It seemed impossible, but after two full years of a mental block on catching the high bar, in the last few weeks my daughter had a breakthrough and she's catching it every time. If I hadn’t taken the video myself at practice, I would’ve thought it was AI. In her case, it seems counter to everything I've read and came at a time when I've been trying to get my head around how to help her emotionally as this was probably her last season.
Our coaches have been incredibly supportive and keep the culture healthy and low-pressure. There's so much camaraderie and fun at the heart of it all. But after repeating two levels and watching to cohorts of peers move ahead, she’s at a crossroads. After two seasons with no progress on bars, we're all thinking another repeat would hurt her mental health.
Driving back from her first meet of the year, we had a heart to heart. She was bummed that she was the only one with a low-bar-only routine, which is the same as the level below plus the inclusion of a kip. She brought up that she can’t stay on team without the high bar but she still loves gymnastics and competing and wants to continue. I stressed that it's ok and her value isn’t tied to a level or a skill and whatever happens just have fun/enjoy this season/soak it all in/we'll figure it out. Trust me when I say that removing pressure has been our approach for a very long time. But at this point, I also didn't want to gaslight her and maybe my role now is to help her start accepting the possibility so she won’t be blindsided or heartbroken. She was very adamant that she still wanted to try and not give up. Since it isn't a foregone conclusion and she still has until June to work on this, as her mom I felt I should throw whatever I can at this to support her. We really don't have anything to lose, so worst case we'd have closure and know we've done everything.
I’ve always seen this as her sport and have been very hands-off. But she’s a sweet kid who’s afraid to interrupt, seem needy, or rock the boat, so it can see how it could come across as a lack of interest. I asked for my first-ever 1:1 meeting with the coaches to share what she’d told me and run some ideas by them. I got the feeling they were surprised to hear how much she cares and still wants this and they were really happy to hear it. They agreed that it's 100% mental and not ability. On her low bar only routine, she still scored over a 9, which says a lot about her form and in summer she was doing flyaways into the pit if lifted to the bar, which made the block feel so specific and perplexing. I've watched them try so many different things and nothing has stuck. I made sure to acknowledge that right off the bat, and made sure they knew my intent was not to complain or criticize. I do think coming from the perspective that we're all wanting the best for her helped us to brainstorm enthusiastically as partners. Here's what we came up with, and combined, I think it really helped her.
1. Sports psychologist: One thing we’d never explored was a sports psychologist. I looked into the usual online programs mentioned on here, but given the time crunch and how long she's had the block, I felt 1:1 counseling with a sports psychologist would be most impactful and support her mental health generally no matter what. Funny enough, she began catching the bar the day before their first meeting, so can't totally attribute her progress to him. But I can't overstate how wonderful it's been for her to receive emotional support from someone who speaks the language of gymnastics. He normalizes mental blocks, provides specific tools, helps her feel validated, reframes situations in the gym (and out) and is helping her find her voice so she feels empowered.
2. Coach partnership: In our meeting, they asked me to get as much specific information about what's happening at the moment she freezes and find out what drills or spotting have helped her in the past so they can replicate it. They also said she can separate out the squat on for now if that helps. Their typical drill circuit always includes a block with a bar over the pit, a set of bars with the competition settings and another that they adjust for different drills. My daughter requested an older drill that I haven't seen anywhere else, so it's possible her coach came up with it with the theory she's afraid of peeling off the bar. This has by far been the most helpful throughout. It's hard to explain so I'll try to attach a picture, but it's basically a pillow mat supported by lots of blocks behind the bars so it's diagonal going from under the low bar to behind the high bar. They hadn't done it for a long time because no one else really needs it, so I teared up watching them set that up for her in the very next practice after our meeting. To make sure she wasn't singled out, they had the other girls use it to drill the hollow body form. That practice I think she caught it 2-3 times at most. But she felt the love and knew the coaches set that up because she asked. The next practice began with the same setup and all of a sudden she was catching it over and over. Her coach and I shared a look like, "What is happening?!?" In the course of the rotation, the pillow mat kept slipping down and eventually they tried it flat to the floor and she began catching it and kipping up. In the last few weeks she's been adding on other elements of the routine, including the sole circle dismount from high bar. All that's left is her squat on, so now she's working hard to get that consistently.
3. Watching her practices: We usually drop off and pick up but she asked if I could watch her practices. I asked if she feels pressure with me there, and she said no, she just feels really supported. Their gym is amazing about family involvement and they built a comfy area for spectators so figure that's one small thing I can do if it means a lot to her.
These years of watching her struggle have been so heartbreaking but if our kid can overcome this mental block and make up for 2 years of progress in 2 weeks, you never know. I know this is long, but wanted to share another perspective because applying pressure can be nuanced. In our case, denying the reality of the time limit and having so much unsaid just made it worse. Being on the level with her was really important to reestablish trust, and from that place she was able to find her footing. I asked her what changed and she said it's knowing that we all support her. I would finish that sentence by adding "even though it's all out in the open." Maybe this is specific to my kid, but she knows exactly what I've said to the coaches and how they're responding. My theory is that having all of this transparency relieves her from all the shame that she's been carrying alone. Her brain is freed up and so she can now absorb the training because we're all on the same page and she can trust everyone to treat her with care.
She has been lighting up in a way she hasn't in a long time. I hope this is encouraging in some way, and maybe this drill might be worth a shot for the girls who have fears of falling/peeling off. I don't want to jinx anything because she still has to maintain what she's just recently gained. But the other night she told me bars are now her favorite event and really fun(!?!). This weekend I think she might even do the routine in competition.
