stick around for them. Remember--they look at her at income and a chance to make their names. Their main goal isn't your daughter's career.

 

[Coacharella]

Be cautious.. the other local gym may just say what you want to hear. It is true in my experience that some gym owners would say just about anything to "get a good kid". (ie...her form is all wrong)

If your daughter has already sucsesfully achieved Level 9 where she is at, I'd assum her basics are atleast decent. Plus, if the ultimate goal is to move cities for gym , why make her transition twice? You want what is best for her, then give her time at the current gym to cope with the fact she is leaving soon and then when it is time to move to the new gym, hopefully she will feel at ease with her goodbyes. Good luck.

But I would talk to coaches at current gym first, because yoiu want to make sure they are going to treat her respectfully and coach her hard these next few months..

 

[Coacharella]

. Remember--they look at her at income and a chance to make their names. Their main goal isn't your daughter's career.

Not all coaches view athletes as income source or claim to fame. Spending so many hours per week with kids ...we form bonds and care deeply for them. It very much hurts when someone leaves you gym, no matter the reason. Give these coaches some time and talking to, maybe they will cool down.. (I am a parent and coach)

 

[gymmomtoo]

Not all coaches view athletes as income source or claim to fame. Spending so many hours per week with kids ...we form bonds and care deeply for them. It very much hurts when someone leaves you gym, no matter the reason. Give these coaches some time and talking to, maybe they will cool down.. (I am a parent and coach)

And I didn't mean to imply they did--but the coaches' response to her thinking about leaving was not the words of a caring coach.

 

[JessLW]

The other local gym, are they a long term option? Do they have a successful level 10s? Have they ever trained elites? Would they be willing to? Sometimes being a big fish in a relatively smaller pond has advantages too. Even for elites, it doesn't have to be Big Name Gym or nothing.

It is too bad that all of these gyms have gotten you rather stressed out over the whole situation. I'm thinking that the gyms that want to recruit your daughter are not 100% without ulterior motives when they talk about your daughter's issues with form and technique. Not that they're lying, but your daughter has made it to level 9 as a 10 year old and made it to TOPS national testing and to the A camp (right?), so she's got to be doing something right, and while she may have some issues, I doubt they are as severe as they are being made out to be. Of course the gyms that want her are going to play up the need for you to switch right now because they want your daughter and they don't want some other gym to snap her up.

Whatever decision you make, just take a deep breath and go slowly! Don't let the old gym guilt trip you and don't let the new gyms rush you into anything. It is a big decision and you have the right to take all the time you need to make it without feeling pressured or pushed by either side.

 

[bookworm]

The other local gym, are they a long term option? Do they have a successful level 10s? Have they ever trained elites? Would they be willing to? Sometimes being a big fish in a relatively smaller pond has advantages too. Even for elites, it doesn't have to be Big Name Gym or nothing.

It is too bad that all of these gyms have gotten you rather stressed out over the whole situation. I'm thinking that the gyms that want to recruit your daughter are not 100% without ulterior motives when they talk about your daughter's issues with form and technique. Not that they're lying, but your daughter has made it to level 9 as a 10 year old and made it to TOPS national testing and to the A camp (right?), so she's got to be doing something right, and while she may have some issues, I doubt they are as severe as they are being made out to be. Of course the gyms that want her are going to play up the need for you to switch right now because they want your daughter and they don't want some other gym to snap her up.

.

And I will speak to the above as my daughter made it to Level 10 as a 10 yo , went to JO Nationals ; made the TOPS team so what could her gym possibly have lacked that I moved her you might be thinking? It was because she HAD achieved all this that they didn't feel the need to push forward and train new, and necessary, skills. Their feeling was "she made to JOs with the skills we taught her so she doesn't really need XXX" but in order to be competitive going forward and competitive eventually for a college scholarship, yes she DID need what they weren't willing to coach or couldn't coach so we moved on to a gym that could.

So while the OP's daughter has gotten this far, don't let the gym rest on their laurels of getting her there. And there's no sin in a gym saying "we don't have the tools/coaches to coach her where she's at and further and you need to move on"...that would be the nice thing to do.

 

[mominNV]

Hi - while I can't personally say I've had to deal with this, I've seen moms who have moved to our gym from other gyms, and seen the petty problems that the gym owners have to deal with. You hear the gossip, and the moms who moved saying how as they left the other gym, they experienced similar problems as yours. And the receiving gym gets the "you took all our best gymnasts, you're STEALING our gymnasts..." and I don't think our owner had anything to do with the decision. Geez. For awhile, they didn't do meets with each other... now they must have gotten over it, since the old gym got a hold of one of the coaches that used to be at our gym, and has a better team now. Since it was a coach that we respected, but basically some moms didn't so the owner had to tell him to move, he went to the other gym. Its worked out for everyone, and I think the owners are OK with each other now. They do meets with each other again. i think its goes in rotations. There's another elite gym across town, and they used to do meets with us, but for some reason, they're not participating in ours and we're not going to theirs. Like I said, it seems petty, but I guess you can't go to ALL the meets, so as the coaches and owners select where to go, I'm sure they're not sitting there thinking "oh I don't like that gym, don't go there." they're also thinking of timing, costs, how the gym has run previous meets, how the parents respond to how their daughters did when we were there last. So, don't be too bothered by it all - do what's best for your daughter and your family. If you feel that the owner is bullying you, its time to move. A good owner and coach (which ours is) will support you, and give you advice that you can use, not tell you that your child isn't good enough. If your daughter isn't getting a good foundation in something, that's proof too, that moving to a better gym is better done now than later. Why let them mess up your kid's head any longer?