Parents Coaches dealing with parents

[Yuenling]

Coaches, I'm embarrassed to admit that I am not your favorite parent. I am a worryer -worried about my daughter's safety (especially after an injury), and worried that my daughter will never learn a skill, and this has come out in my communication with the coaches when really, I should just trust my 12 y.o. DD and the coaches to work things out themselves.

I love my DD's coaches. They are awesome and have really accomplished gymnasts under their wings. The level 10's just won 1st place team at the last meet. My DD is by no means a superstar like them and I am really grateful that she even gets their attention.

Question for coaches - besides vowing to not show up to practices for the next month, is there anything else I can do to be a better parent for them? How long does it take for a parent to get off your "bad parent" list? As a coach, how hard it is for you to separate the way you feel about a gymnast to the way you feel about the parent? (thankfully, from what i've seen, these coaches don't seem to treat my DD any differently despite my flaws)

 

[AgingHippie]

I think you have to post this in the other forum for coaches to be able to respond.

I am interested to see the responses you get.

 

[ZJsMom]

I'd say bake them some cookies and say "thanks for all you do. I know you have a really tough job."

 

[leotardmakermum]

I have practiced "bribery baking" in the past too. I took GF, DF chocolate brownies to the school staffroom on the second day of the school year some years back. Best thing I could have done. The teachers and support staff loved me.

I have also done it in the past for coaches too. "I've been whinging and making a bit too much noise lately... Hmm, must be time to do some more baking."

I cook GF, DF as a matter of course as that is what is needed for special dietary requirements in our family. Those staff/coaches who also have conditions where that is required are always so surprised and grateful when home baking is something they can eat. So even if you don't normally cook that way, if you know that is an issue for ANY of the staff, make the effort to do it and they will love you forever. They are so used to just passing on any food that comes in, and it is so special when they can partake too. I do make sure that all ingredients and utensils used are coeliac-friendly if I know that someone is coeliac. It takes more effort than just GF, but it is appreciated.

 

[gymdog]

Honestly, the fact that you're even aware of your actions and how they could possibly affect others makes me assume that you probably aren't on their bad list.

 

[GlobalNomad]

I'm a worrier too, and I'm sure it drives her coaches crazy. In my defense, the coaches don't have kids, so I don't know that they all know how much I do actually trust them just to let my daughter try that double whatever. Also, my worry isn't limited to gymnastics. I worry about their school, their friends, their future.... From what you describe, you sound pretty normal to me.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

Coaches, I'm embarrassed to admit that I am not your favorite parent. I am a worryer -worried about my daughter's safety (especially after an injury), and worried that my daughter will never learn a skill, and this has come out in my communication with the coaches when really, I should just trust my 12 y.o. DD and the coaches to work things out themselves.

I love my DD's coaches. They are awesome and have really accomplished gymnasts under their wings. The level 10's just won 1st place team at the last meet. My DD is by no means a superstar like them and I am really grateful that she even gets their attention.

Question for coaches - besides vowing to not show up to practices for the next month, is there anything else I can do to be a better parent for them? How long does it take for a parent to get off your "bad parent" list? As a coach, how hard it is for you to separate the way you feel about a gymnast to the way you feel about the parent? (thankfully, from what i've seen, these coaches don't seem to treat my DD any differently despite my flaws)

Okay you asked for a coach to respond, so this is directed to the OP.
The only reason you would ever be on a "bad list", is if your actions hinder your daughters progress, (which they are). It all runs down hill and your daughter is a clone of you, so she reads into your emotions. Yea , yea , yea, heard it a thousand times "oh no my daughter is nothing like me, and I don't show my emotions around her" Yea right.... Biggest bunch of crap a parent can tell me... Your kids read everything off of you and usually a nervous parents equals a nervous kid in the end. And a month isn't good enough, get out of the gym for good. It really isn't the coaches that you need to leave alone, its the child. Your not helping her at all and she is fully aware that you are annoying the coaches... So your post should be more about how to help your DD progress and less about being on the bad list... As far as separating feeling from a parent, easy for me, but the child often has a difficult time..... You are missing the entire problem and solution.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

Coaches, I'm embarrassed to admit that I am not your favorite parent. I am a worryer -worried about my daughter's safety (especially after an injury), and worried that my daughter will never learn a skill, and this has come out in my communication with the coaches when really, I should just trust my 12 y.o. DD and the coaches to work things out themselves.

