Parents Coach favoring

[midwestgymmom]

EllaBella,

I think your post was great. I must plead guilty to watching almost every practice. .

But... I try not to read anything into anything. To be honest, I just love the sport and I love watching DD have fun. I do my very best to refrain from any type of coaching other than some high 5's. But, I have likely failed at that multiple times . We do have glass and a door, I don't go into the gym, sometimes when she comes out for a drink I might tell her she needs to pay better attention or something.

:goodpost:

 

[MdGymMom01]

Standing ovation Ellabella!!! What an insightful informative post!!! A lot of what you were saying was what happened at my dd's old cheer gym, especially the part about the parents who stayed at every practice and commented and read into every little thing. I have to admit, I USED to stay at every practice, just because I felt that I needed to keep an eye on my dd since she was a first time flyer and her bases were a bit inexperienced. Flyers hit the floor a lot at that gym and to be honest, I was just a little nervous not staying just "in case" something happened. But yes, parents would get crazy and read into everything and comment on every move that the kids made, whether they were their kid or not.

After we switched to the gymnastics gym, I thought long and hard about whether I wanted to stay and watch and how "involved" I was going to be. I came to the decision (and revelation) that gymnastics is my dd's "thing". It is her and her teammates and her coaches sport--not mine. Being at every cheerleading practice didn't help my daughter at all. It made her more stressed out knowing that I was watching her (and a lot of the other parents watching her as well). I think that took away some of the "ownership" of the sport for her. Now, when I drop my dd off at practice she knows that she is there to listen to the coaches and do what is expected of her without the added pressure of parents or me watching. Since she knows that I don't watch, she has to trust her own ability and get the aproval of a job well done from herself and her coach. No more, "Mommy! Did I do it good? Did I do it right?" I'm not the coach so I shouldn't be commenting on things like that anyway. She gets the approval and confidence from her coach, teammates and herself, which, I think is a big key to fostering and improving self-esteem. Gymnastics is her sport and her thing and I don't want to take anything away from her in that respect. Of course, when she tells me about practice and what skills she was working on or has mastered, I am totally supportive, excited and happy for her. If she tells me about an issue she is having with a skill, then I just tell her that's its ok and it will come in time--that's why they call practice "practice". LOL

 

[gymjourneymom]

My dd doesnt mind others getting more attention or being favorites as long as she gets a " hey, good try" or positive feedback for what she did do right frequently. But if someone is getting lots of kudos and she gets no feedback whatever or just the "stay tight" comment then resentment tends to build. It seems like the coaches tend to love the girls who will just do a new skill with no fear for their safety and it drives the other girls strugging to get that skill crazy when a coach gushes over the fearless one thats. when Ive seen problems.

I agree with you Midwestgym mom...it's the fearless girls at out gym that are the favs. Great insight ellabella. Thanks!

 

[kaenhu]

I guess I shouldn't say that he didn't "like" kids because of their parents actions, but more that they weren't his favorite. It makes it difficult to work with a child when their parents are difficult to deal with. Any time they are asked to do something they don't like or don't feel like doing they run to their parents. These kids are harder to coach. I'll use an example of a very talented kid that he really had a hard time with. He would give her a schedule of how many of each tumbling pass to do. She would do half if he was lucky. He wouldn't let her rotate until she did what he asked. So she would inevitably cry and go the bathroom and then her mother would get upset with him. This was a constant cycle. This was a 14 year old high level gymnast. This kid acted like this because she knew if she ran to her mother she would place the blame on the coach instead of just saying to her kid, "Well why don't you do what he asks you do to?".

With parents that are involved and supportive and have their feet firmly planted on the ground, he would be able to go to that parent and talk openly about problems he was having with their child. With certain parents you could never say anything negative about their kid. Nothing was ever their fault.

Thanks for clarifying that. I see what you mean now.

 

[Aussie_coach]

All coaches will have favorites, if they say they dont then they probably just lack self awareness because that is human nature. All of us have our own unique personalities which just go well with some other personalities and clash with others. Coaches are human too, they will just get in better with and better understand some gymnasts while other gymnasts may just rub them the wrong way. But if the coach is truly professional they will do all they can to ensure that it doesnt come out in their coaching.

Perhaps next time the kids complain of coaches having favorite gymnasts, you can ask the kids if they have favorite coaches to put it all in perspective.

 

[flippymonkeysmom]

All coaches will have favorites, if they say they dont then they probably just lack self awareness because that is human nature. All of us have our own unique personalities which just go well with some other personalities and clash with others. Coaches are human too, they will just get in better with and better understand some gymnasts while other gymnasts may just rub them the wrong way. But if the coach is truly professional they will do all they can to ensure that it doesnt come out in their coaching.

Perhaps next time the kids complain of coaches having favorite gymnasts, you can ask the kids if they have favorite coaches to put it all in perspective.

That is 100% true - unfortunately too often it does come out in the coaching, as was the case at the gym dd used to go to. During competition season they would break them up in groups - and some of them would not do a floor routine at all between meets. When I asked the coach about it I got the response - they are all going to have to do level 5 again so it doesn't really matter how they do this year Have I mentioned how glad I am that we are no longer at that gym.