I love my DD's coaches. They are awesome and have really accomplished gymnasts under their wings. The level 10's just won 1st place team at the last meet. My DD is by no means a superstar like them and I am really grateful that she even gets their attention.

Question for coaches - besides vowing to not show up to practices for the next month, is there anything else I can do to be a better parent for them? How long does it take for a parent to get off your "bad parent" list? As a coach, how hard it is for you to separate the way you feel about a gymnast to the way you feel about the parent? (thankfully, from what i've seen, these coaches don't seem to treat my DD any differently despite my flaws)

the older we get the more used to it we become. it's not personal. some of you are like mosquitoes on a warm day on the deck grilling and enjoying a meal and drinks with friends. we just brush you off our arm...and you come back minutes later. it's okay...until you undermine what we're doing with your athlete.

then we get out the can of OFF!

 

[Taurus]

Not a coach, but just a bit a mom advice, the more you back off, the more your DD will take over- that's what is great about gymnastics/ builds tons of self-esteem, toughness, & teaches them personal responsibility - by trying to control her gymnastics (or school or anything she may be trying to accomplish on her own) you are only sending her a message that you don't believe in her to handle her issues herself. It's hard on all us moms to let them stumble sometimes, but I'm sure you raised a wonderful girl- now give her some space to prove it to you!!

 

[Jasmynn]

Hello, I am a team coach. Just wanted to add, with an experienced coach, it takes ALOT to get on their bad list. What you described is nothing in comparison to what we deal with. However, no matter how bad my parents are, it will NEVER affect the child. If you ever see that your relationship with a coach is having a negative effect on the coaches relationship with your child, then I would run. Any rational adult should know better than to take anything a parent does out on an innocent child. More than likely the parent is annoying the child just as much as they are annoying the coach, lol.
I have not experienced this, but I think the only thing that would really annoy me is a parent who criticizes my coaching or other children's abilities on the team. Anything else just comes with the job.

 

[meganliz77]

Not a coach, but just a bit a mom advice, the more you back off, the more your DD will take over- that's what is great about gymnastics/ builds tons of self-esteem, toughness, & teaches them personal responsibility - by trying to control her gymnastics (or school or anything she may be trying to accomplish on her own) you are only sending her a message that you don't believe in her to handle her issues herself. It's hard on all us moms to let them stumble sometimes, but I'm sure you raised a wonderful girl- now give her some space to prove it to you!!

I love this response. Great perspective... Thanks!

 

[duyetanh]

Not a coach, but just a bit a mom advice, the more you back off, the more your DD will take over- that's what is great about gymnastics/ builds tons of self-esteem, toughness, & teaches them personal responsibility - by trying to control her gymnastics (or school or anything she may be trying to accomplish on her own) you are only sending her a message that you don't believe in her to handle her issues herself. It's hard on all us moms to let them stumble sometimes, but I'm sure you raised a wonderful girl- now give her some space to prove it to you!!

Like times 1000....

 

[twinklytoes9468]

I am a coach and a parent and as a previous poster said as long as they are not criticising coaching or other gymnasts and are not coaching from the sidelines,then I don't have a problem. Anyone working with children knows parents are a large part of the equation
They are much more invested in the child than the coach is, and hell they are paying my wages.but as you are aware sometimes being there can hinder a gymnasts progress and they do indeed pick up on parents fears.it is up to you to figure out what us best for your daughter